So This Is Christmas
by ZombieJazz
Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

Hank stood gazing at the bookshelf – the rows upon rows upon rows of graphic novels and comics – not having the slightest clue where to start. This was fucking ridiculous. He let out an annoyed sigh.

"It looks like you could use a basket," he heard beside him and glanced that way.

A woman, likely about his age, and depressingly working the years leading up to her retirement at this massive conglomerate of a bookstore/toy store/comic store/music store/home décor store and everything fucking else in between store – but still not a fucking department store (if one could ever have a retirement anywhere in sight in a job like this), held a God-awful ugly and grossly feminine wicker basket at him, giving him a broad, though positively phony smile.

But he let out another repressed sigh, glancing down at the pile of crap he had teetering in his arm and accepted the fucking thing. "Thanks," he muttered, unceremoniously dropping his armload of stuff into the thing.

He hadn't intended to be buying this much on this stop. Hell, he'd already been in the place longer than he'd meant to. He should be getting home to drop this crap off and back to the hospital to sit with his son. Instead, he was out here with the fucking crowds doing Christmas shopping that he usually strived to have 90% done while before this. Not this year. Life … work … kids … Ethan's health … it'd all gotten in the way. So what had been a stop to grab a couple books and magazines to throw in the kids' stockings had somehow turned into a shopping expedition.

"Looks like you're going to be spending more than $50," the woman chirped even more cheerily.

He looked at his basket again. It was a fucking sad state of affairs when having a couple books and magazines meant you were spending more than fifty bucks anymore. On fucking stocking stuffers.

Though, he'd ended up picking up a bit more than that – since he hadn't done much in the way of any sort of shopping yet, as limited as his shopping ever was. He liked to keep his fucking Christmas shopping to about two stores max. Usually he could get away with the Duane Reade and some department store. Maybe the sports good shop for the boys.

The prices at this place were fucking retarded. But he just didn't have the time to be as fucking practical or frugal about it as he was most years. The place had a lot of fucking choice for a "book store". So he might as well get'er done while he was there. Spend the few extra bucks for convenience's sake and so he could spend the time where he was supposed to be – with Ethan – rather than dealing with the rest of the fucking dillweeds doing shopping in the week before the holidays.

So he gave the phony smiley clerk a passing grunt. Apparently that was enough of an acknowledgement for her to hold of a little card at him. He glanced at it, eyeing it suspiciously.

He hated all this crap stores tried to get you to sign up for. Give us your email. Give us your phone number. Give us your address. We'll send you a lifetime of crap that you don't want to see or read and all we'll ever really hand you is another piece of goddamn plastic to jam up your wallet while we data mine as much personal information about you as possible to sell to fucking who knows who to do God knows what.

She waved the card at him a little more. "It's scratch and win," she said in what he suspected was supposed to be an enticing voice. "You could get up to 50% off your purchase or a $1,000 shopping spree!"

He took the card and read the fine print. "Think I'm more likely to get the $5 off," he said after spotting the smallest available discount.

"Well, five dollars is five dollars," the woman smiled.

Hank grunted again. She had a point. He'd take it.

He turned back to his examination of the graphic novels. But the woman still stood there, hands clasped in front of her like some kind of 12-year-old admirer. He gave her another look – one he hoped told her to get the hell away from him but instead she just gestured at the expansive shelf.

"Can I help you find anything? It looks like you need some help finding something," she provided.

Hank went back to looking at the shelf. With his hands finally free, he snagged open of the Walking Dead books and paged through it.

"Big Walking Dead fan on your list?" the woman pressed eagerly.

"More like he thinks he should to be a fan," Hank muttered and then wagged the thing at her. "Any of these in color?"

"Umm …" the woman said and gazed at him for a moment and then glanced at the shelf before shaking her head. "No. I don't think so."

Hank grunted again and plopped the thing back into place. He picked up another one to page through just to be sure they were all black-and-white. For the fucking price and to be labeled as a fucking comic – a fucking graphic novel, whatever that was (an excuse for kids to continue reading picture books for far too long as far as he was concerned) – some of them should be in fucking color. Ethan needed color. He wasn't sure his boy would be even able to "read" this thing if there wasn't a bit of color to direct his eyes around the page. Though, as he flipped through the pages more, he wasn't sure how much he wanted his boy reading this anyhow. He smacked the cover shut and scanned the front, then flipped it over, searching for a recommended age.

"What age are these comics for?" he demanded of the woman since she was still loitering.

"Ah …", she stammered, gazing at him a little confused again. "Well, they're graphic novels. So this type of 'comic' tends to be for a bit older age range. But I'd say that ultimately it'd be left up to the child's reading ability and the parent's sensibilities."

Hank grunted and gave a nod, reaching to page through the one that looked like it was the first of the bunch. Maybe it'd be less gory and sex-filled than the pages he'd caught sight of in the other book.

"Does he watch the show?" the woman asked.

"No," Hank muttered. "But he thinks he should be allowed to watch it too."

The woman gave him a gentler smile. "How old?" she asked.

Hank gave her another glance. "Twelve," he allowed.

"Oh," the woman gave him a bit of a fake cringe. "That's not a fun age to buy for."

Hank allowed a small sound of agreement to that. Buying for Ethan at twelve was proving to be a royal pain in the ass. He didn't remember it being this hard with Justin. Though, Camille would've taken care of the bulk of the Christmas shopping. And, even if she hadn't, Justin liked hockey. He played hockey. Christmas ended up just serving as a period to stock up on his supplies or buy and upgrade the necessities he needed in the sport as he grew and improved his skills. Ethan wasn't that easy. Especially these days.

"Maybe try Star Wars," the woman suggested.

Hank shook his head immediately at that. He fucking thanked God his kid wasn't on the fucking Star Wars bandwagon. But it looked like the entire fucking planet was supposed to be buying Star Wars that Christmas season. He'd seen a fucking Star Wars toaster. What a piece of shit. But, thankfully, for whatever reason Ethan had zero interest. He never really had. Hank didn't know how or why they'd managed to miss that bullet – but he was really fucking glad they had. Ridiculous bullshit he didn't need to endure.

"Spiderman?" the woman tried. "Or Batman! A lot of the boys like Batman. Though, those ones are a little more violent and racier, if you're strict about that kind of thing."

Hank just shook his head again. "Definitely not Batman," he said flatly without explanation.

But the explanation was that the fucking brats that kids were had decided it was funny to call his boy Harvey or Two-Face or Dent. None of it was funny – even after they'd figured out it was a reference to the fucking comic. It meant that Ethan had absolutely no interest in Batman and he'd pretty much been a moratorium on all "superheroes". Another thing that Hank wasn't particularly heartbroken about. But it definitely did put a vice on easy gift-buying ideas.

"Ah … well … we do have some other graphic novels over in the young readers section that you might find more appropriate," she suggested and gestured for him to follow.

He hesitated for a moment but then decided to give it a go. He trailed a few feet behind her. He wasn't that interested in chit-chat while they walked across the store. Not that it stopped her.

"It looks like you're having better luck with the other people on your list," she offered friendly, gesturing again at the fucking retarded basket he was now toting around with him like he was fucking Little Red Riding Hood or something.

"Yeah," he grunted.

He was. But he'd picked up Erin's gift months ago. Justin and Olive were easy. Young family, new house, new baby. Wasn't rocket science to think of things they could use. Not exactly exciting stuff – but Christmas wasn't too exciting when you were a grown-up. And little Henry? Buying a gift for a fucking five-month-old marking his first Christmas wasn't exactly brain surgery either. Though, Camille still likely would've done a better job at picking something out than he did. Oh well. He'd got something for the kid and the family and he'd let Ethan pick out some ridiculous toy that the little boy likely wouldn't really appreciate until he was two. But his boy was excited to be giving it to his little nephew. That was all that mattered. Justin would likely have fun setting it up and playing with it too. Though, he'd be smarter to leave it in the box for transport. But whatever. Let him deal with that. His kid, his car, his problem.

"Almost done then?" the woman smiled at him.

"Hopefully," Hank said.

If he could just find something in this place to set out with Ethan's stocking and some gift for his youngest under the tree and a couple damn stocking stuffers that weren't the usual toiletries, socks and chocolate, he'd be done. Part of the problem was likely he had some ideas in his head about what he wanted to get Ethan and other ideas in his head about things that wouldn't be good to get his boy that year. The old standbys - sports equipment, sports tickets and Lego – didn't really fit the bill anymore with where his boy was in age, stage, and health – not just physically but mentally and emotionally. His son was still coming to grips with a whole lot of bullshit. They all were. And the only thing Ethan had asked for – not that Hank accepted lists at Christmas or birthdays or anything else – was a dog. But that just wasn't fucking going to happen either. Not right now.

They got into the brightly colored young readers section of the store – full of all sorts of things that supposedly were supposed to appeal to the preteen and teen-aged lot, but not of which looked like anything Hank could see his boy particularly having any interest in. Actually, being in the cheery section kind of made him want to puke and he was sure his son would roll his eyes about being relegated to this area of the store too. Ethan may be twelve – but he was a bit more worldly than that. He'd been through enough bullshit to not relate to the craft kits and teen-bopper novellas lining the shelves. Though, Hank acknowledged that in some ways his boy was a little mentally and emotionally delayed compared to some kids his age. He was in a fucking weird spot. A preteen who was a teenager who was a little adult who was a little kid. A pain the ass. But his pain the ass.

The woman gestured at a smaller shelf of more of these "graphic novel" things. "Here was are," she said and tapped on one. "A lot of boys like Wimpy Kid." Hank stared at the hardcover "books" with sticking drawings on the front. There was no way he was paying money for that. At least the ones in the other section looked like comics. "And these," the woman added, picking up another two. "Bone and Amulet."

Hank tentatively took them. He didn't even page through either to see what the stories might be about. He just flipped each over to see the prices. The same fucking price as over in the other section too.

"What happened to comics being a couple quarters?" he muttered at the woman. "This is supposed to be a stocking stuffer – not his present."

She stared at him. He wasn't sure if it was the suggestion that comics shouldn't be more than about fifty cents or the admission that $15 constituted his present – singular – that was shocking her. It wasn't exactly what he meant. But the reality was that he and Camille had always stuffed the kids stockings with mostly practical stuff – things they'd be buying anyways, things they needed. Sure, they'd get a couple fun things in there – especially when Justin and Ethan had been younger. Even now Magoo was still young enough that he'd get a couple things that were a little less practical. But he still didn't much like putting anything that cost more than two to five bucks into the fucking stocking. And, the kids' present under the tree rarely cost more than Ben Franklin in his fucking 22 years of buying Christmas presents. And, yeah – it was singular unless it ended up being a couple smaller things the kids wanted or needed. His kids weren't fucking spoiled brats. Him and Camille didn't have the means to go to town even if they wanted to – and they didn't anyways. But, yeah, he could see that as a shock to someone working in retail at this time of year being instructed to push buy, buy, buy on everyone who walked in the door and most of the people in their loading themselves down with crap they didn't need. Hank didn't like crap and clutter in his house. The kids weren't going to get shit that they'd hardly look at, wouldn't use, or would forget about – or break – a week after Christmas. Never had – never would.

"Umm … well … they aren't a quarter, but you might find a few comics over in the magazine section," she suggested. "But we don't carry too many and they're usually some of the more popular ones. The superheroes and Star Wars. Archie."

Hank took his turn to stare at her. She wasn't helpful – at all.

"You might have better luck at a comic shop?" she provided.

He just kept his unimpressed eyes on her. She interrupted his browsing and this was the best she could do?

"Well … maybe the toy section? Lego?" she tried. "I know my boys still like getting a small toy or little Lego set in their stocking even though they pretend they're too grown up for any of that now."

"No Lego," Hank said.

She gave him another look. He got the impression she thought he was some sort of irrational tyrant. His kids likely thought that sometimes too. But with the medication Ethan was one right now his dominant hand was tremoring so much any sort of Lego set or model was just asking for his kid to have a fit of rage, likely followed by angry frustrated tears while he hid himself in his room. Didn't sound like an ideal way to spend Christmas Day to him. He'd already tried to stress to Justin not to get Ethan a fucking Lego set. Justin had been getting Magoo Lego since about his second Christmas. Duplo all the way up to the fucking Technic sets now. It'd be a break with tradition but he really hoped his son fucking listened to him.

"Ah … well …," the woman seemed to offer in a last attempt, "let me show you were we have the stocking stuffers set up for children. Maybe you'll find an idea there."

She gestured again and he again followed. He was giving it a last ditch effort too but he'd pretty much decided he likely would've been better off continuing to give her the cold shoulder and finishing his wander around the store alone. Would've been faster than this tour too. Fucking confirmation that his kid had nothing in common with the vast majority of kids his age.

She got them in front of a display of knick-knacks. Hank eyed it. Most of it looked like the kind of junk that if he really wanted he could go and get at a fucking dollar store. He might do frugal on Christmas but he drew the line at filling up the kids' stockings with dollar store crap. That was just junk they didn't need in the long-run.

"Umm … so … he likes the Walking Dead … and zombies …," the woman provided. He got the sense she was talking more to herself than him. "What else does he like?"

Hank shrugged. "The Cubs. Baseball. Fishing. Camping. Sort of getting into cars. Some interest in science - electronics, circuit boards. Dinosaurs."

"Dinosaurs!" the woman seemed to light up at that and hurried just around the corner of the display. He went over and she gestured happily at a shelf with a bunch of dinosaur toys on it. "Hmm … " she said examining the contents. "Stocking stuffers …" she muttered and then pointed. "Does he like blind boxes?"

He looked at her blankly. "Blind box likely means something different to you than me," he provided flatly.

She stared at him even more agape at those possibilities and then grabbed a little box off the shelf. "It's a toy," she said defensively and held it at him. "They're very popular with the kids. You collect them. You don't know what you're getting inside. They have all different kinds. We have some Walking Dead ones over on another display. And Dr. Who. Does he like Dr. Who? That's popular with some boys his age too."

He gave her another look like she'd been working in that store too fucking long. What fucking twelve-year-old boy liked Dr. Who? He didn't want to meet or deal with that kid. Sometimes he really fucking wondered how people existed in this city anymore. All this fucking gentrification. People were too fucking soft and took the little bubbles they lived in way too much for fucking granted. Sometimes having to go out and interact with people like this – to see the kind of crap in this kind of "book store" was just a reminder of how different his family was. So much of the junk in this place didn't reflect his lifestyle or his family's personalities or the kind of people he wanted his kids to be out there in society. He supposed sometimes coming into these supposedly "mainstream" stores made him resent society – and people – a little bit. It made him miss the city and the neighborhood he'd grown up in. It was a different lifestyle than this.

Still, he took the little square box and turned it around in his hand. "You want me to pay five bucks and I don't even know what toy he's getting?" he put to her.

"I think that's supposed to be part of the fun," she said. He snorted with some disgust at that response but then she added, "It's kind of like baseball cards. Does he collect those?"

Hank gazed at her a bit more gently at that and gave a small nod. "Yeah, he does," he admitted. He actually did need to stop in at the sports shop and pick up a couple packs for Magoo's stocking. Maybe some of the damn dinosaur cards he was in on too.

"Then he might like these," the woman said. "If he likes collecting things. The blind bags are cheaper," she added and held out a little sealed wrapper at him instead.

Hank felt it around in the packaging in his fingers. There was clearly a little plastic dinosaur inside. Probably not unlike the hundreds Magoo had been collecting since he was a toddler. Only this one was in Jurassic World packaging. He sighed looking at the package. Not practical – but E would like it and with the way things had been doing lately – they could all use something that would make the kid smile even if it was just for a second and about opening some stupid wrapper to get a plastic dinosaur he likely already had multiple copies of.

"How much is this?" he asked.

The woman looked at the shelf. "A dollar twenty-five," she said cheerfully, like she'd finally, undoubtedly made a sale with him.

Hank let out a little sigh. He knew if he was going to lower himself to filling Ethan's stocking with dollar store crap, he could get a whole bag of fucking little plastic dinosaurs for a buck. But Ethan had been buying every dinosaur imaginable from the dollar since he started getting allowances when he was just a little boy. He likely already had every one in existence. The one in this wrapper was likely one very similar to what was already in his collection – but he dropped in the basket anyways. And then after a moment's thought, he reached and grabbed a second little bag to add to the pile.

The woman smiled brightly at that and then gestured off in another direction in that section. "There's some little science experiments he might like over there," she suggested. "And, if you do decide to get him a graphic novel – they're buy two get one free," she said.

"OK, thanks," he allowed. That was about all he could say.

But she allowed a little nod. "Good luck," she said. "We're around if you need anymore help."

The look she gave him seemed to suggest that he was likely beyond help – or at least that she hoped he didn't ask for any more … from her or anyone else in the store. But she allowed a small wave of goodbye and wandered off, handing out more scratch cards and baskets as she went – likely to customers keener to spend their money than him.

Hank turned back to the dinosaur display and scanned it some more. He couldn't see E needing or wanting much of any of this stuff. If he could find the movie section – in a fucking bookstore – he might hit a win if they had the fucking Jurassic World movie. Though, that was likely going to be a price point higher than he was willing to pay to have to endure sitting through that movie again … more than once. And even if he was willing to subject himself to having to watch that movie ad nauseam, it likely was going be more than what he constituted as a stocking stuffer and wasn't exactly what he had in mind for his boy's present.

So he started to wander away – skipping past the rest of the toy section. As much as Ethan might want a few things that acknowledged he was still a kid, his boy also didn't like being treated like a little kid. Not that Hank had ever been very good at treating him like a little kid. Not since he was all of six years old. He'd go back to the "graphic novel" section again and contemplate if he really wanted to get that bullshit for his son and then he'd see about finding the movie section. Then he'd get the hell out of the store before they really robbed him blind. Finish his shopping for stocking stuffers at the drugmart, drop the shit at home up in the closet and get his ass back to his kid's bedside for a visit so he wasn't alone all night.

But as he was about to exit the section a display caught his eye and he stopped. He just stood – like he had at the graphic novel display – staring at it for several moments. Then, though, he reached and picked up a box.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

"Hank, I don't know anything about videogames," Erin sighed into the phone, putting her elbow on the table and her hand against her forehead. She felt like they were talking in circles. She listened again as he rattled off the names of a couple games she'd never heard of.

"Do you want to talk to Jay?" she offered, only to glance across the table at him and to see him hold up his hands in protest and shake his head forcibly in a 'no'. She gave him a glare. "He knows about videogames," she directed firmly more at Jay than Hank.

"Ruzek," Jay hissed at her through gritted teeth.

She rolled her eyes at him. "He says to call Ruzek. Adam will know exactly what twelve year olds like when they play Nintendo."

"Xbox," Jay said at her annoyed.

"Whatever," she muttered. Apparently Hank thought that was directed at him and barked something else at her about who she was with – and where she was. "Yeah, I'm with Jay," she clarified if it wasn't clear enough. She sighed and looked at the ceiling of the restaurant. "No. We're at dinner. … Because Dawson let us go. … Because it's deader than a fucking doornail right now, Hank. … Then I guess everyone is all caught up on their paperwork. … OK. I'm caught up on my paperwork." She looked across the table again at Jay. "Jay's all caught up on his too," she provided, though he made a face that clearly said she'd just lied. She gave him a look that expressed he better as hell have whatever he was supposed have on Hank's desk on Hank's desk by the time he was back in the office and Jay just scrunched his face. She wasn't confident that was going to happen.

"We were going to swing by the hospital after we ate," she sighed and pinched at the bridge of her nose. He was starting to give her a tension headache. She gave Jay another glance across the table. He was being patient but she could tell that he was less than thrilled their supposed "Christmas dinner" together was being interrupted by Hank's last minute shopping stress. "Yeah, he's coming too. … Because he's my ride. … Hank. It's snowing and like 10 degrees outside. … No, I'm staying at his place tonight."

Jay shot her an even more horrified look that she was disclosing that. But she just rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. It wasn't a big deal. Or at least not as big of deal as Jay thought it was. Though, Jay was more likely to get the glares from Hank the next day than she was. Like Jay had violated her in some way. She wouldn't exactly call it a violation.

"Because you had said you were going to stay over with him tonight. We don't both need to be there and I'm not going to go and sleep in an empty house. The window will be rattling like a fucker, Hank. … Yeah, Hank. Sure you'll have it fixed before Christmas. Like the air conditioner in the summer, right? … It's in three days, Hank. … It's been rattling since I was fourteen."

She let out a slow breath and gazed at Jay. He gave her a smile and picked a little more at his plate before sitting back in his chair and waiting for her to finish the call so they could again pretend that this almost felt like a date. Not that much of anything they did together really felt like a date.

"Why don't you just get him the Jurassic Park one?" she suggested. "Well, if it's Lego it's likely age-appropriate since you think everything else isn't. … Seriously, Hank, do you really think him playing some shoot 'em up game is going to turn him into a gang banger?" she rolled her eyes at Jay, who grinned thinly. "You didn't let us have videogames in the house and we both work with guns every day. So if that's the plan – it didn't work."

She lifted her fork and put a bit more of her dinner in her mouth – before it got too cold. Apparently getting a nice dinner in at a fancy restaurant wasn't really in the cards for them. At least not one where they were alone. Lately she was never alone – even when she was away from work, Hank and Ethan, she was pretty much on a constant tether. Normally she wouldn't mind Hank calling her about Ethan. She wanted him to call and keep her updated. But she really didn't need to be updated – or even included – in his Christmas shopping efforts.

"I don't know what Justin ended up getting him. … Yeah, he was talking about getting him a videogame. Or Lego. … I know you told him not to get Lego. … He's your son, Hank. His skull is so thick it's hard to get through to him sometimes. … Yes, I told him not to get Lego too. … I don't know if he ended up getting him a videogame or not. … No, I didn't do his shopping for him this year. … Because he's not in jail, Hank."

She let out another annoyed noise and reached for her glass of wine this time. She almost wanted to chug it but she managed to just take a sip. She gave Jay a more apologetic look and reached to give his hand a small squeeze. He was frowning at her. She could tell he wanted her to hang up. She wasn't good at that, though.

"I don't have a clue what Justin would pick. Olive likely picked it. … Call them and ask, Hank," she sighed impatiently.

"Is there a baseball one?" she asked hopefully, looking across the table at Jay, who nodded that there should be one. "Jay says there should be a baseball game out."

She nodded as she listened to him some more. It sounded like he was trying to find the baseball game – but was severely unimpressed by the sheer number of game options in the store and the way they were laid out. Apparently you "couldn't find a fucking thing in the whole damn section".

"The Show?" she put to Jay. He shrugged. "That might be it. Does it have baseball on the front?" she asked somewhat sarcastically. She let out another breath and raised her eyebrow at Jay. "Is it any good?" He shrugged again. "He says it's great," she lied.

She sighed as he continued to list of games, though. "OK, Hank," she interrupted. "That thing you've got in your hand and up to your ear – it's a phone. And in this day and age, they have these magic things called data plans. So if you click on the little browser button, you can type the names of these games into this thing call the internet and it will tell you what they are, if they have guns – since you can't tell from the covers. And, it will also tell you if anyone thinks they're any good."

That went over as well as expected. "Hank, I've gotta go. … Because Jay's paying for my meal at the nicest restaurant I've been in in a long time and I'd like to eat it."

That finally shut him up. Usually Hank only provided monotone syllables on the phone. But the past few weeks with everything going on with Ethan and their co-ordination of family life and work via phone had meant he'd started displaying just what an awful telephone manner he did have. The grunts and one word – one sentence if you were lucky – response were much better than the latest attempts at 'conversation.'

"Yeah," she allowed. "We'll see you at the hospital. … I don't know. Likely about ninety minutes. … I know he's been alone a few hours. … Hank, they feed him and he's likely just sleeping or watching TV. He's fine. … Yeah. If we're there before you, we'll stay until you get there. … Yeah. Bye."

She sighed as she finally hung up the phone and set it back on the table – not tucking it away – because she sort of feared Hank might end up calling again. Or with her luck the next ring would be Ethan wondering where everyone was and why he was stuck sitting alone now that the workday was over.

"Sorry," she told Jay, giving him a thin smile, and looking back to her meal. It didn't look quite as good now that it was lukewarm. She wondered how improper it would be to ask the server to take it back to the kitchen and warm it up again for her.

Jay gave a small shrug, though. He sort of understood the situation. Or at least he tried to. She wasn't sure how much he liked it. But he hadn't run away screaming just yet. Though, running away screaming would be a little complicated since they had to work with each other every day.

"Everything OK?" he asked, adjusting himself in his chair again and looking back to his meal too.

She sighed and gave her head a little shake. "He's just stressed because he hasn't got any of the shopping yet," she muttered. "I think he's usually done most of it in like August."

Jay laughed but she gave him a questioning look. "Oh … you're serious?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. But it hasn't been a stellar year for that kind of organization."

"How does anyone even know what they want in August?" Jay teased as put some more of his meal into his mouth.

"It's Hank," Erin said. "Do you think he asks what we want?"

Jay raised an eyebrow at her. "Merry Christmas," he said sarcastically.

She just shrugged, though. "I have no complaints."

And she didn't. Hank was always generous – even after Camille was gone. At least compared to what Christmas had ever been like when she was growing up.

Most years she didn't get anything from her mother. About the most significant gift she could ever remember receiving from Bunny had been days of the week underwear when she was maybe six years old. And then there was the year that they somehow got put on a charity list and managed to be squatting at the same address by the time the holidays rolled around and had received a hamper full of clothes and food and some little toys and presents. That had seemed like Santa bringing a toy mountain at the time. But, of course, Bunny and the boyfriend of the hour hadn't done a good job at sharing the food with her and Teddy. And, she was pretty sure they'd suddenly had to leave that squat sometime soon after the holidays and the little dolls and toy cars that had been in the basket got left behind in the rapid retreat. Most years Christmas was just another day of Bunny drunk and stoned. It was usually a good excuse for her mother to ensure she was completely wasted at a level not seen the rest of the year. It didn't really constitute a happy holiday at all.

She remembered being nervous and so excited and fascinated when she'd had her first Christmas with the Voights. It was all so strange and new. It'd seemed almost like something she'd thought had only really existed on television. Fiction. Science Fiction almost. They had a tree and decorations. They made cookies. The house smelled so good in that week leading up to Christmas with the baking. And Christmas Day? The whole place smelled of Hank's Christmas Day breakfast and the big dinner Camille served up later in the evening when their parents came over. Then there were the presents and stockings. Items that Erin hadn't really seen before – ever. Not wrapped neatly in fancy paper and with bows set under a tree. Santa even came – and left something for her too since Justin was still so little at the time and not entirely disbelieving. It'd actually been a little overwhelming that first year. She was almost sure Hank and Camille thought she was a bigger headcase than she likely was it'd all been so foreign to her and she'd so bounced between excitement and trepidation and then anger at her past and embarrassment and utter sadness – and about every other emotion in between. Though, there was a gratefulness there. A profound gratefulness and appreciation about where she'd ended up. That somehow her life had gone from looking like what it had to what it had looked like that morning. It'd looked so normal. Even though that normal didn't feel so normal to her at the time. In some ways that normal still didn't feel so normal to her.

It hadn't been until a couple years later when she started high school at St. Ignatius that she'd realized that the Voights' Christmas celebrations were actually very modest in scale. A stocking filled with a tooth brush and shampoo and fancy smelling soap and chapstick and deodorant and new socks. There was usually a new beanie or mittens in there too. Some pencils and highlighters or stickie notes. All practical items but treasures to a kid who was lucky to have a bar of soap and running water in the bathroom some months. There was usually a few fun things in the stocking too – a book or magazine, a movie, and sometimes even a gift card to a coffee shop or the movies. Treasures to a fourteen year old. Then there was the candy and the fresh fruit that filled up the toe. She'd never even seen a pomegranate or a Navel orange before that first Christmas with the Voights. She hadn't known what to do with the pomegranate and had been amazed by the sheer size of the orange. It likely added to the headcase label but Camille had been so gracious in explaining it to her and helping her seed the pomegranate to try the fruit. It'd been such a great treat. Even better than some of the fresh baked cookies that had been laid out.

It hadn't been until after Camille was gone that "Santa" stopped laying out a wrapped gift with her and Justin's stockings. Ethan still got one. Though, he was now at the age where he protested it – that he KNEW it was Dad and that he DIDN'T BELIEVE IN SANTA and that it was DUMB that there was still a wrapped gift with his stocking when no one else got one. But Erin just told him each year to enjoy it while it kept happening. It would only be a matter of time before Hank decided his youngest really was too old enough to be getting a stocking and a Santa gift. The harder Ethan protested it, the more likely it was to happen sooner. And, other than the stocking and Santa gift, there wasn't a ton under the tree. Not by the standards that Erin had learned other people measured by. There was always one gift from Hank and Camile. Never more than three. It varied from year-to-year and with her in her teens, she'd rather quickly determined that the number of gifts had more to do with the pricetag of the gift than ensuring everyone got the same number of presents. She hadn't cared. She was just so happy to have a gift to open. She still was.

And, even one had been more than none. She hadn't thought much of it until she started hearing from the rich spoiled brats at St. Ignatius about their living rooms piled wall-to-wall with presents and them lamenting about not getting the latest cellphone or the newest videogame console or the fanciest labels and the greatest laptop. Or a car. Or a family ski trip or beach getaway for the holidays. It'd been yet another way she didn't fit in. She'd quickly learned not to get engaged in conversations after the holidays where the Mean Girls bragged about what they received. She never received as much. She could never image asking for – or demanding – as much. But she knew she was infinitely more grateful for what she did receive than those girls could ever even begin to conceive.

And, even though Hank and Camille had never once asked her for a list of things she wanted for Christmas – or her birthday – (nor had it ever occurred to her that she could give on or that other people did), they always had a present for her that exceeded her expectations. It was always something she wanted or needed – without her having to ask. And Erin thought that in some ways that was a bigger gift. It showed that they knew her. They knew her likes and dislikes. They knew what she needed right then at that moment in her life. And they provided it. They cared about her. That made the sweater or the boots or the messenger bag or the hairstyling supplies or CD player much more meaningful than the mountains of fancy, expensive crap that the kids around her were getting. Even now, as an adult, it still did. Because it still surprised her what Hank would end up putting under the tree for her. She still appreciated that she knew she had a place to go home for Christmas – and that she had family and people who cared about her and thought about her and knew the real her – good and bad – there.

"Is Ethan even going to be out of the hospital for Christmas?" Jay asked, pulling her out of her examination of the past.

She had to refocus her eyes a bit, looking to him, as she realized she'd been holding her fork between her plate and her mouth without taking a bite. She put it in her mouth and gave him a little nod, swallowing.

"He said the doctors will likely release him tomorrow," she said.

Jay gave her a reassuring smile. He was trying in all of this. But she could tell that he didn't really know what she needed. Most of time she wasn't entirely sure what she needed either. "That's good news," he said. "So things went well today?"

She shrugged. "I guess so. He didn't really say. They must've if he decided to go out and leave him for a couple hours."

She'd hopefully be able to track down whatever doctor was on-call that night and get a rundown when they got there. That would be more effective than trying to get it second-hand through Hank. Hank didn't like talking about it. Sometimes she wasn't entirely sure how much he even retained of what was said to him. The man had been running on adrenaline for years – and these past few weeks it'd only gotten worse.

"So is Hank going to come into the squad before the holidays?" Jay asked, putting another mouthful in his piehole.

She just gave him a look. "Finish your paperwork, Jay," she put to him flatly.

"I'm just asking," he tried to say innocently.

"You know he doesn't officially have any furlough booked for over the holidays at all – so you should just expect him to be there every day," she countered.

"Oh, but I have an inside source to keep me abreast on when he's actually going to be there," he said.

She gave him a glare. "Get your stuff on his desk or he'll be pissed off at both of us," she said. "Now is not the time to piss him off."

Jay let out a noise and pushed some food around on his plate. "You know I think I would've liked Kuma's better than this."

Her eyes laughed at him. "For hamburgers? For our big Christmas 'date'?"

He shrugged. "How's your … whatever that is?"

"Turkey leg confit with crispy lentils, napa cabbage and argodolce," she recited back to him in a manner similar to their overly enthusiastic server.

"Yum," he teased.

"It's OK," she provided.

"See," he said, pointing his fork at her. "Just OK. Now if you were eating a Kuma Burger how would you describe it."

She smiled broadly at him. "Orgasmic," she put back flatly.

"See," he argued again. "I don't even get comments like that about anything."

"Never in your life have you cooked for me," Erin pressed.

"Sure I have," he said.

She gave him a challenging look. "Popping a cap off a beer is not cooking."

He shrugged. "I do other … orgasmic … stuff for you."

She snorted and shook her head, looking back to her plate. She wasn't going to argue with him there. But she wasn't entirely sure it was appropriate conversation when they were sitting in the midst of a fancy restaurant surrounded by people dressed much nicer than them. They likely should've planned better and brought a change of clothes to work. Or made the time to go home and shower and make themselves up pretty before going out. But they were rarely that organized. And that just wasn't them even at the best of times. Some how sitting there in their jeans and almost clean work tops pretty much summarized everything about them and their relationship. At least they were being true to themselves even if they were probably falling far below the unstated dress code.

"How's your … that …", she said, wagging her fork at his plate.

He gave her a look. "I'm not sure cow's blood sausage and lobster tail were meant to go together," he said flatly.

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "Maybe you palate just isn't refined enough to appreciate the dish."

He nodded. "That's likely it."

She laughed and then he did too, both of them looking at their lukewarm and just half-finished plates. When the finally caught each other's eyes, he smiled warmly at her.

"You just want to go somewhere else?" he asked.

She shrugged. "There's that burrito joint near the hospital," she suggested. "Grab Ethan a quesadilla? He likely hasn't eaten whatever they tried to feed him."

"Perfect," Jay said and searched around the restaurant for their server, holding up his hand slightly to try to get the guy's attention.

After the man had come over, and rather unimpressed, retrieved their plates – promising to package their leftovers despite their assurances that he really didn't need to. They again were left waiting for their bill – which Erin didn't really want to see and was feeling a little guilty that Jay was picking up the tab when clearly neither of them had enjoyed the meal.

"You thought anymore about what we talked about the other day?" she asked, as she sat back and waited.

Jay glanced at her. He was tracking the server. He seemed pretty anxious to get out of there. He was likely dreaming about scarfing down a burrito now that it'd been put on offer. Or at least chowing down on something to mask the taste of what he'd ordered.

"What was that?" he asked with some confusion.

"Christmas," she put to him flatly.

He sighed and brought his eyes to her. "Erin," he said with that tone he always used when he put her name at the beginning of a sentence. "It's not exactly a comfortable situation."

"I'm sure you've dealt with more uncomfortable situations," she put back to him, crossing her arms.

He flared his nostrils at her in mild annoyance. "It's awkward," he pressed.

"So rather than deal with some minor awkwardness you'd prefer to be pathetic and sit alone in your apartment all day?" she put to him.

"Ah, excuse me," he said. "There's a bar stool with my name on it for watching basketball and the World Juniors."

She rolled her eyes. "That's definitely less pathetic, Jay." He gave her a look that clearly said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. But she wasn't going to let it drop that easily. "I don't know what has to be so awkward about it."

"He's my boss," Jay put back to her sternly.

"You knew that before you started sleeping with me, Jay. He's my boss too."

"Yeah but you've got the whole … family, father figure thing … going on with him," he said dismissively. She glared at him. She hated when he put it like that. It seemed as dismissive as the gesture he'd made to go along with the statement. "OK, and Justin will be there."

"So?" Erin pressed back again.

"And the baby. And his baby mama."

"And you're scared of a five-month-old baby?" Erin almost teased but there was some anger under it. She wasn't going to let him use Henry as an excuse.

Jay sighed exasperatedly at her. "Have you talked to Voight about this?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Sure," she allowed.

"And what he'd say?"

"He said …" and she gave her best impression of one of Hank's grunts.

Jay slapped the table, though, like that had just proved his point. "See! He thinks it's a bad idea too."

"No," Erin disagreed. "If he thought it was a bad idea, there would've been words, not a grunt. A grunt is complete indifference."

"Indifference is the same as him not wanting me there," Jay said.

Erin looked at him. Their eyes meeting and him sitting back in his chair again as he saw her seriousness. "I don't care if Hank wants you there or not," she said. "I want you to be there, Jay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Ethan turned away from the television and sullenly looked at her when they entered his hospital room. But Erin gave him a bright smile and immediately went to sit by his bedside.

"Hi, Eth," she said, doing her best to maintain the happy face that she'd trained herself to present him when they were in the hospital, no matter how scared or how much she was hurting for him or worrying about him too.

"You took forever," he told her a bit begrudgingly.

She gave a little nod of acknowledgement. She'd been coming over every day as soon as she could get off work. So she'd usually be arriving by his bedside sometime between six and seven-thirty and would stay until he fell asleep. Hank had done most of the night duty. But that night it was already pushing eight-thirty. The nurses would be in to do his evening check and to give him some more medication and switch out his IV soon and within about thirty minutes of that he'd nod for the night. Not much of a visit.

"I know, bud," she acknowledged. "But it was date night. I told ya, 'member?" She gestured at Jay who was loitering in the doorway and he held up a hand in greeting.

"Hey," Jay provided.

Ethan eyed him. Generally Ethan seemed to think Jay was a pretty cool and fun guy. But sometimes he could get a little possessive of Erin – especially when he thought he was having to share his time with her. That little boy side of him had been coming out a bit more lately with him being scared and hurt and in the hospital. He wanted to be babied a little bit more than usual.

His eyes shifted back to her. "Did you go to a movie?" he asked. "Star Wars?!" he demanded a little more accusingly.

She gave him a look. "Do we look like the kind of people who would go see Star Wars?" Ethan shrugged at her. "I thought you didn't want to see Star Wars."

"Everyone is talking about Star Wars," he provided flatly.

She gave him a thin smile and rubbed at his leg a little bit. "You know, I think Justin would really like to take you out to that movie while he's home, if you're feeling up to it. Have an afternoon out together."

Another shrug and just, "So which did you see?" he asked again.

She shook her head. "We just went for dinner, Eth."

"Where?" he pressed.

Erin shrugged. "This fancy grown-up place. It was gross. Jay ate cow blood sausages."

Ethan crinkled up his nose at that in disgust. He was so picky about food – and didn't eat cow as it was. She knew the concept would be awful to him.

"Yeah," she agreed to his look of disgust. "So we had to go and eat somewhere else after. With real food."

She gestured at Jay and he brought over the paper bag with the quesadilla they'd picked up for Ethan. And, it was a good choice. Because as she'd suspected, Ethan's hospital dinner was still sitting untouched in front of him – now cold and congealed and lumpy. The nursing staff had clearly left it in the hopes that he'd eat something and when they came in for his 9 p.m. check and he still hadn't, they'd offer up their usual lecture, give him some sort of electrolyte popsicle to at least keep him hydrated, and possible offer up some sort of meal replacement beverage that Ethan would also turn up his nose at. Erin didn't really blame him. She'd taken a small sip of one on the first day he'd been given on. It was awful. He'd have to be pretty hungry to ingest it.

Still, as she picked up the tray and handed it off to Jay to get out of her brother's sight, she gave him a small scold. "Eth, you've got to eat if you want to get out of here. You want to be home for Christmas, right?"

He shrugged at her. And Erin shook her head. "Don't be like that. You want to be there for Henry's first Christmas and to open presents. You don't want to have to be doing that in here."

He gave her a wounded puppy dog look but she just ignored it. She worked on getting the quesadilla, corn chips, salsa and Gatorade out of the bag, laying it out in front of Ethan in a way she hoped would be appetizing and he'd at least nibble at some of it.

"I'm going to see if I can catch my brother," Jay mumbled behind her. "I'll be back in a bit."

She glanced to see him holding up a silent goodbye to Ethan and starting to back toward the door.

"Yeah … see if he buys your bullshit excuses about why you're hiding away on Christmas," Erin pushed after him. "Not spending time with people who care about you."

He gave her an unimpressed look but let out a little sigh and left. So she went back setting out the meal.

"There you go," she said absently. "Chicken, pinto beans, gauc, salsa and onions. No cheese, no sour cream, no refried beans. No nothing gross."

He eyed her and not the food, though. "Are you and Jay fighting?" he asked.

She shook her head and rolled the bed table a bit closer to him. "Nope," she said.

It was a half-lie but not a full one. Jay's response and reaction to Christmas wasn't entirely unexpected. She knew how he felt about his family. She understood his discomfort interacting with her in a setting outside of work that included Hank. It just all sort of sucked when it was the holidays and it'd been a shit year and he'd been one of her key supports in getting through it and she'd sort of like to have him there with her as they marked the end of one year and got on with the next year. Maybe sort of start acting like a real couple in front of people who knew and cared about them rather than just when they were behind closed doors. Because it wasn't like the fact they were in a relationship was a secret.

But she wasn't going to fight with him about it. She didn't have the time or energy for it. So she'd convince herself that Christmas was for the kids. Ethan and Henry. Them there and having a nice day was enough. She'd try to ignore that it was about friends and family and one of her closest friends and family would rather sit in a bar drinking and watching TV than be with her. At least she wasn't alone. He'd repeatedly turned down Will's invitations to spend time together at Christmas too. Though, that was mostly because it would involve having to face his father and his step-mother – who he hadn't seen for years and who he hadn't met in her capacity as "step-mother", though he seemed to have very strong opinions about the person she was when he'd known her in passing.

Sometimes families just sucked. Maybe hers didn't since she got to choose hers in a way. Though, they weren't without their problems too. It's just by comparison her life in the Voight family seemed much simpler than anything Bunny had thrown at her.

"But he's not coming for Christmas?" Ethan asked her.

She shrugged. "Don't know," she allowed. That was a truth. He hadn't given an answer. But his non-answer and litany of excuses was enough of an answer.

Ethan eyed her. "But I wanna watch the movie you got him for his stocking," he said finally.

A smile tugged at the corners of Erin's mouth at that and she reached and ruffled his hair a bit. "Well, maybe if Jay is too much of a wuss to come over someone else will get that movie in their stocking."

Ethan gave her a sad look at that. "But you got it for him," he said.

She shrugged. "Oh well, Eth. He doesn't show – no stocking for him. His loss."

"He doesn't want his stocking?" Ethan asked with some mild disbelief.

Erin gave him a little smile. It showed just how much stockings were "the thing" in their house on Christmas morning. Seeing all the little goodies jammed into them was usually almost as exciting as opening the gift from Hank. Even though they were most practical items and almost predictable in their contents year-after-year, they'd still sit there in the living room unpacking them slowly item-by-item for the better part of an hour. Sometimes longer if someone ended up with something particularly cool that needed to ripped open right then and checked out more closely.

That'd been the case when Justin was younger and his Mom and Dad managed to jam a Bionicle in for a few years in a row. Everything would stop while he sat and put it together. If someone got a movie there might even be a longer halt in the unpacking if it had to be viewed RIGHT THEN! And there'd definitely been years that had been the case. A new card game or word search book was likely to cause a delay too. As had Play-Doh, paint your own plaster dinosaur kits, little miniature model cars, Hot Wheels, and Silly Putty when the boys had been younger. These days it was more likely that Hank would have put a pack of baseball cards in Ethan's stocking that would necessitate him having to go and drag out his entire collection and sort and order the new ones right that second.

No one ever seemed really bothered by it, though. Or maybe for the boys it was just how Christmas was and it became what Christmas was for Erin too. It was sitting around the living room together – as a family – fiddling with little trinkets and watching movies and doing a puzzle and playing a game. It was nice. She was glad it wasn't over in a flash because it easily could be if the boys had just dumped their stockings on the floor. They hadn't though. Probably because it was taught behavior. That kind of mess on the floor likely wouldn't have sat well with Hank – even if it was Christmas.

She was actually really looking forward to having little Henry there. To starting the process all over again with the baby stocking and working their way up over the next few years with him being fascinated with the lights and ribbons and paper to him being all excited by the magic of Santa and stockings at Grandpa's house too. It'd be nice to have a little kid bring some of the magic and excitement of the day back – before they completely lost it with Ethan aging out of the experience.

It'd been fun picking a couple little baby things to hand over to Hank for Henry's stocking. They all knew that it wasn't going to mean much to Henry that year. But it'd at least start in establishing some little traditions for the family and for them to have with their nephew and for Popa to have with his grandson. And, she'd had to be out picking up a few things for Hank's stocking anyways even though he did the bulk of it himself since he was as picky as fuck about his 'manly' toiletries. She could likely pick that stuff out for him – and get the right thing – with far little effort than he seemed to think it involved. But whatever. If he wanted to do it himself – let him. It was a Hank thing. One of many.

Ethan had been with her. They ended up doing dad's Christmas shopping at the same time. Hank was ridiculously easy to buy for. It didn't take a lot of effort either – it was just a matter of getting out. And that year Justin had actually sent her some money to help with the gifts for Hank under the tree – not just promised to pay her back and signed the card without ever paying her back. And, Ethan had even contributed allowance that year too and had wanted to more actively participate in the shopping trip and giving input on what to pick for Dad.

In being out, though, and shopping for guy stuff, she'd ended up sort of randomly picking up some things for Jay. It'd started as just kind of a gag gift that had made her think of him while they were out. But it'd kind of expanded from there. None of it was expensive. And it wasn't particularly sentimental in any way. They were just things. Not a big deal. She hadn't said anything to Jay about it because she didn't really want to turn it into a whole gift exchange thing. Because then she'd have to think of some sort of real gift for him or make him feel like she expected something from him – which she didn't. Not in terms of gifts or anything else either. She was very used to not expecting much from people. It was easier to keep her expectations low.

But she had made the mistake of saying to Ethan that she'd just put the stuff in Jay's stocking. It'd set up the expectation from her little brother that Jay would be there. And it'd made him get excited about picking a few little knick-knacks for Jay too and making sure that Jay got the same candy they got. It'd been cute and funny. To Ethan, though, there weren't all the complications of the whole Hank being their boss thing. Even though he knew that was there and he could sense some of the tension some times, she wasn't sure he entirely understood. He was just a kid. She'd been in enough relationships and she still didn't exactly understand them most of the time. The one with Jay was definitely confusing. Probably one of her more serious relationships yet they both seemed to approach it so casually in other ways. Confusing. Frustrating. Angering. But he likely felt that way too. She knew he did.

"Guess not," was all she said, though, to Ethan's shock about Jay not wanting to open his stocking on Christmas morning.

Her brother considered that for a moment, eyeing her carefully. She became a little uncomfortable under it and reached to crack the lid off her baby brother's drink for him, nudging it toward him. But he just kept staring at her.

"He knows our mom is dead too, right?" Ethan asked quietly. "And we miss her at Christmas too?"

Erin gave him a little frown and cupped the side of his head again. "Yea, Eth. He does."

"And that Dad and J fight lots too?"

She smiled a bit at that. "Yep," she nodded.

Ethan let out a quiet sigh at that and did this little pucker while he seemed to maul that over carefully. "Well, did you tell him that Dad makes French Toast for breakfast on Christmas?"

She let out a small laugh and shook her head at that. "Left that out. You'll have to fill him in on when he comes back. Maybe it's all the convincing he needs."

She doubted that. She actually thought it might make him dig his heels in more at the suggestion he was expected to be there at breakfast. She might be able to convince him to come for dinner. But she really doubted at this point there was any chance in her getting him to join them for the day.

"It's good French Toast," Ethan said firmly.

She nodded. "It is," she agreed but nudged his Tex Mex closer to him again. "But if you want to be eating Dad's French Toast on Christmas morning, you better eat something tonight, Eth. Please."

He gave her an annoyed huff but picked up one of the quesadilla triangles and took an appeasing nibble. Apparently it tasted good enough that he took a second small bite. She watched him eat for a moment and then let herself sit back in the chair a bit – trying to get comfortable for her few hours there – and let her eyes scan the distilled hospital room for about the millionth time since Ethan had occupied it.

Given the fact that Ethan had had his episode at school and had been rushed to Chicago Med in a bus – Hank had rather indiscreetly gotten the call at work. Actually, he hadn't taken the call so the school had ended up calling the front desk and Trudy had ended up coming upstairs and Hank had been in one of his moods where he wasn't being interrupted and just say what you need to say in front of everyone. So the news that Ethan had had some kind of seizure and was being rushed to the Emergency Room had been delivered in front of everyone with Hank flying out of there at about a million miles an hour.

Word would've gotten around anyway but because of how it'd gone down everyone knew – up front. And Hank had been away from work more than not the past week or so as they put Ethan through another round of testing and imaging and pulses of drugs that were supposed to make him better.

It'd resulted in piles of Get Well baskets and flowers ending up in Ethan's room. Christmas baskets and goodies and decorations too with the time of year. And there was near constantly someone from CPD or CFD loitering around in the hallways checking in on how Ethan and Hank and the family, in general, were doing. Hank didn't much like that but hadn't been gruff enough to scare everyone away.

Some of the flowers were starting to look like they'd reached their life expectancy. Erin thought if Ethan didn't actually get out of there in the next day, she'd have to go around and toss some of the more direr cases. They'd have to figure out too what the hell they were going to do with all this stuff. Hank likely wouldn't want to be dragging it home. Though, he likely knew from previous hospital stays what you did about all of it. She couldn't remember. She did know that between his own father dying and Camille dying and all the funeral flowers that then get dragged home or delivered, Hank hated having flowers in the house, though. To him it might as well be the smell of death. Or at least embalming fluid. She was surprised that he'd let so many of the vases stay in Eth's hospital room. Though, some of them very kind of cute and some of the baskets had had items in them to try to distract him. He was doped up enough and being wheeled off to enough testing during the day that they didn't have to do a ton of distracting, though.

But it was a pair of aluminum forearm crutches sitting in the opposite corner that caught her eye. They were a new addition to the room. She stared at them for a moment and then rotated her eyes back to her brother and nodded slightly toward the new item.

"Those them?" she asked, trying to sound excited.

He gave her a glance and then followed her eyes. His body language got sullen again and he looked back to his food – this time peeling back the tortilla and picking at the contents, moving the meat into one little pile and the onions into another.

"No," he mumbled. "They're loaners."

Erin gave him a little smile and stood from the chair going over to retrieve the crutches. She'd intended to give them a whirl in an attempt to make Ethan smile too but they'd already been adjusted to his height and it was clear that if she tried to use them she was going to fall either flat on her ass or flat on her face. So instead she just gripped them in her hands almost like robot arms, pointing them teasingly at Ethan.

"They're pretty cool, Eth," she tried.

He gave her an unimpressed look. "They're for retarded cripples," he stated flatly.

"Ah, no they're not," she countered. "Because you aren't either of those things."

She brought them closer to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, looking at him but he was doing his best to ignore her.

"You going to show me how they work?" she asked.

"They're crutches," he said. "You know how they work."

She gave him a little sigh and looked at the crutches gripped in her hand and braced around her forearm again. She knew this was going to be hard for Ethan – but it might not be permanent. But for now with his mobility, he needed it.

He had pain and weakness in his legs. But the larger problem was that he was having foot drag and toe drag on his one side. He was near constantly shuffling and tripping over his feet. And that was causing him to get hurt. But accepting that things were progressing faster than anticipated and that he was going to be less mobile than expected was hard. Especially for a teenaged boy who had shown a lot of promise in athletics.

It didn't matter yet how many times they talked to him about other options he had in athletics. How he could still play sports and have activities and be active. How even it was the Cubs that sponsored the mobility and disability softball team. How there was sledge hockey and wheelchair basketball and rugby and all sorts of other activities he could try. That they could get him signed up for the charity village programming. That he could meet other kids and adults dealing with similar issues at him or even more challenging disabilities. That he could meet army vets like his brother or Jay or Mouse who'd lost a limb or mobility. That they'd help him learn ways to do any kind of activity he wanted. They'd even tried to entice him with the climbing wall.

So far all Ethan was hearing was "disability" and "wheelchair" sports – and he'd shutdown. He wouldn't listen. He'd refuse to try. To even visit and see what was offered. The counselor and therapists and physical therapist said to give it some time. To let him adjust to the idea and the life change. But it was hard.

Erin knew that if Hank had his way, he would've had Ethan signed up for sledge hockey or the softball program immediately. Get him out there and doing something and meeting other people. But he was a Voight male. Arguing with him usually only made them say 'no' more forcibly. So they were just having to gently nudge him in the direction and hope that eventually he'd come around.

"Are they like the ones you're going to get?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Margo thought I should have some fancy ones. So that's what Dad got. He says they're my Christmas present."

He said it so dejectedly that Erin quickly pulled her arm out of the brace and cupped at his cheek again, looking into his sad eyes.

"He was teasing you," she assured him. "Your dad's out right now buying your Christmas present and it's not crutches, OK?"

"They're expensive," he said quietly.

She shook her head and shrugged. "Margo likely thought you needed those ones for a reason. Dad likely agreed with her for a reason. He doesn't care about the price, OK? And you don't need to worry about that either. Daddy's insurance is paying for this and your dad works hard. He can afford it. I'm helping. You don't need to think about any of that."

He just gazed at his torn apart food, flicking at the meat. She sighed. "Eth, don't do that," she scolded gently. "Your dad will be upset that you didn't eat your dinner and you just ripped apart this."

He gave her a glance. "I ate some," he said.

She nodded at it. "So eat a bit more," she encouraged.

He picked up a small piece of meat and stuffed it in his mouth between grubby fingers while she stroked at his hair. Their eyes both set on the TV for a bit while he very slowly picked away at the food. Home Alone was on. It looked like it was almost over. The kid was in the midst of torturing the bandits who'd invaded his home.

"You have to wrap Dad's Christmas present for me," Ethan mumbled after a while.

She glanced at him from the screen. "You're supposed to get home tomorrow," she said. "So I'll come over after work and we'll wrap your dad's presents together. Alright?"

He gazed at her for a moment. "You think he'll like what I got him?" he asked timidly.

She gave him a thin smile and reached to give his hand a little squeeze. "Eth, your dad would like whatever you got him – because it's from you."

"But do you think he'll actually like it?"

"I think your dad is going to be really proud of you for saving up your allowance and helping out with Christmas this year. And he's going to see how much thought and effort you put into his present."

"So he's not going to like it," Ethan said a little dejected.

"He's going to love it," Erin assured.

He eyed her and then sadly stared at his food again. "The Open House was tonight," he said quietly.

She rubbed at his bicep a bit. "I know," she allowed. "But you've still got lots of Open Houses at Iggy's. OK?"

"But I collected lots for the food drive," Ethan said. "I wanted to build the sculptor too."

She gave him a thin smile. "And your dad's real proud of all the work you put in collecting that food. Me too. We all are. You don't need to build the sculptor. Building a sculptor out of cans is kind of silly, right? And then they're just going to have to take it all apart to take to the church and food bank anyways, right?"

He just gazed at her. "I wanted Dad to see my projects," he said quietly.

She swiped at his hair. It needed to be washed. She'd have to talk to the nurse about getting a basin brought in so they could do it there or if they could get him taken off the IVs for a bit when they were doing that night's switch up so they could take him down to the shower. Get him cleaned up a bit. Ethan might argue against any of it, though, when there was the hope he'd be out of there before noon tomorrow.

"Daddy will see them when you bring them home," she tried. He looked so little and tired that night.

"Not the same," he said and looked back at the TV.

She squeezed his shoulder. "I'll talk to your dad. We'll see about you taking us in when you get out of here. Get our own private Open House tour."

"There won't be the music or the bake sale," Ethan said and then looked at her. "Did Dad remember to take in the peppermint bark for the bake sale?"

His eyes looked so sad. He just wanted so badly to fit in at that fucking school and the kids were still giving him such a hard time. She knew what the kids at that school were like. This supposedly Catholic, Christian school. Sometimes those supposed attributes didn't shine through very brightly in the spoiled rich kids that attended it.

"I'm not sure, Ethan," she admitted.

"He forgot," Ethan muttered.

Erin was pretty sure that was accurate. More accurate was likely that Hank had told him that he'd try to do it to get his son to stop stewing on it. But beyond that evening, Erin was pretty sure the only times Hank had been away from the hospital had been to go home and shower and change his clothes and to stop in at work and make an appearance in an effort to keep his job and make sure the place wasn't burning to the ground. Making Camille's peppermint bark for an event his son wasn't even going to be at wouldn't have been anywhere near the top of Hank's priority list. It likely hadn't even been at the bottom. It probably hadn't even made the list, to be honest.

But Ethan just gazed blankly at the TV. "I signed us up," he said quietly. "Wrote it on the list and everything."

Erin let out a little sigh. "We'll make peppermint bark, E," she promised. "We'll do baking on Christmas Eve just like always. OK? You just need to focus on getting out of the hospital."

"But not for the bake sale," Ethan said. "He likely didn't take in the toy or the mittens for the Angel Tree either."

She looked at the ceiling for a moment. "After your dad gets here, I'll go home and make the peppermint bark and take everything in tomorrow," she said. "And, if there's anything left from the bake sale, I'll buy it out. And, if not, I'll give our family's donation directly to Father, OK?"

He gave her a small gaze. "It doesn't feel like Christmas," he said softly.

She gave him a sad smile and rubbed firmly at his back. "It will," she promised. "We still have a few days."


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

"Go home, Al," Hank said as he walked passed him in the empty bullpen.

Olinsky glanced up at him, wordlessly, watching him head into his office. But then got up and followed after him. Initially leaning in the doorway but then stepping inside and letting out an amused scoff, as Hank set his few bags on one of the chairs and he spotted sight of one of the gifts. He reached and pulled out a box, examining it.

"Still, huh?" Alvin said, still looking at the box.

"Hmm," Hank grunted as he slouched off his jacket, and tossed the a few envelopes of cash onto the desk. Each was labeled with one of the kids' names: Ethan, Erin, Justin/Olive, Henry, and finally just Stockings. Dollar amounts crossed out and rewritten on each in smaller and smaller increments as he'd done his buying and doled out the cash pile set aside for each kid inside. "My fucking OCD kid."

Alvin made another amused sound at that, glancing at the envelopes before Hank pulled open his desk drawer and shuffled them in. "Know where he gets it," Olinsky provided.

Hank shook his head. He'd known Al long enough that the guy had seen his budget methods and organization and commented on it before. Apparently it looked like he was striking some sort of drug or mob deal while UC with the way he divided his bills among envelopes. But maybe the filth he dealt with was onto something when it came to the transfer of dollars between hands. Hank dealt in cash – not credit. Easier to just sort out the budget for each kid and go from there.

"That's pristine organization, O. Not OCD," he put back to his partner.

"Pristine?" he said, giving him a look. "Three days before Christmas? You're behind schedule."

Hank just grunted an acknowledgement at that. He was behind schedule. Way fucking behind schedule. But it was what it was.

"Got Lexi's gift sorted yet?" he put mildly.

Al's family dynamic was a mess right now. Not that it was much on the table for discussion. Hank would've listened, maybe given his two cents if Al had ever broached the topic but he was keeping pretty tight lipped about it. Hank figured that O likely thought he'd done some judging about him cheating on his wife, sleeping with another woman, fathering a child outside his marriage, and then not even knowing about that kid for fifteen years.

Hank wasn't sure he'd judged, though. Shit happened when you were UC. Sometimes situations came up where you had to more than bend your morals for your survival and sanity. Sometimes you did shitty things. You had to just hope it all came out in the wash. That you were serving your city and that's what mattered in the end. And, Al had been under a long time.

Hank did a lot of UC work. He'd been away from home. But he'd never taken on an assignment that had him away from his wife for more than a year. He likely wouldn't have had a wife, if he had. And, his and Camille's relationship had been far from perfect. He'd done some shitty things to her and their relationship and their family over the years. He couldn't judge. But he also liked to believe that he wouldn't have ever cheated on his wife. He would've found a way around it. Dealt with things differently. He'd managed to get through 20 years of marriage without sleeping with another woman. Staying faithful to the life they'd made together. That counted for something.

Though, all that Al and Meredith had been through together over all those years counted for a whole hell of a lot. Even if Al had his fuck ups too.

They all did.

Alvin shrugged, though, putting what'd be Ethan's Santa gift back in place in the bag, stopping to examine the item next to it. "Lexi, just wanted the new iPhone. So that's what Meredith got her."

"Daughters tend to like when dad buys them something too," Hank said flatly.

Alvin gave him a small glance. "I paid for it."

Hank made a noise that acknowledged he'd spoken but didn't comment. Sometimes he thought Al let himself be a bit too much of the victim when it came to his wife and elder daughter. He didn't fight for him – or with them – enough. He'd just roll with the punches and sometimes that meant that he was taking jabs that he shouldn't be taking. Especially this fall. Yeah. Meredith and Lexi were having emotional fallout in all of this. But that didn't mean they should give up on each other. Family was more important than that. And O needed his wife and daughter. Gave him a stability and sanity. Hank had seen what he was like when he drifted too far from his homelife. It wasn't pretty.

But he didn't much feel like getting into a heart-to-heart about it – especially when it was one that Al clearly wasn't ready to have yet. And it'd be one that would be better on the rocks anyways. So instead he just watched Al as he continued to root through his kids' Christmas purchases. The guy's brow was furrowed with some interest and he pulled it out the other item he seemed taken with, looking at it with some interest.

Hank wagged his finger at it a bit, stepping back to lean against his low shelf. "He's been fucking around with circuit boards and electronics and programming and shit when I've had him sitting downstairs with Mouse. Had all these bananas and apples hooked up to be the fucking keyboard on my phone," he shook his head in some amazement.

Even with all the fucking brain damage and how the M.S. was fucking with his boy cognitively now, his kid was still so fucking bright. He processed information differently now. He needed a whole lot of help and guidance. They were learning together how to rewire the kid's thinking and thought process. Learning how to learn. How to see and interpret and understand. But as much as his kid was failing fucking English and Math and anything else that was being presented to him in a strictly strapped to the desk classroom setting – he was still a little storehouse of information.

Hank just needed to sit with him while the kid watched one of his dinosaur shows or sports to see that. To listen to him spout off information and numbers and stats. Out of nowhere. Ethan just categorized and retained information differently now. It was still stuck in there somewhere. It was just figuring out how to tap into it and get it out. Or how to get it in there in the first place.

Watching his boy fiddle with the little starter electronics programming board that Mouse had him screwing with had been one of those moments. Hank didn't understand for shit what Ethan was doing. But his boy did. He could see those little circuits and logic coming together and make it do something. Random fucking shit. But Hank had still been impressed. Likely because he didn't know much about that kind of stuff. Hooking some little board up to a computer and attaching it to other inanimate objects or pencil drawings and wires and alligator clips and having shit moving and happening on the screen seemed pretty impressive to him.

His boy had his mother's smarts. They might be scrambled a bit in Ethan. But they were in there. He got glimpses of them. And he knew it'd only be a matter of time before Ethan really found his niche and then realized that he was a whole lot fucking matter than his dad. Then Hank would really be fucked.

Al, though, just made an amused sound at the typing bananas and cast a look at him, nodding a bit at the back of the box. "Looks interesting," he said.

Hank shrugged. "Starting point. Meds they've got him on have him fucking shaking so much right now can't really get him the real thing. He'd be having a meltdown if he was having to screw around with a soldering iron."

There'd been other more advanced sets that likely would've been good. But just not worth the emotional toil right now if Ethan wasn't able to handle them. The frustration. Snap set would be easier for now. Though, he thought it might be a little below what Mouse had been letting him screw around with. But he could keep screw around with the real crap when he had him into the district.

Alvin put the kiddie circuit board kit back into the bag at that and looked at him a bit more gently. "You going to have him home opening this stuff or lugging it in?"

Hank sighed and scrubbed at his face. He needed to shave. He was starting to look as bad as Al. But he'd decided to stop into work rather than by the house. So that was likely going to have to wait until the morning. If they got home in the morning.

"They're trying to get us shuffled out before Christmas," Hank shrugged. "Maybe tomorrow. Depends."

"Depends?"

Hank eyed him. Alvin hadn't been into the hospital. He got it. And he didn't. He hoped it mostly had to do with the fact that Alvin knew him long enough to know he hated having people checking in and invading on his family's privacy – especially at the fucking hospital. But Al didn't exactly count as "people".

"He hasn't been able to void his bladder since the exacerbation," Hank put to him flatly, crossing his arms. "Got the catheter out this afternoon. Have him on some meds to basically force his body to let him take a leak. So we'll see if he manages to do that before the doc does his rounds in the morning."

Al looked at the floor and shook his head. He clearly didn't know what to say. Hank didn't know what he wanted him to say. He didn't need him to say shit. And he was sick of hearing platitudes from most of the people that had been loitering around or stopping by the past week or so. But he still felt the need to go on. Wasn't so much that he got the sense that Olinsky wanted to know. Though, he was sure in some way Al did. It was just he needed to say it. To someone who wasn't Erin or Justin. Where even though they were adults, he was still trying to present it all in a way that made it seem like it was going to be OK. Even, though, he knew that they knew that was a bit of a crock of shit.

"They had to put him on the IVMP again when they got him stabilized. Four days of battering him with that to deal with this fucking optic neuritis. Then they're fucking doing these three-hour plasma exchanges on him for the past five days. Only the first two treatments, it's was giving him fucking seizures. So more fucking tests and panic. Get that stabilized. Finish up T-cell replacement and now we're started in on to a prednisone taper. All of his has him nauseated and puking his guts out, so he's pretty much strapped to all this crap to hydrate him and give him some nutrients because he won't fucking eat."

"Jesus, Hank …" Al said and looked at him sadly.

Hank just scrubbed at his face more. He was fucking tired. He wanted – needed – a night in his own bed. Sleeping in the armchair in E's room wasn't happening. He just sat there staring at his boy and the monitors and watching the nurses coming and go to check on his vitals and his IV lines. Waiting for the docs to come around again and give him the latest update or schedule his boy to be wheeled off to the next test. To send in their various counselors and therapists and brain doctors and PT folks. A fucking carousel.

"They've got him on these drugs that are supposed to help with his pain and spasms but the fucking things cause his tremor to become more pronounced so his whole arm is just shaking. His fucking dominant arm. So then they put him on another drug to help with that. Only that drug is supposed to get flushed out through the kidneys and since his bladder isn't working it's building up and contributing to his fucking seizures. So it's just this whole fucking brouhaha of them trying to find the right fucking cocktail of chemicals to pump into my boy's body to make him sort of functional. So let's put some more in and then draw some blood and some piss and see how he's doing. Nope. OK. Let's try this instead."

He shook his head. "And now that fucking clumsiness he's had in his legs all fall, they're calling it foot droop since this exacerbation and the first seizure. So they're sending him home on crutches. That likely aren't going to be going anywhere. But they're spitting all this PT crap at him anyways."

Hank sighed and looked at Al. "We'll see how he is in the morning. Get him to empty his bladder. Let them do their blood and piss tests. Think they'll likely let us go home. But going to be another one of these things were I'm going to be having him in there five days a week for the next bit."

Al stared at him. They both just stared at each other for a while. What was there to say about any of it? Hank just didn't know anymore. Really didn't seem like there was anything worth saying, that's for sure.

Eventually, Alvin just gestured at the bag. "He'll like these," he said. "Let him think about something else for a bit. You too."

Hank gave a little shrug. "Hopefully."

He wasn't sure how true that was. It was what he wanted for his boy but he wasn't sure he'd be thinking of much of anything else even if he did have his son home for the holiday and able to open his couple presents in front of the tree with his new baby nephew and his brother and sister. But he'd do his best to hide that from the boy and keep moving forward – because that's what he did.

He just looked at his desk, though, and flipped open some of the files, scanning a bit of the paperwork. He'd take a bit of it with him. At least it'd give him something else to look at for part of the night.

"Meredith letting you inside for Christmas?" Hank asked flatly while he flipped through the reports. He felt – rather than saw – O shrug and halfway glanced up at him. "You going to see Lex?" he asked instead.

Alvin let out a breath that sounded hurt more than anything else but just shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know," he said. "If she'll let me."

Hank smacked his lips, eyeing him for a moment, and then looked back to the paperwork. "You need a place to be, you come over," Hank offered in a monotone. "Doing a bird. Bring Michelle, if you want."

He gave him another short half-glance and Alvin allowed a thin smile. As much as Alvin smiled. He was likely worse than Hank about that. So Hank just pulled out his chair and sat down at his desk, punching at his computer to get it started.

"Go home," he ordered again. "It's the holidays. Make yourself available."

Alvin just looked at him. "Don't you have somewhere else you should be too?"

Hank gave him a look and then just looked to punching his login information into the computer. "Erin's with him. Gonna put in an hour or two on the year-end CompStat reports before the Ivory Tower gets their panties in a bigger knot about how I do my job and manage having a sick kid," he mumbled.

"I can help you with that," Alvin offered.

Hank shook his head. "Go home," he ordered more forcibly. "And go buy your daughter. Daughters. A real Christmas present. A necklace or something. She'll have it a whole lot longer than a fucking iPhone."

Alvin made an amused noise and looked sheepishly at the ground before turning and slowly exiting the office, rapping his knuckles softly on the frame as he went. Hank looked up at that and watched. But Alvin didn't make for the exit. He just headed back to his desk in the corner, slouching at it again.

Hank let out a slow sigh, shaking his head and looking back to his work.

At least his family wasn't as depressingly fucked up as Al's at the moment. There was that. Their own personal Christmas miracle.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: So I'm getting like 1,500 readers per chapter in this story, which must mean I'm doing something right. But I've got less than 10 reviews. Just so we're all clear, reviews and feedback - whether as a review or in a PM - counts for a lot in terms of motivation to continue on any story. Especially in this freebie medium. I appreciate all readers. But I really appreciate when anyone takes the time to provide feedback. Thanks.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Hank glanced in the general direction of the front door as the doorbell rang. But before he had a chance to react, Ethan was fumbling to push himself up from the table.

"SPRING ROLLS!" he near cheered. The first positive reaction about food he'd heard from his kid in weeks.

The boy started fumbling over himself as Hank more slowly rose from the table and went to the sink to wash off his hands before retrieving his wallet to pay for the takeout.

"E, use the crutches," Hank ordered of the boy as he stumbled toward the kitchen exit and begrudgingly retrieved the things. He fumbled for a moment get them around his forearms but then started clicking his way toward the door. Hank wasn't sure Ethan not arguing with him about using the things was an indication of some starting acceptance that he needed the things or that he was just so excited about the Thai food and so hungry that he was willing to use whatever means necessary to get it on the table faster.

He'd been holed up in the kitchen with his kid for the past few hours doing a bit of a Christmas bake off. It'd evolved in a bit of a tradition over the years. Kind of an unnecessary one considering the size of their family now, especially with Camille and his mother and the in-laws gone now. Wasn't like they had a lot of people over to be feeding cookies too and they sure as hell didn't need all that sugar and dairy and gluten in the house. All things that they were telling him to limit with Ethan's M.S. But he could let the could have a taste and then bump the rest at work. The animals there would inhale it in the lunchroom before he even walked back to his office.

It'd been a bit of a frustrating process, though. Ethan was used to thinking that everyone got to pick their favorite. He'd declared what Justin's favorite was even though his brother wasn't there. And, tradition had always dictated that they made Camille's favorite since she had been the one who did this with the kids in their previous family life. Hank and Erin hadn't spoken up to pick a favorite. Three kinds of cookies were more than enough. But Ethan wasn't hearing any of it. Erin had eventually relented and declared a kind that Hank knew was far from her favorite at the holidays but she was clearly trying to pick something that was easy. Ethan had let it slide but when Hank had tried a similar route to shut the kid up, his son hadn't bought it.

Thing was the melt-and-drop no-bake cookies were a whole fucking lot easier with where Ethan was at. They involved some stirring and then smacking the blobs of melted sugar and chocolate and whatever else onto sheets of wax paper. Even that was asking a little much of Ethan with how much he was tremoring in his hand and his general weakness and overall fatigue from everything his body had been put through over the past 10 days – not to mention just its general condition anymore.

But – no. Thankfully Justin's favorite amounted to little more than a fudge that wasn't that complicated and Erin had declared a no-bake as her choice too. The martyr. That left three others that were all about baking, though. Two that were all about the decorating.

Normally, Hank would've been OK with that. He liked precision. The mess of the melt-and-mix cookies weren't his thing. They didn't look particularly appetizing in the end either – even if they tasted decent. But with Ethan how he was, he was having to sit there and read the recipes to him line by line. Some of the ingredients that required measurements using measuring spoons, he was having to do himself too because Ethan's shakes were causing after too much to spill into the mixing bowl. Then there was the stirring. Magoo was trying but he just didn't have the strength right now. So he got to do that too.

As a little kid, it would've been Eth who got to decorate the cookies. But even that was proving a pain and Hank was having to babysit him because his boy was getting so frustrated. He really did feel like he was dealing with a little boy again, because there'd been more than a few points where he'd needed to stand behind his kid and help him steady his hand and direct the icing in the way Ethan wanted to decorate the sugar cookies and the gingerbread.

Hank just kept reminding himself that he was only 12. Even in the best of circumstances that still constituted just a boy. And then remind himself again how relieved he was just to have his boy home. Especially when it'd been touch and go there. He'd really started to think that they'd be bringing the gifts into the hospital for his son. But they'd finally been allowed to come home the night before. Getting to leave that place had near instantly done a world of good for Ethan. He'd brightened up. He'd smiled and he formed some actual sentences. So Hank was focusing on that too. Just how happy and excited Ethan seemed to be home in time for the holiday and to decorate the tree and to make these fucking cookies. The hope of seeing his brother and his little nephew. So it was what it was. The good outweighed the bad.

Erin had been helping after she got home from work. But she'd only been able to help for so long before she'd disappeared upstairs (he'd actually had to send her) to get ready for some family event at Halstead's house that it sounded like her arm had been twisted into. She didn't seem too keen on going. But who was ever keen on meeting the parents – especially at the holidays.

"You aren't the Thai!" Hank heard Ethan protest in the front hall, as he was just finishing washing his hands of all the remnants of icing and flour.

He gave a little sigh at that but still went to retrieve his wallet from his desk drawer. The takeout should technically be there soon. But with the weather the way it was outside combined with it being Christmas Eve, he wouldn't be surprised if it never actually arrived. Just like he wouldn't be surprised if his son, Olive, and his grandchild didn't make it there that night. They were predicting up to 26 inches of snow. Blizzard-like conditions. It hadn't completely set in yet but you could already see that it was starting to get messy. It was only going to get worse as the night went on. He wasn't exactly comfortable with his son transporting his family in that weather – especially in the dark. He'd already called and told him as much. Justin had seemed to acknowledge that doing the drive in the storm was a stupid idea but he'd sounded disappointed. Hell, Hank was disappointed too. But it was what it was. Though, he hadn't gotten around to breaking the news to Ethan yet. He was sort of hoping the kid would connect the dots on his own as they watched the snow come down out the windows.

"Why are you dressed so fancy?" Hank heard Ethan add up front. He could tell that he was still blocking the door to the kid on the doorstep.

"ETHAN!" he called out. "Let Halstead in the house!"

He heard some movement and the door closing but again Ethan was at the guy. "You going to church or something?"

"Ah … no," Halstead muttered.

"You dressed like that because you think it will impress Erin and then you'll get to violate her?"

"Umm … what?" Halstead stuttered.

"Jesus Fuck …" Hank muttered under his breath and stormed from his little office space to make for the door.

Jay Halstead was looking rather awkward in the front hall. Big snowflakes now melting on his heavy looking peacoat that he hadn't bothered to do up, displaying that he was in a suit. The only thing that was casual about the outfit was that he didn't have on a tie. Erin taking so long to get ready upstairs was starting to make a bit more sense.

Hank gave Ethan a light tap on the back of the head. Kid's brains didn't get to more fucked. But sometimes the kid definitely needed a smack across the back of the head.

"Don't talk about your sister like that," he ordered as his son gave him innocent eyes.

"But you say …" Ethan started but Hank glared at him even more firmly, smacking his lips.

"You know how we talk about that filter of yours," he said to his son.

Ethan rotated his eyes to Jay who was just kind of staring at the both of them. He looked a little taken back.

"Umm … just so we're all clear … I've never – never – 'violated' Erin."

Hank held up his hand for him to stop. He got it. Halstead didn't like hearing it put that way. Hell, if Erin had overheard that part of the conversation upstairs (which she likely hadn't since he could hear the water going at the sink in the bathroom and whenever water was running in that room – didn't matter if it was from the shower, sink or flushing toilette – you couldn't hear a thing going on in the rest of the house), she probably would be there throwing her daggers too. And, really, as much as Voight didn't like to admit it, it was his bad. He'd said something in front of Ethan. It'd gotten repeated.

Truth was he didn't quite look at it on those terms. Not anymore. But the reality was that the man was sleeping with his daughter. It's a strange reality to wrap your head around. He'd known Erin since she was a little girl. He couldn't imagine how much stranger it'd be if she'd been a part of their lives when she was a baby. But even for the amount of time she had been in their lives – as young as she was as she came home – he knew some of the bullshit she'd been through, things she'd had to do, and what it'd done to her.

He was protective. He didn't like men waltzing in and out of her life. And he didn't like her ever feeling like she owed anything to any them – especially if that anything meant giving up a piece of herself or a piece of her body to them. He wanted to make sure the men in her life were around for the right reasons. That his girl wasn't just a piece of ass to them.

So as much as he didn't like having to acknowledge his daughter as a grown-ass woman and a sexual being, almost 30 years old and fully capable of managing her own choices when it came to relationship – right smack in the time period where she should be thinking about finding the right man, settling down a bit, getting him another grandkid or two – he did acknowledge that she was all those things.

And that Halstead did seem to stick by her. Put up with her bullshit. So he'd earned that. Though, Voight still wasn't entirely convinced he saw this working out in the long haul. Pretty sure there'd be broken hearts and breakdowns at some point in the future. He'd place bets on within the next year.

At least now he could sort of keep an eye on it and not worry about her being with a complete asshole who was going to purposely hurt her because that was just who the fucker was. Halstead wasn't like that. He was a decent man. Good cop. Hard worker. Bright. Couldn't fault him too much. Even Voight was loath to acknowledge that the two of them could yield him some attractive grandkids. Give little Henry a run for his money and he was a cutie. A word he'd never use out loud.

"But why are you so dressed up?" Ethan put back to Halstead.

"Ah … we're just going to dinner," the detective mumbled, finally giving Voight a nod of acknowledgement and greeting that he was in his house.

"At a fancy place again?"

"Umm … no …," Halstead said. "Just my dad's."

"Your Dad's?" Ethan spat out in shock. "He makes you get dressed like that on Christmas Eve and you aren't even going to church?!"

"Ah … yea. I guess," Halstead said.

Hank put a hand on his son's head to quiet him. "Where your folks living these days?"

"Ah …," Halstead said, gazing up the steps uncomfortably. He clearly was hoping Erin would appear and save him from the chit-chat. "Forest Glen," he said sheepishly, avoiding eye contact.

"Ah …" Voight said with a nod and examined his detective more carefully.

"That's not where I grew up," Halstead added a bit defensively, casting him a look.

Voight just shrugged at that, and brushed by his boy to get up the stairs. "I'll let Erin know you're here."

"Yea … thanks," Halstead said and shifted his eyes to Ethan. "So how you feeling, Big Guy?"

Ethan shrugged at him. "We're making cookies."

"For Santa?" Hank heard Halstead say sarcastically. Voight snorted at it. He knew that would piss off Ethan.

"NO!" Ethan protested sharply. "To eat. I'm twelve, Jay! I haven't believed in Santa forever."

Hank looked back down at his son from the top of the stairs. "Hey, Kiddo," he said. "You say that too loud, too many times, he's going to hear you and you won't end up with a stocking or a present tomorrow morning."

Ethan squinted defiantly. "Yes, I will," he said. "Because YOU put them out, Dad."

Hank shrugged. "Don't know what you're talking about," he provided and finished mounting the stairs.

He heard Halstead let out an amused noise and his son huff exasperatedly. He strided to the bathroom and rapped his knuckles against the wood. "Erin," he called. There wasn't a response so he pounded a bit louder. "ERIN!"

The water stopped running. "He need to pee?" she asked with far too much hopefulness in her voice and some fumbling around that seemed to suggest she likely wasn't entirely dressed in there and was trying to cover up and vacate the space for her little brother.

"No, your ride's here," he said.

There was more clattering in the bathroom. He assumed the countertop was going to be a mess of her makeup and likely her hair clogging up his drain by the time she exited there.

"What time is it?" she demanded.

Hank glanced at his watch. "Six-twenty," he provided.

"He's early!" she spat through the door. Hank rolled his eyes. She was such a fucking woman.

"Roads are getting bad. Need to give yourselves time to get there."

He could hear her muttering profanity under her breath in there. "Tell him five minutes," she called. Hank shook his head and started to go back down the call and heard her correct to: "Ten! Ten minutes!"

Hank shook his head but made his way back down the stairs. Ethan was busy letting Halstead know the superiority of takeout on Christmas Eve and the fact that he didn't make his kids dress up fancy to eat food.

"And then we're going to watch Elf," Ethan added. "After Justin gets here. Erin likes Elf too. But she's spending the night with you and your family."

Halstead nodded but still looked like he wanted to get the hell out of there. Though Voight didn't get the sense that he wanted to get the hell out of there to go to the dinner or whatever the hell it was they were headed for at his dad's place. Some sort of rich people Christmas Eve levee maybe?

"She's going to be a few minutes," Hank said, as he brushed by his boy again.

Halstead just gave a little nod. "OK. Thanks," he allowed.

Voight looked at him. The guy looked so fucking awkward. He got it. Not entirely comfortable. But it wasn't like they were complete strangers. Or it was a first meeting where he was making any sort of judgment of the guy. He'd made judgments of him long ago. Some of them had been reassessed and revised.

"You want to sit down," Hank offered, gesturing to the living room.

"Oh," Halstead gaped like he was trying to find some other excuse. He eventually gestured at his wet shoes. "I wouldn't want to—"

"She's going to be a while," Voight put to him more bluntly.

"Oh …" Halstead almost sighed, and then really did sigh as he leaned to undo his shoes and shuck them off his feet.

Hank started to wander back toward the kitchen. "You done with the cookies, Magoo?" he asked. With the kid distracted by the company, he could start getting the fucking disaster he'd created without him flailing around underfoot.

"No!" Ethan protested. "I'm not done decorating them all yet."

Hank gave him a look. "They don't all need to be decorated," he said sternly.

His boy gave him a bit of a pout but looked at Halstead. "You want a cookie, Jay?"

"Umm … sure …" Halstead provided and cautiously entered the living room, giving it a bit of a scan.

"You should have one of my mom's favorites. We make her favorite every year."

Jay examined Hank's son and gave him a thin smile. "OK, yeah. I'll try one of them."

Ethan looked to Hank a little pleadingly. But with a minor roll of the eyes, he went back to the kitchen and grabbed two of the icebox cookies. He grabbed one that Ethan hadn't completely slaughter with the sprinkles for Halstead so he could actually taste the thing, but picked one of the densely decorated ones for his boy.

"Thanks," Halstead allowed from where he was perched on the absolute edge of one of the chairs in the living room, when Voight handed him the cookie clutched in a napkin.

He just nodded handed off the other treat to his son, who eagerly took a bite. He likely wasn't expecting to be allowed one until later in the evening. Likely as a bribe to get him to eat at least a bit of his dinner. Though, Ethan seemed pretty eager about the spring rolls. Hank wasn't sure he'd touch anything else after it actually got there. If it actually got there.

"This is good," Halstead offered laxly. But Ethan smiled brightly at that.

"They're my mom's favorites," he stressed again. "Do you make your mom's favorites still too?"

"Ethan," Hank directed at him firmly.

His son glanced at him. "What? His mom is dead too," he said genuinely confused.

Voight let out an annoyed sigh. "E, filter," he stressed again. "Do you like when people other than this family bring up your mom?"

Ethan slowly processed that and then looked back to Halstead who was now examining the cookie in his hand like it was some sort of piece of the woman they'd lost. Which, Voight supposed, in a way, it was. A lot of Camille was there around the holidays. Or maybe it was that the holes she'd left behind became that much starker around certain times of the year and holidays.

"Sorry," Ethan mumbled, examining the floor a bit.

"It's OK," Jay provided but he'd gone to examining the small pile of neatly wrapped and placed gifts under their tree.

Ethan brightened up at that and pointed – actually using his crutch. "That big one is to Henry. He's my nephew. It's from me and Dad. I helped pay. It's awesome. It's the Wheelies Rampway. Did you have one when you were a kid?"

Jay glanced at Ethan and rubbed his eyebrow a bit, thinking. "Maybe …" he allowed. Hank could tell that Halstead didn't have a clue what Ethan was talking about.

"We did. But it was super old. Because it was Justin's first and we just called in the parking garage. Right, Dad?" His son looked at him with big eyes, so he just nodded. "It's super cool. Because you can race your cars down it. I hope Justin sets it up for Henry because I think we can likely race Hot Wheels down it too."

"Did when you were kids," Hank muttered and his boy looked at him again.

That thing had actually been around for years. It was still in the basement well after both the boys had grown out of the toy. Even after they'd initially grown out of the actual purpose of the toy they'd both still used it – sending their diecasts and Hot Wheels flying off the thing and across the whole fucking living room. They thing also got used as a fort for army man and GI Joe figures and whatever other type of action figures the boys had kicking around over the years. A fucking slide system for Ethan's dinosaurs. It'd seen good use.

Voight really wasn't surprised it'd been the toy that Eth had been drawn too when they ended up in the toddler section searching for something for Henry. He likely would've preferred to get him something he could use now but baby's only needed so many toys anyways and they had bought and received a good stash of necessities. This would be something Henry could grow into. Though, with the pricetag in this day and age, Voight had wished that he'd kept the boys' toy around a few years longer before he'd tossed it in the donation bin. The plastic in that thing likely were some sort of crunchy-granola banned toxic chemical now, though. Even if it wasn't, probably best to just start Henry out with something new anyways.

"But Dad says Justin might not want to since it's big and it'd be hard for them to get it home then," Ethan added.

Jay gave a little nod and cast a look at Voight. "How are flights into the airport looking?" he asked.

Hank shrugged. "They were supposed to be driving," he said flatly. Halstead made a bit of a face at that and Voight nodded in Ethan's general direction. The detective seemed to understand that they hadn't started to let him down yet on the fact his brother and the little one weren't likely going be there. So Halstead shut up and just looked at the tree again.

"The other big ones are for Olive and Erin," Ethan said.

"Hmm," Jay gave a little nod. "Who they from?"

"Dad," Ethan provided.

Jay cast Voight another look. He shrugged.

"We aren't supposed to touch or shake them. But I think they both look pretty heavy," Ethan said.

Jay nodded again. "What you think they are?"

"Pots and pans," Voight said flatly.

Jay made an amused sound and looked to Voight.

"They're both setting up house, aren't they?" he put to the younger man.

"Yea," Jay acknowledged. "Guess you can get away with that as a gift. Me or Justin give either of them a frying pan and we'd likely get hit with it."

Voight allowed him a thin smile for the effort. At least he had women partially figured out. He was right. The boyfriend giving Erin a frying pan would go over poorly. But it sure as fuck was something she needed. He'd gotten her to almost 30 years old and the woman still barely knew how to put together a meal. She better find a man who could cook and liked doing it. Hank wasn't sure Halstead fit that bill, though.

"Your family do the whole Christmas thing tonight?" Hank asked. "Or this more of a neighborhood get-together?"

Jay eyed him. "Ah, no," he hesitated. "It's just us."

Hank nodded. "Your brother going to be there too?"

Halstead gave a little nod.

"Gifts? Turkey? Whole nine yards?"

Jay went back to looking at their little set-up. "Ah … I don't really know," he said a bit more quietly than the guy ever spoke. He just sat staring at the decorations and lights on their tree for a long time. So long that even Ethan sensed it was uncomfortable and gave Hank a glance. Halstead finally let out a bit of a sigh and tapped his hands on his knees a bit, before turning to actually make some eye contact with him. "I actually haven't gone home for Christmas in … a very long time."

"Hmm …" Hank allowed while he eyed him up. Taking that statement in and measuring it. The discomfort coming off the man was palpable but exactly where it was directed was becoming more questionable. He didn't think it was entirely about Halstead being stuck making chit-chat with him and Ethan for a few minutes anymore. "Well, age and stage. Just you and your brother, right?" The younger man allowed a small nod. "He's still single and no kids too, right?" Another little nod. Voight shrugged. "Holidays pick up again after you've got some little people. You'll want to head home more."

"Yeah … somehow I doubt that," Jay muttered and gestured a little bit out the window. "Will really twisted my arm into making an appearance."

"Hmm …" Hank grunted. "And Erin's your bodyguard?"

Jay made a noise and looked down to examine the floor. "Something like that …" he mumbled.

"Hmm …" Hank grunted again.

Fathers and sons. Complicated relationships. Been there. Done that. Sure he'd get to do it all again with Ethan as he went through his teens and 20s. Might be worse since he suspected Ethan was likely going to have about 10x the rage issues that Justin did. But hopefully he'd learned enough to navigate it a bit better. He wasn't doing as much of a tough love route with Ethan. At least not yet. He was working to be more present. Because he had to be. They'd see how they went. There were still going to be bumps on the way. They'd still butt heads. There'd likely be a point where they took a break from each other. But he knew it'd work out in the end. It had with Justin.

And maybe because he knew that even in really shitty circumstances – a lost mother, a hurt and sick little brother, a kid ending up in jail, trials and court dates and massive amounts of legal fees, and almost losing your job and pension – it still worked out. They still had a relationship. And he couldn't imagine not having a relationship with his son – even if it was a rocky one. He couldn't imagine his kids not coming home at least a couple times a year. He especially couldn't imagine the concept of one of his kids not dropping in at the holidays when they lived in the same fucking city.

"Will staying out there for Christmas?" Hank pressed.

Halstead gave his head a small shake. "He's actually doing a shift. Midnight."

"Hmm …," Hank grunted again, examining the man. He crossed his arms where he was leaning in the entrance way. Considering the scenarios. He let out a sigh. "Well, if he's off, he can come by tomorrow too for dinner. Going to have enough." He reached and ruffled his boy's hair a bit. "This guy promised me he'd eat some turkey if I got it on the table."

"And mashed potatoes and gravy."

Hank gave Ethan a slightly annoyed look. "And mashed potatoes and gravy," he confirmed before looking back to Jay and nodding slightly through the window behind him at the blowing snow catching in the street lights. "Likely going to have a lot of food."

"Ah … yeah …" Halstead stumbled again in a way that the guy didn't usually stumble. "I appreciate the invitation and all, but you know, with you having me on on-call—"

Hank held up a hand to stop him again and looked him right in the eye, crossing his arms a bit tighter. "I put you and Ruzek on-call because you are the two in my squad without little people at home they're responsible for who are wanting time with their daddy, brother or uncle."

"Yea, I don't mind," Halstead stressed. "It's just likely easier to spend the day at my place. Just closer if I do get called in."

"You won't get called in," Voight said. "Some pretty significant shit will have to go down for them to be calling Intelligence on Christmas Day. And if shit that big is going down, I'll be in too. And Lindsay. And Olinsky. So we can all head outta here together."

"Yea … I just think—"

Hank shrugged and interrupted him. "OK," he said. But he had a tone to it. Personally, he didn't give a shit if Halstead was there or not. Where he did take it personally was that he knew that Erin wanted him there. And, if he was the kind of man who was too immature or too blind to fucking see that and suck it up and deal with it – then maybe he wasn't the man Voight thought and not the man for his daughter.

His face must've said as much too because Halstead kept his eyes locked with him. "It's just—"

"OK," Voight interrupted him again.

Halstead flared his nostrils but looked away. He looked back to the tree but his eyes seemed to catch sight of the start of movement coming down the stairs and they went that way instead. All their eyes did.

Halstead got to his feet and near gapped at Erin coming down the stairs. She was wearing a deep green – almost emerald – high-neck but sleeveless party dress. The black stocking nylons she had on were also a fishnet but were a scrolling filigree design that ran up her legs making them look longer than they were and very slim and toned. The black heels she had one were more like booties and added to her height and sleek look with their pointed toes. It was all topped off with a hair and makeup display that looked more like she'd gone out somewhere to get it done – not just been fumbling around in their bathroom. Drop gold earrings hung off her ears with fringing metal cones dangling and shining against the rest of her color palate. A small clutch held against her and a light cover for if her arms or shoulders did happen to get cold, draped over her one arm, as she kept her hand on the banister to come down the steps.

"Wow," Halstead said as she got to the bottom, holding out a hand to help her down the last few steps. She actually accepted it. "You look great."

She just raised an eyebrow at him. "You said to get dressed up."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd get that dressed up," he said, admiring her with a bright smile. His eyes were twinkling in a way that Hank knew as a man. Even though he was taking her in, Halstead was also taking note of exactly how he was going to get her out of that bit by bit too later in the night.

Ethan hobbled over on his crutches and examined her. "You look real pretty, Erin," he said.

She gave him a sincere smile. "Aww … thanks, Eth," she allowed.

Hank gave her a small smile as he stepped forward and held her coat out for her, helping her slide it up her arms. "Thanks, Hank," she said quietly.

He gave her a little nod. "So don't drive like maniacs out there," he told her.

She gave him a small smile. "Sure, Hank …"

"Have fun …" he allowed.

She raised an eyebrow at him. They both knew she wasn't looking forward to this. Maybe that made Voight a little more pissed off that she was going to endure this but Halstead couldn't drag his ass back over for Christmas Day.

"Sure," she said and leaned in to give him a brief, light hug. "You guys too," she said and then whispered more quietly to him: "Keep being patient."

She reached and scruffed at Ethan's hair and then leaned and put a kiss against his forehead, wiping at it with her thumb to check to see if any of her lipstick had transferred to her little brother.

"Behave," she told him. "And go to bed early so Santa can come."

"ERIN!" Ethan protested exasperatedly.

"What?" she said in mock confusion.

"Santa?" Ethan mouthed back at her sarcastically.

"Yea," she nodded. "I want to see my stocking sitting here in the morning. So you better go to bed so Santa can bring it."

He groaned at her. But she just smiled and scruffed at his hair some more.

"Be good, Eth," she said more gently. "I'll see you in the morning."

He gave her a sad little smile but frowned. She gave them a little wave and then followed Jay out the door. He looked back before he closed it, giving a little nod.

"Merry Christmas," he provided.

"Yep. Merry Christmas," Hank allowed.

He and his boy stood watching them get into Halstead's truck and him going around the thing, flipping the light snow off with his arm only for most to stick to the glass with all the wind. He finally got in on his side and got in too.

"They got all dressed up so they could violate each other later tonight, didn't they?" Ethan asked flatly.

Hank let out an amused noise and looked down at his boy. "Let's not talk about it that way anymore, Magoo," he said.

Ethan looked up at him and then looked at the truck as it started up and its headlights did their best to push their way through the blowing snow.

"When Erin gets married then it's just going to be the two of us all the time, won't it?" Ethan said.

Hank shrugged. "Maybe for a while. But only a matter of time 'til you've got some more nieces and nephews to play with and we'll be getting lots of company."

"More nephews?" Ethan let out in some disbelief. "Isn't one enough?"

Hank let out another sound of quiet amusement and give his youngest a thin smile. "I think we should hope you get at least one more. Then anything after that is just real nice."

Ethan squinted at him as he tried to process. But Hank just nudged him away from the door. "C'mon," he said. "Don't want you to catch cold."

They stepped back into the house and shut and locked the door. But Magoo was right. It did feel a little empty and quiet without having Erin and Justin there too. Emptier and quieter than it'd felt in a while.

 **Based on the reader count for the Al/Voight chapter 4, things either sucked or people didn't get alerts. So just letting you know it's there in case you missed it. And, again, feedback either by review or PM is much appreciated.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

Disclaimer: **I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin glanced as she felt her purse vibrate and tried to discretely open it. She didn't have to do it that discretely. She didn't think anyone was really looking at her. Jay's father and step-mother pretty much seemed to be talking to themselves. It was almost like they didn't realize that there were three other people in the room.

It'd been an incredibly strange evening. One that didn't fall into her realm of Christmas Eves either with the Voights or with Bunny. She'd pretty much felt like she was in some sort of strange David Lynch movie set at Christmastime in the Wayne Manor. The place was creepy, odd and uncomfortable. And it was also fucking massive. But so empty. It didn't really feel like a home. A mausoleum maybe. It wasn't even really decorated for Christmas. There were decorations but the ones were there felt staged. Not like they belonged to the family or represented any sort of tradition.

The tree on display felt like it'd been brought it by some sort of stylist and setup for a photo shoot – not a family sitting together in a living room. It was all blue. Everything on it. Blue. And that depicted about the feeling that Erin felt in the room – at least from Jay and Will. Though, Will's was quieter and Jay's was intermingled with anger.

It definitely wasn't like the decorations at Hank's house. There weren't the cards handing off the banister or the lights on the front steps up to the house. Or the tree that was covered with ornaments that all the kids had made as school and library crafts while growing up. Little knitted and cross-stitched creations bestowed on them by Hank's mother. Or the string of popcorn and cranberries and the separate string of paper rings that served as garland that got made each and every year. That she'd sat with Ethan that year working on in the hospital. Him taping each of the little loops with his shaking hands while she cut out the strips for him. Or the old glass ornament balls, that according to Camille's story, were the ornaments that Hank had brought home to her for the first Christmas they had together. She'd loved them and hung them on the tree every year. It even was a very BIG DEAL for the kids when she decided they were old enough and gently enough to carefully hang the fragile ornaments on the tree too. An event. A privilege. And then it wasn't until years later that Hank had told her that he'd actually just received the box of balls when he'd filled up the car that night on the way home from work. It just happened to be the night they were decorating the tree and she'd been so taken with them he'd never had the heart to tell her. And that family heirloom – that they each still took turns hanging, that three of the balls from the set hadn't yet been hung yet because Justin, Olive and little Henry would get one for each of them too to put on the tree – was a freebie from the gas station. That pretty much summed up the Voights, Erin thought. It was everything you needed to know about them and who they were were as a family.

Maybe this family's tree said a lot about them too. Or at least what their family was at the moment. Sad.

Jay's father seemed nice enough, though. Sort of. In a way. At least he seemed almost normal. Or at least within the realm of what she expected for a man in his age in that profession with that income bracket and living in that neighborhood. Not someone she'd associate with in real life unless she was forced to by circumstance but not exactly the complete and utter asshole that Jay generally made him out to be. But maybe he was just being on his best behavior given the holidays and given it was the first time he'd spoken to Jay in nearly three years by the sounds of it and about the first time he'd seen his son since he'd enlisted. Or rather – told him he'd enlisted.

The guy had still managed to stick his foot in his mouth a couple times, though, which maybe gave a glimpse of the kind of person he was underneath. There'd been a couple backhanded comments about how smart Jay was and how he had all this opportunity to continue with the family profession – which clearly was to work in the medical field and play God as sought after specialist and surgeons – but he'd thrown it all away to do something as lowly as the "grunt work" of being a solider and working as a "cop". How he'd used Sept. 11th as an excuse to go "be a little boy playing G.I. Joe." She got the sense it was something the man had said before – more than once – and had been likely waiting for the moment to get to express it again. She'd felt Jay prickle next to her. She could feel it in his body and see it in his face. That anger he had in him was boiling. But he'd just kept uncharacteristically silent. She had too. Biting her tongue – or more literally biting her inner cheek all night to not shoot back a commentary at the guy.

Jay was a U.S. Army Ranger. He'd served in Afghanistan. He came back and moved through the ranks of Chicago PD. He'd made detective before he was 30 and now was in the Intelligence Unit. An elite fucking unit that had done a whole hell of a lot for that city. Jay had served his country and that city in ways that Erin didn't think this pompous man sitting in front of her even had the capacity to comprehend. And he was making it sound like Halstead had pretty much done nothing with his life – and brains – and that he certainly hadn't done anything that the family should be proud of. Unlike Will. The plastic surgeon. The New York City party boy. Who only now – in his late-30s was starting to grow up and show up. But who was clearly the more favored son – at least by the father – in the family.

It'd been even worse when some sort of comment had been made about how they met. That they worked together. That they were partners. The near plastic stepmother, who was likely closer in age to them than to Jay's father, had respond with, "Oh, so you're not really together? Like together-together?"

Jay had hissed out between clenched teeth, his fist tightening even more, "We're together."

Them asking questions about her background and where she was from and what her family "did" had been even more awkward. But Jay had interjected and answered most of those questions for her – using as few words as possible and in most cases a single monotone syllable – all of them framing Hank and Camille and Ethan and Justin as her family. No mention of Bunny or her life as a street kid with a sheet to her name who'd been turned out as a CI before she was even in high school. But that was better than how she'd been turned out be Charlie, which was something they just didn't talk about – even when it was just them.

Normally she would've hated anyone speaking for her. But there was something about these people that didn't make her much want to speak for herself. She knew people like them. She'd had to deal with them and their offspring while she was at St. Ignatius. She was having to navigate some of them again now that Ethan was having to endure that academic experience too. She knew how they were. She knew how they judged. And how they saw her. And her general attitude was that they could go fuck themselves. Only when she couldn't express that. Like back at St. Ignatius again when she couldn't fight – couldn't lay anyone into the ground – because it would've gotten her kicked out. It would've jeopardized the living situation she had with the Voights. So she grit her teeth and bore it. And that night she felt like that was what she was supposed to be doing again.

She didn't like that either. She hated it. But Jay was so much not acting like himself that she sensed she wasn't supposed to be herself either. He was tense and distracted. There was sadness and anger radiating off him in parallel. The way he was talking didn't even sound like him. He wasn't being sarcastic or flirty or fun. The wit and the raunch and the say it flat out because I care just wasn't there. If this was the person he was around his family. If this was what he'd been like when he was younger. She wasn't sure she would've liked him much. But she also could see exactly how Jay would've been as a teenager too. He would've sat there quietly brewing in his rage at this father and plotting his escape at the first chance possible.

Still it'd been hard to sit near and through. Both for herself and for him. There'd been one point during the overly elaborate dinner they were served that she'd quietly hissed at him to snap out of it. Because she didn't think she could deal with getting through the meal sitting next to a man that she didn't feel like was the man she knew. He'd tried for a little while after she'd said it. She could tell. But the more his father spoke, the more he retreated into himself and boiled next to her again.

There'd been a point where Jay and Will had stepped aside but not totally out of sight and had engaged in a rather animated whispered argument. Erin had stared at them sipping her wine – and sneaking in a few un-ladylike gulps too since no one seemed to be looking. The stepmother was in the kitchen ordering around the fucking caterers that apparently had been brought in to feed the five of them and Jay's father seemed oblivious to his sons seemingly fighting in the hallway. It looked like Will was trying to calm his brother down and convince him to stay a bit longer. She almost wished that Jay would reach his breaking point and they could leave. Going back to Hank's and watching Christmas movies sounded much better than this. Or going back to her place and playing Scrabble. Even better. At least she wasn't the one driving. She could drink to try to make this a bit more bearable. Jay couldn't have much and he likely needed it way more than her.

She gazed at her phone, still keeping it in her bag. It was Hank. She was almost grateful to be hearing from him. It may be an out to escape this situation. But her felt the pit of her stomach tighten too. Hank knew where she was. He wouldn't be calling for no reason. Hank never called for no reason. He wasn't a phone person. Part of her wanted to think it was work-related. But they'd likely both be getting a call if it was and it was more likely to come from dispatch than Hank. So along with her stomach – her chest tightened too.

"I've gotta take this," she whispered to Jay, who was looking into her lap and into her purse too. She was sure he'd likely seen the caller ID. He was giving her those deep concerned eyes of his, even though he nodded as she rose, giving her elbow a small squeeze before she was out of reach. "Excuse me," she said to his parents but she still didn't think they'd even heard her or realized she was stepping out of the room.

"Hank?" she said into the phone as soon as she'd gotten into the hallway and with a bit more privacy. But she could still see Jay perched on the ledge of the couch, gazing at her intently. She kept eyes with him for a moment but then looked away, her eyes panicky looking to the floor and her hand smacking up to her forehead and then straining through her hair, not caring about how much that was likely messing up the primped look. She staggered a bit. "Yeah … OK …," she allowed. "I'll be there. … No. I'm coming, Hank. … I'll be there soon."

She felt a bit in a daze and by the time she looked back to the living room, rather gaped-mouthed, Jay was already almost to her. He put a steadying hand on her elbow again.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Ethan had another seizure," she muttered. She started going down the hall one way and then realized that it was the wrong way out of the maze and quickly spun to go back the other way. "I need to get out of here."

Jay stepped in front of her to slow her out of her tizzy for a moment. She looked up at him. The Jay she knew was back. The concern was there. The urgency to help her through.

"I'll get you there," he said. "Where are they?"

 **AUTHOR NOTE: Again just letting people know there was a chapter 4 with Hank and Al because I think a fair number of readers missed it based on the readership stats.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin walking down the hospital hallway like she was on a mission.

They hadn't gotten out of Jay's father's house quite as fast as she would've liked. It likely still hadn't been that long but it had felt like it'd taken forever. He'd gone and talked to his brother again and she presumed briefed him on the situation and then they'd both slipped back into the living room to presumably talk to his father and for Jay to say 'goodbye'. She suspected it might be another 'goodbye' where there was a long gap before there was any sort of 'hello' again. But she didn't really care to think about it at that point – to deconstruct the visit. She stood by the door near pacing, waiting for Jay to come back. She didn't even bother to go and say goodbye or Merry Christmas to his parents. She didn't get the impression they much liked her or were the kind to give holiday platitudes anyway. She just wanted to get out of there.

The drive down to Chicago Med seemed to take forever. The roads were a mess at that point. They'd only seen one sander out the whole way. It didn't make too much sense for the sanders or plows to be out anyways. The snow was still coming down. It was really coming down at that point and slowing to near whiteout conditions. It felt like they were crawling along. They could hardly see in front of the car. But the cautious speed Jay was taking it at made her want to order him to the side of the road and take over the beeline into the hospital herself. She managed to restrain herself, though. Instead, staring out the window into the whiteness and trying to organize her thoughts. To figure out what they were going to do over the next 36 hours. Then what came after that. Not that she could think too far into the future when she hadn't even got to the hospital to get the full briefing yet. All she knew was that Ethan had had a seizure and Hank had taken him back to the hospital. He'd had another seizure on the way and another at the hospital. That's all. But knowing that was more than enough to be chewing at her insides and leave her mind churning.

When they finally did get to the hospital, Jay had been fiddling around in his backseat. She'd almost left him standing by the truck when he'd finally emerged with a wrapped Christmas gift. She must've given him a look because he'd flatly clarified, "It's for the kid."

In other circumstances she might've been a little touched that he'd gotten something for her brother. But in that moment all she'd mouthed at him was, "I really don't think that's appropriate right now."

Jay had looked at her and said almost as certainly, "Yeah, I think it is."

She'd just shaken her head and bolted for the door. They'd wasted enough time. She just wanted to get to Ethan and Hank.

Jay trailed several feet behind her the whole sprint through the hospital. She'd only stopped long enough at admitting to get directed to where they were. They hadn't moved them completely out of the emergency department yet, though they were out of the general curtained area and into a small self-contained room.

She gazed inside to see Ethan in a gown again, monitors and IVs attached to him. He looked sad and dopey laying on the hard gurney in there. She gave him a thin smile and a little wave.

"Hey, Eth," she greeted, stepping inside and giving his foot a little squeeze, as Jay stepped in behind her. "How you doing?"

Her brother tried to shrug but seemed almost too weak for that. So he just mumbled, "I don't know."

She gave him a sadder smile at that.

Jay, though, stepped more into the room, giving Hank a little nod. Voight allowed him some acknowledgement that he was there.

"Hey, Kid," Jay said to Ethan and wagged the present between his hands. "Got something for ya. Know it's a little early but figured what the hell." Ethan looked between Jay's face and the present with some hesitance but Jay just stepped closer and held it out to him. "You want to open it?"

Ethan still hesitated so Jay set it on the edge of the bed and Ethan gripped on the edge, giving his dad a glance. Voight gave him a little nod of approval. As Ethan slowly pulled the gift up onto his chest and picked tentatively at the tape, Hank rose and gave a little nod at the door. She looked at Jay and he clearly acknowledged with his eyes that he'd stay there with Ethan. So she followed Hank out of the room, leaning against the wall just down from the doorway, gripping her arms tightly around herself – trying to protect herself from whatever he might say. He stood in front of her with his hands jammed deep into his pockets, looking as serious and sullen as ever.

"His kidneys aren't handling the meds for the tremors," Hank told her flatly. "Drugs can't get out of his system so he's seizing. So they're taking him off the meds."

"OK," Erin allowed. She knew there was more. There was always more.

"Going off those meds means that his arm is going to be shaking more," he add.

She sighed but made an exasperated gesture. "OK. But at least he won't be having fucking seizures?"

"Hopefully," Hank allowed. "Their coming in to put in a catheter. Get some of the block up and toxins out of him."

She sighed more loudly. "What about the drugs that are supposed to be making him pee?"

Hank shrugged. "He's not taking leaks. He's taken a piss twice since he's been on the things. Should be a lot more than that and needs to be a lot more than that to get these drugs flushing out of his system."

She gazed at the ground, shaking her head. The whole thing just made her so mad.

"They're going to leave the cath in," Hank told her a bit more gently.

Her head bolted back up. "What?!" she demanded.

"For now," he said. "For the weekend. So we can take him home."

"What about the bag?" she gaped.

Hank tapped his thigh – indicating that they'd be strapping it to Ethan's leg.

"Fuck …" she muttered quietly.

"They'll see how he's doing next week," he said. "Hopefully he won't need it long term."

"Yeah … hopefully …" Erin muttered. She wasn't sure how hopeful any of this was anymore. She let out a long sigh. "But we can take him home? Tonight? They aren't admitting him?"

Hank shook his head. "Not likely. They're running some tests. Getting the latest levels. Monitoring his heart and breathing for a bit. But he's on track. Looks good we'll be out of here in a few hours."

Erin sighed again and gestured back at the doorway. "They have him on an IV," she stated.

Hank nodded. "More of the high-dose 'roids. Going to do another round of them over the next few days. So we'll bring him it. Do the drip. Let them run a piss test to see where his kidneys are at in getting this shit out of his system – and we'll see where we're at in four days."

"But they're letting take him home during it?" she clarified again more forcibly.

"That's what Alec says," Hank confirmed.

She rubbed at her forehead. "Jules' husband?"

He nodded. "Yea."

She rested her head against the wall, rolling it. "Fuck," she just muttered. It was all just too much. Too fucking much for a little boy who'd already been through too much.

"So pull it together and come back in," Hank put bluntly. But she didn't take issue with it. All of them were having to pull it together. To put on the brave face and the fake happy faces and keep charging through. They'd done it before. Too many times. They could do it again.

Hank went in first but she didn't wait long. She didn't need time. Taking it would just be a waste of time.

As they rounded the corner and entered the room, two foam darts struck Hank in the chest. He stopped and looked at where they'd hit before looking down at the floor and staring at the darts and then moving his eyes back to the bed.

Ethan wasn't quite smiling but he looked pleased with himself. Jay was standing beside him showing him how to hold a firearm steady and also gently supporting his arm at the wrist to help still the tremor shaking through Ethan's arm. In Ethan's hand was clutched one of the Nerf Zombie Attack guns that he'd been eyeing and talking about in his sudden obsession with zombies that had pretty much come out of nowhere. Though, the no where that it had come out of was St. Ignatius and likely all the kids there that didn't have enough supervision or just got what they wanted because the parents didn't want to deal with whining or parenting. They got to watch Walking Dead and play every zombie videogame in existence and scary themselves silly at Halloween and go to the fancy, expensive haunted houses and themed-paintball and laser tag parties overrun with fake zombies or paying a hundred or more dollars to spend a half hour on a Saturday morning running through a zombie course. They talked and talked and talked about and it made Ethan want to do all those things too. They weren't things that would be happening in Hank's house, though. Not until he was older. Some of them may not happen at all now with his mobility.

"Jay's gonna take me to laser tag," Ethan told them with a timidness that indicated he didn't expect it was an outing that was ever going to happen. "When I'm better—"

"Not when you're better, when you're game for it," Jay corrected.

Ethan gazed at him at that clarification. Erin couldn't make out what Ethan's mind was processing – how he was interpreting it. But she saw that Jay was committing to doing it whenever. It wasn't a question of Ethan being "better". That wasn't a realistic statement. He was committing to taking the boy whatever the circumstances and making it work. And, Erin knew that Jay was the kind of guy who would figure out how to make it work. Hell, he likely had a fucking "laser tag guy" that he could call in favors to to make sure that Ethan got the best experience possible given the circumstances.

"So he gave me these to practice," Ethan just said, though, as Hank picked up the darts for him and returned them to be bed. The box sitting there had a second gun in it – it looked slightly different than the one Ethan was clutching. More of a revolver than the high-powered space blaster he had in his had at the moment. There was a whole collection of darts too and holsters. "So you can play too," he offered, nudging the box at his dad, who examined the toy and allowed Jay the thinnest smile of acknowledgement at his effort.

"I'll definitely play," Erin offered, stepping forward and retrieving the box to work at getting the second gun out. She gave Jay a more genuine smile. Maybe he was right that this was something that Ethan needed right now.

But the moment was short lived because Alec and a nurse suddenly appeared. He stopped for a moment seeing the whole group of them but gave them all a little nod of acknowledgement.

"We're just going to get the catheter in," he offered.

Ethan made a small noise and looked down to examine the toy in his hand sadly. Jay gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"So, I'll see you a bit later, Big Guy," he said, giving her another thin smile and making for the door.

Erin squeezed at Ethan's hand. "I'll be back in a bit too, Eth," she said but his hand grabbed at hers tightly.

"Noooo," he whimpered. "Don't go."

She glanced at Hank, who shrugged, so she looked to Alec. He let out a little sigh but nodded. "I just need you both to stay up at the head of the bed so we have space to work," he said.

Erin nodded and took another step forward, away from the medical staff even though she thought they likely already had plenty of berth. Ethan kept his death-grip on her hand, so much so that she gave him another little glance.

"Don't look," he told her.

She shook her head and very purposely turned her back. "Not going to look, Eth," she assured.

"How you doing for warmth there, Ethan?" Alec asked. "You warm enough?"

"Not really," Ethan said, placing at his dad.

"OK," Alec nodded. "Then we're going to cover you with a few blankets as we work – but we're just going to have adjust the whole covering situation right now."

Ethan sighed hard and looked away. Erin reached and stroked at his hair a bit and did her best not to look at anything, but watched out of the corner of her eye as they pulled down the blanket on the bed.

"This is going to go real fast, Ethan," Alec assured. "It's going to take us longer to get you all ready than it will to get the catheter in, OK?"

Ethan didn't respond.

"These look warm," the doctor commented. "New pajamas for Christmas Eve?"

"Sleep pants," Ethan whispered in a quiet contradiction.

"Nice. Cubbie blue?"

Ethan almost nodded.

"OK. We're going to want keep these nice and clean for you. So we need to get them off but we'll have them back on you and warm again soon," Alec said a bit more gently.

Ethan didn't move so Alec looked at Hank, who glared down at his son. "Magoo, let's not make this difficult."

Ethan fumbled a bit, not letting go of her hand, in an attempt to pull down his pants with his other hand, which was the one that had the IV line running in it. Hank sighed and moved forward.

"Lift your ass," he instructed passively. Ethan kept looking away but did as he was told and Ethan striped the sleepwear off his son, folding it and setting it on the chair behind him.

Alec reached and pulled up Ethan's hospital gown, tucking it around him up by his chest. He glanced at Hank again.

"If he takes your hand too, just make sure that stays up for me," he said and Hank gave another nod, reaching to stroke at the hair on his son's turned head.

The nurse came forward and tucked a clean blanket up around Ethan's chest and then another around his legs, after they'd nudged them just slightly apart. Blue surgical papers got placed over top at either end too, still leaving his crotch exposed until the nurse stepped forward with another surgical sheet with a hole cut in the middle of it, getting the opening so it was right over top of his genitals.

"OK, Ethan," Alec said gently again. "I'm going to touch you now. First I'm just going to be cleaning the area and putting some disinfectant there. So it's likely going to feel a little cold."

Ethan scrunched his eyes shut and held her hand tighter. Hank gave his shoulder a firm squeeze while he watched exactly what the doctor was doing.

"OK, Ethan," Alec said again after he was done his work. "I'm going to put the catheter in now. So I'm going to be touching you again. I'm going to have to move you slightly and I might have to touch your testicles and your pelvis and belly, too. OK? And I might ask you to adjust your legs a bit. We'll help you get them in a way so this will be a bit easier if we need to."

"OK," Ethan near whimpered out and Hank's hand again ended up in his son's hair, cupping his head and caressing his fingers in massaging motions against his temple.

"So this is going to be a little uncomfortable for you until I get it in place. I'm going to do it as fast as I can. You're mostly just going to feel some pressure. And I need you to keep real, real still for me."

"OK …" Ethan whispered again.

His grip was near crushing Erin's hand. She wasn't sure that Ethan had shown that much strength in weeks – if not months. Still keeping his one hand on his son, Hank reached and took the boy's other one.

Ethan made a small noise between his gritted teeth and scrunched up eyes and Erin found herself glancing behind her shoulder to see what was going on. The doctor manipulating her little brother's prepubescent penis, which was just yellowed with the disinfectant and trying to carefully thread a plastic tube up the tiny hole of the urethra.

She quickly looked away. She couldn't watch. She'd promised Ethan she wouldn't look. And she'd seen enough. She knew she wouldn't want it done to her. She imagined this type of procedure was likely worse for men. They could see the tube coming out of them. She suspected it likely had farther to go and needed greater manipulation to get it in place too.

"You're doing good, Magoo," Hank told him.

Ethan made a little grunting noise again and shifted slightly.

"It's almost there, Ethan," Alec said. "I just need you to keep still and try to relax those muscles a bit for me. Stop clenching your teeth. Don't grip Erin and dad's hands so hard. Take a deep breath. Just keep being calm."

The grip relaxed just a tiny bit and he let out a shaky breath. It must've been all Alec needed because seconds later, he declared. "OK, I've got it. We're all done."

"Good job, Eth," Erin declared immediately. Her hand landing on top of Hank's where he was still patting at his son's cheek.

Ethan's eyes stayed clenched shut. So tight but a tear still managed to wring itself out of the one. Hank reached and swiped it for him, massaging along his remaining ear before removing his hand and facing the doctor.

Erin grabbed at the chair behind her, and sat down, getting her face clothes to his, stroking at his cheek and assuring him that it was all done and he'd done good. That they were proud of him, that it was going to be OK, and they'd be heading home soon.

But over it all she could hear Hank standing with Alec at the end of the bed answering questions about whether Ethan wore briefs or boxers, telling Hank that he might find boxers more comfortable right now with the tubing but that the nurse would show him the best way for Ethan to tuck himself and tape the tubing if he decided he wanted to wear briefs while having the catheter in. That the bag had to be kept below waist-level at all times, so the nurse would show him how to hang it off the bed when Ethan was resting and how to get the contraption strapped to him while he was up and about. That Ethan experiencing some pain while it was in would be normal as his urethra, urinary tract and bladder spasmed around the foreign object that had been lodged inside him. But how if he experienced burning or they noticed a brown or red discoloration in the bag when they were emptying it, that they should bring him back in because he'd likely developed an infection – which his body was doing so poorly fighting right now.

'So this is Christmas,' Erin thought, as she rested her forehead against her little brother's, him still holding her hand and crying his silent tears. He was right, though. If this was Christmas, it didn't much feel like it.

 **Author's Note: There's a chapter before this that is set at Jay's father's place. Low readership numbers, so I suspect some might've missed it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin hung up the phone and paced into Jay's bedroom area, where he was throwing a change of clothes into a small bag. She watched him for a moment leaning against the entrance way to the alcove.

"You don't have to come," she stated flatly.

He glanced at her from what he was doing. It was jeans, a tshirt, a hoodie. Some socks and underwear. His usual attire. But he was doing the folding and packing with a near precision that betrayed his military background.

"Yeah," he stated bluntly. "I do."

"It's not going to be much of a Christmas," she said.

"I'm not coming because it's Christmas," he said and turned back to what he was doing.

She sighed and rubbed her fingers along the edges of the phone, still eyeing him.

"Justin's pretty upset," she allowed.

"Yeah. I guess so," Jay muttered. He brushed by her, heading to his bathroom to retrieve a couple toiletries, tossing them into a shaving bag. She stayed put, watching him from where she leaned.

"He says they're going to try again in a few hours," she offered. "When the sun starts coming up."

Jay let out a deep breath and shook his head as he walked by her, back into the room.

"What?" she demanded.

"With his wife and five-month-old baby?" Jay put to her.

She gave him a look. "He knows how to drive in the snow," she patronized.

Jay gestured out his window. "It's still coming down. It's Christmas. It's going to take them days to get this cleaned up. Look how long it took for us to get from the hospital to here and Justin's going to make what's usually a … what? Five-hour drive? With his wife and baby? On Christmas?"

"He wants to see his brother," she glared at him.

"Skype," he said firmly and went back to his bag. "He'd be smarter to stay put," he muttered more under his breath.

Erin exhaled out her own breath, letting her shoulders sag as she examined the floor. She still had the damn heels on. They hurt. She bent, raising her foot to sleep one off and then the other. They clattered to the ground and Jay absently looked that way, taking in the boots and then her legs, before looking up her body again.

She shook her head as he did but gave him a thin smile as he reached her eyes. "You're a dog," she told him.

He gave her that mischievous grin and shrugged, heading for his closet.

"Jay," she sighed again a bit more forcibly. "This is stupid. You don't have to come. Just take me back to Hank's place."

He glanced at her from whatever he was doing. "You have clothes there, right? Or do we need to swing by your place too?" He was completely ignoring her.

"Jay," she put even more firmly.

He came back to the bed, setting a bottle and a rectangular wrapped gift on it and starting to nudge some of the contents of his little gym bag around to get these last couple items to fit.

She squinted at them intrigued and walked over. She picked up the bottle first and looked at the label. It was good whisky. Even better than what Hank usually had in the house. She gave Jay a look, holding the bottle at him.

"Suck up," she said teased.

He cast her a look and grabbed it from her, working at jamming it into his bag.

"Host gift," he said flatly. "Or am I not invited to Christmas dinner anymore?"

Erin let out another little sigh and shook her head. "I don't think there will be Christmas dinner."

She wasn't sure how much of a Christmas they'd attempt at all at that point. It was technically already Christmas, even if it was in the very early hours of it. Ethan was still at the hospital. Hank had asked her to go home and change out the sheets on Ethan's bed so he was sleeping on clean and sterile bedding. He'd indicated he hadn't done the stockings yet when he'd had to take Ethan to the hospital. She'd asked if he want her to do them but he'd just shaken his head. He did tell her where he'd put Ethan's "Santa" present, though, and asked her to retrieve the wrapped box and set it out on the couch for the boy. Though, Erin wasn't sure how interested Ethan was going to be in any of it at that point.

By the time they left the hospital he still had about two hours left on his IV drip of the high-dose steroids and they'd also given him anti-seizure and pain medication. So he was in a stupor. Stoned out of his little skull. That was good in that he was nodding in and out of consciousness. It'd make the time go faster for him and hopeful make the visit more comfortable and bearable. But she doubted it'd do much for him feeling like he was in the holiday spirit by the time they did get home. And, the reality was that a lot of the holiday spirit they did was kept up for Ethan – so if he wasn't into it, it likely wouldn't be pushed.

In the very least, Erin couldn't see Hank being up all night and then getting home to make a turkey dinner that his boy likely wouldn't eat and that his other son, daughter-in-law and grandchild wouldn't likely be there to enjoy either. That was a lot of work and food for just the sake of her and Hank to have something to eat at dinner. They'd both eaten less at so-called "special occasions."

"He's going to make Christmas dinner," Jay put to her bluntly.

She looked at him. He frowned at her. His face had that deep concern in it again. Still. But he was right. Maybe he'd caught onto Jay more than she wanted to admit. Hank would do what he needed to do to try to salvage this for his son. Or in the very least to try to give Ethan some momentary smiles and happiness.

She didn't comment, though. Instead she picked up the other little wrapped gift and wagged it at him.

"This for me?" she teased again.

"Nope," he said and snatched it from her, burying it in the bag.

She gapped at him. "Then who's it for?"

"Ethan," Jay said flatly.

She gave him a small glare. "You already gave him a present."

Jay shrugged. "He gets another."

"Two," she mouthed at him. "I didn't even get him two."

Jay gave her a smart-ass grin. "Yep. So double the chance he's going to like mine better."

She rolled her eyes. "He's not going to like yours better."

"Wanna bet?"

She gave him a small glare. "You don't even know what I got him."

He raised his eyebrow at her. "But I know what I got him." He held up a finger at her. "Nerf guns. Ultimate coolness points for anyone with a penis."

Erin gave him a look. "You're telling me I should've gotten you foam darts for Christmas?"

He glanced down between them and then eyed her up again. "I have one, I might let you play with," he said.

She shook her head at him. "You're funny," she said sarcastically.

But he just smiled and stuck up a second finger. "Two. I got him a trip to laser tag. Which at 12, that's about the same as taking him out on his first bender."

She cocked her head at him, slightly unimpressed. "OK, now you won't be taking him alone."

He shook his head. "Never intended to. We need a moving target," he said and nudged her shoulder. "You have your uses."

"Ah," she rolled her eyes. "Good to know I have 'uses'."

"And, three," he added, wagging a third finger her way and shaking the box at her again. "I got him this."

"And what's that, Jay?"

"You think I'm going to tell you so you can try to up your present ante?"

"It's not a competition," she pressed at him.

He made a raspberry sound and looked at her seriously. "With you – everything is a competition."

She shrugged. "No it's not. Just anything you can do – I can do better." He let out a small laugh, though he tried to hide it. "Including picking a Christmas present for my baby brother."

Jay allowed a little nod. "If you say so."

"I say so," she said.

He shrugged. "OK. We'll see. But I have reason to question your family's gift picking abilities."

"And why is that?" she rolled her eyes at him.

"Umm … because Voight and Ethan got your nephew a 'parking garage' for Christmas," he put to her.

She rolled her eyes. "It's not a parking garage. It's a …" she waved her hand dismissively, trying to think of a better way to describe it. " … ramp thing."

"Oh, no," Jay shook his head. "The words 'parking garage' definitely got used in describing said present to me. Who the hell gets a child a toy 'parking garage'?"

She crossed her arms and tucked her chin in giving him a look. "Justin and Ethan had that toy and loved it."

"A parking garage?" Jay put back to again teasingly.

"A car ramp thing," she spat back.

He nodded. "Ah. Car. Ramp. Thing. You mean, like a parking garage?"

"Whatever," she said, shaking her head. "They liked it when they were little."

"Hmm …" Jay allowed. "And look how they turned out."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she interjected.

"Well, Justin is ..." he gestured like he didn't need to fill in the rest.

"Justin," she provided.

Jay nodded. "And Ethan is ..."

"Ethan," she said firmly.

"Yep. Pretty much," he agreed and then looked at her deadly serious. "Were you involved in picking out this toy parking garage for the baby?"

"Hank and Ethan are capable of doing their own bad shopping," Erin said.

Jay smiled a little. "Well, I guess that's a point in your favor then. Because if you were involved in the parking garage picking, I think it would be a forgone conclusion that I win the gift-giving challenge with Ethan."

She glared at him. "It's the thought that counts," she spat.

He gave her a fake shocked look. "You got him a parking garage too, didn't you?"

She swatted him. He gave her a faux hurt look, gently gaping at her with phony hurt eyes. She still shot him some minor daggers, though.

"It's a movie," he said flatly and zipped up his bag.

She examined him. "Better not be some leftover from Ruzek's bachelor party."

He gave her a look. "No," he elongated. "But it's some other movie that Voight's cray-cray rules prohibit him from watching."

"Did you just say cray-cray?" she put back to him. "Because I think it might be time for me to leave and for us to never— EVER – speak again."

Jay grinned at her. "It's Guardians of the Galaxy," he told her flatly.

She physically rolled her eyes, so significantly that her whole head ended up staring at the ceiling for a moment.

"I got it to watch with him in the hospital last week. But you and Voight were always loitering around with your anti-Marvel ways," Jay said.

She gave him a look. "He doesn't like superhero movies," she said bluntly.

"It's not a superhero movie," Jay said exasperatedly. "He'll love it. It's a great movie!"

"Really? The movie with an animated raccoon, a green alien woman, and a giant talking tree all firing space guns is a great movie?"

"So you have seen it?" he teased. She just looked at him. "Just because it's not the Maltese Falcon circa 1941—"

"That is a great movie," Erin pressed.

Jay rolled his eyes. "See. Voight's brainwashed you with his cray-cray movie rules too."

"Hmm," Erin nodded. "Yeah. Because your movie choices – Guardians of the Galaxy and Full Metal Jacket should be on _everyone's_ best ever viewing list."

"Exactly," Jay agreed.

"Hmm, yeah," she said again, giving him eyes. "I always so look forward to when you're in control of Netflix."

"Oh, you love 'Netflix and chill' with me," he countered, he stepped forward and gently put his hands on her waist, gazing down at her. "Think we should do some Netflixing before we head back?"

His head tilted teasingly at her, his chin nudging hers and their lips locked, their mouths opened. The kiss lingered. His arms wrapping more tightly around her and finding their way up. She clutched at him just as tightly. Finding the waist of his pants and pulling him firmly against her, holding him there, Pressing their bodies close together. Flush. Pelvises. Chest. Her breasts crushing against him. His hand reaching to feel and weigh them, before he pushed her hair away from her neck and trailed his thumb and then his lips along the sensitive skin there. She could feel his arms move from stroking up her spine to searching for the zipper on the back of her dress. She made a small sound and broke the kiss, resting her cheek against his shoulder. She heard him let out a slightly deflated sigh.

"We shouldn't," she mumbled softly against him. "We don't really have time."

"I can make it quick," he said.

"Don't I know it," she teased with a small huff.

He sputtered out some annoyance. "Thanks," he muttered and rubbed his hands at her hips again, keeping her close while gazing at her - and her outfit. "So not fair you dressed like this and then I don't even get to do the unwrapping."

Erin smiled gently up at him, tapping his chest. "Later," she vaguely promised.

"Later?" he said. "At Voight's place? Because sex at Dad's house in your childhood bedroom when he's in the next room …" he made a face and shook his head.

She smiled some more and let out an amused sound. "I don't think you'd ever get to see Guardians of the Galaxy again if that was what I meant by 'later'."

He stroked at her hair a bit, letting her continue to rest against him. He felt so warm and strong. It just felt nice. Comfortable. Comforting. She needed that after that evening.

"I understand, Jay. You really don't have to come," she whispered. "Now more than before."

He bent, putting a kiss in her hair. "Sure, I do," he said. "Ethan promised me that his dad makes the best French Toast in all of creation on Christmas morning. I need to check this out."

She smiled against him at that. But she felt her eyes watering – threatening tears. It'd just been such a long night. A long two weeks. A long month. Months. Whole fucking year. She was so tired.

She buried her face against his chest, willing herself to not meltdown in front of him. Again. Not to be this puddle of a woman for him to clean up. That's not who she was.

But he just held her tighter, running his hands across her shoulders and through her hair.

"It's going to be alright," he assured, in those empty words that she'd had on repeat for Ethan too. But somehow hearing out of his mouth they felt like maybe they weren't quite so empty.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: Several readers might've missed chapter 6. It's Erin's thoughts re: the visit to Jay's dad's place.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Jay came down the stairs at a rapid trot, slowing briefly when he saw Voight glance at him. The man was sitting on his couch, bags of items at his feet on the floor, and other little sorted piles across his coffee table. A whisky on the rocks was sitting precariously on the corner of the table. There was some sort of jazzy Christmas album playing so quietly that Jay could hardly hear it. But he didn't get the sense that Voight was really listening to it. Maybe he just had it on to try to force himself into the holiday at that point. He likely needed to force himself. The guy looked ragged.

Jay came the rest of the way down the steps, Voight watching him carefully.

"She sleeping?" he asked.

She was. It'd taken a long damn time for Erin to let herself sleep. She was all worked up. Tangled in knots about Ethan. She'd been looking nearly as ragged at Voight the past couple weeks. Jay suspected she'd been up all night more nights than not while Ethan was in the hospital even if she hadn't stayed overnight at the hospital every night. She was barely functional at that point. Tired. Overly-emotional because she just couldn't think straight. Then she'd get mad at herself when she let her emotions show.

She had a whole lot of reason to let her emotions show, though. Jay got that. It wasn't like he was at the hospital daily. And, he really only got to see as much of Ethan's medical stuff as Erin and Voight let him. But he'd seen enough over the summer and fall – and he'd been allowed to get to know the kid enough – that he got that it really sucked to see him struggling and hurting. He was just a little kid. He was dealing with some heavy shit that just wasn't fair.

Voight had told him that life wasn't fair. Somehow seeing just how unfair it was in the guy's family and knowing that he still preached that mantra lent itself to an entirely different perspective.

Jay allowed him a small nod, though. "Yea. Don't know how. The wind is really fucking rattling that window. Starting to feel like I was hunkered down back in Afghanistan."

He saw Voight glaring at him. He'd clearly hit some sort of sore point. He wasn't sure if it was about the window or the suggestion that he might suffer from post-traumatic stress. It was meant as a joke but Halstead really didn't want to get into details about some of the shit he'd seen and done in the Rangers. But he did know that trying to sleep in Voight's house was bad enough. Trying to do it in a room with a rattling window that pretty much sounded like he was under gunfire just wasn't happening. Especially when he was trying to be the level-headed support system for Lindsay in all this. So when Erin finally drifted – he'd stayed there long enough to make sure she was actually asleep before carefully extracting himself out from under her embrace and got the fuck out of there. Though, since Voight was still up, it might've pretty much jumped from the frying pan and into the fire. But he supposed he kind of wanted to talk to the guy anyway.

But the window comment didn't seem like an ideal segway into a heart-to-heart, so rather than push it farther, Jay went over to the tree and deposited the movie with the other presents.

"Erin?" Voight asked.

Jay glanced at him. "No," he allowed. "Ethan."

Voight stared at him a moment longer but then pointed at another section under the tree. Jay squinted at him with some mild questioning annoyance and then looked back under the tree to realize that in a rather Voight-esque manner, the few presents that were under the tree were all piled in their own little section. Ethan's presents all in one place – and he'd just put the gift in the wrong spot. He reached and moved it, setting it with the rest – as Voight continued to supervise his every move.

As Jay rose, he held out the bottle of whisky at his sergeant. Voight eyed it for a moment too without automatically accepting it.

"For when you need a refill," Jay offered, nodding slightly at the near empty glass.

Voight gave him a face but then took it, examining the label on the bottle.

"You can't afford this on your salary," Voight finally put flatly.

"It's actually a re-gift," Jay said. Voight snorted and gave him a look. "I don't drink much whisky. It's been sitting around my place for a while."

Voight examined him again and then audibly put the bottle on the side of the table closest to Jay. "Let it sit around," he provided. "This is the kind of bottle you save for a special occasion."

Jay shrugged. "Maybe you'll have a special occasion worth opening it for sooner rather than later."

Voight just looked at him.

"Ethan got home. It's Christmas," Jay tried.

The stare remained set on him.

Jay thought that was about as much as he was going to get. He actually figured that Voight was probably working up to telling him that since Erin was sleeping, any useful purpose he had in the house was done, and it was time for him to go. So rather than give him a chance – or to at least make it a bit more difficult – Jay backed up and sat down in one of the armchairs across from the couch.

Voight smacked his lips a couple times, still examining him, but then proceeded to ignore him, going back to working on sorting the contents in the bags at his feet and placing them in the piles on the coffee table. It wasn't like the piles were heaping but Jay still wasn't sure how Voight was going to get them to fit into the stockings he assumed they were destined for.

"Stockings?" Jay asked flatly.

"Yea," Voight mumbled.

"Need any help?" Jay offered. Voight gave him a near accusing sideways look that was clearly a 'no'. "Just looks like maybe you could use some rack time too."

"I'm fine," Voight almost barked and went back to his work.

"Need to wrap all that?" Jay tried again.

"No," Voight said flatly.

Jay gave a little nod, as he watched, and somehow managed to allow himself to mumble. "My mom used to wrap everything in our stockings. Even the Chapsticks," he said with a head shake, while he examined the floor below where he was wringing his hands. "Took us forever to open the things," he finished and looked up to see that Voight was eyeing him again.

Jay kept his eyes for a moment but then scrubbed at his face before meeting his gaze again. He knew he'd really placed himself under a microscope now. Not one he particularly wanted to be under.

"Look," Jay finally brought himself to manage. "I'm not huge on giving apologies. But I know I hit some nerves with the whole … invite declination thing … earlier tonight. It's just … me and Christmas. We don't do so well together."

He let out another little sigh – more annoyed at himself than anything else. "You know how sometimes when people are sick, they rally and sort of hold out over the holidays?"

He saw the look on Voight's face like he might be trying to draw some sort of comparison to Ethan and he was about ready to lunge himself across the table at him. So Jay held up a sort of calming half-hand. That wasn't what he was trying to imply at all. Ethan wasn't on his death-bed or anything. He was just a sick kid. Always was going to be.

"That's what my mom did," Jay quickly clarified with some minor tone. "Rallied. Held out. And I hadn't been able to get leave but thought, 'Hey, she's doing OK. She'll still be around when I finish my tour.' But she wasn't. She died on the 26th. And I wasn't there. So just being at the holidays and being invited to other people's holiday … things … when I didn't even get my shit sorted to be there for my mom's last 'thing'."

He shook his head and gazed at the floor again. Voight was still staring at him. He hated thinking about this stuff. His family stuff. His mom stuff. All that past stuff. Truth was, though, that he ended up thinking about it a lot - even though he claimed to be able to shut out that sort of emotional, personal personal bullshit. That was way easier said then done. But it was definitely why he liked work and he'd been known to spend exceeding amounts of time there - followed by long evenings sitting in the bar. Then he was distracted. He wasn't alone.

It was when he was alone that he got all think-y. But somehow at Christmas, he mostly just wanted to be alone. It was way easier than being around people. Other families that were at least putting on a mask to pretend they weren't as fucked up as his. Instead, though, he'd just end up thinking about his mom. How he hadn't been there for her and how she'd been there for him - supportive to the end even when everyone else in his family wasn't. Inevitably, though, he'd also think about the mask his mother had worn while he was growing up to try to make it look like they had a normal family and a happy marriage.

It was all a lie and one he'd begun to sense when he was still just a kid and grown to resent the older he got. It was all make-believe and keeping up appearances. He'd stopped caring about the appearances anymore. He just didn't give a shit. And, he sure as hell wasn't going to keep them up for the sake of his father. Let his dad explain to his colleagues why he had a plastic wife half his age and an estranged family. A son he hadn't seen or spoken to in years. Until that night. But that was just out of forced necessity. Jay had no intention of going back. He'd gotten what he needed out of it. He'd done his 'thing'.

"I appreciated the invitation," he told Voight. "From you. Ethan. ... Erin. I just …" he let out an exhale and shrugged before looking up. "I'm here now."

Voight gave him a little nod. "OK," he allowed and looked back to his work.

"I just—" Jay started again but Voight's eyes snapped firmly back to him and held up a hand for him to stop.

"I get it. We don't have that and holidays around here are melancholy enough. You don't need to say anymore," he told him evenly.

Halstead gave an almost indiscernible nod.

He sat watching Voight work again for a moment. He was starting to wish made he hadn't handed him that whisky because he thought he could likely use a drink at that point and none of any kind had been offered up. He was also starting to see how Voight expected to get all the contents on the table into stockings. He was working on one and the stocking was clearly hand-knit and with a yarn with a fair amount of give, causing the over-sized sock to stretch and yield more space with each item Voight put in, in a seemingly planned and precise sequence.

As Jay stared at the intricate patterns on the stock, he realized that it had Ethan's name stitched into the cuff and glanced where the others were sitting to make out Justin's name too. He found himself wondering if they were the handicraft of Voight's wife or a grandmother or some sort of special order.

"Camille made them," Voight offered up, almost like he'd read his mind.

"They're nice," Jay allowed.

Voight snorted and looked at him. "She swore like a cop the entire time she was making the fucking things. Not very crafty." He reached and tossed two less worn looking socks on the table. Jay gazed at them too. "Had Trudy do those up for my grandson. Justin's wife."

Jay leaned forward and picked the one that said 'Henry' and looked at it. It wasn't as stretched out as the other ones yet, but he imagined that if the kid's grandpa was stuffing it each year it'd eventually be as elongated and frayed looking as the other ones he was working with.

"Platt knits?" he asked with some mild shock.

Voight nodded. "Don't fucking mention that I told you that. There's other shit I need to get her to do up for my grandson before anyone starts busting her balls about it and she takes her girlie shit undercover again."

Jay let out a quietly spewed sound of amusement and shook his head. Platt was one fucking weird woman. He didn't entirely get her. She actually sort of scared him on some level. She was hard to get a read on. Though, she seemed to fucking love Erin. So he knew the woman likely fucking hated him. Possibly more than Voight on any given day.

"Erin got one?" Jay asked.

Voight gave a little nod and flipped through the pile sitting next to him. Erin's was covered in big snowflakes with a green heel and candy-cane striped toe. Her name was fully embroidered in the ever-green cuff.

"Your wife made it too?" he asked.

Voight nodded again. "Yea," he allowed quietly. "Actually did hers before Ethan's. She was around first."

Jay smiled a bit at that and then set it back on the table with the others. Voight grabbed them and tossed them back in a pile next to him, out of the way from blocking his access to the treasures, knick-knacks, toys, toiletries and candy.

"Erin's said that stockings are the big Christmas thing with you guys," Jay allowed.

It wasn't like they'd talked a ton about Christmas. Jay had done a good job at avoiding the topic. Because, as noted, not his favorite time of year. And, he'd known if the chit-chat on the subject started too much he'd be dealing with invitations and what not. It was something he was used to trying to avoid. He hadn't had to do too much to avoid it because for a lot of the month, Erin had been so distracted with Ethan being sick and back in the hospital that when the topic of conversation wasn't work-related, it was usually that. But of the bit she did say about the holidays, it had been stockings.

It'd been on a break when they were in some pharmacy so she could stock up on ibuprofen, which it wasn't clear if it was for a hangover, a headache or PMS cramps. He'd made an off-color joke about her period that had gone over poorly and she'd indicated that even getting a whiff of him triggered migraines in her. So seeing as she was stuck sitting in a car with him all day that day, she needed the biggest bottle she could find. Only then she'd suddenly got overly excited and fixated on these chocolate initial letters on their way out of the store.

"So the answer is you really are PMSing," he'd teased.

She shot him a dirty look and started texting Voight.

"Need to get dad's permission to have chocolate before dinner?" he'd antagonized her even more.

She'd rather snarkily informed him that getting chocolate initials in their stockings was some sort of tradition in their family. That neither her or Voight had been able to find them the year before. So since she was seeing them, she was going to get them while the getting was good. She was just letting Voight know so they didn't up with duplicates. So then Jay had ended up helping her dig through all these completely unordered trays of chocolate searching out two Es, two Hs, and O and a J. She'd snagged a second J and put it in the pile when she likely thought he wasn't looking but he'd seen her pay for it at the cash and he had some suspicions about who it was for. He'd kept his mouth shut, though.

After that there'd been a couple more stocking mentions on breaks, which she seemed to be using as an opportunity to stock up on some small denomination gift cards, packs of gum, Slim Jims and jerky any time they stepped into a corner store to grab some coffee.

Voight, though, just gave him another downcast glance and shrugged. "Still young when we had Justin," he provided flatly. "Stockings were what we could afford at first."

Jay eyed him for a moment, but then gestured at the coffee table. "Which pile is Erin's?" he asked a bit more quietly. He could already feel his heart pounding in his ears.

Voight pointed absently at the pile on the far end. Jay suspected that was hers anyways. There was only one other pile that looked remotely girlie and it was so girlie – and really so impersonal – that he figured that it was likely Olive's.

He took another deep breath and shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out a little box. Leaning forward, with a stretched arm, he set it on the table with Erin's things.

"Can you put that in hers for me?" he asked flatly.

Voight glanced and his eyes set on the box for a long beat before he cast his eyes up at Jay. His stare wasn't a glare but there was an underlying harshness to it. The man stopped what he was doing, sitting up and back into his couch, his fingers knitting together well he refused to break eye contact. So Jay didn't either – keeping his eyes fixed on him.

"That's the other reason I was off earlier," he said.

Voight just kept staring at him. Completely wordlessly. Halstead couldn't decide if it was a good sign or a really bad one. He almost would've preferred Voight start saying something. Anything. Because since he wasn't, he was feeling like he had to keep talking.

"It's my mother's ring," Jay provided and got a small smack of the lips from Voight at that. But that sound he made usually made him feel like he was sitting in front of a lion that was getting ready to fucking tear into its kill. "My brother. He's the oldest. He was supposed to get it. But I was closer with my mom. And Will's … not really the marrying type. He agreed to get it from my dad. If I went and saw him. He thought it would be better if he had a chance to meet Erin."

The lips smacked again and Voight pointed at the table. "So she knows about this?"

"Not exactly," Jay allowed.

"Not exactly?" Voight pressed back at him. "Have you talked about this?"

It was Jay's turn to examine him carefully. "We've talked."

"You've talked," Voight said again and gestured at the box even more firmly. "About _this_?"

Jay's eyes turned slightly more to daggers. "We've talked about her issues with commitment. How Bunny fucked that up for her. We've talked about family. Kids. The future. Hopes. Dreams. Retirement."

Voight puckered at him and gave a little nod. "And when you've talked about those things," he said with an almost dismissive gesture. "Those hopes and dreams. Plans. Has she specifically included you in them? Family. Kids. The future."

The daggers turned into a glare. But Voight leaned forward onto his knees, adjusting his line of vision with him.

"Look, Kid," he said a bit more gently and almost far too evenly. "You and Erin. You aren't in your 20s anymore."

"I know that," Jay hissed out. He was trying to keep calm, even. But it was hard.

"Then you know, this bullshit - like Ruzek and Burges. Hopping in and out of engagements. Not knowing what you want. You're too old for that shit. Erin's almost 30. She wants to do short-term relationships. Jump between beds. Play the field. That's her business. No judgment. But something like this," he said and pointed a finger in several jabbing gestures at the ring. "You don't do something like this to her. Not at her age. Hand her a ring. Keep her on a leash for a year or two. Play house. Then walk away. You don't make her waste her fucking time to be left in her mid-30s now without a ring on her finger and with the clock ticking."

Jay glared even harder. "Erin doesn't need a ring, a man or a baby to prove her worth. Now or in her mid-30s. Or ever."

Voight sat back in his seat again and watched Halstead. "No," he agreed firmly. "She doesn't. But I know _my daughter_ and I've seen what she's gone through. And what she deserves is a man, a ring, and a family – that are going to stick around, who aren't going to jerk her around. And if she's saying it or not, those are things she wants."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jay pushed back firmly.

"Mmm," Voight grunted and stared at him for a long time. Their eyes locked and unwavering. "If this is you asking my permission—"

"I'm not asking your permission," Jay interrupted firmly. "Erin has already rather firmly told me that anyone who needs to ask her dad's permission shouldn't even bother approaching her in the first place."

Voight allowed a miscible amused sound at that and rubbed at his face a bit. It at least momentarily relieved some of the tension and Jay let himself sit up a bit straighter in his chair from the hunkered down position he'd stooped into.

"Look, Sarge," he managed to get out in a more neutral tone, "I know you're a bit of a traditionalist – even if Erin isn't. That you've got your convictions. I do too. So I respect that. And I get that this has implications for your family and for the whole work situation."

"You aren't both staying in Intelligence if this is happening," he said and gestured at the box on the table again.

Jay held up both hands. "Would you just let me finish," he demanded somewhat exasperated. "Say my piece."

Voight gazed at him slightly unimpressed but again allowed himself to sit back further into his couch and sat pulling at his fingers. It was a movement that Jay had only recently realized was actually Voight stroking at where his wedding band had been. The finger was now empty but he still fiddled below the knuckle like there was a piece of gold there for him to twist around.

Jay let out a slow breath and gazed at the floor a moment, re-organizing his thoughts and preparing to speak. He finally looked up to find the man's eyes again.

"I won't pretend that I agree with how you do everything or some of the things I _know_ you've done in your past. But I respect you as a cop. For what you try to do for this city. And, these past six months, I've gotten to see you as a father and family man too. I know you don't particularly like that I've gotten to see that side of you. Your family life. But I have. And I really respect what I see. Because I have a fucking point of comparison for a man who didn't handle shit as well as you. Didn't be there for his wife or kids or family. Didn't fucking do the in illness and in health thing. Not with his wife – and he sure as hell wouldn't do it for his kids. I'm not blind to what you're dealing with or how you're dealing with it or what you're going through.

"And, you know what, Voight? There's been so many fucking times these past six months where I've seen how you've been balancing it and managing it at work and at home and I've wondered if I could do the same. All these times where I've thought 'That's the kind of man I want to be. The husband I want to be. The father I want to be.""

Voight just looked at him.

Halstead let out another long exhale. "Something Erin and I have talked about – a lot, especially lately – is how this, here, is her family. How you showed her what family is. That family is the most important thing. And, that you and your wife are her measure of what a relationship is supposed to look like.

"Now I never met your wife and I don't know anything about what your marriage was like – but based on what I can see now; yeah, I can see how it would be a standard to strive for. And, that's something I'm willing to do. I will do my best to be that husband and that father. Because, you're right, Erin does deserve it. And she's really worth it.

"She's worth fighting for and not giving up on – and I've done both those things those past two years. I've worked really hard to earn her trust and respect. To get in her corner. And until six months ago, she was a really great cop. A good friend. A really great person to have around. Someone I didn't want to let go. But these last six months. With Ethan home and sick. It's more than that. Because I've gotten to see how she is with him and how she is with her family.

"And, yeah, she's still a great cop and my _best_ friend. I love being around her. But what seeing her with Eth has driven home is just … she's going to be a great wife to someone and any kid should be so lucky to have her as a mom. And I want to be a part of that life with her. To help her get those things too. And, yeah, I'll still have her back in all her other achievements outside of our family life. I'll celebrate all that with her too and support her in it.

"So, I'm going to ask her to marry me. I'd prefer to do it sooner rather than later. I know this isn't super romantic but if I was all schmaltzy with her, she'd still likely hit me with that frying pan you've got for her under the tree. And, fucking beyond that Voight, I'd sort of like to relate Christmas maybe some more positive things. And this has just been a really shit year for all of us and it might be nice to have some positive things to look forward to."

Voight sat looking at him for so long that Jay was sure he was still going to kick him out of his house. Or at the very least ignore the ring box as much as he'd ignored the bottle of whisky.

Finally, though, Voight let out a slow exhale. His chest rising and falling heavily.

"You doing this here – this way – might blow up in your face," Voight provided.

Jay gave a little shrug. "Yeah," he agreed. "I'm used to about 90 percent of my attempts with Erin failing on first pass. She decides things on her own timeline."

Voight kept twiddling at his ring finger, staring at him, until he finally scrubbed at his face and sat forward, going back to working at filling Ethan's stocking.

"I'm putting it at the bottom," he said flatly. "My kids don't dump the stockings. You'll be waiting for her to get to it all morning and won't have an easy way to get it back."

Jay shrugged again. "Been waiting longer then that anyways and don't plan on it going anywhere but her finger."

Voight cast him a look, considering him again for a moment but then looked away. "Get out of my sight," he ordered.

Halstead watched him for a second. "You sure you don't need help?"

Voight just grunted and gestured with his hand without even looking up. "Go," he ordered again.

Jay nodded and rose, returning to mount the stairs. As he went up them, he glanced back into the living room. Voight had stopped his work again and was gazing at the ring box.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: Lots of readers seemed to have missed Chapter 8. It's Erin and Jay at his apartment and it's slightly flirty.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin stirred, it taking a moment for her to realize that the hard surface her cheek was imbedded on was Jay's chest. But as that realization washed over her – as she felt his chest cage rising and falling slowly under her in his sleep, she smiled softly. She lay there for a moment – feeling it and listening to his breathing and slow rest heart rate under her ear.

Then, though, she let out a long yawn, allowing her eyes to drift open more. It was full daylight. The open curtains were allowing some grey sunlight to stream it, though it was still battling a thick overcast outside. And, even though the blinds had been left open, all the wind and falling snow had caused the flakes to accumulate in a pile on the windowsill of her old bedroom, blocking the bottom half of the window with the snow pile.

She propped herself up on her elbow a bit and strained her neck to peek across the room and try to see out the window. But the old window was coated with frost that had made snowflake panels against the glass too. She couldn't see out it very well to gauge how much snow had been dumped on the city. At least it wasn't rattling at the moment. The wind from the storm had died down, so hopefully that meant the snowfall had stopped too. A white Christmas. That was kind of nice.

She stretched and leaned over to her bedside table, retrieving the water bottle she'd left there. She cracked the lid off and took a long gulp. Forcing herself to wake and to center herself for the day. She could already hear movement downstairs – and smell the starts of Hank's Christmas Day breakfast. It smelled fantastic and her stomach growled with it. She suspected it was likely the aroma that had lulled her awake in the first place. Though, she wondered why she hadn't been awoken earlier. With how bright the room was, it definitely wasn't the wee hours of Christmas morning that Ethan usually had them up for to excitedly unpack stockings and open his presents. But they hadn't really been home and settled until the wee hours of the morning – just a few hours before he normally would've been up for the day. And, she suspected he wasn't entirely in the Christmas spirit that morning. He probably wasn't feeling very well.

She found herself gazing at Jay while she woke. She was almost surprised he'd actually stayed the night. She'd sort of expected him to bail. But there he was. Sprawled on his back, bare-chested and not stirring at all. Well, almost not stirring at all. Something had clearly stirred in him. The blankets at crotch level were visibly tented with his morning erection. She smiled a little at that. Gazing at it for a moment and then reached over and set the cap of her water bottle on top of it, nudging it a little to get it settled right at the apex. Jay mumbled a bit at the interruption. But she ignored it until she got the cap in place and then shook at his shoulder.

"Jay," she said and he just muttered and stirred ever so slightly. "Jay!" She shook him a bit more firmly.

"What?" he groaned angrily, his eyes still tightly shut. He so wasn't a morning person. Most mornings, in her experience, he was barely bearable until he had at least two cups of coffee.

"It's Christmas," she told him.

He groaned again and repositioned slightly, throwing his one arm over the back of his head. The movement only caused his erection to stand up a little straighter, the cap still hanging off it unnoticed. But it made her juvenilely smile at it while he still lay there with his eyes closed.

"What time is it?" he muttered, sounding just slightly more awake.

She picked up her phone off the nightstand and looked at it. "Almost 10," she informed Jay.

"Mmm …" he groaned. "Wake me up at New Year's."

She gave him a little swat. "It's Christmas. You need to wake up."

"No," he mumbled at her.

"Well, you at least need to deal with that," she said and pointed at his dick.

"Deal with what?" he muttered.

"That?" she said again.

He let out a slightly annoyed groan but opened his eyes to slits and looked at her. She caught them and gestured with them at his crotch. He lifted his head a bit to look down his chest. He groaned at her and gave her an unimpressed look.

"Decorated the ornament for you," she informed him.

He just groaned at her more, and batted the cap away. She just smiled and took another long swig of her water.

"C'mon," she ordered. "Time to get up."

"I am up," he said and gestured absently at the hard-on while closing his eyes again.

She swatted his shoulder. "Deal with that so we can go downstairs," she ordered.

He rotated his head toward her and squinted at her. "I got some ideas on how to deal with it," he said.

She gave him a grin and leaned into him until her mouth was just inches from his face, her hand snaking under the blankets.

"You mean like this?" she teased and found him, griping the girth of him and then stroking his length, while her tongue tip traced a pattern in that soft spot just below his ear.

He let out a quiet groan and she felt his hips involuntarily press up into her hand while his head fell back farther into the pillow, leaving more of his stubbly jaw available for her to suck on.

"Yes," he pressed out in an already shifted breathing pattern. "Merry Christmas."

She smiled against his neck at that and moved her mouth to his, kissing him passionately and allowing him a few more seconds to enjoy the starts of the handjob. But then she pulled her mouth away from his demanding lips, them making an almost disappointed suction noise as she did. He clearly knew what was coming and was trying to keep her attached to him as long as possible. She stroked at his bedhead, and smiled at him, looking into his little boy eyes that were reflecting some frustrated disappointment.

"Merry Christmas," she agreed. "But I meant think about baseball or go take a leak."

She shifted away from him, his hand landing on her lower back as she sat on the side of the bed for a moment.

"You are such a tease," he informed her.

She shot him a smile and rose from the best, starting to search for a clothing option that would be more presentable in front of Ethan and Hank than her current outfit of panties and a braless tank top, her nipples standing on end from the slight chill in the room and the slight simulation from the starts of what her and Jay weren't going to continue.

"Later," she promised.

He groaned. "When later?" flinging his arms out to either side, spread eagle as he took up the whole vacant space.

But she just smiled again and put her hands on the mattress and bounced it a bit.

"C'mon," she said, as she bounced it, him giving her an annoyed look. "Get up, get up. I want to open my stocking."

He gazed at her again for a moment. She thought she was going to have to continue to prod him. But then he suddenly at up, scrubbing at his face.

"OK," he agreed.

She looked at him and pointed. "You still have to deal with that before we go downstairs," she stated flatly.

"Yea," he muttered from where he was now sitting on the edge of the bed. He rose and wandered toward the door of the room, his hand down the front of his boxers, as he adjusted himself. He opened the door and looked both ways before wandering out into the hallway in the direction of the bathroom. "I'm on it."

"Don't piss on the floor," she teased after him, pushing the door shut behind him so she could finish getting dressed.

"Ha, ha," he muttered, the bathroom door clicking shut.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin came down the stairs, Jay trailing a couple steps behind her.

She smiled as they got into the front room. Hank had it all laid out. The stockings sitting in their designated places – where they'd been every year as long as she'd been around. Though, there were some new additions that year. The armchair containing Justin's stocking was accompanied by Henry's and Olive's too. A wrapped Santa gift for Henry sitting in the center of the chair. And, next to hers was that sock she'd bought and stuffed for Jay. It wasn't nearly as bulking as everyone else's and it wasn't the handmade handicraft that the rest of the family had. But it was there. She'd left it with Hank, who'd done that unimpressed pucker at her but refrained from comment when she'd asked that he have it set out in the morning too. She say Jay give it a look as they walked by but he didn't say a thing either.

The lights on the tree were on and Christmas music was playing quietly. The usually closed drapes in the front room wide open, looking out into the extra quiet street that was pilled deep with snow. The plow hadn't reached their street yet and likely wouldn't that day. Any drivers they did get out on Christmas Day would be assigned to major roadways – not residential streets. Their vehicles out front were barely visible as it was.

If Justin did manage to get there, Erin didn't know how he'd even manage to get down the street. Though, it did look like some brave souls had blazed a trail for him, if the wind didn't pick up and make those ruts disappear, hopefully he'd be able to just get in them and navigate to somewhere near the house to deposit his family. But if the street in front of the house looked this bad, Erin didn't want to know what the rest of the city or the region looked like. And, with the fact she hadn't heard anything from him, she suspected he might've had second thoughts about attempting the drive and was just doing Henry's first Christmas in the comfort and safety of their own home on base.

She made her way into the kitchen. Hank was standing at the counter, whipping at a bowl of eggs near the stove. He was somewhat rumbled, wearing some of his older, more battered looking jeans and an untucked tshirt that she knew he usually reserved for sleeping in. It meant that he'd likely at least gone up to his bedroom at some point and hopefully lay down. That he'd gotten up to just pull the jeans on over his boxers and come downstairs to start breakfast. Christmas was about the only day of the year he ever set foot on the main level of the house without being fully dressed and prepped for the day.

"Front room looks great, Hank," she said as she entered.

He glanced over his shoulder and grunted an acknowledgement at her. Then he went back to his work. Dipping a piece of bread in the egg mixture and then tossing it into a hot skillet on the stove.

She went up to him and wrapped her arm around his neck from behind. He reached up and patted gently at where her hand landed against his shoulder. She planted a light, brief kiss on his jaw. Another Christmas tradition – usually the only time of year that she displayed her love, appreciation and affection for him as her father with a kiss. But she could always feel his muscles around his jaw tug into a small smile when she did it – no matter how brief it was.

"Merry Christmas," she told him more quietly.

He patted her hand once more, giving it a small squeeze before dropping it away, and she did the same. "Merry Christmas," he agreed.

"Morning, boss," Jay mumbled at him and Hank just grunted and then glanced over his shoulder at the younger man. They seemed to lock eyes in some sort of small moment that Erin squinted at but then just wandered over to where he already had a full pot of coffee on the go. She held a mug out at Jay, who eagerly nodded.

He without question needed coffee. She knew he slept but he didn't look like it. She poured him a cup and handed it out to him, he leaned against the counter, breathing in the fumes like he might be able to get a buzz from them alone. Knowing Hank's brew that was likely a possibility. She poured a cup of her own and gazed more carefully around the kitchen.

Hank also had the start of dinner prep underway. Well under way by the looks of it. The turkey was stuffed, sewed up and seasoned sitting on the counter. It was likely just waiting for the breakfast sausages to get pulled out so there was room for it to go in. Peeled potatoes were also sitting in a pot of water and cranberries were waiting in another pot.

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked. She didn't think he could've based on the Christmas-y state of the main floor now compared to when they'd returned from the hospital all of seven hours ago.

He glanced at her and gave a little grunt. "Yea," he allowed. "Ethan was up for a bit with some nausea. I went and lay down with him until he passed back out."

"But did you sleep?" she pressed again.

"I shut my eyes," he allowed.

She let out a little sigh and scanned the room again. "So he's still sleeping?"

She'd peeked in his room when they'd come downstairs. Ethan hadn't been there. She'd assumed it meant he was with his dad but now that he was out of sight, it was more likely that he was passed out in Hank's room. That happened more regularly than Hank would likely like anymore. But it was easier for him to supervise his seizing, tremoring and puking kid in his room and manage to get something that sort of resembled rest too than it was in Ethan's bunk room.

Hank just shrugged, though. "Don't know. Hasn't come down yet, though."

Erin considered that. "When did you get him back to sleep?" she asked.

"'Round six-thirty," he allowed.

"And when'd you come back down?"

"'Bout eight," he provided.

She nodded and set her coffee down. "I'll go check on him," she said.

Voight pointed at the crutches by the door but she just shook her head. She could get him down there without them and she suspected if her baby brother was still in bed at 10 a.m. on Christmas morning, she'd likely have more luck convincing him to come downstairs if she wasn't shoving everything about his current condition in his face. He didn't need anymore reminders than he already had.

Jay looked at her. "Want me to come?" he asked.

She shook her head, as she headed for the door. "Nope. I want you to drink coffee."

She didn't bother creeping up the stairs or down the hallway. Even if Ethan was sleeping, Hank would likely be waking him soon anyways to get some food and pills into him. She didn't need to sneak around. So she just went to Hank's door at the end of the hall and peaked through the open crack. Ethan was laying on his side. He looked unwell, tired and lethargic but he was definitely awake.

She pushed the door open the rest of the way and gave him a small smile as he glanced at her. "Morning, Eth," she greeted. "Merry Christmas."

He just gazed at her without returning the greeting. He clearly wasn't feeling well and his rough night (day ... weeks ... months ... years ... life) had obviously continued after he'd arrived home. A sure sign was that his tatter puppy dog stuffie that he'd had since he was a little guy in pieces in the hospital and a dead mother that his coma and brain damage kept him from comprehending for weeks and months more. Some days, Erin still wondered if he'd ever fully been able to wrap his little head around it. Another sure sign that the night hadn't been a good one was bottles of Ethan's pain and anti-nausea pills lining Hank's dresser and an empty bowl sitting on the nightstand closest to Ethan. It's clearly been meant as a puke dish to try to avoid having to mop up vomit and bile from the floor.

Erin let out a slow breath and wandered over to the bed and sat closer to the end. She saw that the urine bag was hanging off the side of the mattress, attached to keep in in place and not tug or tangle too much on him. That seemed to be what he was staring at. It had some urine in it. She looked at it too.

"Hey, Bud," she said, "what do you say we go into the bathroom and figure out the valve to get that emptied out for you and then head downstairs. Everyone is up. Waiting for you."

"Justin and Henry aren't here," he mumbled at her.

She shrugged. "Eth, you saw what the roads were like when you were coming home from the hospital last night. We'll get them up on Skype in a bit. C'mon. Dad's almost got breakfast ready."

But he just shook his head at her and buried his face more into the mattress. She reached and rubbed at his leg a bit.

"Don't you want to see what Santa brought you?" she tried.

"You mean you and Dad," he mumbled.

She just shrugged at him again. "If that's how you wanna look at it Ethan. Either way there's presents downstairs for you and people waiting to see you. Jay's still here."

He gave her a little glance at that. "He slept over?"

She nodded. "Yep. You sold him on the French Toast. And I know you want to watch the movie in his stocking. So to do that you have to come down."

He considered her for a moment but then shook his head again.

"Ethan," she said a little more sternly. "You aren't sleeping right now. I know you aren't feeling very well but your dad stayed up all night to make sure it looks like Christmas down there for you this morning. So the least you should do is come down and say 'Merry Christmas.'"

"I don't want to," he muttered.

She really shrugged at him at that and stood and pulled the blankets off him. Sometimes anymore it was hard being stern with him – but sometimes he really needed it. Especially at his age. He could give a whole lot of lip and go on a little boy pity-party and pout-fest that if he wasn't sick just wouldn't fly in the Voight house. So they couldn't always let it slide. It only taught him he deserved to be pitied if they did.

And, she definitely wasn't going to let it slide that morning. Hank had busted his ass to give his boy a Christmas that year. He likely hadn't slept since Ethan was admitted to the hospital two weeks ago. Ethan was going to participate whether he liked it or not.

He grabbed at the blankets, trying to get her to leave him alone but she just yanked them harder and farther away from him.

"We all have to do things we don't want to do, Ethan," she said. "It's Christmas. You're going to come downstairs and spend some time with your family. You aren't staying up here wallowing."

"I'm not wallowing," he snarked at her, giving her angry eyes that flickered with that little boy tantrum mode that did nothing for her.

"You are," she said. "You aren't feeling well and you're overtired and you're sulking about that catheter."

"SO?!" he demanded of her.

She shrugged. "So," she put back to him, "your body has just been through a lot, Ethan. You aren't going to be feeling well and you're going to be tired for the next while until you bounce back a bit. That's just the way it works. And the catheter – the choice was to spend Christmas in the hospital or to get the catheter in and come home. Where would you rather be?"

He blinked at her with sad eyes.

"Get up," she ordered more firmly. "We're going downstairs. You're going to do that for your dad. Your dad and I have done lots of things these past two weeks where we've put on our happy faces and pushed through. You can do it too for a few hours."

"Dad doesn't have a happy face," Ethan put to her flatly.

"Your dad has been within shouting distance of you nearly 24 hours a day for the past two weeks, Eth," she said. "That's grinning and bearing it. And if you grin and bear it long enough – things just start to feel normal again. So that's what you're going to do. Right now. Because it's what we're all doing."

He gazed at her sadly at that and asked so quietly, "Does that mean you aren't happy?"

She sighed at him and crossed her arms. "I'm just worried about you, Eth. We all are. And we're all very tired."

"So you're sad?" he asked.

She gave him a thin smile. "A little," she acknowledged. "I don't like you being sick either. It makes me sad and frustrated. I makes me wish I could make it better for you. But I can't. But I'm doing my best to make it easier for you. And so is your dad."

"Don't be sad, Erin," he said softly, giving her that little boy look of his.

She smiled a little more genuinely at that and went and sat on the bed again, giving his bicep a little rub.

"I'm trying not to be," she said. "And I need you to try not to be too – because how you're feeling and how you're doing, Eth, it affects all of us."

He blinked back tears at her. "I don't feel well," he sputtered.

"I know," she admitted. "Your dad already told me that you were up. You had three seizures last night, bud. That's really hard on your body. Those drugs in the IV. They're hard too. I know they make you sick. But it's Christmas. It's family time. We need to try to enjoy it as best we can."

He gazed at her. "I hurt," he whimpered.

She nodded. "I know," she acknowledged. "But moving a bit will help and your dad is getting some food ready so you can take your next set of pills and that's going to help you cope a bit better too, Eth."

His eyes looked so pleading. "I don't know how to do the bag," he said quietly.

She nodded again. "That's OK. The nurse taught me too. We'll figure it out together. It didn't seem that hard. So let's get up. We'll go into the bathroom and get it emptied and then we'll get it strapped on again."

"Don't tell Jay," he said with a quiet embarrassment.

Erin squeezed his shoulder. "Eth, Jay was at the hospital, remember? He already knows. Ans no one in this house cares. We're all just happy you're home and we get to spend Christmas at home and with you. So c'mon it's time to get going and get downstairs."

He let out a slow breath but sat up and she gave his back a rub as he stood from the bed, awkwardly – and somewhat disgustedly – lifting the urine bag from where it was hanging. She followed him as he trudged to the bathroom. Looking at his little, thin, sickly stature and his awkward gait with his dragging turned-foot, she had to remind herself that it could be worse. He could be so much worse. And there were other families dealing with the same or far sadder situations that morning. At least they were home and together. That counted for something.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: A chapter got posted last night that many seemed to miss due to posting quirkiness with FanFic. It's Chapter 10 and is Erin and Jay in her room before going downstairs.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin bounced Ethan on her back in a piggyback at the top of the stairs. It amazed her how light he still was.

He'd hardly put on any height since he'd been home and while a lot of MS patients gain weight – between the loss of mobility and the various drugs – Ethan's was progressing fast enough that right now he was the opposite. He was losing weight and muscle mass to the point he was gaunt and the doctors and nutritionists were trying to get him to gain some mass. So far that wasn't going so well, considering nearly everything made him nauseated and he puked up more of what he ate than he kept down and pretty much refused to participate in any muscle toning and strength bearing activities beyond what they did with him at the rehab center or that Hank sat with him at home and basically physically forced him to do every second day.

More concerning was that the cystic structure up in his brain was disrupting things enough that he wasn't even showing early signs of starting to enter puberty yet. The doctors were so far saying he might just be a late bloomer. It certainly wasn't abnormal for a boy his age to not be a full barrel of raging hormones just yet. So they didn't want to overreact and weren't planning on doing much about it just yet – likely not until he hit 16 or 17 – unless something really glaring came back in his labs or imaging before then.

But it meant that Erin could still manage to maneuver him like he was pretty much a little kid. He was actually a litter kid then he had been. He'd previously had Hank's muscular bulldog build – especially with all the baseball he was playing. There was some meat to the kid. Not anymore. Now he was a wisp of a thing.

"OK, are your eyes closed?" Erin asked of him for about the third time.

"Erin," he whined at her. "It's not a big deal."

"It's totally a big deal," she put back to him. "You can't see your stocking until you're ready to open it. That's just blasphemy."

He sighed against her. "Fine," he groaned. "My eyes are closed."

"You better not be lying to me," she teased him.

"I'm not," he huffed.

She smiled and started to bring him down the stairs. Still bouncing him a bit to at least give him some entertainment value. Make it more of a game for him rather than either of them having to admit that him navigating the stairs right now was a bit of an ordeal. A good thing about the urine bag was actually that they wouldn't have to be getting him up and down the stairs to the lone bathroom in the house – or dealing with any pee emergencies or accidents that always just left Ethan so embarrassedly mortified. Thankfully they hadn't had to deal with bowel issues with him yet beyond some constipation. The poor kid would be horrified if he was crapping himself. And, really, Erin was doing everything she could to help out Hank but she might draw the line at having to clean up her twelve year old brother's crap, if it ever came to that. Puke and piss was enough.

"Look who's here," she announced when she got him into the kitchen and let him slide off her back, even though she knew their approach would've been beyond obvious.

Hank already had Ethan's crutches ready and wrapped him in a one-armed hug, ruffling at his hair. "Morning, Magoo," he greeted. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Daddy," Ethan allowed quietly.

Hank smiled thinly at him and ran the back of his thumb down the scarred side of his face, as he examined him.

"You ready for some breakfast?" he asked.

Ethan gave him a little shrug. But Hank just nodded and pulled out his son's chair. Erin gave Jay a gesture encouraging him to sit too while Ethan hobbled over to his spot.

Hank was at the counter, busy plating the breakfast. Bringing over the plates and placing one in front of each of them before turning and retrieving maple syrup, butter and fresh berries to place on the table too.

"Going to do OJ or water, Magoo?" he asked.

Ethan just shrugged again, so Hank took that as water, filling a glass for his son and setting it along with a pillbox in front of the boy. He leaned over top of Ethan – and in what had become commonplace in the kid's meals anymore – Hank worked on dabbing some blots of butter into the toast and pouring the syrup. Then picking up Ethan's fork and knife, he quickly cut up the meal into bite-sized pieces so her brother wouldn't have to fumble with the cutlery in front of company. Hank then straightened and tapped at the section that contained Ethan's morning pills.

"I know your stomach is off, Ethan. But four pieces," he said firmly, "and then get these down the hatch."

Ethan gave him a timid look but picked up his fork and managed to jab a piece, tentatively nibbling at it.

It satisfied Hank, and he rounded the table claiming his own seat. Erin and Jay took it as cue to be able to start their meal. But as was par for most meals with Hank, there wasn't much talking. Erin watched Jay. He seemed a little uncomfortable. Maybe like he'd rather be somewhere else. But she tried to ignore it. She'd given him lots of opportunity to back out but he'd insisted he was coming and staying.

"You're right, Ethan," Jay had tried at one point. "This is pretty good French Toast."

But apparently Ethan didn't feel much like talking either. He just nodded at Jay and kept nibbling. He didn't eat much. Just the exact amount that Hank had instructed him and a few blueberries that his father had then deposited on his plate for him. But it'd still taken Ethan forever to get through that much food. The rest of them were long done while he worked on ingesting the four cut-up pieces. At least it gave the rest of them time to ingest their coffee and to try to wake up and perk up. They definitely weren't a perky bunch.

When Ethan finally finished and Erin got up to clear the table for everyone, the kid sat staring at his dad, who seemed perfectly content just sitting in his chair and staring out the back patio door while sipping at his coffee. That was pretty much Hank's idea of how to spend the first 30 minutes of any day he had off and actually decided to stay put. Erin was never sure what was so fascinating out back. Especially that morning. It pretty much just looked like a pit of snow.

If Ethan was littler, they likely could have a lot of fun. Even if he was more mobile, it'd be a great day to find a toboggan hill or just go outside and wrestle around in the fluff. But that wasn't going to happen. Though, the thought made her suspect that Hank might be thinking about different times. Snowmen and snow angels and snowball fights in that back little lot. Forts along the street for all out snow wars. Walking up to the park with their skates to whip around the outdoor rink. Him driving them out to death-defying toboggan hills and sending them flying down them. The way he knew all the supposed wrestling moves to flip his kids into the snow and absolutely bury them without ever once having damaged one of them – despite Camille yelling at him that he was going to. And the hot chocolate that always seemed to be waiting when they came inside from playing in the cold of a good winter snowstorm in Chicago.

"Dad?" Ethan asked a little timidly, snapping Hank out of it and he turned to look at his son. "Are we going to open stockings or wait for J?"

Hank allowed him a thin smile. "We aren't waiting for J, Magoo. It's just us this year."

"But maybe he'll still come," Ethan said hopefully.

Hank gave his head a little shake. "No, Ethan," he put firmly. "It wasn't safe for him to have Henry out on the road. We'll get on the horn to them in a little bit. Wish them a Merry Christmas." Ethan let out a little deflated sigh at that and Hank reached out and scuffed at his hair a bit until he met his eyes. "You want to do stockings now? Or you need to rest?"

Ethan gave a thoughtful pucker as he processed that – came to terms with it but then gave a little nod. "Now," he agreed.

Hank messed up his son's hair again and pulled himself out of his chair, gesturing at his son. "Lead the way," he offered.

Ethan eyed him for another moment but then fumbled with his crutches and managed to get to his feet and started his still-learning stagger going toward the front room. Hank followed at him with his cup of coffee still in hand and Erin gave a bit of wave at Jay to get him to come along too.

Ethan scanned the room briefly, likely also noting that things were laid out a little differently than usual. His eyes moving back and forth between the two armchairs with the extra stockings on them before settling on the couch where his and his dad's sat at either end. He stilled, examining it from that spot for a moment, and then his eyes darted behind him to his dad, growing bigger and brighter than Erin had seen them in weeks – if not month. It even garnered a small smile from Hank and Erin almost involuntarily reached and squeezed Jay's hand upon seeing it.

Ethan stumbled with the crutches over to his stocking, reaching and snagging a dinosaur peeking over the top edge. He gazed at it with some admiration – so much so that Erin released Jay's hand and moved with her phone in hand to snap a photo of the little boy smile that had spread across his face. He finally turned and looked at Hank, jutting the dinosaur in his direction.

"But you said it was stupid to want a dinosaur that wasn't even real for my collection!" Ethan sputtered about the Indominus Rex he held in his shaking hands like it was some sort of treasure that he refused to let himself drop.

Hank gave a bit of a shrug and moved to sit on the vacant cushion on the couch next to Ethan's stocking. "Guess it's a good thing I don't have anything to do with the stockings then," Hank deadpanned.

Ethan squinted at him and then bolted his eyes to Erin.

She shook her head. "Don't look at me," she said. "I don't have anything to do with the stockings either."

Ethan let out a huff and looked back to his dad who mouthed very seriously: "Santa."

Ethan glared at him. "Dad!" he protested. "Stop it! There's no Santa. I'm not a stupid little kid."

Hank jutted his thumb at the toy. "You think I would spend my hard-earned money on that ugly thing?"

Ethan gaped at him in protest and shoved it closer to him. "It's not ugly," he said. "She's awesome! I'm going to put her next to my T-Rex!"

"Mmm," Hank grunted in acknowledgement.

Ethan took that as invitation to plop down next to his dad, almost in his lap, leaning against his side and running down all the details about the fictional dinosaur and all the perks of the toy – a chomping jaw, posing limbs and tail, sliding flesh over the rib cage to simulate bites after enacting a dinosaur attack, and even skin that changed color if the toy got put under warm water. All details that Erin was sure Hank knew from buying the thing and managing to get it out of the packaging and into the stocking. But he sat there with his arm around his son, listening to his excited chatter about the toy that his father had very firmly told him he didn't need and shouldn't expect to get.

"This is so cool, Daddy," Ethan muttered absently in some amazement. "Feel her skin. She feels just like a real reptile."

Hank reached and squeezed at the toy, giving a small grunt of recognition. But mostly he just sat there – letting Ethan do one of his monologues and letting him glow as he did it.

"She's not ugly. She's beautiful," Ethan mumbled in his continued quiet awe at receiving the dinosaur for his vast collection.

Erin grinned too where she stood and after satisfying herself that she'd caught enough photos of the moment, she retreated to where Jay was still leaning just inside the entranceway to the room. She took the opposite side of the doorframe.

"I haven't seen him smile like that for … ever," she admitted.

He gave her a glance and shrugged. His eyes seemed pretty set on the scene too. "Christmas miracle," he allowed quietly.

And, maybe he was right. Maybe Christmas miracles did exist. Not big and fancy ones. But little ones. Her baby brother getting home for the holidays and smiling over a silly toy but she was sure it was the toy that he was about ready to declare, "It's just what I always wanted!" and it might just be the toy that got him to acknowledge that maybe "Santa" really did exist in their house – at least for one more Christmas.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Jay glanced down at where Erin had her head resting against his thigh, still staring at the movie. His eyes then shifted to the couch. He was pretty sure that Voight and Ethan were asleep. Actually, he was pretty sure that Voight had been asleep since the 'play' button had been pushed. Erin had said he was just "resting his eyes". Jay thought it was more likely he was purposely torturing him by making him sit through this movie while all stocking unpacking was put on hold.

Though, he supposed Voight sleeping or 'resting his eyes' at least meant that Erin was leaning against him and they were sharing some space. Because up until the point that she apparently thought he was really "resting his eyes", they'd both been sitting there on the floor cross-legged like a couple of school kids.

He couldn't blame Voight too much for wanting to take a break and get some shut-eye. The guy clearly deserved it. Two weeks from hell – that much was clear even as an outside observer. And, beyond that, the guy was definitely killing it as far as Christmas went in the eyes of Ethan at least. The kid seemed pretty fucking ecstatic about his haul so far and they hadn't even dug that deep into their stockings yet.

It was a SLOW process. Jay had thought his mom wrapping the stuff made it slow. Wrong. The Voight family way would likely make just the stockings drag on for at least an hour – if not more like two. The family seemed to have a whole thing where everyone took their shit out one at a time. Like Ethan took something from the top and had his little excited meltdown and babble about it. Then it was Hank's turn and Erin's turn and his turn and so on and so forth. The problem was in that you waited until that person looked at their shit and everyone had a chance to see it before the next person took out their thing. That takes a fucking eternity. At least when you're sitting there anticipating what would likely be the last fucking thing to be pulled out of one of the stockings.

Now if Jay had fully understood the said rules of the stocking unpacking, things might've played out a little differently. Because Erin had put fucking Fight Club near the top of his stocking. Which he was feeling a little guilty that she'd taken the time to think of things for him and stuff it in a sock and include him and all that - and he hadn't even gotten her a gift. Not like a real gift. Nothing he'd gone out and bought. But she wasn't treating it like it was a big deal so he wasn't going to act like it was one.

But Fight Club was one of his favorite movies. All time. Somehow she'd never seen it. That was an atrocity. He'd expressed his absolute disbelief that she'd never seen the movie. Then he'd indicated that he had to buy said movie and make her watch it with him. She had vetoed that idea. She could think of far better things to do with their time than watch one of his 'awful' movies. And, he'd give her that most of her ideas were definitely better. His penis agreed as well. But apparently she'd decided it made a perfectly good stocking stuffer. Because as Ethan informed him, "It was in the $5 bin!"

He'd should've listened to Ethan more carefully. Because the kid had also informed him: "Do you wanna watch it now? Because if you say you do we have to watch it now!"

Jay supposed he should've said, "Hell, yeah, let's watch this shit." But, you know, interrupting the whole Christmas thing to watch a movie seemed a little off – especially when he was a guest. Not to mention, he was kind of hoping that the stocking unloading would pick up some steam so Erin would get to the bottom of her sock. So he'd said, nah. That they'd watch it later. Or better – he'd watch it with Erin – alone - later – not have some sort of bonding moment with her 12-year-old brother in Voight's living room on Christmas Day.

Only problem was when he'd said no, the whole little Hot Potato stocking unpacking game had gotten back to Ethan and with his turn to pull something out of his stocking, it'd been fucking Jurassic World. And he'd immediately declared that he wanted to watch it now. Like – RIGHT NOW.

And, apparently that was a serious rule – because all of a sudden Voight was peeling the plastic wrap off the thing for the kid and Erin was tracking down the remote and they'd settled in for the fucking TWO HOUR AND FOUR MINUTE movie. Not to mention he MIGHT want to WATCH THE SPECIAL FEATURES!

What the fuck?! Who does that?!

Christmas on hold for Ethan to watch the fucking dinosaurs? When Voight KNEW there's a ring waiting for Erin at the bottom of her stocking? And Jay's just gotta sit there and grin and bear it and try to stop crawling out of his skin in the anticipation of Erin's many possible reactions and mentally script for himself how he was going to talk her through each eventuality and get that ring on her finger.

He must've been fidgeting. Or maybe he was really just trying to drill death rays into Voight's skull where he was "resting his eyes" – using his fucking child as some kind of flak blanket. The kid was sprawled all over him and it was like Voight didn't even notice or care – about Ethan or Jay's death glare. But Erin's eyes shifted up to him and looked at him with some concern.

"You OK?" she asked.

"Yeah," he squinted at her.

"I can hear your heart pounding in your femoral artery, Jay," she said and reached up taping patronizingly on his cheek. "The movie's not that scary."

He snorted at her and shifted his eyes back to Voight and Ethan on the couch. Her eyes drifted that way too and she patted his cheek again before letting her fingers trail through his stubble and return to the resting place on her stomach.

"They're cute, right?" she commented with a touch of sarcasm that barely hid the actual endearment under it.

"They're sleeping," Jay said with no absolutely endearment.

She shrugged against him. "So? Let them sleep. They need it. Ethan will have the movie on again before the end of the day anyway."

Jay gaped at her. He was not fucking stopping for another two-hour break. At least not until Erin opened her stocking, saw the ring and gave him an answer.

She just smiled at the look of horror on his face. "You'll learn to 'rest your eyes' too," she said. "There's a lot of eye resting when it comes to watching TV with Ethan."

Jay pursed out a slightly exasperated sigh and shook his head, gazing back to the TV. She squinted at him and shifted, sitting up straight.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her eyes measuring him.

He sighed and shrugged. "Nothing," he said but then looked at her. "Don't you want to finish opening your stocking?"

Her eyes laughed at him and she leaned in, scrubbing at his face and giving him a brief kiss. Voight likely really was asleep because he didn't suddenly spring awake and do some sort of rabid lion leap across the room and rip out his jugular. Good thing, because the kiss felt nice – especially when Erin nudged his lips open with her mouth and deepened it. Kissing him so fucking passionately that it made him really want to believe that it wasn't going to be some awkward dance to get her to accept his proposal. To see that she wanted this too.

"Mr. Anti-Christmas, I'm Not Coming Over for the Holidays can't wait to finish opening his stocking?" she teased no more than an inch away from his mouth.

He just snagged her lips back into his. They joined and broke several times but then she really did pull away slightly, sitting just back from him. She likely didn't want to risk Voight not really being asleep or Ethan waking up and seeing. She was right. Likely best.

"I said your stocking, not mine," he countered.

She smiled but shrugged. "We've got all day," she said. "Actually we've got all weekend. Nice when Christmas falls on a Friday."

Jay scrubbed at his face and looked at her. "Please tell me that opening your stockings doesn't take all day in this house?"

She made an unimpressed face at him, sitting back from a bit more. "You got somewhere you need to be?"

"No," he spat out quickly. "Just … don't you want to see what's in it?"

She examined him and turned back slightly to the movie, lowering herself again to lean against his legs. "I basically know what's in it," she said. "Contents don't change much year to year. It's just fun watching Ethan. Hanging out together."

"Yeah," he sighed in some agreement. Watching Ethan was amusing. And, he definitely loved hanging out with her. Voight? Not so much. But all he could really think was that she didn't have a clue what was in her stocking that year. Not a fucking clue.

Fuck. This better not blow up in his face.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: So there's FF weirdness. Basically sometimes story alerts aren't going out when I update and basically always even though the chapter gets added the story isn't jumping to the top of the CPD story list with an updated timestamp. So, I guess, some people are missing chapters. So, once again, based on readership counts, I think a lot of people likely missed Chapter 11 (Erin talking to Ethan) and Chapter 12 (breakfast and moving on into the front room for stockings). So go back and check them out if you didn't get to them before.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Ethan shook at his stocking and near shoved his head inside, gazing down to the final contents.

"I think that's it," he mumbled with his face still hidden in the fabric. "Just the fruit and chocolate coins left, I think."

He took his head out and shook the stocking again and then looked back inside.

"WAIT!" he declared and shoved his hand back inside.

"Hey! Hey!" Erin warned from where she was sitting. "You already had your turn. Get your grubby little hand out of there."

He puckered his distaste at her. "I think I still have a Grow Dinosaur in there," he stated flatly.

Erin cast him a soft glare. "And you have to wait until next round to pull it out and see. It's my turn."

He returned the soft glare, purposely gazing into the sock again and shaking it some more to try to see the last few loose items down in the heel and two. But Hank reached out to get him to stop and with a quiet huff, Ethan sat back in the couch to let everyone else take their turn. But he was right – they were about at the end of their stockings. Though, Hank hadn't yet given them the go-ahead to dump out the few chocolate coins, Hershey's kisses, Lindor truffles and Ferror Roches each that inevitably ended up buried at the bottom of the stockings each year. So she knew that either her or Ethan likely had one or two more treats mixed somewhere down in there.

It'd been a fun year opening the stockings. She wasn't sure if Hank had budgeted a little more for stockings that year or just with last minute shopping and possibly some guilt about Ethan being sick everyone had ended up with just a tiny bit more than usual. It wasn't like he'd gone crazy. Hank didn't do that. But there'd been a few slightly more expensive items in both her and Ethan's socks – so she suspected that meant would likely be matched somehow in Justin and his family's. Items that she normally would've expected to see as a gift under the tree rather than jammed in the stocking.

But she wasn't complaining. Not for a second. Her bigger gift in the sock had been a really nice multitool. It was on the list of things that Hank bugged her about. Something he thought she should have but she'd never invested in. Apparently this was an item he was sick of waiting for her to listen to him on and he'd invested in it on his own. This one was definitely fancier than anything that she would've ever picked for herself. Even Jay seemed impressed by it. She suspected he wanted to steal it. Or more likely he'd "borrow" it at work and it'd never made it back to her without her having to ask him for it – or pry it away from him.

Ethan had definitely wanted to steal it too. He'd ended up hauling himself off the couch and awkwardly plopping himself next to her on the ground so he could look.

"I've always wanted one of these," he lamented. "For camping and fishing." He gazed hopefully at his dad. "Maybe there's one in my stocking too?"

Hank just looked at him. "I told you, you join up with Scouts, learn some proper outdoor skills, or you aren't getting one until you're at least fifteen."

Ethan sighed and gazed longingly at hers. So longingly that she'd actually handed it to him to fiddle with – after Jay had begrudgingly given up checking each and everyone of its twelve tools. But when he started trying to flip one of the sharp blades out with his shaking hands, Hank had bolted forward in his seat.

"Erin," he'd barked at her disapprovingly.

She gave him a look, urging him silently to calm down and retrieved the tool from Ethan, who clearly knew exactly what the problem was and understood that it wasn't one that was going to resolve anytime soon. His disappointment was palpable. But Erin just nudged at his shoulder.

"We'll try it out later," she promised.

Even though he sulked a bit during that round of stocking gift retrieval, he really didn't have anything to sulk about. Most of the morning, Hank's stocking efforts for his youngest had garnered more smiles than Erin had seen out of him for a long, long time.

If Ethan had been excited about the toy dinosaur, he'd near filled his urine bag when Hank told him to open his Santa present before they all dug into their stockings. It'd been a Jurassic World themed Monopoly board. Erin had literally groaned as Ethan turned it around and around in his excited hands.

"I'm gonna be the Jeep!" he'd declared, starting to pick at the plastic wrapping and not succeeding with his fumbling hands, he'd resorted to chewing on a corner until Hank had retrieved it – and his own old battered Swiss Army knife conveniently present in his pocket for all the Christmas morning unwrapping headaches – and slit the packaging off in one easy swipe before handing it back to his son, who immediately shook the lid off and happily ran his hand over all the little pieces waiting to be sorted and counted and stored.

"What was Santa thinking?" Erin moaned at Hank.

"That I like Jurassic Park! And I like Monopoly!" Ethan answered on Santa's behalf.

Hank just shrugged. He wasn't even looking at her. He was watching his boy. But Erin cast Jay a look, who clearly didn't see what she was upset about. But she'd done her utmost best to protect him from having to endure playing any sort of boardgames with Ethan. She wouldn't be able to protect him from it that afternoon. And playing games with Ethan was beyond awful.

He got so fidgety about it. Everything had to be in its place. It's EXACT place. And he loved games with lots of pieces that he could be fidgety about. Monopoly was near the top of the list of games to avoid with him. Worse was that he always HAD to be the banker. So that just drew out the drawn out game even more. Not her definition of fun or a quality way to spend time with her baby brother. Him being all OCD with his little brain-damaged ticks usually just left her feeling like she needed to get some anxiety medication by the end of it. He drove her crazy. But she wouldn't be able to side step having to play that day. Not on Christmas.

Hank had gotten him another game too. This Spot It game that one of Ethan's therapists had been using to try to improve his concentration and visual recognition in his cognitive training. It was one thing Ethan actually liked about seeing that particular therapist. And he'd been excited that "Santa" had tracked down the MLB version of the game.

Erin knew too that Hank would sit with Ethan and play the thing as much as he wanted. He was taking all her baby brother's cognitive development stuff very seriously. She knew he did take education seriously. He had with her and Justin too. But the extra time and effort involved with working with Ethan was a whole other thing. It was a good thing he was invested in it, because Erin openly admitted on the nights she was in charge of watching over Ethan she wasn't nearly as good at any of it as Hank. But she'd never been much for school and somehow Grade Seven seemed a whole lot harder than she remembered and Ethan's brain damage and how he processed things – or didn't – sure didn't help. She was patient. But not that patient. Hank was more patient than he liked to let on. She didn't know how he did it some nights. She was ready to toss all Ethan's textbooks – and her brother – out the door more nights than not when she was stuck helping him.

Unfortunately for them, the next item Jay had pulled out of his stocking had been the card game she'd gotten him as a joke.

"Hey, I got a card game too," he said and flashed it at Ethan, who was busy sorting through all the Spot It cards. Something else for him to twitch out over and for them to all pretend they didn't see. He only ever stilled him with it when he was doing it out in public and attracting too many strange looks. At home they let him be as weird and fidgety as he wanted – because that was just Ethan. "Scrabble," Jay declared and joined her eyes in their shared amusement.

"Scrabble Slam," Erin clarified, tapping on the box that Jay turned and looked at again, letting out another amused sound.

Ethan gave the game a glance from where he was seated. "I don't know why you like Scrabble so much and hate Monopoly so much," Ethan muttered, going back to his cards.

Jay had allowed a real laugh to slip out at that, but quickly suppressed it when he caught Hank staring at them. Hank had clearly caught on it was an inside joke. Though, nearly everything she'd put in Jay's stocking had been little inside jokes.

"Well, Ethan, we like playing Scrabble because your sister is a very good Scrabble player," Jay provided with an almost straight face. Erin gave him a little swat, which just made him look down to try harder to hid his smile.

Hank smacked his lips – clearly unimpressed. Erin didn't think he had determined exactly what the joke was but she knew he was reading between the lines. He leaned forward and stuck out his hand for the game box. Jay handed it to him and he examined it.

"You should play this with your brother," he directed at her after reading the back.

Erin shook her head. "I don't want to play Scrabble with my brother, Hank," she put flatly.

He gazed at her some more. Ran his tongue around the inside of his cheeks – just further depicting that he wasn't happy about the potential of this joke. But then he'd just leaned forward and placed the game on the coffee table – letting her lean forward and return it to Jay, who'd rather quickly set it aside and out of sight. Not that it gave them a reprieve from Hank's stern eyes.

It hadn't been the only awkward moment.

Hank had started getting her and Justin gift cards in their stockings as they'd grown older. They were always small denominations and for simple, predictable things – iTunes, the coffee shop, maybe Subway or a burger joint for Justin. But this year, for whatever reason, he'd picked something different.

Apparently she'd sat staring at the card for a little too long because Hank had finally said, "It's that thing you're always watching, isn't it?"

She'd looked up. Slowly cluing into how he'd come up with this bright idea. She'd ended up moving back into the house for about three months when Ethan first got home and they were adjusting to his illness. Hank didn't really approve of her going out nightly to a bar after her "sabbatical" and made it known. After she got sick of listening to his lectures and he'd brought himself to acknowledge that her and Jay were a couple and to stop busting their balls about it, she'd resorted to telling him she was going to Jay's to "Netflix, Chill" if he asked where she was headed for the night. It wasn't like she was exactly lying to him. Not entirely. Not at all … in a way.

"Oh … yeah," she agreed.

Jay had leaned forward with some interest. "What is it?" he asked, a little confused. She flashed the gift card at him. The denomination further proved how little Hank knew about Netflix. The amount would get them all of a month's service. "Oh," he said and then let out another, "Oooooh," and nodded. "Netflix. Cool."

Ethan had decided that was the moment for him to stop being completely absorbed in his damn dinosaur and declared without filter, "Netflix, Chill. Not Netflix, cool."

Erin had glared at him. "Ethan," she warned firmly.

He still kept fiddling with his dinosaur, working at trying to make its skin to change color with just his cold, clammy hands. "Well, it is Netflix and Chill," he said, not looking at her or registering her warning look at all. "And it doesn't mean watching."

Hank smacked his lips, looking at her with disapproving eyes. "What's it mean, E?"

He glanced up at his dad and shrugged. "Blowjobs," he said flatly.

"Ethan!" Erin barked and looked directly at Hank. "That's not what it means," she tried to assure.

Hank had just smacked his lips, giving her that look that if looks could kill. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, starting to type into his phone.

"Yes it does," Ethan countered.

But Erin's eyes were set on Hank typing into his phone. "I thought you didn't know how to use that thing?" she spat at him.

He just cast her eyes and went back to swiping around his phone. She'd huffed and pushed herself up on her knees, snatching the phone away from him. He raised his eyebrows at her. The smack being replaced with that lemonade pucker.

"Kids at school say they're gonna 'Netflix and chill' when they're all going to a house and the parents aren't home yet so you can hook up," Ethan provided, eliminating the necessity of Hank's attempt to use Urban Dictionary. "But I think it's just like blowjobs."

Erin gaped at him in disbelief. "JUST? You're in seventh grade! At Catholic school! Kids in your year are not hooking up and giving each other blowjobs."

Ethan just shrugged at her. "There's older kids at the school too! They have Rainbow Parties. But I'm not sure what those are. I think maybe it's the same as Netflix and Chill but for gay kids?"

She gaped at him again, and gestured her brother's way, definitely thought that Hank's glare should be on his son at that point, not her but that's exactly where it was still directed. So she moved her eyes back to Ethan.

"And have you been to a Netflix and Chill 'party', Ethan?" she demanded.

He shook his head and went back to his little boy work of playing with the fucking dinosaur.

"No. But I told someone that me and Holly Netflix and Chilled but that's how I found out what it means because then they said mean things to Holly and she was mad at me and said not to tell people that. So now we don't watch Netflix no more neither. And that sucks because it has Dinotopia and I wanted to see the end." Suddenly his face lit up again and his wide eyes darted to her. "Hey! Now that you have Netflix maybe I can watch the rest of the episodes?!"

Erin let out a long sigh and shook her head, casting Jay a look. He seemed a little taken aback, like he was really calculating what he was supposed to say to any of it. Or maybe more like he was plotting his escape. She shifted her eyes to Hank.

"That might be what he thinks Netflix means but we actually watch Netflix—"

"Well, so do they," Ethan interjected. "Sorta. Like you put it on so your parents think you're just watching Netflix if they come home and then it shows up in the queue too to make it look like you were watching something."

"ETHAN!" she ordered. "Filter!"

He blinked at her and again went back to his toy.

"Yea, we totally watch Netflix," Jay tried to finally offer some support in this conversation, taking the gift card out of her hand and flicking at it while he met Hank's eyes. "This is great." He cast a look at her. "Ah … House of Cards. Season Four," he suggested.

Erin nodded like that was the best idea she'd ever heard and looked at Hank. "House of Cards, Season Four," she agreed.

"February 26th," Jay added. "Looking forward to it. Great series."

Erin nodded again. "Great series," she mirrored again.

"Do you know what happens to a house of cards?" Hank had put to them, still with that disapproving look on his face.

"Don't tell them," Ethan muttered. "Erin gets mad about spoilers."

The off-handed comment had thankfully caused a smile to tug at all their mouths and the tension had dissipated. The topic dropped. And, more thankfully, the gift cards in Ethan's stockings had been much less controversial: iTunes, the movies, and Xbox Points.

Erin had been nervous about the Xbox Points. It'd been one of her contributions to Ethan's stocking. It'd only been in a $10 denomination, which she feared wouldn't even be enough for the poor kid to be able to buy anything. But Jay had assured her it would be. And, Ethan had been so excited to see it and to be able to get to pick a game to download. The game console had ended up getting turned on right then while he searched around trying to decide what he'd get. There were a lot of options and it was clear it was going to be an extended affair with Ethan's indecision. So after sitting there watching him look at game after game for about 20 minutes, Hank had finally nudged things along.

The game console had ended up getting turned back on again shortly after that, though, when Ethan pulled the Lego Jurassic Park game out of the stocking. He'd again lost his shit about receiving his first game ever. It was another item that Erin had been a little surprised to see in the stocking and not under the tree.

But Santa seemed to have a bit of a Jurassic Park theme going for Ethan that year. He'd also received some little blind bags with dinosaurs from the movie inside. He'd been just as excitable about whatever it was that was inside them. He'd told them – loudly. But all dinosaur names pretty much sounded the same to her even after twelve years or Ethan. He might've been more excited that they were blind bags – because apparently they were "the thing" among the middle schooler (that were apparently blowing each other!) crowd.

The final Jurassic Park item Ethan had received had been the actual novel. He and Hank had a bit of a back-and-forth about whether the book was based on the movie or the movie was based on the book. Eventually Ethan just let his father be right – the book came first. Erin thought Hank was brave to pick that book for Ethan, because even though he was excited about it, it was definitely well above where her baby brother's reading level was anymore. But Hank always put books either in their stockings or under the tree. It was one of his things. Reading over screentime. And, she knew in an attempt to rewire Ethan's brain, he was spending a whole lot of time reading to her little brother and forcing her little brother to read to him. Jurassic Park would be another one of those Learn to Read (Again) projects.

They'd actually started on the couch. Hank having Ethan laboriously read him the back cover of the book. It'd taken a while. A long while. And Ethan had needed a lot of help to get through it. But by the end of it he'd declared, "It sounds real good, Dad!"

Hank had just nodded and shook the book at him. "We get through this and we'll get you the next one."

"There's more?" Ethan had asked excitedly, clutching the book back to examine the cover's front graphic some more.

"Sure there's more," Hank agreed. "But first you've got to finish this one."

Ethan had smiled. Another treasure.

Erin had thought her book was going to be a little challenging too. Hank had picked After Alice. It was buy the same author who wrote the Wicked series of books, which Camille had shared with her when she was a teenager. It'd become their little thing. A purposeful effort by Camille to give them something to share and talk about. A way to relate to each other and connect. Camille had taken her to the musical on her eighteenth birthday when it'd been in town too. First musical theatre that Erin had been too and even though it wasn't really her thing, it was a special thing. A shared happy memory. She wasn't sure she'd be able to read this new book without thinking of Camille and little discussions they'd have about each chapter.

Still, she'd given Hank a sad smile and held it against her in a little hug. "Thank you," she mouthed.

He'd just shrugged and taken that acknowledgement as a sign that it was time to move on and had retrieved his next item out of his stocking. Hank did about 80 percent of his stocking on his own. He mostly used it was an opportunity to eliminate having to shop for toiletries more than once a year as far as she could tell. But she always added a couple small items for him. That year it'd been a bottle of hot sauce (that he couldn't seem to get enough of), whiskey rocks (which he seemed intrigued by), some sort of kitchen gadget (that she wasn't even sure what it was or what it did but that he'd specifically complained one time would make things easier if he had), some dried salami and jerky (that he only seemed to treat himself to – or at least bring it home to share – a couple times a year), and a bag of disgusting dark roast coffee (that he thought was fantastic). He was duly appreciative of all of it, giving his little grunts of acknowledgement and quiet smiles.

Beyond that the stockings had been predictable. New toothbrushes and toothpaste. Shampoo and body wash. Chapstick and lip gloss. She got hand lotion. Ehtan got Axe deodorant – and she'd never seen anyone that excited about deodorant. But apparently he was also ready to smell like a middle schooler. Unfortunately it meant Hank's bathroom – and likely the entire house was going to smell like crappy pre-teen fragrances too as Ethan near bathed himself in it.

They'd receive their traditional chocolate initials and some candy canes. A shaker of popcorn seasoning and an individual packet of hot chocolate likely just out of the kitchen cupboard. Hers had a bottle of her favorite label of beer. She knew Justin's would too. They had since their respective 21st birthdays. The rest of the case would be in the beer fridge downstairs. There was a magazine in hers, Hank's and Jay's. A couple packs of baseball cards and a Star Wars comic book in Ethan's – another thing that he thought was going to make him "fit in", a comment that broke her heart slightly. A Cubs fleece-lined, pompom-topped knit hat for Ethan – because Hank was convinced that MS was actually causing his son to freeze to death, to the point that his boy had been allowed to wear hats inside the house. She got texting gloves and socks so thick, wooly and lumberjack-y that she'd openly speculated that Santa had an inside track of information indicating she was going to be spending a lot of time outside and UC that winter. Ethan and Jay both got underwear.

It was another inside joke for her and Jay. She'd told him about the days of the week underwear being the only Christmas gift she ever remembered receiving from Bunny. But more than that, Jay seemed to consider himself a bit of a connoisseur of underwear. And not specifics about women's lingerie he wanted to see her in – though he likely had opinions on that too. No, she'd somehow ended up sitting through a rather extended conversation with him about men's underwear and a long explanation about it "all comes down to the pouch". All this because apparently the military issued underwear had caused him chaffing that he was still recovering from. She saw no evidence of said chaffing but she had to admit whatever underwear he did wear was flattering on him. Though, she only ever looked at him in it for so long. One of them was usually more busy getting his briefs off. Still, she'd picked up some sort of fancy brand of briefs called "Saxx", which she thought was kind of hilarious anyways. But their slogan was "life changing underwear", which to her, was even funnier.

The whole thing, though, had perked Ethan up to asking why him, Justin and now Jay always got underwear and she didn't.

Hank had deadpanned, "Santa only buys ladies' underwear for Mrs. Claus."

That had actually earned a small-amused noise out of Jay. Hank had actually gotten a couple of those from him that morning. Not small feat. It actually gave Erin some comfort because she kind of thought that Hank might be putting on one of his tough guy shows since Jay was there. And that Jay would be acting all awkward and hostile and like he wanted to get the hell out of there. That there'd be tension between them.

There'd definitely been some moments of awkward and tension – but nothing unmanageable and it passed. And she and Ethan had their dad in the room – not Sergeant Voight. So she was grateful for that too. Ethan needed it – and Hank deserved it.

But now the stockings were drawing to an end. They still had presents to get through – and Ethan was excited and eager to get to them too. Not so much the ones with tags to him on them. It was his presents to her and Hank that he seemed eager to distribute. She suspected that it was because it was the first year he'd contributed to – or fully financed – Christmas gifts. He'd taken more ownership in the picking and buying too. He was happy to be doing the giving – not just the receiving. And, that actually made Erin feel really crowd of him.

The presents, though, always went faster than the stockings. There were only a few of them. And, even though they were fun to unwrap – something about the stockings always seemed more special.

Still, it was her turn and things weren't quite over yet. In the very least, she knew the pomegranate was still in there. One of her favorite Christmas Day treats – no matter how simple it was.

She eyed Ethan, giving him a smile while she shook her stocking like he had been, mixing up the last few remaining items like she was going in for a prize draw. Then she reached it, deliberately feeling around. She didn't really care if she only ended up pulling out a piece of candy on her turn – but she suspected since Hank hadn't called stop that there might still be something kicking around. So she scrunched the items, feeling for the individually wrapped chocolates and poking her fingers around the fresh fruit.

Then she felt what she thought she must be looking for. A little cube. It definitely didn't feel like candy. So she gripped and pulled it out.

She eyed it questioningly as her hand opened around it.

"Santa got me jewelry?" she said aloud.

She cast her eyes to Hank. Hank and Camille had gotten her jewelry at some of her special milestones. And, sure, she had her 30th coming up – but if Hank was going to get her something special for that, she didn't think he'd be giving it to her now. And the size of the box just didn't look right. When Hank and Camille had gotten her something it'd always been a necklace. This wasn't a necklace box. Maybe earrings? But she really only ever wore studs with the job and Hank never had gotten her earrings because he didn't like "how many holes she had in her head".

The confusion creased across her face even more – growing deeper as Hank shook his head at her and jutted his chin at Jay. She looked at him and saw his nervous anticipation. His deep tender eyes. But it only made her own eyes widen – and they darted back to the box in her hand, now gaping at it.

"C'mon, Magoo," Hank said standing and holding out a hand to grip his son's elbow and help pull him to his feet. "Let's go cut up some orange for everyone. Get the next pot of coffee on the go. Some cookies on the plate."

Ethan squinted at him. "But Erin hasn't opened it yet and I still have stuff," he argued, holding up his sagging stocking.

Hank took it from him and a bit more forcibly dragged Ethan to his feet. "Nope," Hank said. "They need some privacy."

Erin found herself staring at them, as Hank guided Ethan out of the room as he continued to protest his removal and cast them curious glances. She sat almost in a daze, looking toward the kitchen doorway before she finally brought her eyes back to the box in her hand and looked at it in near incomprehension.

She let out a shaky breath and again turned to gape slack-jawed at Jay.

"Aren't you going to open it?" he asked gently, his one hand landing lightly on the thigh of her crossed leg where they were sitting on the floor.

She stared at his hand – there, against her – for a long beat and then slowly moved them to her own slightly trembling hand. That box.

She didn't know. Was she going to open it? Did she want to see what was inside?

 **AUTHORS NOTE: posted a chapter yesterday that some may have missed due to continued posting weirdness. It's a Jay chapter. Be sure to check it out too.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin sat gaping at Jay. She couldn't bring herself to form words. And she was rarely at a loss for words or at least having some sort of comeback. But in that moment her mind was racing in a way she didn't usually let it. She was processing. She thought she was trying to figure out a way out of this. Or just how she was supposed to handle it at all. She felt like she wanted to get up. To bolt. To just run away. But it was like her legs couldn't hear what her mind was saying and she was just stuck there like a stone figure.

"OK, stop freaking out," Jay finally put to her. It felt like she'd sat there for ages. Her just staring at him, in what she could only imagine was confused horror while he looked at her with these deep, expectant eyes.

"I'm not freaking out," she managed to push out.

"You're freaking out," he said, adjusting himself slightly so he was more in front of her. In her space. In her line of vision. And then his hands landed on her wrists, stilling the tremors that were shaking through them. She just couldn't get those little shakes to stop and she hated that he could see them – feel them – so she pulled away slightly but he just kept his hold on her. "Calm down," he whispered to her more gently.

She took a breath. A deep inhale. The exhale was slower. She wasn't sure it helped. But she did manage to let out a sighed, "Jay …".

"Open it," he encouraged again, nodding down into her hands. She let out another little sigh and looked down to the box in her hands.

"Jay …" she muttered again, still hesitating.

"It's my mom's," he provided. And, Erin suddenly felt her body have a visceral reaction. What had been confusion and anxiety about how to this situation near instantly transformed into outright panic. She knew how rings from dead mother's worked. She'd seen it. She knew the weight and meaning. And now she was holding all that heaviness – another woman's hopes, dreams, loves, accomplishments, family – in her hand.

"Oh my God," she muttered, shaking her head and looking at the box before shifting her eyes to his. "Last night," she knew she said with a near accusing tone. "That's what last night was about. And you being off - whispering – with Will!"

"Yeah," he allowed with a quiet nod. "It was actually her grandmother's before that," he further clarified. "My great-grandmother's."

And the weight of this family heirloom – these lives lived and lost – set into her palm even more. All of a sudden she was pushing the box back into his hand and she was pushing herself on her ass further away from him. Now it was his turn to gape at her. The hopefulness in his eyes starting to fade. That hurt and disappointment – in her? – starting to set in.

"Erin," he sighed at her with this small amount of underlying agony that she knew he didn't mean for her to hear – but she did and it made her heart and stomach twist even more as she tried to wrap her head around this. As she tried to figure out how to just get out of this situation. "Would … you … just please … open it," he asked near beggingly.

She shook her head hard, inching a bit more away from him. "I can't open that," she pushed at him.

He looked down at the box in his hands now. "OK …" he muttered and she saw him move to pop open the box.

She lunged back to him, closing the space she'd created between them, her hand slapping over top of his to stop that box from opening, from her seeing what was inside, from making this more real than it already was. It felt so incredibly, agonizingly real.

"You can't just … blindside me like this," she said to him through gritted teeth and gestured off behind her into the kitchen. "In front of my family," she said even more accusingly. And then her eyes got big and she looked at him even more harshly. "It was in the stocking. Hank put it there!"

Jay let out a quiet nose and shrugged.

"You talked to HANK about _this_ before talking to me?!" she hissed at him. She was trying so hard to keep her voice quiet. To whisper through this. But she just wanted to scream at him.

Her heart was pounding so hard. All she could really hear was it beating in her ears. Just throbbing. It was worse than some high stake situations she'd found herself in. The adrenaline was on overdrive. She almost felt like she was watching this happen to someone else. Only it felt far too real to live in that delusion.

This was not how this was supposed to be happening. This wasn't supposed to be happening at all. What was he thinking?

"We've talked about this," Jay put back to her. There was a flicker of anger in them. She didn't think he was allowed to be angry. Not in that moment. It was her who should be angry. Very angry.

But she so didn't know how to be angry at him. How could she be angry at him? He was always in her corner. Always. He had her back.

But why THE FUCK was he doing this? Here? Now?

"We haven't talked about this," she tried to argue. But something about the way it came out felt weak.

"We have," Jay contended. "We talk about the future all the time."

"The future," she countered. "Not this."

"Vacations, careers, how many kids we want, money, savings, retirement dreams, mortgages, family. That's talking about this," he said.

"Jay," she pressed. "We've only been together … three months."

"A year," he hissed back at her. "At least."

"Publicly," she argued. "Three months – publicly."

"Two years if we're going from when everyone knew," he said flatly.

She sighed and shook her head, crossing her arms in front of her protectively. "Jay … we were seeing other people. Sleeping with other people."

He shrugged at her. "And now we aren't. I haven't been for a lot longer than three months."

"Well, I have," she said to him harshly.

He nodded. "I know," he acknowledged. "And I've dealt with my feelings about that. I understand why you did that to yourself. And I've moved on. I've forgiven you – and we're together now."

She rolled her eyes and looked away from him. "I don't need your understanding or forgiveness," she said sarcastically, just dripping with contempt.

"OK," he allowed. "But you have it."

Something about it hit her and she felt her eyes welling. It made her look down. She didn't want him to see. She hated when he saw her like that. Yet he did. It seemed like he always did.

He shifted his positioning, dipping his head until he found her eyes and held them until she fidgeted again. She didn't want to look at his eyes. Not right now. Those eyes got her in trouble. Those eyes got their way. Those eyes said far too much to her without him even having to speak – and she feared he was far too good at reading her eyes. Seeing her emotions and stories and everything behind them too. She didn't like feeling vulnerable like that. It was hard. Even if it was with Jay.

"We're supposed to be keeping it professional," she whispered quietly. Even she knew it didn't sound forceful or convincing in anyway.

And, he just dipped his head further – connecting their line of vision even more. He inched forward – back into her space until his knees were touching hers and those hands clutching that box landed in her lap.

"I love you," he told her in this slow even tone. "I want to spend my life with you. For us to spend our lives together. Will you marry me?"

His hands were moving - his fingers readying to pop open that box – and she felt her body shaking again. The trembles moving up to her shoulders with the tightness in her chest. She was trying to fight the urge to look down. To not have to look at that ring. But she felt her eyes drifting. His fingers lifting. The start of that snap that only a jewelry box can make as it pops open.

But then there was banging and clattering and stomping of feet at the front door. The door opening and a voice: "Hey! Merry Christmas!" And Justin's head popped around the corner of the entrance and gazed in at her.

She hand clamped around Jay's – forcing the box back closed and pushing the contents into his lap. She pushed herself away from him too. His eyes falling and a defeated sigh raising and falling his shoulders.

"Hi, Justin," she greeted half-heartedly.

He gave her a funny look at her sitting crossed legged on the floor and seemed to take a moment to process who it was who was sitting with her. But he didn't seem to process it any farther.

"Where is everyone?" he asked, bringing Henry in his car-seat carrier into view and looking back toward the door. "Thought for sure you'd see us coming up. Man, you guys really got walloped. Must be at least two feet of snow out there. More." He gazed out the door. "Careful, Olv."

Just as suddenly, the clicks that were becoming familiar sounded behind her, moving as fast as Ethan could manage through the living room.

"JUSTIN!" he cried out excitedly.

Justin's head poked back into the room, smiling. Erin saw the smile fade as he saw Ethan – seeing him on crutches for the first time, seeing the more emaciated he looked since he'd last seen him in person in September. But to Justin's credit, he managed to painted the learned smile back on his face.

"Hey, E," he declared and held up Henry's carrier again. "There you go, Henry. There's your Uncle Ethan and Aunt Erin. Got ya to them."

The baby was all out yowling. His face red and hand crunched into tight fists. Anything resembling a quiet moment between her and Jay – time to sort this out – completely disappeared.

Maybe that was for the better. Maybe it'd give her time to think. To process. It was her escape. Even if it wasn't her planned one.

Hank, though, appeared out of the kitchen, following after Ethan. He looked at her, giving her an apologetic look. He seemed to stop for a moment – like he was waiting to be told or shown something. The news. The ring. But Jay was busy looking off into the corner, a frown creasing his entire face. The ring box had disappeared.

Hank's eyes stayed on her for a moment. There was a heaviness to them too and then he kept going to the front entrance. A real smile spreading across his face for what was waiting there for him.

"Hey, Pops," Justin greeted and held up Henry again. "There's Popa."

The screaming baby got set on the table in the entranceway and father and son wrapped their arms around each other in a tight hug, Hank patting him loudly on the back.

"Told you to stay put," Hank muttered to him.

Jay gave him a shrug. "Got leave on Christmas, Pops so Henry could be here. Not going to miss that."

"I TOLD THEM WE SHOULD WAIT FOR YOU," Ethan provided.

"Awww, that's alright," Justin said and scuffed at Ethan's hair, while Hank gave Olive a shorter hug and then went over to ogle his grandchild. "Look at you. Got the Iggy's cut."

"It sucks," Ethan said of his short locks.

Justin just grunted, as Erin finally pulled herself off the floor, giving Jay a quiet look, and then headed over to the door to take care of her obligatory greetings too.

"Listen, Pops, I'm just going to grab our bags and stuff," Justin said, pointing back to the still open door. Snow was drifting in.

Hank just grunted in much the same way Justin had. A Voight men sound or just a Voight parental sound? Erin thought he was likely too far set on Henry that point to care much about what anyone was saying around him. He was waving his finger in front of the baby and Henry was grabbing for it. The screaming at calmed to little hiccups of upset, as tears continued down his red face.

"You think the car will be OK there? Or should I try to get it 'round back?" Justin asked.

Hank did glance up at that and out the door, shaking his head. "Leave it. You'll get stuck trying to get up back. We'll hear the plow coming. Don't think they'll get to us until tonight or tomorrow anyway."

Jay had come to the door. "I can move my car for you," he offered. "Give you a dry spot to unload."

"You leavin'?" Hank put to him. His eyes were deadly serious.

"Yeah, well," Jay responded, gesturing at the lot of them in the front hallway. "You've got family stuff," he allowed, giving Erin a thin smile. She looked to the ground. She couldn't even bring herself to form words then.

Hank grunted and then looked her directly in the eyes. "Help your brother bring in their things," he said and then pointed at Ethan and Jay before pointing in the living room. "Sit."

Jay gazed at him. But let out an annoyed breath and retreated back to the front room.

Olive smiled down at Herny and the way he's quieting, but reached to start to pull him out of the carseat. "He's really overdue for a change," she said. "I think that's why he was so upset."

"Mmm," Hank grunted again and then reached to retrieve the baby from her, as she got him out of the carrier. "I can do that," he said.

"Pops, don't worry 'bout it," Justin countered, as he started tromping back toward the door, Erin working at putting on her boots even though she didn't really want to. They'd reached a whole new level of awkward. Her escape was quickly turning into something else to escape from.

"What?" Hank contended. "You think I don't remember how to wipe an ass?"

He stuck his hand out to take the diaper bag. Olive gave him a shy smile but handed it to him. And, Hank nodded back into the front room. "Sit," he told her and then looked back into it. "Halstead – E and I got some fruit, cookies on a plate. Bring it out. Ethan – pour your sister-in-law a drink."

Justin gave Erin a smile and rolled his eyes at Hank's barked orders. They watched for a moment as Hank started to truck Henry upstairs, babbling at him about how everyone thought Popa didn't remember how to change a diaper, you'd think he'd never wiped any of their asses. But then as everyone was assigned their various duties, they both stomped into the snow.

They'd managed down the front steps, Erin trying to step in the deep footprints that Justin and Olive had left when they'd come up to the door.

"This is gonna be fun to shovel," Justin muttered and glanced over his shoulder at her. "Maybe we shudda got him a snowblower for Christmas."

"Yea, because I'm sure hundred-and-fifty bucks would get us one of those," she muttered.

"You're cheery," Justin said.

She shook her head, crossing her arms over herself as they tromped. He hadn't really gotten anywhere near the house. They were both going to have to change when they got back inside just from how snow-packed and wet and cold they were going to get from going to the car and back.

"So, Halstead …" Justin said, casting her another look.

She shot him daggers.

"He's here?"

"Is he?" she put back to him, giving him a warning look.

"At Christmas? That's a big deal."

Erin sighed and stomped through the deep snow faster, pushing by him. "Drop it, Justin," she said.

His arrival had already made her drop it. Really fucking drop it. So the least he could do was shut up about it.

Maybe she could get her mind and heart to shut up about it too then.


	16. Chapter 16

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Voight came back down the stairs, clutching his grandson tightly, while giving him little smiles and small almost silly faces, that were making him let out giggles and reach to touch his cheek and try to jam his fingers in his mouth.

Getting to see, play with, carry your grandchild was a feeling unlike any other. It wasn't something he'd been fully prepared for. He thought he was. He'd had his kids. Done the baby thing. But this was different. This was his kid's kid. His grandson. Completely different dynamic and it pulled at your heartstrings in an entirely different way. There Henry was. His son's eyes and his daughter-in-law's locks blazing at him. This entire mixture of these two people cooing and giggling at him. Reaching for him like he was someone he knew even though he'd only gotten to see the baby boy a handful of times so far. Though, he'd had Mouse, Erin and Ethan get him all sorted on the whole webcam telephone thing so he at least got to see his grandbaby weekly even if it wasn't in-person.

He loved it. Looked forward to it. Though, he looked forward to these in-person moments more where he actually got to hold his grandson and play with him. Made him a little sad too, though. Made him think of Camille. She would've loved this. Would've had catalogued just what features Henry got from where. Goo and gah at him and spoil him rotten. Who needs Santa when they've got a grandma? Though, Camille would've made known she was far too young to be a grandma. Would've picked some other name. Nana likely. Maybe Gigi. Something entirely her.

And, she would've just been over the moon that Christmas. The house would've been done to the nines for Henry's first Christmas. She would've had the baby's stocking all planned out months in advance. Little trinkets and keepsakes to truly mark his arrival and for him and his parents to keep and remember. Pictures galore. And the gift for the baby would've been far specialer than anything Hank was able to come up with to have under the tree. She would've started working at establishing whole new traditions while sharing their family's with the baby too.

She was far better at all of that than him. The mom stuff. The woman stuff. Women did Christmas. The men were just along the ride. But he had to make it work now. Figure out how to do Christmas - just like he'd had to figure out how to do everything else solo. Give the kids those moments. Not just make it all sadness about their mom being gone. He still had Ethan at home and now he had this one. Needed to make sure that this one wanted to visit Popa just as much as Popa wanted to visit with him. Needed to make sure there were reasons to come home - not just on Christmas but all year.

Erin was leaning in the entranceway to the front room. Him and Henry came up behind her and she glanced over her shoulder, giving Henry a smile at his giggling delight, and reaching to stroke at his soft little cheek with her index finger. Hank gave her a gentle smile at that, and shifted the baby a bit so she'd take him.

She needed some Henry time. Amazing what a baby could do for your disposition. He was a walking reality of that. He knew it. But in that moment all that usual regret, self-loathing, self-punishment was just seeping off his girl. Doing some self-punishment. Her penance. She always found a way to make things harder than they needed to be and to take on all the blame for everything in the world. That's too fucking much weight to carry.

"Go see your aunt," Hank said. "Get her to smile."

She did, but rolled her eyes at him before accepting the baby. Even that feigned displeasure at him did nothing to hide the little glow coming off her as she stared into the little boy's eyes. Henry tugged at her hair and batted at her chin.

"Yeah," Hank said, still rubbing at the baby's back a bit. "Give her a good knock for me, H. She's a pain in my ass. Just like your daddy and your uncle. Some day you're gonna be too. But not yet."

Erin snorted at him. But Hank ignored her, leaning in to place a small kiss on Henry's crown before smoothing down his orange duck-down frizz. It was starting to turn into Olive's curls too. He was going to be a little firecracker. Could tell already.

"You got something to show me?" Hank said, leaning against the opposite side of the entrance and gazing into the front room.

She gave him a good glare before setting her full attention on Henry. "Think you've already seen all there was to see."

He shook his head and crossed his arms. "Wasn't mine to look at," he provided.

He felt her give him a small glance at that – but he didn't join her gaze. He was too busy taking in the people in his front room.

His two boys were sitting on the couch with Ethan still excitedly showing off the fucking dinosaur toy. Again. It was a good purchase. Worth every penny so far even if it was just a fucking stupid toy that served no useful purpose. It was serving purpose enough. Make his battered little boy smile. Letting him see his kid again for the day and not the fucking medical experiment that the doctors were turning him into as they ran him through the wringer again and again.

The Monopoly board sat open on Justin's lap, as he gazed at all the pieces and nodded while making listening sounds to Ethan's excited babble. He was occasionally interjecting some joke that was making his brother stop and smile at him. Actually getting along. There together. Didn't happen enough. Justin always - inevitably - said something that Ethan got too touchy about. Then they'd be at each other and then ignoring each other or avoiding each other. But not right now. And, he'd take that too.

Olive was sitting at the opposite end of the couch. She looked a little nervous and awkward but was participating as Justin handed her some of the various treasures that Ethan showed him – passing them on to his wife for her to take in. Voight could see her eyes laughing at some of them. He got the sense that Ethan brought her a lot of amusement. A quirky runt of a kid to bring some levity to the visits. To make some of the serious moments they'd had to have a little lighter. Ethan was good about that with all of them. Like Camille that way. Not as much of a tight ass as the rest of them.

Jay was sitting over in the armchair that was vacant now that he and Erin had finished unpacking their stockings. He'd piled their gifts for the both of them in little stacks on either side of the chair. He was sitting hunched forward, elbows on his knees. He was clearly trying to be present for some sort of engagement with the other three – but he wasn't present. His eyes were clearly distracted. His body language defeated. And, he occasionally would look sideways at Erin, who kept diverting her eyes. She'd hurt the guy and the guy was sitting there trying to manage his emotions, avoid anger and figure out how to fix it. You had to give him some credit for that. Not a fucking easy position he'd been placed in and to have it left all hanging out for everyone to see.

But the Christmas tree lights were on. Presents were still under the tree. Music was playing. Tea and coffee and juice were in front of those who wanted it. Decorated cookies and fresh cut fruit were on the coffee table along with a bowl for everyone to dump their stocking chocolates in. And, most importantly, he had all his kids there. They'd all gotten home. They'd all come home. They had another day together. Another year together. Hopefully. And, now they had this little guy too.

He reached out and teased a finger in front of Henry's face again until he reached and grabbed it – trying to pull it to his mouth and gobbering on it. He was definitely teething. Poor little man.

"We're a regular Norman Rockwell," Hank commented and gave Erin another glance. It earned him a small smile. But he could see the distracted sadness in her too. He examined her for a moment. Giving her a once over. "Need you to go up and move your stuff out of the bedroom," he said flatly. "Change the sheets."

She gave a little nod but looked a little hurt. "Yeah, figured," she said.

He gave her a look and bounced his arms against his chest a bit, tucking them deeper under his armpits. "You can take the master," he allowed.

She snorted. "And you'll take the top bunk in Ethan's room?" He gestured at the couch. But she shook her head. "I'll head home after dinner."

"Mmm," Hank nodded and jutted his chin a bit at Halstead. "What about him?"

She cast him another unimpressed look. "I don't manage Jay's schedule. He'll head out when he wants to."

Voight grunted and examined her more carefully, letting his body become restless with the seriousness of his gaze. He could tell she became uncomfortable under it, because she tucked her shoulder in and planted that much more of her attention on the baby.

"Meant if you don't have something to show me, maybe what you should be doing is showing him the door," he put to her flatly.

Her angry eyes darted to him. "He tried to leave. You told him to sit."

He nodded. "Because I don't think you gave him an answer yet – and yes or no – he deserves the answer. I raised you better than that."

She made an annoyed sound. That defiant, angry street kid sound that he heard out of her when she was 14, 15, 16 – and that she still pulled out on him now. He gave it just as much heed these days as he did when she was a girl. None.

"Hank," she said, holding up a warning hand. "I just need some time to … think."

Voight shook his head and looked at her seriously. "No, you don't," he told her and she squinted at him. "You don't need to think on this. You know you know the answer already."

She snorted at him in complete disbelief and moved her eyes away from him again. But he thought she knew he was right. She knew her fucking answer. He knew her fucking answer when Halstead put that box on the table in front of him. But he'd also known that this would be exactly how she'd play it out. Because she couldn't let good things happen to her. She had to fucking fight against them. Punish herself for a past that wasn't fucking her fault. Find new fucking ways to push people away and hurt them. To keep the whole fucking world at arm's length and behind walls. He was her father. Had been that for fifteen years. And dealing with it all coming from her was still exhausting. Didn't get any less so with age. She just couldn't take help. Couldn't trust people. Couldn't let people in. Even if it might just might make her happy. And she always found fucking excuses why. He knew exactly which one she was using on this decision too.

"And, if what you really mean is that you're standing her thinking about the job – then that's an answer too," he added.

She sighed and eyed him. "I don't want to leave Intelligence, Hank," she said pleadingly.

He caught her line of visions. "Has anyone said anything about that?"

She rolled her eyes, looking away from him again. "Hank, I know how you—"

He interrupted. "He ask you to go down to City Hall tomorrow? To elope?"

She gave him another questioning look. "No," she admitted.

Voight shrugged at her. "Then I don't think you need to be thinking about your place in the unit just yet. That's got time to work itself out. Maybe it won't be you who's leaving."

"Jay loves his job too," she whispered.

Voight looked at her. "You think maybe he's man enough to make some sacrifices for his family?"

Truth was that he didn't fucking know how this would play out if this did happen. He knew he didn't like having a couple in his unit. It fucked up the dynamic. Though, so far her and Halstead had mostly managed. Hadn't pissed him off too much. But there'd been some hiccups. And it's always different when you've got the person you love working beside you in a life-and-death situation. It impacts your decisions. Your instincts. Your work. There was no fucking way around that. It's dangerous for the unit, the rest of the people in the unit, and the public. The City of Chicago.

He could likely tolerate it while they were just a couple. To not rock the boat too much, he'd likely tolerate it through at least part of the engagement - assuming it didn't drag on for fucking years. But if they got married? He couldn't make himself turn a blind eye then. It was hard enough to do now. He already had to compartmentalize enough with Erin in the unit. Keep up their little deals and rules to keep home and family at home and work at work. It didn't always work as well as he liked. And he knew it sure fucking wouldn't work for anyone after her and Halstead tied the knot. It'd be fucking worse if they started a family of their own. Just couldn't happen. Couldn't have some kid's - his grandchild's - parents both working in a job that saw guns pulled on them near weekly. Both the kid's parents being cops would be bad enough. Just couldn't have the lives of both of them hanging on his decisions. Couldn't to that to himself, his family or Erin's family.

One of them would have to go. Fuck - maybe both of them.

But that wasn't something that needed to be sorted today. Or tomorrow even. It was something that could evolve with some time. Step by step. Don't need to be all half-cocked about it.

Erin sighed and gazed at Henry, who'd taken to examining the strings on the shirt she was wearing, trying to shove as much of them as possibly into his drooling mouth.

"Lots of other units and lots of other districts in this city," Voight said. "And, again, not something you need to have sorted out today to give him an answer."

"Well, maybe I'd kind of like a plan in place," Erin huffed.

Voight made an amused sound at her. He must've surprised her because those annoyed eyes flicked to him again.

"Life doesn't go according to plan," he put to her bluntly but then allowed her softer eyes. He wanted to ask her if she thought his life looked anything like his "plan" he'd had in his 20's. Maybe it fucking did. But it also sure as hell fucking didn't. One very big part of his "plan" was missing. Gone. Taken from him. Life didn't fucking care how you wanted to live it. It just went on and you had to keep fucking going with it. Or you might as well dig yourself a hole right then.

"Four of the best things in my life are in this house right now," he told her firmly instead, wagging a finger between her and Henry and then jutting his chin at where Ethan and Justin were seated. "Three of you – unplanned. The only one planned," he added, pointing at Justin, "is the biggest pain in my ass of the lot of you." Erin allowed him a small smile. "You don't need a plan. What you need to figure out if after you're done playing Scrabble …" she made a sound and rolled her eyes, resting her forehead against Henry's, "… and you've turned off the Netflix – if you still want to be in the same room together. If you've still got something to talk about. And, more fucking importantly, if you're able to sit in a room and have a conversation without talking too."

She snorted and gave him a look. "That's your marriage advice?"

He shrugged at her. "Twenty years," he said flatly. "Put up with each other a lot longer than that."

"I think Camille did more 'putting up with' than you," she muttered.

He gave her eyes and jutted a thumb at Ethan. "You think all that OCD crap in him is just the brain damage?"

"No," Erin said and looked at him. "But I think he got it from you."

Hank rolled his eyes, giving his head a little shake. "Change dinosaurs to fish - and that kid is all his mom."

"If you say so ..." Erin mumbled. She clearly didn't agree. She'd expressed that more than once.

Voight didn't argue the point, though. He liked seeing his wife in his boy. As much as it hurt, it was a saving grace too.

Erin, though, let out a little sigh and ran her fingers down the buttons on Henry's little shirt. Olive had him all done on in a flannel shirt that was specked with Christmas colors. Would make for some cute pictures when the little guy was rested enough for them to do the stocking and gifts with him. Was likely going to need a bit of a nap first, though. They all could use one. Get their heads and emotions back in check.

"Rest of my advise is don't make this decision with your head. You'll regret it. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage. No such thing as a perfect husband or perfect wife. No such thing as a fucking perfect kid or kids. There's no perfect families. So what you do is get beside someone who you trust is going to hang tight with you even when the going gets rough. Because there will be fucking rough patches. You'll hate each others guts - but you've gotta still want to wake up next to that person in the morning and do it all again. Together. And it's your heart that's going to tell you all that. Not your head and no amount of planning," he said.

She gave him a look and a sad smile. He reached and gave her shoulder a squeeze.

"That mean he got your blessing?" she put back to him with still a touch of tone. "That you're on his side?"

Voight shook his head at her. "I've always been on your side, Kid. And, all I've wanted for you is for you to be safe and happy. So I'm telling you - again - life's too long and too hard to do it all on your own. It's OK to have other people in it. Take some help. Want a family."

"I've got a family," she pressed back.

He reached and patted her cheek. "You do," he agreed. "And, we're not going anywhere. But it's OK to want one all of your own too. One of these," he said and stroked at Henry's cheek then. He was still so little even though he got bigger and bigger every time Hank saw him. "Don't you want one of these?"

She shrugged but he could see the deepness in her eyes. The hidden desire she had in there that she didn't want anyone to see. She wanted people to believe she was a party of one. A lone wolf. That she could do it all on her own. But that was just lonely. He knew from experience.

"I don't know," she allowed quietly. "Maybe."

"Mmm," Hank grunted. "Maybe. Don't make that another decision about the job."

She gave him a glance like he'd read her mind. But there was no fucking mind reading involved. He knew her. Knew how she was.

"Job's never gonna love you back," he told her flatly. "And, yea, having a family can make the job a whole lot fucking harder. But I'm telling you - having people to go home to - it will make you a better cop."

She just started at Henry, so Hank reached and gave the baby some tickles until he started up with his little smiles and giggles again. "And, I've got ulterior motives. I want another one of these," he said.

"You'll have to tell Justin and Olive to get on that for you," she muttered.

He shook his head and found her eyes again, giving her temple near the corner of her eye a tap. "Want a little guy with these eyes," he said.

He saw a flicker in there. The momentary glint that she fought again to hide.

"What about a girl?" she said with some tease but that usual defiance that she just never could seem to let go – even now.

But Voight just cupped at her cheek, giving it a little pat and tilting her chin until she really did look him in the eyes.

"You bring me home a baby girl to hold with those eyes – even better," he told her gently. Then he reached and drew Henry out of her arms, nodding at the stairs. "Get your crap out of the bedroom. Please."

He heard her let out an amused sound and look at the ground for a moment, before moving and trying to lift the bulking suitcase that Justin had left there. He gave her a glance and then nodded his chin at Halstead who'd be examining them too carefully while they talked in their hushed tones.

"Halstead, help her out," he ordered. The man looked at him with some questioning but then rose and went over to Erin who begrudgingly allowed him to carry the suitcase upstairs for her.

Voight watched for a moment and then carried his grandson the rest of the way into the living room.

"Look who's as fresh as a rose now," he announced.

"Want to open your present Henry?" Ethan pressed immediately, holding out his shaking arms for a chance to hold his nephew.

"Need to wait for Erin and Jay to come back down," he said and Justin cast him a bit of a look. "Halstead," he clarified. The examination remained but no more was said and Hank took Henry over and looked to Olive for the OK, and then nudged Ethan to have him sit back in the couch and got the baby settled into his uncle's lap. Ethan examining him with careful consideration and then reaching to shove the dinosaur in the kid's face. Hank was prepared to have to grab the screaming baby back from his youngest but Henry just giggled and reached for the rubber-y toy, pulling it closer like he wanted to gum on it.

When Ethan realized what was going on there was a shriek of, "Henry! Gross!"

Justin just smiled and go in there, moving the dinosaur just out of Henry's reach while still waving it in front of him for him to grab at.

"What you expect, Baby Brother? You're always telling him that he's going to get to play with your dinosaurs some day," Justin put to him.

"When he's older. Not when he's going to get them covered in drool. Gross," Ethan said, trying to wipe the salvia off the mouth of the toy.

"You did the exact same thing," Justin said. "All drooly and gross too."

"Was not," Ethan contended.

"Were too," Justin countered. "And always gumming on all my toys. I think that's why Mom got you dinosaurs in the first place. Just to give you something to chew on that wasn't mine."

Ethan made a harrumphing sound at that but it made Hank smile as he watched. Camille would like that too. This.

Maybe she'd think he was still managing to do something right for the kids. Some days.

He tried.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Jay set – near dropped – the heavy suitcase on the floor of the bedroom, as Erin continued to try to ignore him, immediately going over to the bed and ripping the duvet back and starting to work on pulling the sheets off the mattress.

"God, you'd think they were moving in based on the weight of that thing," he mumbled as he attempted to shuffle around the bag without knocking it over. He swore the thing was taking up at least a quarter of the room. He didn't know they made suitcases that big.

Erin glanced at him. "Babies come with a lot of cargo," she muttered.

"Hmm," he allowed.

He knew she had a point. But still. He'd only be able to carry the one bag up since the thing was so massive. He should likely go and grab the second bag but he figured if he left the room, he might not be allowed back in it. So, he wandered over to the bed, popping the corners of the fitted sheet off that side of the mattress for her.

She gave him a look. It was annoyed. He returned it. If she thought she was annoyed at him, she could get an inside track on exactly what was going through his head. Pretty much – why did he do this to himself? She drove him fucking crazy. He was so down with her. She was such an amazing person. But she also could be such a fucking bitch. He got that she had baggage. But they all did. He had his own fucking baggage too. But she sure did a better job at making him feel like shit than he thought he ever did to her. H always tried to be there for her. And sometimes it felt like she usually throttled him in the face a few times before he was allowed to be there for her. It made him just wonder what was wrong with him? Why'd he keep going back to that? Putting himself up for the abuse?

Because she was worth it. That's the best he could come up with. Because when she did let herself be vulnerable – she was so fucking amazing in every way. So the good outweighed the bad. At least that's what he kept telling himself. But it was kind of hard in that moment to recite that mantra.

"Look … " he sighed at her, as she gathered the sheets off the mattress and tossed the bundle to the side.

"Don't," she spat back at him before he even had a chance to continue. She pushed by him to the closet, loudly pulling open the door and rummaging around on the top shelf until she pulled down a new set of linens and returned to the bed. "It was completely unfair of you to … PROPOSE? … like that," she gritted at him.

He gave her a look. At least she acknowledged it was a proposal, even if he didn't really like the tone she was using when she pressed out the word.

"Well, how'd you want me to do it?" he pressed annoyed back at her, snatching a side of the fitted sheet she was fumbling with away, and starting to help her make the bed.

"Not in front of MY FAMILY. On CHRISTMAS," she glared at him.

"Right," Jay muttered. "I should've taken you down to the Riverwalk and been all schmaltzy about it there."

"Yea, Jay," she rolled her eyes. "The Riverwalk. In December. In a fucking blizzard. I'm sure that would've gotten you the answer you wanted to."

"Should I have done it in the locker room?" he raised his voice slightly.

She stopped what she was doing and crossed her arms, giving him those fucking daggers that he really wanted to know if she learned on the street or somehow fucking inherited from Voight.

"How you did it was absolutely UNFAIR," she stressed again. "It's embarrassing."

He let out a laugh and gaped at her. "It's embarrassing?" he hissed. "For you? Because I'm pretty sure that was embarrassing for me."

"You brought my whole family – HANK – into OUR business. Our personal, private – life, business. It's none of their business! And doing it in front of them is like backing me into the corner making me feel like I have to say yes … just because of the audience!" She threw up her hands at him and shook her head, seriously seething, grabbing the sheets back and working at her side of the bed.

He watched her for a moment. Absorbing what she'd said. Hearing it. Processing it. Letting it set in. Trying to see her point – and he did acknowledge that she kind of had one.

"You're doing that wrong," he said finally. She cast him even more annoyed eyes. Jay just shrugged, though. "What? Voight never taught you how to do hospital corners?" The glare thickened. He let out a little sigh and rounded the bed to her side. "Like this," he said more gently and implemented his expert military skills to neatened up her bed-making. She watched but did so with crossed arms.

He straightened as he finished and looked at her. She allowed it but the look of disdain continued. Though, he thought it was a little softer. Usually if you gave her time to realize she was being nasty, she then got upset with herself about that too and started to shift blame from you to herself instead. Not that that was healthy either but it was slightly better than being the one taking the brunt of it. On occasion. He didn't really like her putting herself through that either, though. He could take her bullshit. It was why he was still there.

"I decided to put it in the stocking because I've spent the last month hearing you say in direct and indirect ways what a tradition its become and how its something you've held onto from your time here. Memories. I asked Voight to put it in because you may not like the idea of 'asking permission' but he's all about respect and getting some sort of blessing from him is important to him. So I know that means it's important to you. And, the fact it was in the stocking, means I got it and it should also signal to you that we can get along outside of work. And, I did it here – with your family – not to put you on the spot. I did it because you're always saying how this is your family and how important this family is to you. I was trying to show that I heard you. I get it. And, maybe let them be part of the moment too."

She let out a slow sigh and looked down with a shrug of her shoulders and without comment. Jay let out his own sigh, rubbing at his forehead. This was supposed to be easier. Sometimes he didn't know how to get through to her. He felt like he could talk to her like he was blue in the face and she still wouldn't hear him or believe him. It could be so frustrating.

He let out an exasperated sound and threw his hand off his forehead and toward the fucking rattling old window.

"I want this," he said more firmly and she look up at this loudness, her eyes moving over to the window.

"You want the crappy window?" she put back to him flatly.

"Yes," he said even more exasperatedly. "I want the little old fixer-upper house with the crappy window that's been rattling in the wind for years that I still don't have fucking time to fix because I've got work and family that are far more deserving of my time then some fucking window."

She squinted at him but he just gestured even more forcibly back toward the door.

"I want to be that guy in his 50s sitting there at breakfast this morning looking out into the back. I don't know what he was fucking thinking about but it was written all over his face that it was about his wife and his kids and this house. His family. I want to be this fucking … hard-ass … who's kids still … fucking idolize him. That guy who's down there playing with dinosaurs and making wise-cracks about Mrs. Claus' lingerie. Lighting up about his grandkid. Who wants to spend time with his kids. And his kids want to spend time with him."

"You aren't Hank," Erin said flatly.

"I'm not Voight," Jay agreed. "I don't want to be Voight. But I want some of the things he got for himself. The life he made for himself. The kind of family he established. I want that. And, I think you do too. I know you do. And I can help you get those things. I can. You know I can."

"Jay …," she sighed again. "It's more complicated than that."

"What's so complicated about it?" he pressed at her. "Work? I'll go back to Narcotics."

She gave him a disapproving look. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"I will," he argued at her. "If that's what you need to hear – then I'm telling you, if one of us needs to take lumps for this to happen," he put up his hand like he was in a schoolroom, "pick me. I'll go. It's fine. As long as I get you. That we try this."

She pulled her arms tighter. "Try it," she said and then gestured at him with her hand still tucked under her armpit. "Exactly. We try it. Fuck up our careers. Resent the other because of it."

"I won't resent you," he said. "It's my choice."

"And then we get divorced," she continued like he hadn't even spoken. "Just like every other cop in existence."

He shook his head. "Not every cop. I believe we can figure it out. We've figured things out before. We've got each other's backs. We're form and function."

She allowed him a small amused sound but again shook her head and looked away.

"I know you've got issues with commitment," he said and she glanced at him. "I know that Bunny has you all fucked up about marriage."

"Jay …" she sighed again and held up a hand for him to stop.

"And, I know you aren't sure if you want kids," he pressed forward. "We've talked about all this stuff. Erin, that's real couple talk. That's long-term talk. That's not friends' chitchat. You know that I wasn't sure about marriage or kids after my dad either. You know that. But then I met you – and now …" he shrugged at her. "You've changed my mind about all of that. I love you," he presented to her firmly again.

She gave him that look. This was still disapproval to it. But it was softer. Her vulnerability was more on her sleeve.

"Tell me that you think you can do better," he put to her.

She shook her head and looked away.

"Then what's the problem?" he asked. "Voight doesn't have a problem with it."

"You don't know that," she said with less conviction.

"Yea," Jay stressed to her. "I do. Because if he had a real, legitimate problem with it – I wouldn't be standing here, Erin. It's not him who's trying to stop it anymore. So, you tell me, why are we doing this dance again?"

"It's a big decision, Jay," she said.

"Yea," he nodded. "It's a big decision. You think it was an easy decision for me to come to. To go and get the ring. To see my dad. To talk to Voight. To know that … you wouldn't make this easy. But I'm standing here. In front of you. Again. What's that tell you?"

"You're dumber than you look," she deadpanned at him. But he saw a teasing smile pull at the corners of her mouth when she said it and it made one pull at his too.

"I like to think of it as rugged good looks," he told her.

"Hmm," she allowed. "And razor sharp mind."

"That according to you is failing me today," he provided.

She shrugged and examined the ground.

"I'm not giving up on you," he told her. "Didn't before. Not going to now. And, I'm not going to give up on this. You say no. You say you need time to think. I'm just going to keep asking."

She gave him a glance. "I'll take out a restraining order."

He shook his head. "No you won't," he argued flatly. "You like how all my quality features come together too much. It's rare. But when it works …"

She cast him an involuntary smile and shook her head, feigning annoyance. But she wasn't annoyed. He could tell.

He reached and stroked his hands down her biceps and then worked them down her arms, gently prying her crossed arms apart and taking her hands, rubbing his thumbs across the top of them.

"Will you let me try again?" he asked gently. "I'll try to make it really super romantic and schmaltzy, here in your childhood bedroom with the window rattling in the window and hospital corners on the half-made bed."

She gave a quiet amused noise but shrugged and that was all the affirmation he needed to push forward. He tilted his head until she gave him that same shy look as she had at Molly's when he'd told her that he was sick of hiding, sick of pretending.

"Erin," he told her firmly, holding her hands tightly. He could feel a small tremble in them but she wasn't pulling away. "I love you. Having to go three weeks this year without you in my life was all I needed to prove to me that those are the last weeks I want to have with you missing from them. You've made me a better person, man and cop since I've known you. I'm stronger because of you. And, I want to make a life with you. To keep being there for you. Because I know that I'm never going to find anyone else who gets me and has my back the way you do."

He felt himself shaking as he said it too. A tightness in his chest that he hoped wasn't trembling down into his fingers as he let go of her one hand and put his hand into his pocket, retrieving the ring box again. She gripped his hand for a moment, not letting him completely break their connection as she gazed at that box. But she did let go and he reached and popped it open, finally revealing to her the vintage diamond ring set in square stepped dome with a millegraine embellishment and two-tone gold.

He heard her breath catch a little bit - not from awe of the simple ring that was far more reflective of his roots and personality than the wealth his father's practice had eventually brought his family. He knew she was just reacting to the fact this was happening. A catch of breath. A hidden sob. This was actually happening. Not wishful thinking or something they teased about. This was big, real, grown-up stuff. Not a joke. Not a game. It was their lives. Their life together. And it was time to make it official. Really, truly official.

"Erin Lindsay, please, will you marry me?"

He gazed into her eyes. They were glassy but they were also all his. She wasn't looking away now. She was nervously biting on her bottom lip the way she did that endeared her to him so much. But she finally managed to nod. He smiled. He knew it wasn't just a smile. It was a wide, toothy grin. One that started in his belly, rose up through his chest and just exploded all over his face.

"Is that a yes?" he asked.

She looked at him and nodded again – harder that time. "Yes, Jay," she managed. It was quiet but it was firm.

But it just made him smile more and he reached and took the ring out of the box, gently taking her hand. She let out another shaky breath.

"I'm shaking," she admitted a little sheepishly, almost embarrassedly.

He just shrugged at her and gave her a bigger smile. "That's OK," he assured. "I am too."

But he managed to slip it onto her finger. Both of them looking at it for a long moment until without even realizing it they'd both found each others eyes again. Looking into them and then they leaned in for a kiss. Embracing each other just as much as they kissed each other. The underlying excitement and passion in it pulling them together, as much as it pulled them apart. He smiled broadly at her as they stopped. Her toothy grin – that real smile of hers that she saved for only a select few people, a list he was so grateful to be on – looking up at him.

"We should go downstairs," she told him quietly.

He nodded. "Mmm, hmm," he agreed.

She carefully took his hand, curling her fingers in his and lead them slowly back down the stairs. Somehow it felt like a longer walk than it was. And he also felt like he was smiling like a fool. But this was real.

He saw Voight lean forward from where he was sitting and he must've seen their stupid grins because he was up and at the bottom of the stairs before they'd even gotten there. Erin held out her hand for him to look at and he did, giving something that almost resembled an approving grunt and this sad, reflective smile that Jay thought only the father of a daughter could really pull off. But he pulled her into a hug and rasped at a whisper, "Congratulations." Erin shyly tucking her hair behind her ear as he did.

Then Voight's hand was thrust into his. The grip near crushing. But then it included at pat from the opposite hand and him just turning on his heel and heading back into the front room.

"OK," the man said, "I've got a bottle of whiskey somewhere that I'm supposed to be opening on a special occasion. So let's get it on the rocks."

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: SO that should likely technically be the ending. But I've got a few more chapters of general prattle — opening their presents, dinner, some Hank reflection, Erin/Jay later that night when alone. And I have some ideas about a few scenes for after Christmas day too that aren't yet written. Adding all of that, though, will make this less of a neat ending and would start to become just scenes rather than a story. So let me know in your reviews or PMs what you'd prefer. Leave it here where it's nicely wrapped or if you want some more scenes even if it makes it less of a complete story.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin looked away from watching Henry beat on a box. He was way more interested in the boxes and the wrapping paper and the bows and all the crinkly sounds and the feeling under his hands than he was any of his presents or stocking stuffers so far. But you couldn't expected much more than that out of a five-month-old. They were lucky he was even awake and cheery. He could be a grumpy, crying baby. But he seemed to be holding his own. Interacting with everyone and the day in his own way and certainly earning his place as the center of attention. Though, Ethan had been doing a good job at putting up a fight to maintain the cute, center of attention stealer too.

He stood wobbly in front of her now with a present held out at her, looking at her all nervously.

"You wanna open mine?" he asked.

"Hell ya, I want to open yours, Eth," she said and took it with a wide smile.

She'd been doing that a lot that afternoon. Ones that didn't feel like they required as much effort. Ones that were fake for Ethan's sake. They were real. They felt it too. She could feel it in her chest. In her arms. Her skins. Even though her mind was still spinning a million miles an hour as she tried to process all of this. It was a good thing that she had distraction. She had her family to focus on and Christmas to get through or else she might be spinning. She might be second-guessing herself. She might just be wondering what the hell she'd gotten herself into.

Marrying Jay? Her partner? Her best friend?

What the hell was she thinking?

Could she do this? She could be a wife? She could be Jay's wife. That was different than being a wife. It was his wife. It was the same as being his friend and partner, right? Or at least she could pretend it was. Couldn't she?

Was this even happening? Because right now it sort of felt like some sort of strange dream.

But then she'd look over at Jay next to her – still on the floor – and he'd give her this smile. This really happy, content, relaxed, excited smile. A genuine. Just like the ones she felt keep pulling at her. So then she'd think it could be OK. This could all work out. It wasn't a banana peel. It was a good thing.

Ethan had been so excited when they'd told him. He'd struggled to his feet and gazed at the ring with interest. But then his face had changed and he'd looked at her with glassy.

"WAIT! Does this mean you're leaving?" he'd asked.

"I'm not leaving," she assured. "We're just getting married."

"But then you won't come over anymore!" he'd near whimpered.

"Sure, I will," she said. "We'll be over all the time."

But he'd looked like a toddler ready to cry and had cast Jay this accusing look – like he'd just really pissed in his coffee. That possession from her baby brother shone through in those moments. She was his. She'd always be his. Just not quite the way he wanted. But in a couple more years he wouldn't likely quite need or want her around the way he did now. Until then though, Jay was likely going to get some accusing looks. They'd both managed to talk him down with some assurances and hugs and back rubs, though. And Hank spouting at him about stop his pouting and acting up. It'd been about the only harsher comments he'd delivered to his son that day. Ethan had eventually calmed, though.

And, it looked like for the moment he'd forgiven her for adding another man into her life – who Ethan was going to more than have to share his attention with.

She gave him a thin smile and waited until he awkwardly managed to lower himself to the ground to sit with her and Jay while she opened the gift. They both ended up having to put out arms to support him and help guide him to the floor. But he looked at her expectantly when he did get down, and she worked at picking at and removing the wrapping paper.

The gift was in a little craft box and she gave him another little smile before pulling the lid off. Ethan was so excited about having contributed money and ideas in the Christmas purchases that year. He was just bursting with it. It'd meant that he'd shoved most of his presents to their receivers almost as soon as they started their gift opening under the tree.

Justin hadn't seemed overly excited about the poker set that Ethan had picked for him. But Erin would give him that he had managed to keep up enough enthusiasm and appreciation that Ethan didn't seem to noticed too much. In years gone by Justin wouldn't have tried that hard to do that. Then again, in years gone by, Justin would sit in the living room like a grump and do his best to make the day miserable. Not that Hank would let him. But he tried. He'd grown up a lot in the past couple years – especially this past one. Especially with now having a little boy of his own. Even with his missteps – it was clear he was trying harder. He'd even tolerated when Ethan wanted to crack open the set right then because, "You've got so many things to sort and organize, J!"

Always what you want in a Christmas present. But Justin had humored him. Let his little brother look at all the cards and tokens. Promising to play a few hands with him. To try to teach him the basics. And even though Justin looked less than thrilled about the gift when he opened it, the way he was talking about the card game to Ethan, Erin got the sense it was something he could likely use at least on occasion.

Hank had done a better job at giving Ethan some enthusiasm. Erin had been a little concerned about that because it wasn't Hank's strong point and she knew that Ethan's gift choice fell far outside of the realm of the usual things they picked out for their dad.

Ethan's first gift to his father had been a class project that he'd cried until she'd agreed to go and retrieve from his school for him. And, she was actually glad she did because she was pretty sure the simple woodworking project might end up being Hank's favorite gift of the season.

Hank had fought tooth and nail to ensure that Ethan got to take the woodworking class. The school was going to exempt him from it and put him in some sort of special class during that time period to get extra help with his more academic subjects. But that was not the kind of special accommodation that Hank wanted for his son. He wanted his son to be treated like every other kid and to have the opportunity to be in the same classes as the other kids and doing the same projects. He wasn't going to make his child a bigger mark by having him in the "retard room" during woodworking just because the school was worried about how'd they'd have to monitor and accommodate him. That was their problem. Beyond that, it was increasingly becoming obvious to all of them that Ethan wasn't likely going to be a shining academic star. So Hank was trying to give him every opportunity to see different trades that he might be interested in and to develop some skill sets. To try to get him to latch onto something. To find him something he was good at and liked. To try to start redirecting what his future might look like.

The oddly shaped present had ended up being some sort of over rack pull. Erin could tell that Hank didn't have a clue what it was when he'd opened it but Ethan had declared, "I made it for you, Dad! In woodworking!"

That got Hank's attention and he'd sat there nodding and examining the simply cut project as Ethan explained how it worked. Erin didn't want to think about how long it took Ethan to manage it with his shaking and tremoring. What he likely would've had to go through to get it drafted out and traced and then on the jigsaw and cut in a way that still made it usable when it was all said and done. But there it was in Hank's hands – and even though he was just making his usual Hank listening sounds, she could tell he was pleased. He was really, really pleased. So pleased that him and Ethan had ended up in the kitchen trying it out on pulling the turkey out of the oven to give it a once-over and a baste.

That would've likely been more than enough from Ethan but he'd contributed to her and Justin's pool of money to get Hank a couple gifts too. So Ethan had been committed to having a voice in what he thought his dad wanted. He'd been downright pushy about it. Erin had eventually relented because really – she knew Hank generally liked, or at least appreciated, anything they got for him.

Really for the amount of money her and Justin ever spent – they could only get anything so exciting. They were usually pretty predictable. A book. A shirt. Sometimes one of his old spy or detective movies. There was one year he'd actually put forth that he wanted some screwdriver. That was about as much as it ever got mixed up. It wasn't that Hank was hard to buy for. He had interests that were pretty easy: sports, cars, history, reading, good whiskey. It was just that he was usually pretty specific about what he wanted and since he spent money on himself so rarely when he did – he usually splurged and got something that was more than any amount of money that he'd approve of them spending on him.

So even though they were both in their 20's now and starting to have the means to help him out with that new flatscreen TV or that expensive tool that he'd likely only use twice in his lifetime or that fancy kitchen gadget or chefs knife or grilling utensil or bottle of whiskey that was impossible to get – they still usually kept their budget around the $150 mark. It seemed reasonable. They were usually able to get him a couple decent presents under the tree that way and give Erin some leeway to pickup some items for his stocking. He still usually told them they'd spent too much anyways. Especially when his birthday was in the middle of January and they usually had another gift or took him out to dinner that night – if he'd let them.

But that year's gift that Ethan had picked out wasn't a book or a new plaid shirt for his vast collection.

"It's an ice fishing set!" Ethan had near yelled in his dad's ear before Hank had even gotten all the wrapping paper off. "Look! It's got two rods! So we can both go! We don't have to wait until the spring!"

Hank had snorted out some amusement and gazed at the set that they'd settled on. It had two rods like Ethan said. Erin didn't know what the difference was. The guy in the store hadn't been much help in explaining that beyond saying affirming it was a starter kit. And Ethan didn't seem to care what the difference was. Two meant that him and his dad could do it together. It had the rods and the reels. Some special line – specifically for ice fishing, which she supposed made sense. It had bait and tackle and a storage case. And it still left something in the budget to get Hank something else that might not be quite as unexpected and maybe not as much of a gift to Ethan than it was to Hank.

But Erin liked to think that getting to spend time with Ethan was a small gift to Hank. He'd been doing better about making time for his son. Not just because he had to. He didn't just to homework with him and get dinner on the table or him out the door in the morning. He actually did things with him. And, she knew that was a shift for Hank. It wasn't how he'd been living his life for a while. It meant he had to approach his work slightly differently. He had to re-prioritize. But he had been. She was proud of him for that because there had been moments when Ethan came home in the summer that she wasn't sure how it'd work out. That she'd be picking up his slack. That Ethan would just get tough love like Justin had and that he'd soon be rebelling and begrudging Hank – just like Justin had. Maybe he still would. But at least Hank was doing his best to make sure they had a foundation for their relationship before he fully charged into his teens – whatever those were going to look like now.

Hank had taken Ethan camping and fishing in the summer. It was just for a three day weekend. But Ethan still talked about it. Endlessly. He might as well have a countdown in his room until the next summer when they could do it again. He'd already asked his dad more than once if they'd be able to go more than once in the new year. Apparently, though, Ethan was tired of waiting. He wanted that Daddy Time now. And, Erin didn't think that was a bad thing. Even if it involved ice fishing.

Hank gazed at the kit. "So you're telling me you want me to go an freeze my nuts off?" he'd put to Ethan.

Ethan's face had dropped. "You don't like it," he'd said as more of a statement than a question.

But Hank's arm had quickly gone around his son and pulled him to in a half hug, resting his mouth against his kid's head. "I love it," he said. "When we going?"

Ethan had lit up at that and gazed at him. "Tomorrow?!" he suggested.

Hank had actually allowed an almost laugh at that. "I think we'll have to do some looking into this first," he said. "We'll get out there before your break is done," he'd promised.

Ethan had glowed and taken the kit from his dad, staring at it with some admiration. He was clearly excited about it.

"It's from everyone but I picked it, Dad," Ethan told him. "And it cost more than what I put in so basically the other ones aren't from me. This is way better than the rest of your presents."

"Mmm," Hank had grunted and took the package back from his son, working on getting it open, because that was clearly what Ethan wanted. To play with his dad's new toy. "It's the thought that counts."

"Yea," Ethan agreed. "But you can likely guess what the other ones are."

"Mmm," Hank just grunted again. "Biggest gift is having my kids here. Us being together. Doesn't matter what's under the tree."

And Erin understood exactly what he was saying. She'd more than learned that with the Voights. The initially thrill of her first Christmas with them gave way to the growing understanding that as fun as the gifts were it was the time together that really stood out. And, maybe that's why Ethan might be right that his was the best gift of the bunch for Hank – because he was giving the promise of them getting some more time in together. That counted for a lot.

As for what Ethan would've picked her in a box this size, though? She wasn't sure. But her face changed as she took off the lid. She cast him a thin look at Jay before meeting her baby brother's eyes.

"You guys all trying to make me cry today?" she put to him.

"Do you like it?" Ethan asked timidly – just like he had after everyone else opened his presents.

She gave him a little nod as she gazed into the box. "I love it, Eth," she assured him.

It was clearly a handmade artisan necklace. A simple sterling silver chain with an infinite symbol on it. One loop was bigger than the other and off the bigger loops were two little charms, each with the letter E engraved into them. But as cute as the simple little necklace was, it was the display card that it was hanging from that held almost more meaning. "There's no better friend than a sister and no better sister than you," it said.

"I paid for it," Ethan told her excitedly. "At the Christmas market! But we had to put it on Dad's credit card because the lady made it special for you! To put the Es on it. She said it's real neat we're both E and that Mom and Dad musta planned that. And Dad told her they did! Me and you have Es and we all end in Ns! Neat, right?"

She cast Hank a look and he shrugged. That's not the way she'd heard the story about Ethan's name before. The way she'd heard it was, "Cami picked the names." End of story. She liked this version a bit better. It seemed to add even more to the gift.

"I really love it, E," she said and reached to pull him over to her, wrapping him in a hug that he tried to act like he was too big for when he'd been such a cuddle monster all day.

"You like it better than your ring?" Ethan asked her, squirming away from her.

She let out a noise and looked at Jay, who shook his head and rolled his eyes. Grabbing Ethan a bit and teasingly poking at him.

"Not a competition, Kid," he said.

"She likes it better," Ethan said, trying not to giggle in their brief wrestle.

Erin just shook her head. She wasn't going to get into it. She just looked at Jay. "Help me," she said to him flatly.

He nodded and got the clasp done for her and put it around her neck, letting her hair drop back into place.

"What you think?" she asked Ethan, displaying it for him.

He grinned and cast Jay a look. "Good. And now we're always together."

Jay returned a look to him. "You're a little possessive there, Kid," he warned.

"She was mine first," Ethan informed him.

Jay let out a quiet laugh and cast her a look. "OK," he allowed.

Erin just shook her head. This might take some time. The youngest child of the family with age gaps clearly wasn't really ready to share. But she wasn't going to fight that battle with him on Christmas.

Instead she just nodded at the tree. "Go find your present from me," she suggested in an effort to distract him. He hadn't done a lot of present opening yet. He seemed so much more focused on demonstrating his gift-buying prowess.

Hank had gestured for him and his jerking, flailing body to stay put. He shuffled over to the end of the touch and leaned under the tree to Ethan's pile, retrieving the gift and handing it out to her to hand to her baby brother.

"There," she told him. "You want to check that out?" He'd smiled at her and shook it a bit. She shook her head at him and steadied his hands. "Don't do that."

"It breakable?" he asked.

Erin shrugged. "Maybe," she said. "Open it."

He considered her a moment but then started picking at the paper. The drugs must've been really starting to work their way out of his system at that point because his hand was just bouncing. It was almost painful to watch him try to get his fingers to work so he could grip at the seam. But she knew not to point it out to him. It'd just make him more agitated. She'd learned to look for the cues on when he wanted and needed the help. He hadn't given one yet. So she had to just let him open his present.

He hadn't even got all the paper off when he was able to discern what it was and his face lit up.

"Headphones!" he declared happily and ripped more at the paper.

"They aren't the stupid Beats ones," she told him, as his hands fumbled in their effort to get them out of the packaging.

Ethan had been near begging for the fancy headphones that the other kids at school were wearing. Beats. House of Marley. Skullcandy. Monster. All these brand names with even bigger price tags. Hank had put to him none to mildly that he wasn't spending $200-plus on headphones for a twelve-year-old. That Ethan would lose them or break them in a matter of weeks – especially if he was wearing them to school in a Chicago winter and tossing them in his backpack and locker. It wasn't going to happen. And Ethan also had figured out exactly how long it would take him to save up his allowance to get them – even if he took on some of the little odd jobs Trudy and Mouse and the guys over at the 51 gave him to make a bit of extra cash. It was going to be a long time – especially when he had other big ticket items on his list he was saving up for.

Erin had instead started telling him that the kids at St. Iggy were just brainwashed by commercialism. That Beats were crap. Their sound was shit. And if he wanted high quality sound, he shouldn't be buying Beats in the first place. He wanted to listen to music – not make a fashion statement. The reality, though, was really that Ethan just wanted to fit in. He had so many things going for him that made it hard for him to fit in that anything to make him look like just like the other kids became something he coveted.

"I know," he huffed at her. "I'm not old enough for $400 headphones."

"No one is old enough for $400 headphones," Erin put back to him, reaching to help him get off the last of the paper. "That's a stupid way to spend money when these are better. They're like what we use at work."

His face lit up even more at that. "Really?!" he demanded.

"Really," she said. "So now you can use the for music and for high up Intelligence work."

"Cool," Ethan had muttered and gazed at the box.

The reality was – yeah, she'd gotten him Sony's, like they had stocked up at work. And they were over-ear like the ones at work. They'd look familiar to him. What he didn't need to know was that they were $30 starter headphones that she'd gotten on sale. But they were decent and they'd be a good pair for him to start out with and maybe prove to them that he could take care of them. And, if Hank was right and he did break them in a couple weeks, it wouldn't be a huge loss.

"And they're folding," he said happily, holding up the box for Hank to see. "Look, Dad!"

Hank just grunted. Ethan wasn't listening anyways. He'd just spotted the other half of his present. He cast her a sideways look and pulled the headphones' packaging back to him. His shaking fingers, picking at the gift card taped to the back of the box.

"Best Buy?" Justin asked.

Erin looked over her shoulder and shook her head at him.

"Thought you only got him one present?" Jay leaned over to whisper into her ear.

She shrugged. "It did only have one present for him. It just had two things in it."

"Hmm," Jay intoned and rolled his eyes at her.

Ethan finally managed to get the card off of the box and looked at it questioningly.

"Do you know what it is?" Erin asked.

He shook his head at her.

"What's it say?" she put to him.

He let out a long sigh and gazed at the little sleeve the card was in. "Con … ver …" he tried to sound out slowly. "Conversation?" he asked her, giving her pleading eyes.

"Con-ver-s-" she started for him but didn't have to finish it.

"CONVERSE!" Ethan yelled. His eyes going wide and he looked back to the card.

"Take out the card," she said, shifting forward to him as his fingers struggled to get the grip they needed to pinch the card and pull it out of the sleeve. She reached around him and helped. He readily accepted it, almost snatching the gift card back from her in his excitement. She still put her finger on the words on the card now that it was back in his hand. "And what's that say?"

Ethan let out another long breath as he considered it. "That I can get a pair of shoes?" he asked, casting a look over his shoulder at her.

She shook her head and rested her chin on his shoulder, tapping her finger on the card. "Try to read it, Eth," she said.

He let out an annoyed sigh but squinted back at the card. "Bill-ank can-vize," he pushed out very slowly.

"Blank canvas," she agreed with him.

She could feel him squinting in confusion. "What's that mean?" he asked.

She knocked the side of her head against his and sat up straight again, reaching and giving his shoulders some good massaging squeezes. "That you need to go grab your laptop because you get to design your own sneakers," she told him with a little shake.

He spun around and gaped at her. "What?! Really?"

She nodded, raising her eyebrows at him to mimic his excitement. "Yep. Any color you want. Any pattern you want. Custom-made Magoo shoes."

His smile got so big and all of a sudden he'd flopped right against her in a full-on hug. She reached and rugged his back firmly, looking across the coffee table at Hank who gave her a thin smile for having achieved that reaction. Then he got out of his seat. She knew he was likely going to find the computer so that Ethan wouldn't be trying to navigate around the house with it in shaking hands and on crutches.

"I'm finally going to fit in," he mumbled against her in his hopeful little boy voice.

It made her just hug him tighter, resting her cheek against the crown of his head. "You don't need to fit in Magoo. You're a one-and-only. Custom-made. We all like you better that way."

And they did. They loved him that way. To pieces. She just wished the kids at school could see that too. How great, how strong, and how brave her baby brother was. He didn't need to be like everyone else. He was better just the way he was.


	19. Chapter 19

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin drummed excitedly on the top of the Christmas gift she'd finally been allowed to drag in front of her.

"Are you my twelve year old?" Hank muttered at her, as he worked by her in the little front room.

He'd apparently decided he couldn't stand the clutter in the room any longer and that that exact moment was the most appropriate time to start picking up the paper shreds and ripped up packaging and plastic wrappers and tissue paper and bows and ribbons that were spread across the floor. Because that just couldn't wait until they were done. Not orderly enough.

Normally it would've been a job given to Ethan – since he was usually the one making the biggest mess. But Hank had spared the boy – and basically all of them – from Ethan stumbling around the room and flailing his crutches every which way.

Henry, though, was working at putting Popa in his place. As soon as Hank had tried to collect some of the discarded wrappings around the baby, Henry had started shrieking at him and crunching at the paper even more wildly – holding it in his little clutched fists like he was just challenging Hank to even try to take it away from him. Definitely a Voight male. Already. Justin was so screwed. Karma. He so fucking deserved it too.

Henry had won the stand-off too. It was pretty impressive for a five-month-old. Or just proof of how much Henry already had Popa around his little finger. It was going to be a while before Henry could do any wrong in Popa's eyes. So a little nest of paper, ribbon, tissue and bows got left around the baby. Still far more exciting than any present they could've hoped to give him or stuff his stocking with. As if to prove his point further – Henry shoved the wrapping in his mouth and started to gum on it. One last, "I showed you, Popa!"

"Hank, would you sit down?" Erin pressed at him and gave him a minor weak whine. "I want to open my present!"

She cast Jay a look and he shook his head at her. "Why are you so excited about this?" he put to her.

"Because it's my big present," she said to him a little sarcastically.

"It's a big box," Jay provided.

"It's wrapped. It's a present," she contended.

"You likely wouldn't be as excited if you knew what was in it," Jay said.

She raised her eyebrow at him. "And you think you know what's in it?"

"Voight told me what was in it," Jay shrugged.

She snorted at him and glanced at Voight – or rather his ass – because he was still bent over picking up everything off the floor.

"Hank! Sit down," she barked at him a bit more firmly. "It's still going to be there when we're done."

"There's so much junk on the floor I can't even see what any of you are doing," he mumbled at her.

"We're opening presents," Ethan provided helpfully.

Erin looked at her brother and smiled and looked back to Hank. "We're opening presents," she agreed and leaned back and smacked at his calf until he glanced over his shoulder at her. "Sit," she ordered. "I'll pick it up for you when we're done. I want to open your gift."

He just grunted at her and didn't listen. Apparently her whiney grabbiness didn't have the same magical powers as Henry's. But she'd could admit that Henry was way cuter than her. So she just looked back to Jay and raised her eyebrow at him again.

"What he tell you he got me?" she put to him flatly.

"Pots and pans," Hank filled in for Jay.

She cast him a look and then rotated back to Jay with a little nod. "That's what he's allegedly had for me under the tree since I was eighteen. I have yet to see any of these promised pots and pans materialize."

Hank gave her a glance at that. "Should be what I get you," he rasped at her.

She snorted her disgust at that statement. But that was enough for Justin to lean forward and look at Jay.

"Hope you know how to cook," he said. "Because she won't be doing it for you."

It'd been among the limited statements that Justin had said to Jay so far that day. He wasn't being rude – he just wasn't showing a lot of interest. But that was Justin. He was protective – over-protective – and possessive in a way that would make his father proud. And likely provided a pretty good model for Ethan to mirror too. Thing was that Justin wasn't there all the time to project his thinly veiled hostility for no reason at Jay. And, Hank generally wasn't any more hostile to Jay than he was anyone else at work – 90 per cent of the time. And, Ethan usually thought Jay was a pretty cool guy. That could be achieved again when he realized that marriage didn't yield sudden arrival of a baby, joining the army and moving out of state. At least not for most people.

So Erin just reached over and gave Jay a few friendly knocks on the shoulder with a fist.

"He'll make a very good house husband," she teased, casting him a look and then giving Justin a really patronizing one.

"Hear that, Pops," Justin called and Hank again just grunted the fact that he wasn't oblivious to the chatter going on around him even though he was ignoring it. "Next year you can really put some pots and pans under the tree. For Halstead."

Hank grunted absently again. Apparently it didn't sound absent enough because Jay leaned into her and whispered into her ear, "Though I'm terrified about the concept of EVER receiving a present from Voight, I'd rather get what he got," he said with a little nod in Justin's direction.

Erin let out a quiet amused noise and linked her pinky finger around his where it was sitting near her leg. She really felt the urge to be touching him more than that. Just little touches. Though, she also kind of wanted to kiss him. A lot. But her family definitely wasn't at the place where they'd tolerate that sort of display of affection yet. Hank wasn't a PDA kind of person. And, Erin supposed she wasn't really either. Something about putting that part of herself on display just made her uncomfortable.

She knew what he was referring to, though. Justin had gotten some sort of power tool combo kit from his dad and all of a sudden all the males in the room went gah-gah. Seriously – even Ethan had been on top of his brother trying to get his chance to fiddle with the thing. Erin swore that even Henry and pawed at it like it was his chance to lay hands on the Blessed Child or something. Justin had ended up on the couch with Hank chatting about the set and with the kit out of the box, Hank had got his hands on the impact driver and talking about its torque while gazing at it with possibly more admiration than that look he got in his eyes when he had Henry in his arms. Even Jay had been allowed to examine this apparent gift of the season and had these little boy eyes of excited awe at the fucking thing. Who knew a glorified screwdriver could make a man so happy? That likely said a whole lot about the male mind.

And it was just fucking ridiculous. She was pretty sure she'd picked up more power tools in her lifetime than Justin ever had. She was actually almost certain that Justin hadn't touched a tool in his life before being sent to boot camp. And now he was Mr. Fix It? But apparently Hank had deemed these items as something that a new homeowner, new father, and young family should have in their possession. So there they were in all their glory – with all the men pulling at the triggers of the things like they were shooting off their weapons in the air.

Thrilling Christmas present. For all. It'd been a showstopper.

Justin seemed genuinely appreciative and excited about it, though. He'd gone on about what he was going to use it for. Basically putting together the baby's room. It sounded to Erin like Justin would probably be transferred to a different base, deployed or Henry would be in kindergarten by the time he finished this project at the current rate it was going. So maybe Hank did make a good call. Maybe power tools would speed things along.

"Maybe she did get it," Ethan said, dragging himself back closer to her again and having overheard Jay's comment. "Dad gets them the same thing lots. Because they're both old."

Erin gave her brother an unimpressed look. "I'm not old," she told him, knocking at his shoulder and giving him a gentle push to knock him onto his ass. She didn't want him too close or else he'd be right in there ripping off the paper for her. She wanted her chance to do that herself.

Ethan just shrugged at her as he settled and worked at trying to get his legs pulled under himself.

"Hank, c'mon!" Erin huffed at him again.

He gave her an unimpressed look but returned to the couch, sitting himself down. He gestured at her with his hands.

"Go ahead," he said flatly.

She smiled at that and started picking at the paper. Ethan getting up on his knees to watch. She cast him a warning look. If she wanted help, she'd ask for it. She wanted the thrill of opening the present herself. It wasn't often that she got them and the severely limited number in her childhood meant that the thrill of having something to unwrap hadn't entirely worn off yet.

"Is it tools?" Ethan asked, still hovering.

"I don't think so," Erin muttered at him. "It's a different shaped box."

"So maybe it's what Olive got instead?" Ethan suggested.

Erin gave him annoyed look. Yeah. Sometimes Hank got them the same thing. But that was usually years that they both wanted or needed new footwear or some winter jacket or overpriced piece of clothing. So it was the same thing – not the same. She might be nearly 30 – but she really hoped Hank hadn't decided to start getting them matching presents at this point in their family life. As thoughtful as his power tools for Justin and some sort of blender for Olive was.

She actually almost felt like there'd been some sort of invasion of the body snatchers going on listening to Olive and Justin. That body snatcher was likely Henry. Or the U.S. Army. The obnoxious, defiant, chip on the shoulder little brother that she'd put up with for years wasn't there. And that teenaged girl that she'd known to have made some questionable decisions and been a bit of a party-girl who'd gotten knocked up by her high school crush likely in one of his first flings after he got out of jail – also wasn't there.

There were these two people a good number of years younger than her drooling about a power tool and a blender. Now this blender apparently was "perfect" for making homemade baby food. Really? Who does that? And then Justin went on some sort of tear about green smoothies and power shots and what basically sounded like excuses to consume milkshakes on a regular basis. But apparently Olive was a bit more crunchy-granola than Erin had known and this blender was something that was always wanted and was going to make all their lives so much easier.

Erin didn't think she could get that excited about a blender – no matter how hard she tried or how appreciative she'd be of the thought or effort. Or the fact that she didn't have to spend her own money on it.

She really was giving Olive the benefit of the doubt, though. Erin completely understood that the woman had gotten herself in an awkward situation with getting knocked up by Justin and that it took some guts to track him down and approach Hank and to decide to keep the baby. And, then to move out of state to start a life with a guy she barely knew. But she seemed to be doing a good job. Henry looked so healthy and happy. And Justin did too. He really did. And, Erin suspected that had a lot more to do with Olive and Henry than it did the Army life.

Beyond that, she got that spending Christmas with their family would be nerve-wrecking for Olive too. It wasn't like they'd all spent a lot of time together yet. They were all still getting used to each other and how to function together. To get to know each other. To respect each other's boundaries and interactions. It was a process and often Olive ended up looking a little nervous and awkward in it. She'd been doing better since Henry arrived on the scene – likely because she could see how excited and happy everyone was to have him as the new addition in the family. But it was hard. Erin could see the same nervous awkwardness coming off Jay too while he tried to be there without feeling like he was intruding or unwelcomed.

"It's not a blender," Erin mumbled at Ethan. She didn't really care to speculate what was inside with him. She was more focused on getting inside. And as she ripped away another piece of the paper, she didn't have to get inside anymore to see what it was. She gazed at it and then looked at Hank. "Are you kidding me?" she demanded. He just shrugged at her. She cast a surprised look at Jay and started stripping away the rest of the paper.

"WHOA!" Ethan declared as he realized what she'd received too.

"What is it?" Justin asked, leaning over with some interest.

"A turntable!" Erin said with some surprised awe. She gaped at Hank. "Thank you!"

He just shrugged. "Welcome," he said but then shook his finger in the direction of the gift. "Same as the headphones. Just a starter."

She grunted some acknowledgement at that comment and reached to pull the hefty box into her lap, reading the packaging. Jay helped her and gave her back a rub.

"What do you need a turn table for?" Justin muttered.

She didn't even look up from her reading. "What do you need a power driver for?" she snarked.

"It's to play records, J," Ethan clarified, inching forward to get a better look.

"I know," Jay said a little defensively.

Ethan squinted at him and pointed at Justin. Yeah, Erin thought, passively, Justin's whole nickname at home thing might be reaching its life expectancy if they had an actual Jay joining the family – because she sure as hell wasn't going to start calling him Jason. She suspected he wouldn't respond – especially after she'd heard the way that name came off his father's tongue. There was something about it that just sounded so wrong. Didn't suit him. He was a Jay. Not a Jason.

"I know too," Justin said. "But I still don't know what you need it for."

"And I still don't know what you need power tools for," she shot at him, giving him some warning eyes to not piss her off while she was enjoying her present.

"The baby's room," he put flatly.

She gestured at the box and then slide it off her lap onto the ground in front of her to start getting it out of the packaging.

"For my condo," she muttered at him.

Justin must've made some sort of face of disapproval or disdain because the next person to speak was Hank and it was that simple order they always seemed to get: "Stop antagonizing your sister. She got her present. You got yours. Enough."

Justin made a noise and looked to his baby instead. Better place for his attention.

"We can play Mom and Dad's records on it," Ethan said to her excitedly.

She cast him some teasing eyes. "We?" she put to him.

His face fell and he pouted a bit. "You …"

She reached and scruffed at his hair. "We," she agreed. "We'll drag them up after."

They'd spent part of the summer dragging all Justin's crap out of Ethan's now exclusive bedroom and into the basement. It'd resulted in a secondary project of reorganizing all the crap in the basement and in the process of doing that they'd found stacks of vinyl from days gone by in Hank and Camille's lives. It'd been a real treat going through them and seeing what they'd been listening to. At least for her and Ethan. She got the sense that it was hard for Hank to look at and he'd only participated up to a point. But he must've known that giving her this gift meant that some of the records would be pulled out again now. But maybe that was part of the plan. Part of the gift. Not just to her – but to himself? Or even to Camille's memory?

"Can we listen on my headphones?" Ethan asked. He had the things dangling around his neck like the kids did with the stupid Beats. It looked ridiculous. At least Erin knew that Hank would never let him leave the house like that. That wasn't to say they wouldn't be hanging around his neck again as soon as he got out of his dad's sight, though. Or at least he would until some smart-ass kid made some smart-ass comment alluding to the fact that they weren't the on trend item of the moment.

She shrugged as she pulled the turntable out of the box, Jay helping her with all the packaging that was protecting it and holding it securely in place. "Likely," she muttered. She was way more interested in checking the unit out than having one-on-one time with her baby brother in that moment. This was going to be kick-ass in her condo. She couldn't wait to try it out.

Hank must've gotten the sense that she wanted some space to look at it for a few minutes without Ethan's pry eyes and trembling little hands trying to get in on it.

"Magoo," he said firmly but with that touch of gentleness he showed to Ethan anymore. "Come sit with me. Let's get you set up with your present."

That was enough to drag him away. Though, he crawled. He seemed to be opting to do that a lot that day rather than trying to use the crutches. Erin could feel Hank cringe each time. He'd already managed to pull the tube out of the bag once with his crawling technique and had ended up with urine all over himself. Thankfully it wasn't that much and it'd only been a short pause while the rug and Ethan got cleaned up.

Hank had taken him upstairs in that process and ended up with him in the bathroom, getting the bag strapped to his thigh rather than down around his ankle. It made Ethan's current maneuvering easier and accidents less likely. But the way he'd bunched up the surplus tubing and taped it and strapped it to Ethan's thigh pretty much made it look like he had some oddly placed, shaped and sized half-boner poking through his pants. Thankfully it was just family in the room. But needless to say they weren't taking a lot of photos – at least not ones that included the lower half of her baby brother. She assumed after the gift unwrapping and crawling around on the floor was done and they settled in for what was left of the day, Ethan would get taken back upstairs and readjusted again.

After Ethan got to the edge of the couch, Hank had put his hand under his one armpit and pretty much single-handedly pulled him up onto the cushions next to him.

"J, want to grab mine for him," he said.

Jay had glanced up from his examination of her gift with her and started to move. But Voight had caught his eye – somewhat disapprovingly – and looked more directly at his son.

"Justin," he said flatly.

Justin nodded and handed Henry off to Olive, crawling under the tree. There wasn't much left at that point. But even with the less than heaping pile that there'd been there, they'd definitely made the experience last.

"That it?" Justin asked, handing a package over to his dad.

Voight nodded and handed it off to Ethan. "Erin," he called. "Watch your brother open his present. Then you all can take a break to play with your new toys."

She looked up at him and allowed an amused noise. But listened. He was right – if Ethan had something to putter with, he'd get absorbed and the rest of them would be able to do whatever for a bit. Hers would definitely be setting up this. But she also sort of wanted a nap. Or more coffee.

With her line of vision settling on Ethan, Hank looked at his son and nodded. "Go," he allowed.

Ethan gave him a little smile and again started to pick at the paper. Erin was actually really glad Hank wasn't one of these people who got their kids a giant pile of gifts – if simply for the fact that that year watching Ethan open his presents might be torture. It was so hard to see his fingers fumbling like that and his arm shaking. It took everything in her to not reach out and help him still it every time her eyes set on it. She really hoped they'd be able to try another medication on him – one that wouldn't give him seizures – after this one got out of his system and his kidneys bounced back some. Because seeing her baby brother this way was hard. She couldn't imagine how upsetting, agitating and frustrating it must be for him. He was just a little boy.

It took a while but Ethan managed to get the paper off and gazed at the box in front of him. Erin could tell with the way his brow was scrunched up that he had absolutely no idea what he was looking at. It likely wasn't anything he'd really wanted – or at least expected – because there were no cheers, no involuntarily hugs. Just a blank stare.

"Know what it is?" Hank asked after Ethan had had some time to process the gift.

Ethan gave his head a cautious shake and gave his dad a timid look. One that said he was trying to be good and appreciative and not a pouty little boy who was about to get in trouble for not liking his gift and not hiding it very well.

Hank gave him thin lips. Erin worked at trying to place if it was a smile or a frown.

"What you do downstairs with Mouse?" Hank put to him.

"Intelligence work," Ethan said so matter-of-factly.

A smile then really did involuntarily pull at Hank's mouth and it did at Erin's too. She glanced at Jay who seemed amused as well.

Hank nodded. "OK," he allowed. "But what's he got you doing your Intelligence work with?"

"Circuit boards," Ethan said firmly.

"Yeah," Hank said and beat his finger on the box. "And this is a starter kit to get you making your own circuit boards."

Ethan squinted at him as he processed that and then looked back at the box. "Really?" he asked with some growing surprise.

"Yeah," Hank said and flipped the box over for him. "See. There's that thing you'd done the banana keyboard thing with."

"YOU GOT ME A MAKEY!" Ethan gaped at him.

Hank looked at him. "I got you an electronics and circuitry kit," Hank said like that was better than whatever a Makey was.

"But it has the Makey in it," Ethan beamed and gazed even more admirably at the box.

"Well, it says you can learn about electronics and circuitry," Hank tried again – like that was a selling feature to a twelve year old. "You can learn to make a radio. A lie detector."

"That's good for Intelligence," Ethan said, gazing at the box with some wonder.

"Yea, to a point," Hank allowed. "The real lie detectors are the detectives."

Ethan gave him a glance. He might need to process that. But he knew it was true. You couldn't get a lie passed Hank. At least not as his kid.

"Can make a rover too," Hank said, pointing elsewhere on the box.

"Like Bomb Squad," Ethan said flatly.

Hank gazed at his son. Erin saw something there. "Yea, a little," he agreed.

Ethan nodded and looked at the box more. "What else?"

Hank ran his finger down some list on the back. "Burglar alarm. Infrared detector."

A smile tugged at Ethan's mouth. "Those are good for cops too," he declared and shot Hank a bigger smile. "This is awesome, Dad!"

Hank smiled thinly at that and nodded. "Good, I'm glad." But Erin could see the way he was looking at his soon. "Anyways, there's 750 projects in there for you. Boards for you to build. Things you can hook it up to the computer to do."

Ethan's eyes got big. "That's a lot!"

"It's a lot," Hank agreed. "But good way to start," he said, tapping on the box again.

Ethan flopped against his dad's side, examining the box.

"What's a Mouse?" Justin asked. He definitely didn't seem as excited about Ethan's present as he had his own – but it wasn't his present.

"Our IT guy," Hank provided.

"He's like me," Ethan said quietly – still absorbed in his intense examination of the packaging.

"Like you?" Justin asked, casting his dad a look.

"He got hurt too," Ethan said flatly. "So he thinks different than other people too. And sometimes people think he acts weird and are mean to him because of it. But it's just cuz he got hurt. It's not his fault."

Justin looked at his dad but Hank's full attention was on his youngest, his arm going around him and pulling him close. He cast a small look at her and Jay – more hanging on Jay than her. Mouse was his friend.

"You and Mouse having some real heart-to-hearts downstairs?" Hank put to him.

Ethan shrugged but rested his cheek against his dad's chest, looking up at him. "Mouse says for a while because he's weird too people didn't want to give him a job and it sucked. But now he gets to work with cops even though he's not real police. He's just a civilian. That you can still be hurt and work for the CPD. And then there's people like you Dad who will let you try as long as you work hard and are good at what you do. And Mouse says I'm real good at this," he said going back to looking at the box.

"Sounds like Mouse is a pretty smart guy under all those twitches," Hank said quietly, pulling his boy a little tighter to him.

Ethan shrugged. "He's pretty nice."

"Mmm," Hank allowed. "So that the plan, E? You want to work for the CPD?"

Ethan rubbed his head against his dad's chest. "You do. And Erin. And grandpa did."

"Yea," Hank near grunted.

Ethan shrugged. "So I thought they wouldn't want me. But Mouse says they will."

Even from where Erin was sitting across the room, she could see that his eyes had welled. He elongated his face –jutting out his chin in the way he always did when he was trying to force himself to show no emotion. To try to hide the fact he had any. But his eyes moved to Jay briefly.

"The CPD should be so lucky to have you," Hank finally managed to get out after he'd composed himself. He ran his tongue around his cheeks one more time for good measure and then reached to flip the box in his boy's lap. "So let's get this open and start putting Mouse out of a job."

Ethan gave his dad a little smile and sat up straighter in his excitement to actually see the contents of the set. But it was Jay that Erin found herself looking at. She thought, that even if Jay didn't know it – he'd just given Hank, the entire family - a gift. One that he hadn't even realized he was giving. But it was him who'd brought Mouse into the unit and that had brought Mouse into Ethan's life and that was what was allowing them to have this conversation right now. A conversation that made it seem like maybe Ethan's future was a little brighter than it'd been feeling for a while. That maybe he had one. A good one. One they could all look forward to and be proud of him achieving. And that was a bigger gift than any circuitry set, power tool, turntable or blender.

It was just the gift they all needed that Christmas.


	20. Chapter 20

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

"Hey, Pops, you wanna open this," Justin put to him, pulling him out of his quiet trance.

He wasn't sure how long he'd just been sitting there. Watching. Listening. Thinking. Doing his best to be in the moment even though it was hard. It seemed no matter how many years they got down the road, the holidays just made him think about Camille. Made him thinking about his kids when they were littler. Their past lives.

It was different that year. He felt himself thinking more about what Camille was missing – in a different way than before. Because he knew he had things happening in front of him that she would've wanted to see. To be there for. Their boy married. A grandbaby playing on the floor. Their girl engaged. "Handsome". That's what Camille would say about Halstead. "A handsome young man". Get herself a little motherly crush on him. And Voight just knew that fucking Halstead would've played that. Sucked right up to her and Camille would've eaten it up while casting Voight looks warning him not to bust the guy's balls too much or piss off Erin with being too overly protective. That Erin had done good. That they'd done good to get her there. To just fucking relax and enjoy it. Be happy for her. For them.

And, Ethan. It'd spent so much of that year wondering how things would've been different with his youngest if his mom was around. Ethan just likely wouldn't be the way he was if none of that had happened. But it wasn't just about that. Camille had missed so much with E. Hank was so acutely aware of that. And, he knew that no matter how hard he tried there were a whole host of things he just never would do as well as Camille for his boy. He tried. But he wasn't his mother. He wasn't a woman. He was just him.

This was likely one of the last Christmases they got with Ethan with him seeing a bit of magic in the day. He was already outgrowing it. Quickly. Thirteen or fourteen and the protests would turn into all out pouting or complete lack of participation and appreciation. Only wanting the fucking electronics and brand name labels that Hank wasn't likely to put under the Christmas tree. Those were things that got earned and worked for. Things his kids contributed to if they wanted. They didn't just get handed to him. But already he was seeing all this crap the other kids at school had. He was becoming more and more aware of what the other kids thought he had. He was hearing all the bullshit about how he didn't fit in and he was still at the point that he wanted to. It was only going to get worse. He'd dealt with it with Justin and Erin. But it'd be different with Ethan. Dinosaurs and boardgames wouldn't cut it next year. A whole lot had fucking changed too since Justin and Erin had gone through high school and St. Iggy's. If being a teen seemed like a pain in the ass then – things were just complicated now. More complicated when you had a brain damaged, sick, disfigured kid.

How much of that would be true if Camille was around?

But right now he had this.

Erin and Halstead had fucked around with his stereo and gotten the turntable hooked up to it. They'd dragged up the old records and were absorbed in going through them. He was getting a glimpse at some sort of common ground they had outside of work and "Netflix". Though they seemed eager to put on some of the old rock vinyls they'd found in the box, they'd settled on some of the Christmas albums. Christmas music definitely sounded better on vinyl. He didn't need to hear the other records to know they would too. But they'd be full of even more memories so he appreciated the delay of them going for a spin.

Justin, Olive and Henry were off on the other side of the room. Justin had gotten the car ramp all set up for Henry even though Hank had warned him it was going to be a royal pain in the ass to get back home after it was put together. But his kids only listened to him so well. Henry seemed far more interested in the new teether key set Santa had put in his stocking and the sensory ball thing Auntie Erin had wrapped up for him. He was making a fucking racket with that. Shaking it and letting out screeches of pure fucking joy at every rattling sound he made.

Voight hoped he might get a chance to give the tugboat bath set that Santa had left for Henry at Popa's house a bit of a run later that night too. Something special about getting to do bathtime with your kids. He'd always done his best to be home for that – especially with Ethan. Wasn't always an easy thing to do with his job. But he'd done his best – because that was bonding time you couldn't get back. He sort of hoped that J and Olive would trust him to a have a couple nights of that time with his grandson. Not pull this bullshit about him having already done his baby duties with his own kids. He didn't get to see his grandson enough to miss out on the limited baby-time opportunities he had. He didn't mind changing a few diapers, handling some feedings and taking on some bathtimes. He wanted those things. Not that he'd express that to his son in quite that way. Justin would just have to fucking read between the lines and hand over his grandson. Give him some Popa and Henry time. He knew how to take care of a baby. He was still taking care of all his kids asses all these years later. He could deal with a baby's.

Then his baby – Ethan – was flitting back and forth between them. Fiddling with his toys in between. Drawing the guys – J and Jay – into playing with the fucking dart guns Jay had given him and the fucking remote control helicopter that Justin had given him and that they were now crashing into all his walls. Working at getting the fucking 700 2015 baseball cards that J and Olive had gotten as a joint gift for him and Henry to share – start a tradition for uncle and nephew to share. Fiddling with the videogame and getting moody at all them talking and playing music and making it so he couldn't hear. And shoving that fucking dinosaur into everyone's face but clinging to it like it was the Second Coming. He was pretty sure Ethan would have the thing up in his bedroom – if not tucked under his arm – that night. Love at first sight. The damn thing.

His boy was coming over looking for affection now and then. Tired, hurt little boy. But fucking interrupting Voight's observations and his reading. New fucking paperback. Good read for crappy mystery pulp fiction. But one he'd been wanting to read. Held off getting because he knew that every fucking year his kids had one for him under the tree.

The kids had too much for him under the tree that year. Erin had put too fucking much in the stocking. More than she should've. Then Ethan with his little project and that fishing rod. Now he had to figure out how the fuck to keep his kid warm enough to get him out on the ice to go fishing. But he'd figure it out. Then Justin and Olive had gone and got everyone a little personalized gift from Henry, which they really shouldn't have done. But the cup Hank had gotten made him smile. "The best Dads get promoted to Grandpa" it said on the front with his grandson's handprint and birth date on the back. Not the kind of thing he'd have on his desk at work – bad for his image. But it'd be getting use.

Too much.

Now J was handing him this. He looked at the box, giving his son a bit of a sigh when he accepted it.

"You guys did too much this year," he mumbled.

But Justin just shrugged at him.

"That one is partially your birthday present," Erin had informed him, shifting her attention back to the present unwrapping.

"Then you're getting a few weeks ahead of yourself," Hank said and set it next to him. "I'll open it in January."

Erin shook her head at him and gave him a small glare. "We decided we wanted you to open it while Justin's home."

Voight gave her a look but allowed a little sigh. From the weight and feel of the box, he knew it was clothes. And, he hadn't yet opened a shirt that yet. Always with the shirts at Christmas. Camille started it. Trying to get him to diversify his wardrobe. Not it'd turned into some sort of tradition. Then at the same time the kids constantly gave him shit about his clothes – likely not realizing that a good chunk of his closet had been purchased by them and he was just wearing what they gave him. And what they gave him was the fucking plaid and checks. So it's what got put on.

But if J wanted to be there while he opened the damn thing, he wasn't going to argue about it. His boy only got home so much. So, he retrieved the box and worked at carefully removing the paper in a way that always got the kids bugging him about if he intended to save the wrapping for next year. No. He just didn't need to rip the stuff to shreds like they felt the need to. Sometimes it didn't matter how grown-up your kids were, he'd learned. They were still fucking kids. In their 20s, in their 30s, with your grandkids sitting in front of them. Still your fucking children and only ever so grown-up.

He got the box open and pushed away the tissue paper. He let out a little surprised snort. It wasn't what he was expecting.

"Saturday clothes," Ethan pressed at him, getting himself right up next to him on the couch again.

Hank nodded, gazing at the Blackhawks hoodie in the box. He wasn't much for logo type clothing. But this was nice. Been a long while since he'd had any franchise-type clothing.

"Need those," he agreed with Ethan. "Be good when we get out on the ice bugging those fish. Warm."

Ethan was leaning against him at that point. Kid was so fucking proud of his involvement in Christmas shopping that year. Voight was proud of him too. Done good with his money. Good at thinking of others. Some important life skills to get him learning. Good too that Erin had her shit organized enough too that she'd gotten him out shopping before the shit had hit the fan with Magoo.

"You like it?" Ethan asked in his constant refrain after each one of them had opened his presents.

"I do," Hank assured and reached to lift the shirt out of the box to take a better look at it.

As the shirt unfolded, something tumbled out back into the box and he let the material drop back down from his examination of the print screen on the front. His face changed as he spotted the little envelope in the box. He let the shirt settle back into his lap and picked up the envelope but he didn't need to open it to know what it was. He shook his head at Erin first – because he knew without a doubt it was mostly her doing.

"No," he said firmly.

"Hank—" she started but he turned his eyes to his son.

"Neither of you are supposed to be spending this kind of money on me," he said wagging the envelope in Justin's direction. "Got more important things to be spending your money on."

"Oh, c'mon, Pops," Justin said and gestured at the envelope. "Would you just open it?"

Hank sighed and looked at the envelop, tapping it on his knee. But he shook his head.

"You don't want to go?" Ethan said quizzing, giving him his mother's eyes.

Hank batted the envelop on his boy's head and gave him sterner eyes. "You kids got me enough," he said firmly. "More than enough. Three of you being here – more than enough."

"Not exactly the kind of thing we can return, Hank," Erin put to him flatly.

He gave her a look and let out a long exhale, allowing himself to final remove the tickets from the envelop and gaze at them. Unfolding the strip of four tickets. Level 300. Sunday's game against Carolina.

"When's the last time you got to a game, Pops?" Justin put to him. "Must be at least five years."

Hank gave a small grunt of acknowledgement at that. Yeah. Five years was about right. A lot of things had changed since Camille at been gone. Time, money, attention – it was needed elsewhere. Dropping cash on a fucking hockey game be it with the kids or for a night out with the fellas – just not a priority.

"That's half our championship years, Dad," Justin added. "Good team this year."

"Yea," Hank acknowledged a little weakly. But he could watch the game on TV. Did when he had time. And hockey fever was a little different now with Justin grown and out of the house. Didn't have him to drive it. Put up the front of Spring Fever with Ethan instead – even though he'd take hockey or football over baseball most days.

"You took me to the Cubbies for my birthday," Ethan told him, giving him these big eyes.

Hank gave him a thin smile and rubbed at his hair. It was a fucking mess. Hadn't taken the kid and sprayed all that hospital crap off him yet since being home. He had fucking bed head and had had the fucking beanie on for most of the day too. His hair was a matted disaster.

"You don't even like hockey," Hank put to him.

"I want to go!" Ethan protested. "I've never gotta go to a game before."

"Mmm," Hank acknowledged.

It was true too. Ethan was too little when Camille had still been around to be taking down to the United Center. Too much drinking going on. Tickets at a price point that didn't make much sense for a little boy who wasn't hockey crazy. Got him out to a ball game once or twice a season now instead. That was their thing.

"Fifty-five, Hank," Erin pressed. He glanced at her. "That's a milestone."

He snorted some amusement at that. Last time he checked fifty-five wasn't much of a milestone that anyone marked. Just another day on the calendar. But he suspected what she really meant was that his fiftieth had slipped back without anyone paying much attention. He'd noticed but it wasn't anything to celebrate. His wife was newly gone. He was looking down a barrel of wondering just what the fuck his life was supposed to look like now that the woman he'd been with since he was fucking 16 years old was gone. How the hell he was supposed to finish raising his kids and taking care of his family as a single father. How the hell he could do his job. And in all that he'd just barely gotten his little boy home and finally out of the hospital at that point. Ethan was still just barely pieced together and was pretty much a confused puddle of emotion being home in a house where Mommy wasn't. And that just fucked up Justin too. It was a mess. Marking his fiftieth wasn't even on the radar. Not then.

He leaned forward, folding the tickets and carefully putting them back in the envelope. He pointed under the tree.

"That last one, it's for you and Henry," Voight directed at Justin.

Justin nodded and moved to grab it.

"That mean we're going?" Erin asked him.

"Mmm," Hank allowed.

Erin let out a small sound of frustration and shook her head. But they were going. He didn't know when he'd get another chance to have his three kids at a game. Maybe not ever. Not at this point in their lives. They were starting to have other priorities. Their own families to take care of and to take up their time. And, if anything, Camille not being there was a pretty consistent reminder to him that you never know. You're here one day and you're gone the next. You just don't know how long you have each other in your lives.

But his eyes were on Justin as he pulled the gift out and gave him a strange look as he glanced at the tag. He knew why. He'd put "To J and H, Love Dad/Popa and Mom/Nana".

"Let Olive open the card," Hank told him flatly.

Justin ripped the card off and handed it to Olive, who was also giving his son a questioning look. But she opened the card and read, giving Hank a shy smile.

"Thank you, Hank," she said and handed the card to Justin to look at.

"We really appreciate that, Pops," Justin said, giving him a thin smile.

Voight just grunted his acknowledgement again. He'd put a bit more money into Henry's education fund. Or bail fund. Whatever it ended up being in their family. He'd keep doing it as long as he could. But for now he just gestured at the present to get Justin moving.

His son ripped at the paper, removing it quickly, and then shook the lip off. Justin let out a little laugh and showed the contents to Olive. She smiled too.

It was a little Blackhawks onesie and sweatsuit for his grandson – and his formerly hockey obsessed who'd lamented about needing to "represent" out on base.

"Fleece set's likely a little big," Hank allowed. "Did that on purpose. Thought might be able to get it to stretch through at least part of two seasons."

Justin just smiled. "That's great, Pops," he said and moved to pick up the clothing items. But then it was his turn to have a change of face as he pulled it out of the box and saw what was sitting at the bottom. A battered and worn copy of the picture book, The Hockey Sweater.

"You remember that?" Hank asked gesturing at it.

Justin looked up at him. His face had completely changed. That tough guy veneer cracked. Grown man, father pushed into the background. His boy was there.

"Yeah …" Justin said haltingly. "I remember."

He'd picked up the book and started to page through it but hadn't gotten passed the first page when he saw it. His mother's writing on the front page. Just a short inscription noting that it'd been given to their son Christmas when he was all of four years old – already a hockey nut.

Justin let out a slow breath and looked away for a moment before his eyes went back and he traced the lettering. Hank could see his Adam's apple bob in his neck as he struggled to be man and the solider and the husband and the father – and a Voight. Limited emotion.

"We read that to you so many times," Hank allowed. "Probably still could."

Justin let out a little laugh. "The winters of my childhood were long, long seasons. We lived in three places - the school, the church, and the skating-rink, but our real life was on the skating-rink."

Hank nodded with a grunt of acknowledgement. "Real battles were won on the skating-rink. Real strength appeared on the skating-rink. The real leaders showed themselves on the skating-rink."

Justin shook his head. "I didn't know this was still around," he muttered, paging through the pages slowly. Some were folded, ripped and taped. All turned likely at least a thousand times. By Voight. By Camille. By Justin. Over and over when he was a little boy.

"Still around," Hank allowed. "Thought you might want it for Henry."

Justin nodded and gave him a sad smile. "Yea, I do," he agreed and then shook his head looking back to it. "Where'd you find it?"

Voight shrugged. "Your mom," he said and Justin's glassy eyes found his again. "She put some stuff away as you grew up. Things she thought you might want to keep. Have for later. I've got the box out for you. When you're ready. Figured you might want some for it for him now," he nodded as his grandson.

Justin shook his head but looked away. "Yea, Pops," he said quietly. "I'd like that … Thank you."

"Mmm …" Hank allowed and looked at his feet too. Not often his oldest boy showed much emotion – even when he should. Voight had taught him well – or wrongly – that way. And, it was hard to see. They talked so little about his mom when he knew that his son hurt about it just as much as the rest of them. Missed her. Had that absence in his life that had left holes and scars and regretted choices.

Erin pulled on Ethan's pant leg until he looked at her. "Eth, tell Daddy the other part of his present."

Ethan looked away from his careful examination of his teetering brother but Hank stopped him before he could start – holding up a hand.

"No," he said firmly. "Guys, there's no other part. We'll go to the game. I don't want to see or hear about any other Christmas present or birthday present. I don't even want a card. My kids home on Christmas. You all doing the best you can with the lot you've got – that's all I need."

Ethan looked at Erin but she just nodded at him. "Tell him," she said more gently.

Ethan looked back to him with cautious eyes and he let out a sigh. "We're going to go skating tomorrow, Daddy. So you can take Henry on his first skate."

Hank looked at him a little confused. Ethan could barely stand on two feet. He'd refused to participate in anything that remotely resembled a sports activity for months now. And he was just out of the hospital. Always cold. Henry was just a baby. They weren't doing their yearly Christmas skate. It just didn't make sense.

"Hank," Erin called at him and he shifted his eyes. "I talked to the Rehab Center," she said almost too slowly, like he really needed it broken down for him. "They do an open skate every Saturday. They said it's not a problem to take Henry out in his stroller or they've got some sleds. And, Ethan's agreed to participate. And, the center says there will be lots of space around him for if he wants us to help him. Or they'll have all different kinds of aids there for if he'd prefer to try that."

"So you're going to get to take Henry on his first skate, Pops," Justin provided across the room. "Don't have to wait until next year or the year after that. Doing it tomorrow."

Hank just stared at his older boy for a long beat. And then felt himself fighting his own Adam's apple bob. But then he wrapped his arm around Ethan next to him, placing a kiss on the crown of his head.

"I've got good kids," he whispered to him. "Real good kids."

He stood and gestured for Erin to do the same. She gave him a thin smile and got up. His arms wrapping around her and a kiss going against her temple.

"Thank you," he said quietly. He knew most of this was her doing. It had his girl written all over it.

She shrugged at him as he slightly released her from his bear grip. "You deserve it," she told him.

He snorted at her and gave his head a little shake before going over to Justin, who'd already gotten to his feet. His eyes still looked a little watery. He patted his boy's cheek, examining him for a moment and then pulled him into a tight hug, giving him several good pats on the back.

"You're a good man," he assured him. Something he probably should've told him more and started telling him sooner. Might've saved them all some heartache that way.

Justin gave him a thin smile as he was released. "Merry Christmas, Pops," he said.

"Mmm," Hank grunted, as his oldest bent to retrieve Henry from Olive. He got handed him over to Hank, who cuddled him firmly, gazing into his soft eyes. He bounced him slightly.

Some times it was the simple things - the traditions, the time with family – that counted for more than any of the rest of it.

"You hear all this, H," he whispered to him. "Popa gets to take you for your first skate."

 **AUTHOR NOTE: There was a chapter before this with Erin and Ethan opening their presents from Hank. The reader count is really low so I'm not sure if the posting weirdness is back. So just letting you all know in case anyone missed it and wants to go back.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin got Ethan's urine bag hanging off the end of the bed and then started to work at carefully tucking the heating blanket around him.

"What level you want it on?" she asked him as she reached to turn the blanket on.

Ethan was so cold all the time anymore. Hank's house wasn't exactly warm. It never had been. It was old. It was drafty in the winter and stuffy in the summer. It just leaked heat. She didn't want to know what his heating bills were like. It didn't even really seem to matter that winter, though, how much he cranked the furnace – Ethan was still freezing. So at some point his dad had decided that the solution was to invest in a heating blanket for about every room in the house – constantly draping the boy under one whether he wanted it or not. Though, most of the time Ethan didn't protest. Hank likely would've done well buying him an electric hoodie and socks that Christmas. Ethan probably would've pulled them on gratefully. Though, wouldn't likely have been quite as enthusiastic about them as he had been about his stocking full of Jurassic Park.

"High," Ethan muttered at her. He was still staring at that dinosaur that Hank aka Santa had got him.

Ethan seemed completely unwilling to let the toy leave his side – just like a little kid with his new stuffed animal. But this was far from a stuffed animal and Erin figured it was more likely to induce nightmares than it was to bring comfort. Though, its presence seemed pretty comforting to Ethan that day. She was starting to wonder just how far afield the toy was going to travel with him. If it came to the hospital with them the next few days that would be the real proof of the status the toy had achieved – quickly. Probably real affirmation for Hank too that he'd done alright breaking down and spending his money on something "stupid" for his twelve-year-old. If it was this loved already – it didn't seem like that stupid of purchase to Erin.

"What's her name?" she asked.

Ethan gave her a little glance. "She doesn't have one. Not in the movie."

She gave a little nod of acknowledgement. "Don't you think you should give yours one?"

He looked at at the toy. "Well, Indominus means untameable," he said after thinking for a moment but then jutted the thing toward her. "So ERIN!" he declared.

She gave him a condescending look. "You're funny," she said and reached to take the toy out of his hand. "I think you can come up with something better than that," she informed him and set the thing on Hank's nightstand. Ethan reached for it again, but she moved her hand his way and laced her fingers with his giving his hand a little shake. "Let's just leave the dinosaur there so you aren't playing with her. You need to shut your eyes and get a bit of rest, Eth."

He gazed sadly at her. But she gave her head a little shake. "You aren't missing anything," she assured. "Olive and Justin and Henry said they wanted to take a nap too. It's been a long day. Everyone wants to get a bit of rest before dinner."

His gaze stayed on her. "Is Dad going to come up?"

She stroked his head a bit. "Yea," she nodded. "He'll be up in a while. He wants to get himself cleaned up before dinner. You know how grumpy he gets when he doesn't get his morning shower."

"It's afternoon," Ethan put to her.

"Exactly," she agreed.

"He doesn't seem that grumpy."

She smiled thinly at him. "He will be – if you don't take a nap. Because I know you – and you're going to be a grouch too – if you don't shut your eyes," she stressed.

"Will you stay with me?" Ethan asked. "'Til Dad comes up?"

She let out a little sigh. Jay was still downstairs. She wasn't sure she wanted to leave him alone in the same room as Hank too long – not at home. Usually not at work either. And, honestly, while Hank was off doing his thing in the kitchen and Justin and his family were bunkered down in her room, she sort of wanted a bit of time to just sit with Jay alone for a while. They hadn't gotten that yet that day.

"For a while," she agreed, though. "But not until Dad comes up."

Ethan watched her as she rounded the other side of the bed and lay down on her side to gaze at her baby brother. He rolled over onto his side so he could look at her too and she reached and tucked the warm blanket around him once again – even though after he did pass out he'd likely flail his way out from under it.

It felt a little strange to be laying in Hank and Camille's bed but she'd done it a few times in the previous weeks when Ethan needed someone with him. She could almost get some sleep then – more than sitting in her hard rocking chair that Hank had dragged in there or more than laying in her own room, straining her ears to hear him and if he needed her.

She gave him a thin smile and reached to stroke at his hair more. "Close your eyes, Eth," she encouraged but he just kept staring at her. "You're tired," she told him instead and he shrugged.

She knew he was tired, though. He'd had such a long night. A long few weeks. And no matter how excited he'd managed to let himself be that morning – with his brother getting home, and his Jurassic Park haul, and his present from Daddy, and presents to share with the rest of the family, and Henry to play with – he still was a little boy who'd only gotten a few hours sleep the night before after spending 10 days in the hospital and being poked and prodded at. He needed his rest.

So did she. She was tired. Really, really tired. She knew she'd sleep well that night. She'd likely sleep better if she dragged herself to her own apartment to sleep in her own bed. And she'd probably sleep even better if she let herself go over to Jay's apartment and they celebrated their engagement before shutting their eyes. But digging out her car and navigating the roads sounded like it might require more effort than she was willing to put in that day when she was already exhausted and she'd just have to be back to Hank's in the morning to get Ethan in for his IV and then everyone over to the ice rink. It might be easier to just stay there – even though it meant that she'd likely end up on Ethan's bunkbed and that she'd be sending Jay home without much more than a kiss.

"Do we have to go to the hospital tonight?" Ethan asked her quietly.

She shook her head. "No," she assured him, pushing his bangs back. "In the morning."

"For an IV?"

"Yea," she allowed. "And they'll be taking some blood and some of your pee out of the bag."

"Do they take the tube out tomorrow?" he asked.

"Hmm …" she shrugged. "I don't think so, Eth. I think they're leaving it on for a couple more days. Until your kidneys are doing better. Until that gross drug is all out of your system."

He let out a slow breath and scrunched his face at her. She gave him a sad smile.

"Does it hurt?" she asked gently.

He shrugged at her. "Sorta," he admitted.

She gave a little nod and cupped his head. "I'm sorry, Eth."

He just shrugged again. He kept gazing at her. Those heavy little boy eyes. They were so tired and sad. With him up there and laying down now a lot of the spark that had been in them downstairs was fading. But hopefully that would change after he got an hour or two's rest. When Hank got him in front of his mashed potatoes and gravy that he wanted. His Mom's cranberry sauce. The turkey that she was sure Hank would near force feed him to get a bit of protein into his system.

"I think we made Dad sad today," Ethan put to her quietly.

She gave him a sad smile at that and wrapped her fingers around his temple a bit more. Her hand was resting on his scars but he wasn't pulling away. Wasn't telling her not to touch it – or him. Another sure sign he was overtired and hurting.

"I don't think so," she said.

"He looked like he was going to cry a couple times," Ethan provided.

She gave him a little shrug. "Your dad's allowed to cry sometimes."

Ethan just gazed at her at that. Ethan had seen Hank cry so few times in his life that it was actually a little scary for the boy when his dad did breakdown. She supposed it was scary for her too – in a way. To see Hank that vulnerable. For him to reach that point that he didn't just let those emotions briefly play across his faces – the ones that weren't anger or rage. And for the sadness to come out like that – it meant that the wall had really broken and the couple times she'd witnessed it, it'd been a floodgate. That could be scary. But it was usually short lived. He dammed it back up quickly. Maybe almost faster than she wished it would. Because there was something comforting about seeing Hank's human side too – even if it was a little scary, even if it meant he was really hurting. Sometimes it helped to know he felt all those things too – and that he could express them, even if he didn't particularly like it.

So she gave Ethan a weak, little smile again. "I think your dad is just thinking about your mom a lot today."

"He misses her," Ethan said flatly.

Erin gave him a little nod. "Yea, Eth, he does. Lots."

"Me too," he whispered.

She rubbed at his back a bit. "I know. We all do. But I think even though your dad might be a little sad, he's had a nice day. And, he's really, really happy that you're out of the hospital and that Justin got home with Henry too."

"And 'cuz you got engaged," Ethan provided.

Erin let out an amused noise and looked at him. "That might be somewhere on his list," she allowed. "But not likely the top of it."

She wasn't entirely sure how Hank felt about it. They'd likely talk about it more later. In private. Later. Hopefully after her and Jay had a chance to talk about it all and decompress a bit. Because she'd kind of like that to happen first.

Hank must be OK with it, though. He didn't seem not OK with it. He was pretty easy to read when something was not OK. It was more when everything was OK that it took a bit more effort to get an gauge on what he was actually thinking or feeling. But she supposed in that end it didn't matter too much what he thought or felt about it. It was her life. At the same time, though. It really, really mattered to her exactly what he thought and felt about it. As much as she hated to admit that.

Ethan just kept looking at her. And she supposed to a point it mattered to her what her baby brother thought and felt about it all too.

"I get the sense it's not at the top of your list of exciting things that happened today either," she said.

He shrugged at her and reached to fiddle with one of the strings on her hoodie, just like Henry had been doing any time she'd held him that day. She frowned a little at him and ran her fingers through his hair.

"You wanna talk about that a bit, Eth? 'Cuz it makes me a little sad that you aren't happy for me."

His eyes darted to her. There was concern in them. "Don't be sad," he whispered.

She gave him a look. "I am," she put back to him. "I want to know why my baby brother isn't excited and happy for me? And don't even try to tell me you don't like Jay. Sometimes I think you like Jay better than you like me."

It was true. Ethan usually lit up when Jay was around. When Jay treated him like a teenager. Talked to him like he was older than he was. Gave him responsibility and respect. Fooled around with him doing boy stuff. Jay had been good to have around that summer and fall. He'd made the transition easier. For all of them. And Erin really appreciated that. She needed that support. It hadn't been an easy transition. It was one they were all still adjusting to.

A year of big changes. This engagement was just another one on the list. A little overwhelming in its own way.

"No, I don't," Ethan said with some disgust and tossed the little string back in her direction, his eyes looking down at the mattress between them.

"What's going on here, Ethan?" she pressed a bit more gently.

She suspected it was just jealousy. Him realizing he was going to have to share time and attention. That things were changing when Ethan had already dealt with so many changes that year. Hard changes for a little kid – no matter Hank's 'kids are resilient' mantra.

In a lot of ways too, Justin getting married had been related to rapid changes that had left him feeling like he'd lost his big brother again. And, that might've been why he latched onto Jay a bit in the summer. But he'd be damned if he let it happen again so he lost her this time around. He was just being a protective and possessive little kid.

Or a Voight male. It was more characteristics on their trait list.

But he gave her a shy glance and then reached to roll the string on her shirt between his fingers again. "Do you really Netflix and Chill?" he asked quietly.

She let out an exasperatedly annoyed sound. "OK, Ethan," she said, pushing his shoulder a bit to force him to meet her eyes. "Three things. One – I don't think you really know what 'Netflix and Chill' means."

"Yes, I do," Ethan muttered at her.

"No," Erin pressed at him. "You don't. Two – whether it means what you think it means—"

"Blowjobs," Ethan said flatly.

She glared at him. "Or what it really means," she kept going, "Either of those things are none of your business. And three – when you're an adult, sometimes 'Netflix and chill' just means Netflix and chill."

Ethan gazed at the mattress, keeping very still. "It means blowjobs," he said quietly. "And I don't like he makes you do that."

Erin let out a sigh and reached and nudged his chin up, forcing him to look her in the eyes, though he did his best to still divert his gaze. "Do you even really know what blowjobs are?"

He squinted at her. "Yes," he said defensively and yanked his chin away from her.

"Then tell me what it is," she said and he jerked his eyes away. She shook her head at him. "You want to have a grown-up conversation, then let's act like grown-ups."

He flared his nostrils at her and looked away. "It's when a guy makes a girl put his dick in her mouth and she sucks on it," he muttered.

Erin allowed him a little nod. "Yea," she agreed quietly. Though she really hated he'd actually be able to answer the question. "It is. And it's called oral sex."

"Whatever. It's gross and I don't like he makes you do that," Ethan said more forcibly, beating his fist on the mattress and moving his eyes away from her.

She reached and moved his chin to find her eyes again. "Netflix and chill means sex," she told him firmly. "Not blowjobs. Some people include oral sex in sex – and if it's something both people want to do, it's not gross. There's nothing wrong with it."

He gave her a little boy glare. "I don't like that he makes you do it!" he protested with near watering eyes.

She touched his cheek. "Ethan, I'm not going to talk to you about what Jay and I do in our private, personal time. It's none of your business. But I am going to tell you that Jay doesn't make me do anything. Anything me and Jay do together – it's together – and it's because it's something we both want to do. That's how sex – any kind of sex - is supposed to work."

He huffed and looked away again. "Then I don't want you kissing me or hugging me anymore. Ever. You have penis breath. HIS PENIS BREATH!"

She had to fight from laughing at him. So she stroked his flushed cheek a bit. Flushed with anger and flushed with embarrassment and flushed with his poor little body struggling to exercise all the crap that was pulsing through it.

"OK," she allowed quietly. "If that's the way you feel about it. But I'm kinda going to miss hugging you."

He gave her a sad little glance.

Truth was that she hadn't performed oral sex on Jay. The truth was that when she was little more than Ethan's age she'd spent years down on her knees because she thought that was what boys and men wanted. That it was what she needed to do survive. To make money. To not have worse things happen to her. To be left alone. And it'd only just made her feel ashamed and violated and angry. And even though she'd made questionable choices in terms of her sex life since Hank and Camille had rescued her from the shit-show that Bunny had her living in – even though she'd still given her body to men who didn't deserve it and she'd punished herself in ways she probably shouldn't have – she stopped getting down on her knees.

She didn't care how much she trusted Jay. She didn't care that there were definite ways she could still do that for him without kneeling in front of him. She wasn't going to do it. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She wasn't ready to compromise herself that way again. To go back to that place and those memories – no matter who he was.

There'd been a couple times where Jay had done the typical guy thing. He'd tried to guide her to him in their foreplay. But she'd resisted and he hadn't pushed it. Then on the third time it'd happened, she'd looked him directly in the eyes and simply said, "It's not going to happen. It's not ever going to happen." And he got that look on his face. The one that said he was reading deeper into her – deeper than she was comfortable with. But since then he'd never given her any inklings that he wanted her to do that for him. She wasn't stupid. She knew he did. He was a guy. And maybe some day she would. But right now – no.

But that wasn't anything she was going to tell Ethan. It was no one's business. No one's but her own.

"Eth," she finally said to her baby brother. "Your dad is a pretty smart guy and I think he's likely already figured this out, but just so you know, I'm going to be telling him that you two need to be having a bit of a talk about some of this stuff."

He shot her daggers. "He's already talked to me about all that."

She gave him thin lips and a little shrug. "I think maybe you need a bit of a refresher."

His eyes looked angry and he looked away but he didn't turn from her, so she rested her hand on his shoulder and played with the seam on his shirt there.

"Dad doesn't know anything! He doesn't even know what 'Netflix and chill' is," Ethan said.

"Daddy is a fifty-five year old man who was married 20 years and has three kids, Ethan," she said. "He may not know all the stupid slang – but he knows about sex."

Ethan just huffed. Erin only had to vaguely imagine what Hank's sex talk so far had looked like with Ethan. Not exactly a comfortable conversation between any kids and their parents. Even worse with Hank. She'd heard his sex lectures as a teenager. Though the ones she'd gotten were more based in self-respect and self-worth and 'not being fucking stupid' than the actual birds and the bees mechanics of it. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what Hank's 12-year-old version of the birds and the bees talk looked like. But she could understand that Ethan likely didn't want to go through that chat again. With Hank it was usually less of a chat and more of a lecture. One-sided and in your face. He would pick an opportunity when Ethan had no chance of escape. The car on the way to school. Poor kid. But he was lucky that he had a parent who cared enough to actually talk about those things with him. Who was realistic and respectful about it all.

Still, in a way, she wasn't sure she really liked that these were already talks they were having with Ethan now. Some how twelve had gotten there too quickly. And the last bit of his childhood would just fly by. He'd be 'grown-up' quickly. He already was growing up too quickly. He'd been forced to grow up quickly since he was just a little boy.

"It just makes me pretty uncomfortable that kids in your class are talking about giving each other blowjobs and hooking up and having sex and all that," she told him.

"We're twelve," Ethan spat out.

Sometimes she thought maybe it wasn't her upbringing that made her question whether she wanted to have kids. Maybe it was this. Maybe she'd be all parented out by the time Ethan was grown-up. Because she sure seemed to get stuck having a lot of conversations with him that she didn't feel fit into her older sister mandate. Since him being home it'd been more and more she had to be an authority figure for him when Hank wasn't able. It was part of their agreement. She couldn't always be his friend. She could still be his big sister but she wasn't always going to be the hero or the good guy in Ethan's eyes. That was just a given.

She loved Ethan. She really, really loved Ethan. She was glad he was a part of her life. She was so glad he'd been added to the Voight family she'd arrived. That she got to be there to see him as a baby to watch him grow up and to be that big sister. But sometimes she did feel like she was more of a parent anymore. She didn't resent Hank for that. She knew he needed the help. And that that meant Ethan did too. And she owed Hank that much. She wouldn't begrudge him or Ethan that. There were just times it was hard. It was more than she expected. More than she wanted. But then Ethan would say or do something that would make her smile so much or make her feel so loved and wanted in a way that few other people really could – and it was worth it. All the annoyances and frustrations and time consumption and heartache with him became worth it in those moments. And she wouldn't trade it.

"Yea, exactly," Erin muttered and reached to brush at his messy hair.

She sort of hoped that Ethan would let his dad help him get cleaned up before dinner too. He just reeked of the hospital. He was covered in it. And how's that for a twelve-year-old? They're grown-up little boy in the house? Needing Daddy's help to get all the stickies from the tape off his body and all the disinfectant staining his skin washed off and his tubing taped and urine bag adjusted? Needing her or Hank to go in and help with his hair because his hands and arm were shaking so much he couldn't manage lathering the shampoo? Having to embarrassedly wait for Hank to help him into the shower because his legs were so weak and his feet so unsure that stepping into the tub was just asking for him to fall. Getting a support bar up in the tub was supposed to be one of Hank's projects that he hopefully got around to sooner rather than later. But it was all just proof to her that their big boy wasn't so big. Not at all. Not yet. Not matter what kind of grown up stuff he was having to deal with. Or just how grown-up he wanted to think he was.

"You did lots of stuff at twelve," Ethan hissed at her.

She let out a little sigh and shrugged at him. "Yea, I did lots of stuff that makes me really sad and that I don't want to think about when I was around your age," she admitted. "But we've talked about that. That my mom wasn't a very good mom – and that she didn't take very good care of me. And I was – I am – so happy that I got to come home and live here. With my real family."

Ethan gazed at her more softly. "Your mom didn't call you this year," he offered quietly.

She allowed another little shrug and took out a deep breath. "Nope," she agreed. "But, you know, I don't really feel like talking to her. She doesn't make me feel very good about myself."

Ethan gazed at her more and must've been able to read and register her sadness. He had some inkling of the awful things Bunny had managed to do to hurt her that year. To drag her down. To take her down a rabbit hole and to try to destroy her and her relationship with Hank. To try to take Hank – her father. To destroy the people who'd become her family. To hurt the little boy who'd she helped raised and who she'd loved since birth. Why would she want to talk to someone like that? Erin didn't want to hear from her. Not really. Voight wanted her to cut ties. Officially. And, as hard as that was, maybe it was best.

Ethan must've forgotten that he didn't want hugs from her and her supposed penis breath, because he cuddled closer to her and draped his one arm over her. His forehead resting somewhere between her shoulder blade and the crook of her neck. So she wrapped her arm around him too and rubbed at her back.

"Eth, I just want you to know, that I know some kids are saying things to you that makes you feel like you need to do things or be a certain way to fit in. But, you need to understand that you never should feel like people are making you do things that you don't want to do or that you're uncomfortable with. You're allowed to say no and you're allowed to say stop. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl who's trying to make you do the things. No and stop. And it doesn't matter if it's now or it's when you're all grown up. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

"Yes," he whispered against her.

She threaded her fingers through the hair on the back of his head and down his neck. "And, if anyone ever touches you in a way you don't like or makes you do something you don't want to do or doesn't listen when you tell them to stop – you've got to tell Daddy or me right away, Eth. Or someone. Justin. Jay. Someone. OK?"

He nodded against her and she just held him a bit tighter.

She was so afraid about what some of these kids were going to put him through. What ways they were going to find to tease him. What pressure they were going to put him under to do things he wasn't ready for or didn't understand. And just what lengths Ethan would go to to try to fit in. Or prove himself. Or be normal. Even if they were trying to get him to do something that wasn't that normal just so they could laugh at him. Kids could be so cruel. And kids that knew they'd found a mark – a desperate one at that – were only likely to be crueler. She'd experienced it. And, Ethan didn't have all the street smarts and faculties as her. And he was just a baby. Their family's baby. He still played with fucking dinosaurs for God's sake.

She held him for a few moments and then put a small kiss on the top of his head. He didn't protest that either.

"Eth," she said carefully. "You sure maybe you aren't that excited about me being engaged because maybe you're a little jealous you don't get me all to yourself anymore?"

He just shrugged and didn't offer a response.

"Hmm," she allowed. "Because it sounded like you sort of thought that it meant I might move or something."

He squirmed against her, burying his face further into her chest. She could feel his fatigue radiating off him. Maybe he'd just curl up in a ball and fall asleep and they'd finish this conversation later.

"You know I'm not leaving Chicago, though, right?" she put to him gently.

"Justin did," he mumbled.

"Yea," she allowed. "But Justin had already left before he got married. He left for Boot Camp."

"And then him and Olive got married and then they had Henry and now they live far away."

"Yea," Erin allowed again. "But me and Jay both work right here and we aren't planning on moving."

"But you probably won't come over no more," he said.

She rubbed at his back. "Well, I might not sleepover as much anymore, Eth," she conceded. "But I'm still going to be over lots."

"You'll want to spend all your time with him."

She shook her head. "Nah," she said. "He annoys me enough that I definitely don't want to spend ALL my time with him."

He pulled away from her a bit at that and gazed up at her. He was so close to her that she pretty much felt herself going cross eyed looking down at him.

"If he annoys you then why are you even marrying him?" Ethan asked cautious.

Erin gave him a small smile and a little shrug. "Because he's really nice to me."

Ethan blinked at her like that didn't make much sense to him. She shifted him a bit, pushing him away gently so she could look him in the eye better.

"I was having a really bad year before you came home, Eth," she said. "Some things happened—"

"Your friend died," he put a little too bluntly. It stung even though she knew he didn't mean for it to. It was just that it was still a fresh wound – even now.

But she gave him a little frown and an even littler nod. "My friend was murdered," she confirmed. "And, that was really hard for me. And I made some really bad choices and I did some really stupid things that weren't good for me. And I found some ways to be really mean to dad too."

"You quit your job," Ethan provided.

"Yea," she allowed with another frown and a bigger sigh. She shook her head. She didn't really want to go back there. "But Jay still believed in me and helped me see that I was making some pretty stupid choices and then he helped me get back on track. He watched out for me. He made it easier. Then again, Eth, when you came home and I was really scared and really hurting with you being so sick and worrying about what was going to happen – Jay helped again. He was someone for me to talk to and to help. He was really there for me. When lots of other people weren't. And being there for people like that – that's not something everyone does. It's special. You don't want to lose people like that in your life. You want to keep them real close and make them your family."

Ethan eyed her. She eyed him. She felt like they just eyed each other like that for a really long time. Him contemplating what she'd said. Her thinking there was so much more she could say. Being surprised at how much more she could likely say. No one had ever treated her the way Jay had. And he'd really asked nothing in return. Even when she'd really treated him like shit. She'd hurt him – and he was still there. Again and again. At her side. He hadn't given up on her. Even when she'd given up on herself.

"Do you love him like Daddy loves Mom?" Ethan asked after a long silence.

She came out of her trance and gave him a thin smile. Only a kid could capture it that succinctly. That simply. But so accurately.

"Yea, Eth," she agreed. "I do."

And that was special. That counted for a lot. She should be so lucky to be loved as much as Hank still loved Camille. She should be so lucky to have that much love to give to someone. But she thought she did. She felt it. And she'd been taught well. To know how to see it. And it was there. In Jay.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: The reader count is REALLY low for Chapter 19. I think a lot of people missed it for some reason. Please check it out.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Jay spun around as he heard the front door, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. But it quickly flat-lined when he saw Justin standing in the door with a shovel in his hands.

"Yea, hi to you too," Justin mumbled at him, clearly unimpressed and stepped out the door on the already cleared steps.

Jay shrugged at him and went back to shoveling a path through the snow covering the walkway up to Voight's house. "Sorry," he allowed passively. "Thought you were Erin."

"No kidding," Justin said and came down the stairs.

He stood in the middle of things and looking both ways at the disaster that was the street.

A few other people were out at that point working at digging out their houses and cars. One guy had a snowblower out. It looked like he was sick of waiting for the plows to get to the street and was taking on clearing a bit of a path in the street for vehicles himself. Jay was sorta hoping that he might come down as far as Voight's house. Then he might be able to get him to help clear a bit of a trench around his and Lindsay's vehicles. Wasn't sure that was the guy's plan, though. He was likely just trying to do enough to ready his family to take off for Christmas dinner elsewhere in the city. Or just trying to make their lives easier for the morning. Maybe he was stuck working the Saturday. Would make sense. Seemed like a pretty middle-class, if not lower middle class and maybe grey-collar, street that Voight had taken up residence on.

Or at least it was twenty-five years ago when he got the house. He'd heard both Voight and Erin lament that the caliber of the residents had changed. More gentrified. More hipster. Younger people moving in with younger kids.

The whole thing was kind of funny – at least when Erin got on about it, considering she'd picked a fucking brand-spanking new condo development to live in in a more than gentrified area completely overflowing with just her age-demographic and what could very easily be called hipsters of the worst kind. Her towering off the city in a fucking glass tower. Basically rags to riches. It was a nice condo. But it was an interesting commentary on her psyche and past. A little rags to riches and trying to be something she so wasn't. Yet she gave him shit for his rundown rental unit. Fuck that. His place had fucking character. And the price was right. He didn't know how she fucking dealt with the mortgage or the condo fees where she was living. But he'd wager a guess that Voight had something to do with the down payment and keeping her on track and out of debt. Or maybe not. He seemed big on lessons of hard-knocks. With some of his kids anyways.

Bit of a useless process dealing with the snow at all right now, though. As soon as they pulled off the street, it just looked like more snow. And it was only going to be more by morning. Could already see it in the clouds overhead and Jay had only confirmed it on his weather app. They were going to get hit again that evening and it was likely going to turn it into a real mess. The temperature was high enough that it was likely going to be freezing rain and sleet – if not an all out ice storm.

Just nasty stuff to be moving around in. The kind of shit that pretty much paralyzed a city and ended up leaving most people shacked up for days. Not so much the first responders. They'd get called in for all the idiots trying to get out and about when they shouldn't be. Though, with Intelligence they likely wouldn't. That'd be patrol that got completely slagged with the bullshit. And Fire and EMT. Made you glad you'd made detective, that was for fucking sure. But it didn't change the fact that if he didn't get out of there soon he was likely going to be stuck there longer than he wanted to be. Soon moving across the city was going to be an even bigger chore than it was already going to be that night.

"Think Erin's sleeping," Justin offered while still offering no help beyond standing in the middle of everything.

"Yea," Jay acknowledged he'd spoke.

But he'd already figured that out. She'd taken Eth up to try to get him down for some rest because the kid was seriously fading. All out nodding in the front room but so clearly fucking fighting it. Like he might miss something.

Erin had said she'd only be a few minutes but she'd never reappeared. There wasn't movement up there that indicated some sort of catheter or urine bag crisis had re-emerged. And she wasn't calling for Hank. So he figured she'd likely just fallen asleep with Ethan too. She needed it. Jay could feel how tired she was too. Had felt it in her body whenever she brushed against him all morning. He didn't think she'd slept for weeks while Eth was in the hospital. She was exhausted. So he thought about going and checking but the fact that she was sleeping pretty much seemed like a given and he didn't really want to be the one disturbing that – and he knew that the plan had been to get Ethan to lay down in Voight's bedroom. Jay knew better than to step foot in the man's bedroom – even if it was to check in on his fiancé.

Weird. His fiancé. Strange concept. He wasn't sure he'd really thought he'd ever have one of those. Nevermind a wife.

Maybe he still wouldn't. He wouldn't entirely put it past Erin to dump him during the engagement. Or at the altar. That actually more seemed like her style. How to really fucking break a heart. But he'd deal with that if it ever came to that. Right now he was still dealing with the fact he had a fiancé.

He was really expecting to have to put up more of a fight. That this would be some drawn out thing where he had to ask her multiple times and she'd keep saying no and he'd keep being the idiot who kept asking every few months. Maybe he'd get her to say yes in like a year, eighteen months. But she'd said yes. She'd really fucking said yes.

He sorta knew that it was likely whatever her and Voight had been talking about that got that answer. He'd been trying to eavesdrop but the music was going and the baby was making baby noises and Eth was talking a mile a minute at Justin and Justin was as loud as fuck whenever he opened his mouth. So he'd really only caught pieces of whatever they'd stood in the doorway whispering about. He supposed it didn't really matter what she'd said or what Voight said. What mattered was that Erin had said yes. She'd really fucking said yes.

Strange fucking feeling. He like seriously felt like that kid who'd just opened the fucking PS4 that he'd been wanting for two years and it got posted all over YouTube with him having a fucking freakout. He wanted to be having that fucking freakout. Jumping up and down and screaming. Showing off his gift to the world. Let that shit go viral. But he tended to be a little more restrained in his emotions than that. Or a lot.

But he was happy. Really happy. Excited. Downright restless. He kind of just wanted to take Erin home and consummate this whole thing. And to find some way to profess his love that wouldn't have her rolling her eyes at him. Or breaking off the engagement when she realized that he could be a fucking sap.

Though, maybe she wasn't that opposed to sappy. He'd definitely seen some sappy that day. No overtly – but just a different side of Voight. He supposed it wasn't entirely unexpected. He'd seen the lengths Voight had gone to to support Erin. Things he'd done to protect Justin. And him pretty much lose his fucking mind over Eth. As much as the guy was about the job and did some pretty questionable shit in doing the job – he was all about his kids too. To the nth degree. People fucking with Voight's family clearly had another thing coming and Jay got the backstory on that. It made sense.

Seeing him as a dad, though? Hearing Eth slip up and call him "Daddy" and to know that a guy like Voight had these people in his life who just saw him that – as "daddy". Voight a "daddy"? It was weird. The fucking tough guy, hard-ass who'd Jay had seen beat the shit out of people, hold guys to people's heads, had wrapped fucking cinder blocks around people's necks and threatened to toss them into the lake for a swim. And at home he was "daddy"?

It was good, though. Even though there'd been a bit of awkwardness and he'd sorta felt like some sort of fifth wheel at certain points in the day. He was glad he was there. That he'd gotten to sit next to Erin. See her smiling and happy. Know that he'd gotten to play a bit of a role in that and that he was trusted enough to be brought into the inner circle to witness it. And just to to know that a lot of it was because Eth was home.

Erin had been really upset when Ethan had that seizure at school. When the hospital was throwing around shit about a stroke at first. And Jay could admit that seeing the kid all strung up on the machines in the hospital like that was hard – and he didn't have all that baggage and memories about what it'd been like when he was a real little kid in the hospital. Just seeing it this time around was hard enough. He was a little kid. Still. So he knew that Eth being out of the hospital was just a huge relief for the family.

Family. Maybe that had been the thing about the day. As much of a hard ass as Voight could be, he definitely had the family thing down. Despite all their tragedy and dysfunction, there was definitely a family in that house. Jay hadn't gotten to see like a normal, functioning family like that for a long time. Maybe he hadn't ever really. They'd all just practices an illusion in his home for years. But that morning, to see and remember what a Christmas could look like. Not flashy or giant piles of overpriced gifts. Just a stocking and a gift from their dad and a couple little things that the "kids" exchanged amongst themselves. Some music and cookies and a tree with fucking handmade ornaments on it. It was nice. And, it'd been nice to get to be a part of that.

That had been a good gift from Erin. Though, her trusting him and apparently loving him back enough to say yes – to want to make a life with him. That was really the only gift of the day he'd need for a good long while. Maybe for always.

"She might be up now," Justin presented him, pointing back toward the door. "Pops is upstairs. Think he's got E up. Trying to make him presentable for dinner."

"Oh," Jay allowed and looked to the door, seriously contemplating going inside.

But he'd kind of started this. For Voight. For Erin. Maybe a little selfishly for him. He'd sort of like to be able to get out of there at some point that night. And his preference would be to be taking Erin with him when he did.

"Yea, I kind of felt useless in there and you dad didn't seem to want any help in the kitchen," he muttered instead of beelining for the door.

"Yea, Pops just likes being left to just do his thing in the kitchen," Justin acknowledged and then gestured at where Jay's truck was on the street. "That where you headed?"

"I was actually going to do Erin's first."

Justin turned and examined him. "A gentleman," he said with a touch of disdain and then started trudging through the knee-high snow to Erin's car.

The snow was basically up to its wheel wells and the snow resting on top of it was so high that the thing basically just looked like a snow pile. If they didn't get the fucking thing moved before the plow really did get to Voight's street, it'd basically just become a snow bank. Jay was really praying she'd fucking listened and gone and had the fucking snow tires put on. But he doubted it.

He'd been bugging her about it. And he knew Voight had said it to her more than once. That all the fucking forecasters were predicting that they were going to have a bad one that winter – it wasn't a winter to just trudge through with the all-seasons. Put on the fucking snow tires, Lindsay. But seeing as they got to December without more than a sprinkling and that the shit had hit the fan with Ethan not too far into the month, it'd likely never happened.

So even after they did get her car dug out, getting it down the fucking street was going to be a chore. He'd likely end up following her home – or better, to the fucking garage – to make sure she didn't get stuck or skid into a ditch or another vehicle. Her stubbornness could just make her so fucking stupid sometimes.

It was a damn good thing he loved her.

Justin started working on digging closer to the car and Jay went back to clearing a path to it from the doorway. They likely should do Voight's SUV too since he actually had specifically announced reason to be leaving the house in the morning. But that Escalade was a fucking tank. And Voight drove it like it was one too. He'd likely just toss Eth over his shoulder, strap him in the car and plow his own way to the hospital without giving it a second thought. Guy likely had snow tires and fucking chains on his tires – probably since Halloween.

"Maybe Pops will let you help when you get those pots and pans," Justin tossed his way from where he was working. There was a mildly joking tone to it.

Jay gave him a glance. He didn't really feel like playing that nice with Justin. He got that now he sort of had to. They'd be … brothers-in-law? He guessed. They were going to have to occasionally tolerate each other. Be in the same room. But Erin or Voight weren't there right now to put on a show for. They didn't have to be all friendly.

"Yea, maybe," he allowed. Acknowledge the guy spoke. That was more than Justin often did for him on their previous meetings. Usually he just got fucking attitude from the guy. Real fucking attitude. It pissed him off. They were grown-ups. Adults. Men. And most of the time he didn't feel like Justin acted like it.

But then the guy was tapping his snow shovel on the sidewalk and Jay gave him another glance to see that he'd again stopped giving any sort of contribution to this snow-clearing effort and was just staring at him. So Jay gave him annoyed – slightly hostile – eyes.

"So engaged, huh?" Justin said flatly.

Jay let out an annoyed breath and shook his head, going back to tossing the snow in a pile. He was putting it all in one spot – as much as he could – in case Eth did decide he felt well enough to get outside. Lots of kids on Voight's street. Boys. This much snow – and heavy fucking packing snow at that – they'd be having snowball battles, building forts. Just going at it. As soon as they got over the glow of Christmas. He could already see and hear some kids and their families screwing around in the park down at the end of the street. So, toss the snow in a pile – give Eth a good cover to pelt the little bastards from. He deserved that. Give him the opportunity to be a kid. To play with and relate to the other kids on the street. Not that Justin seemed to be clueing in that was the method to the madness. His minimalist shoveling was just getting tossed every which way.

"Yea," Jay huffed. His warm breath condensing into a fog as he came out of his mouth.

Wasn't much for a hat and gloves but that day it might've been a good idea. Sun was starting to go down already. It got dark so fucking early that time of year. Temperatures dropping. Getting ready to turn the city into a mess when those clouds dropped their shit. And this was going to take a while. His hands were going to be cold.

He could think of some good warm places to put them, though. That would induce the girlie shrieking that Erin didn't like to think she was capable of – but she so was. Though it usually accompanied a wrestling match – that he was going to say he let her win. And well, that just lead to other things. But none of that was going to happen if their vehicles were buried in front of Voight's house.

"Mmm," Justin allowed like the engagement was suddenly new information to him. He'd heard. Erin had gotten something that sort of resembled an acknowledgement and maybe a mild congratulations from Justin. Jay had gotten a look. Not even a handshake. The guy was a bit of a fucking asshole as far as Jay was concerned. He wasn't going to pretend to like him now – even if they were going to be brothers-in-law.

So Jay wasn't biting now. He knew that what Justin was more likely trying to do was put up some front like he should've been told or talked to on a similar level as Voight. But fuck that. He didn't even need to talk to Voight as far as Jay was concerned. That was just a courtesy. And it wasn't a courtesy he needed to extend to Erin's delinquent little "brother".

"Well, Pops will likely get you those pots and pans or the power tools on the big day or when you get a place or whatever," Justin finally offered in an almost consolatory way when Jay had done his best to not let the guy pull his chain. So Jay gave him another little glance. "He's generous about those kinds of things," Justin said. "Milestone stuff. Things that he feels are important to building a home."

Jay allowed a little nod since maybe Justin was sort of trying, which was way more than the guy ever usually did. Way more than he'd done earlier.

"That is generous of him," he allowed.

Justin nodded too and shoveled a couple more scoops. "Bought us the pots and pans when we got set up in our place," he said as he dug. "Real nice set. And Olive was even more of a microwave girl than Erin."

Jay allowed a quiet amused sound. "She figure out how to use them?"

"Oh, yea," Justin said. "She's all into the cooking and the organic and healthy eating stuff now with the baby."

Justin just allowed another small nod.

"And her physical therapy stuff," Justin added. "Guess it's a bit of a practice what you preach thing."

"Yea," Jay allowed. What else was there to say?

But then Justin stopped again and looked at him. "E said you're taking him to laser tag?"

That pulled Jay away from his work and he straightened. Looking at him, gauging his body language, his tone. "Yea," Jay put back to him a little defensively. Justin nodded like he really needed to think about that. It made Jay sigh and he held up a hand in some sort of lax peace offering. "Look, man," he said, "I'm not trying to be his big brother."

Justin nodded. "Nah, I get it. You're here. I'm not," he said and looked at him. There was some clear dislike in his eyes now.

"It's just something some of the kids at school have been doing and he hasn't been getting an invite. Just thought it'd be something for him to look forward to," Jay said more sternly.

He didn't want a pissing match about it. He wasn't trying to be Eth's big brother. Erin had laid out right from the beginning: Ethan had a big brother who he loved and how he idolized. Jay felt turning Justin into an idol was a less than stellar choice but he got it. Big brothers were big brothers. So he wasn't trying to infringe on that.

But Justin was right – Jay was there, Justin wasn't. And Jay had been there through a whole fucking lot that summer with Eth. And he'd seen some of the stupid, asshole-ish bullshit the kids at the school had been pulling on him since the fall. And, he knew what that was like. To be the outcast and the loner and the misplaced kid that shouldn't be there at the fucking private school.

He felt for Ethan. More often he wanted to go and bash some of the fucking kids' skulls in. But that wasn't really an option. So instead he tried to be there for Erin and that meant being there for Ethan too.

Yeah, Eth had become a part of his life. If he wanted to spend time with Erin, it meant that he ended up spending time with Ethan on a fairly regular basis too. He'd done some fun shit with Eth too. Paint ball, amusement park, some of the outdoor concerts at the various festivals over the summer, some epic food stops, some blow-shit-up movies, some videogames and some ballgame and TV viewing that Voight likely wouldn't have approved of. It was fun. He got to spend time with Erin and they had a little dude around to use as an excuse to act younger and more oblivious to reality than they were. That was sort of nice given their daily realities at work and their baggage from their past that they both talked and didn't talk about.

And, yea, along the way, he'd gotten sort of attached to Eth too. He was a good kid. A funny kid. And just a cool little dude who was going through a whole fucking lot – and he put on a real brave face through most of it. A whole lot brave than a lot of adults would manage to pull off.

Justin just shrugged at him, though. "Like I said, you're here. I'm not."

Jay kept eyes locked with him for a beat longer but then just nodded, shrugged and went back to shoveling.

But then Justin called out at him again, "You get that, marrying Erin – E's part of the package," he called out. Jay stopped what he was doing and looked at him again. His eyes drilling into Justin more that time. "That if anything happens to Pops, I think we all know that it's going to be Erin that my brother ends up with. And, he's not the sort of kind who's just going to be ready to shown the door on his 18th birthday."

"Yea, Justin," Jay put back to him flatly and slowly. "I get that. More then you know."

It was obvious. And as much as it didn't have to be stated – it had been something they'd talked about. It was something that Erin was acutely aware of. Something happened to Hank, and raising Ethan – taking care of him, making sure he had a place in life – that was going to be her responsibility. It wasn't a responsibility that Voight was signing away to his oldest son. It was already down on paper for Erin. Legally Ethan would be hers. Voight had talked to her about it. The paperwork had been done up and locked away in the event that something awful did happen before Eth was an adult, which was always a possibility given their line of work. And maybe sometimes it felt like a ball and chain. A worry. But it wasn't. And it wasn't something that Jay had even weighed in asking Erin to marry him – because it didn't matter.

Jay had more than enough space for Ethan in his life too. He wouldn't say it out loud but there were some days where he sure as fuck felt like he had more space in his life for Ethan than Justin did. He'd been there during all this fucking gong show that Erin and Voight had gone through with Eth. He'd fucking been there for Eth too. Sat with him in the hospital. Talked to him when he was scared. Tried to cheer him up and distract him. To take care him the best he knew how or the best he was allowed in each circumstance. He'd ended up having to clean up the kids puke more than once. And he'd been out with the kid when all this stuff going on with his nervous system and his bladder just emptied without giving the kid any notice. And it'd been Jay who'd tied his jacket around the kid's waist and got him to a bathroom and out of public and tried to make it less mortifying for the poor kid than it was. Jay did that for him. Not because he was his little brother. Not because he was Erin's little brother. Because he was a fucking human being and a little kid who deserved some support and respect in all he was trudging through.

And where had Justin been in all of this? Away. Jay got it. Boot camp. Army. Thing was – it wasn't a choice that Justin made for himself. He'd been sent away by his dad to keep him out of fucking trouble. To keep him from getting more involved in criminal activity and gangs. From making more stupid choices. To get him to try to learn some respect and discipline. To live for something more than himself. Justin hadn't decided to join the military for his country or himself or his family. He wasn't serving anyone or anything. He might as well just be serving the rest of his prison sentence that he'd gotten early release from and then fucked up anyways. And Jay had trouble respecting that. He had more trouble respecting it when the guy had gone and gotten some woman knocked up in the midst of it all. He was just fucking stupid. A dunce. And it made him mad.

Sure, maybe the last couple times he'd had some interactions with Justin, it'd seemed like he'd grown-up a bit. That the pregnancy and now the baby actually being here had finally gotten him to open his eyes and man up. But Jay still wasn't sure he believed it. If he was going to be a man. If he had any fucking clue about all the shit his dad had done for him – his sister had done for him – or if he was just doing show-time when he got home. As far as Jay was concerned Justin still had a lot to prove. Not to mention the only times he'd seen Justin, it had usually been accompanied with Eth being really upset and not wanting to be anywhere near his brother. So Justin and his preaching could go to hell.

If marrying Erin meant he would somehow inherit Ethan as some sort of ward – then so fucking be it. He was ready for that. That didn't scare him away. If that's what Justin was trying to do.

"You get that it means looking out for my dad too?" Justin put to him flatly.

Jay stared at him. "Yep," he acknowledged.

That didn't scare him either. And it also wasn't news. He was acutely aware that marrying Erin meant that Voight was going to be a part of his life. And that Voight was important to Erin. So that meant that he was going to have to take a new level of importance to him. But he already fucking had anyways. Voight, Antonio, Al. They had kids who needed them to get home each night. You watched their backs – in an extra way.

"OK," Justin said. Jay thought they were finally going to just go back to shoveling the snow – so much so that he started again but then Justin still kept talking. "Erin ever say much about my mom?"

Jay let out an inward sigh and glanced at him, continuing his work. "We talk about lots of things," he mumbled.

Justin gave a little nod. "She talk about when she died?"

Jay gave him sterner eyes. "How much do you talk about when your mom died? How much does Voight? Does Ethan?"

Another little nod out of the guy. "It fucked us up," Justin put to him flatly. "It really fucked us up. And it was Erin who kept us from self-destructing. And then when I fucked things up for us again – got Dad all jammed up – she took care of things here again. With E. Kept him from imploding. And I know, E home now. Him sick. Dad's fucked up about it. You can see it in him in there. And, I know that Erin's carrying the weight again. For him. For E. For me since I ain't here."

"Yea," Jay acknowledged flatly.

"So, don't let her carry all that alone, man," Justin said. "She doesn't need to spend her life taking care of other people. Don't fuck with her."

"I'm not," Jay provided. He tried to do it congeniality but he felt some anger raising up his chest.

Justin gave a little nod but Jay's eyes spun around as he heard the front door click open again. Erin looked out, casting eyes between him and Justin. Her eyes resting on Justin longer, almost disapprovingly before finding his.

"Al called," she told him. "He's bringing Michelle 'round for dinner. Hank wants me to grab the expansion out of the basement. Could use a hand."

"Sure," Jay allowed and started stomping off his boots as he headed back up the path to the door.

She glanced at Justin. "Aww … such a good little brother, digging out my car," she teased. Justin gave her a look. Jay suspected now that he was done lecturing him that Justin intended to head back into the house too but Erin didn't let him. "Dad says to grab some cardboard or car blankets out of the shed when you're done cleaning off his. Supposed to have freezing rain tonight."

"But …"

But Erin just smiled at him, as Jay stepped by her. "Thanks, J!" she said and shut the door.

Sometimes Jay knew why he really fucking loved his to-be wife.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: So a couple things … first, I hear that the January crossover is going to include the backstory about Voight's wife and Erin's time in their home while Camille was around. Big possibility that my interest in continuing this AU might dim at that point because I suspect that the show is going to go with the cancer-type death for her and sometimes after I know the show cannon, I'm not as interested in the AU cannon I've established.**

 **Two … I'm starting to feel like the show might be giving more hints that Voight is Erin's biological father. Which will piss me off to no end, which might compromise my interest in this AU too.**

 **Three … life is getting busy with life-type stuff and also creeping into holiday season too quickly, so the number of updates are likely going to be decreasing.**

 **Whatever way … I'm likely going to aim to finish up with the CPD AUs by that January crossover.**

 **I've vaguely been contemplating doing a re-cast of the Debts of Our Past episode from this season to set it in this AU. Because, I think in this AU Hank's anger and internal monologue would've played out really interestingly given how I set up how Camile died, the attack on his family, and the implications it had for his family and Ethan. So it might be fun to play with.**

 **I'm also still playing with the idea of doing a cross-over OS or Two-Shot set in NYC that includes the SVU characters as depicted in my Hello, Goodbye/Welcome Home series. Set around or at Thanksgiving. Basically Hank having Ethan in NYC — which is something he wanted to do as outlined in ID. Any thoughts on if that's worth writing?**

 **And for my SVU readers that might be reading this — been contemplating doing another OS from this week's ep with Benson and Dodds chat again. Could likely set it in either WH/HG territory or within the Undeserved (Liv/Will/Noah) AU cannon. Either way, I'm finding the whole Benson/Dodds dynamic interesting to play with within those AUs. Any thoughts there?**

 **Basically — any thoughts or feedback or commentary on any of those items is appreciated. PM or review. Though, also continue to realy appreciate the positive feedback about the readers who are enjoying this story too. It's nice to hear.**

 **As an FYI there, I'm working towards another stop that could make a nice "wrapped" ending for the story for after dinner/that evening. But I still have some ideas for chapters in the next day or days after Christmas to make more scenes. So think on how much longer you want this to keep going. Scenes or nicely wrapped.**

 **Thanks again for reading.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Erin trotted down the stairs, casting a look over her shoulder at Jay who was following at a slower pace.

"I really don't need your help," she muttered at him. "It just looked like he was busting your balls out there."

Jay made a minor disgusted sound and she looked up at him again, as she started glancing around the basement, trying to see exactly where the expansion for the dining room table was. It would've been a long while since it'd been out. Likely pushing five years too – just like everything else in their family. Things just kind of stopped for a while. And then they got even more fucked up with Justin in jail and Hank hunkered down in lock-up and Ethan away at boarding school. They were a gong show for a couple years. Having company over for Christmas – or any other holiday or even just a dinner – wasn't happening. Even having all of them in the same house at the same time had disappeared for a while.

She couldn't remember having noticed the piece of wood when they were sorting and re-organizing things down there in the summer. But it must be somewhere. It was likely going to need a good wipe down when she did spot it.

"He was just … looking for the opportunity to say his piece," Jay mumbled, as he got downstairs and glanced around at the tidy space.

All the boxes had been piled along the walls and under the stairs. Items that were more likely to get pulled out each year were stacked orderly on shelves – though, the few Halloween decorations from a couple months ago looked like Ethan hadn't put them away that neatly. Laundry hanging down from the rafters and a rack up at the side. A few odds and ends leaning against the walls. But a lot had been tossed or moved out to the shed if it didn't need to be in the house.

"Mmm …" Erin acknowledged, as she continued to glance around and catalogue possible options about where this thing had got put. "Justin on his high horse."

Jay just grunted. He actually sounded a lot like Hank with that grunt and a mildly amused smile played across her face. She shot it at him as she continued to look around.

She'd been watching Justin be an inefficient ass out front when she'd come downstairs. She could tell from Jay's body language out the front window that he was completely unimpressed with whatever he was saying to him. She knew that 95 per cent of the time, Jay was pretty unimpressed with Justin period. But no matter how you cut it, Justin was still like a little brother to her. He'd made some stupid mistakes. But so had she and her family – Hank – had still stood by her. She'd do the same with him. To the end. Besides, he was starting to grow up now. Apparently a baby, a wife, and the army did that for you.

Beyond that – it was Christmas, it was Hank's son, and it was Hank's house. Jay needed to play nice. Or else they'd all pay for it. So she'd broken it up before it turned into something.

She wandered behind the stairs to take a peak there. Seemed like the most logical place for this thing since it didn't seem to be sitting out in the open.

"You get some shut eye?" Jay asked.

"Yea," she muttered, "a bit." But then she felt herself let out a little gasp as Jay came up behind her, his hands snaking under her shirt and settling on her bare flesh. "Your hands are cold."

He clutched at her waist, drawing her around to face him, giving her that mischievous grin and twinkling eyes. "So help me warm them up," he said and leaned in for a kiss.

She didn't offer any sort of protest as his lips found hers, his arms pulling her more firmly to him, as the depth of their kiss deepened. Then her body settling against the wall behind the stairs for support as their embrace continued. Her arms came up around him too, settling over his shoulders and scratching her fingernails lightly through the back of his hair and down his neck. It was quickly becoming a full-on make-out session and she could feel her body responding to it. That warmth flooding through it. Her limbs relaxing. Her torso and pelvis melting more into him. Her mouth and neck tilting and giving him deeper access – while also begging for it. But she also realized they couldn't do that. Not there. Not then. They were just going to make themselves frustrated when they were getting close to having to sit down for dinner with not just Hank but Al.

She let out a regretfully sigh and broke the kiss, giving him an apologetic smile, and gazing at him before going in for a couple short pecks, which he still returned. His lips and tongue jabbing gently at her mouth, trying to get her to let him deepen their connection again.

After denying him access a couple times, he gave her a small smile. She knew he understood but she could see and feel the frustration in him. She felt it too. She wanted some privacy too. She wanted to get back to his or her apartment too and just fall into bed with him. Make love. As awesome as they both were at fucking, Jay knew how to make love. In a lot of ways Jay had taught her what making love actually was. What it looked like. What it felt like. And it felt incredible. She loved having those moments with him. She wanted to feel all that right then. But it was going to have to wait a few more hours. At least.

"You smell good," he told her, swishing some of her hair behind her ear and gazing into her eyes.

"I showered," she said. "And Santa had brought me my fancy bottle of shampoo."

"Mmm," Jay said scrunching his nose at her. "So you're saying you reek of a Voight approved odor?"

She gave him a small swat and moved in for another brief kiss. "Didn't sound like you had any complaints about that a second ago."

"Mmm," he mumbled into her mouth as her lips returned to his.

The kiss got more serious again. She let it. Her hands moving down to find the back pockets of his jeans that time and settling them in there. Feeling the tight muscles of his ass under her fingertips, which only made him press himself against her more firmly. There was a tense muscle growing more tense in the front too.

How bad would it be to have a quickie in Hank's dirty, dank basement with everyone upstairs she wondered? Likely not the most romantic way to have sex for the first time after their engagement but maybe it'd calm them both down a bit to get through the rest of the evening.

"You taste good too," Jay told her as he let himself break the kiss on his own.

She let out a small amused sound at that and shook her head. He gave her a questioning look. She raised an eyebrow at him. "My other bratty little brother was telling me upstairs that I have penis breath."

An involuntary smile spread widely across Jay's face at that too. His amusement was apartment. "Is that what penis tastes like?" he teased, his eyes twinkling again.

"If Ethan is a penis breath expert then apparently this," she said, freeing one of her hands and waving it in front of her mouth, "is exactly what penis tastes like. Your penis to be exact."

Jay let out a laugh at that and smiled more at her. Gazing her with these eyes that just seemed so full of hope for them. So in control of where they were going and what they were going to be doing. Like he'd just figure out how to get them there. Full stop.

He leaned back in for another kiss and after looking into his eyes like that, she didn't resist it at all. She enjoyed the feeling of his tongue exploring the inside of her mouth. The gentle nips and sucking that were going on.

He broke away and looked at her again. "I think my penis apparently tastes like …" he thought about it for a moment, running his tongue around his cheeks again. "Bailey's?" he asked.

She gave him a thin smile and a little shrug. "That's likely accurate," she acknowledged. She'd decided she needed a glass of something to get through the rest of the evening - especially now that Olinsky was going to be there too. See how long it was before he got brought in on this engagement news and who brought him in. Hank or Ethan?

Jay made a bit of a false-absconded face at her. "That's not very manly," he said.

"But it is Christmas-y," Erin told him.

"Hmm …" he allowed and went back in for another briefer kiss. "And chocolate?" he asked. "Erin Lindsay have you been raiding the candy bowl?"

She shrugged. "Maybe," she allowed and reached into her pocket, digging out a Lindor and wagging it in front of him. "You want one?"

He smiled again and took it, twisting open the wrapper. "And you're hoarding the chocolate?" he asked, popping the truffle into his mouth.

She gave him another shrug. "Live and work with boys. I know I have to snag the treats while the getting is good."

"Right you know a good thing when you-"

She didn't let him finish. She leaned in and captured his lips again while he was still working on the truffle. She pressed his lips open and eagerly thrust her tongue into his mouth where the smooth chocolate was melting. The silky, smoothness of the candy spreading between both of their mouths. Them sucking and licking and sharing the moment together. His arms just kept pulling her closer and closer, holding her tighter and tighter to him as they did.

As they finally came up for air, he ran his thumb across her cheek, gazing down at her. "Likely a good thing we got a ring on that finger because if I went around publicizing my dick tastes like Baileys and Lindor truffles, I think you might've had to fight a few ladies off."

She allowed him a quiet laugh and stroked at the scruff on his chin. "Maybe. But after they got to know you …" He made a pishaw sound at her. "You still have to fight off Eth," she told him.

"He was busting your balls, huh?" Jay muttered, stroking more at her hair while she rested her head against his shoulder.

"I think he's just struggling with the concept that he might have to share me a little bit more," Erin conceded.

"What?" Jay said with a fake shock, pulling her gently away from him and looking at her a gasp. "You're telling me I've got to share you with Ethan? Ethan Voight?"

She gave him a little smile and shrug. She held up her fingers about an inch apart. "Maybe. Just a little."

Jay gaped at her and firmly shook his head. "Nope," he said teasingly. "Can't do it. Think we're going to have to call the whole thing off."

"Mmm," she acknowledged and leaned in to briefly capture his lips again. He seemed to savor it more that time and she purposely kept it brief. Breaking away to create a near smooching sound and raising her eyebrow at him. "OK," she agreed. "But I'll let you tell Hank."

Jay made a wounded face and she massaged at his shoulder a bit. "Think he just needs some time to adjust to the idea," she allowed. "Maybe you can do a little bit of one-on-one with him to remind him of just how cool he usually thinks you are?"

"He thinks I'm cool?" Jay teased like that was news.

It wasn't news. Ethan adored Jay most days. And it really wasn't hard to see. Sometimes when her and Jay ended up having to drag Ethan out with them she ended up feeling more like Ethan and Jay were out on a date than her and Jay. She was definitely the third wheel. They had a bromance going on. Big time. Jay had been a solider - a Ranger, Ethan would always correct on Jay's behalf. And now he was a cop. In the Intelligence Unit, again Eth was always quick to add on his half. And he worked for Dad. And he liked video games and sports. And he had pictures of motorcycles in his apartment. And he'd ridden a motorcycle. And he'd taken him paintballing. Basically Jay was about as cool as they came. To a twelve-year-old who's best friend was his older sister. For what that was worth.

"When he doesn't think you're completely lame," Erin pressed back at him.

"Hmm," Jay considered that. "Not a lot of people think I'm lame. You on the other hand ..." She gave him another little whack and a small glare but he just smiled at her. "I'll take him out for a burger and a movie or something. Star Wars."

"Justin's supposed to take him to Star Wars," she muttered.

Jay gave her a look that pretty much said it all. "Yeah," he allowed. "We'll see if that actually happens."

Erin let out a little sigh and eyed him. "Give him some credit, Jay," she said. "He's trying. He's grown-up a lot since Henry's been born."

Jay shrugged. "Sure," he said. "Let's see if he can get through this visit without making Eth cry."

Erin shook her head and looked down at the concrete floor, letting out a slow breath. There was truth in the statement. Justin usually ended up putting his foot in his mouth with Ethan eventually. Usually sooner rather than later. But she hoped they could manage that visit without it happening. The real test would be the next few days with Ethan having to go into the hospital. Maybe the really real test would be if Justin expressed an interesting in going or taking Ethan. And if he could get through the appointment without saying something stupid or getting a look on his face or presenting body language that made Eth feel like a freak. Justin not offering to attend, though, would be telling too and it might hurt Ethan (and Hank) in an entirely different way. It was a minefield.

"Do me a favor?" she asked after just enjoying the feeling of Jay's chest pressed against hers, his arms wrapped around her. It felt really safe. And it made her want to think about something else rather than the ticking time bomb that might be brewing between the males of her family. The hope they could get through one visit without one of the three of them pissing one of the others off.

Jay glanced around and gestured at the little rickety wooden shelving unit in the corner. "That looks just the right height," he offered.

She batted his chest again. "Go upstairs and take a cold shower," she said.

He made a face at her. "I don't need a cold shower," he protested. She glanced down between them again. Maybe he didn't need it as much as before - but she imagined it'd still likely get him to cool off before they had to sit in a room with Al and his daughter.

"Your bedhead does," she told him. "And, the water is going to be cold now that three people have used it in the last hour." He made a little noise. "Hank will like it if you look 'presentable' at his dinner."

Jay rolled his eyes slightly, giving his head a little shake. "Left the suit at home," he muttered.

She shrugged at him. "This is fine," she said. "Maybe jeans that aren't soaked to the knee. Just shower. Please?"

He gave her a little nod of agreement. "Should I use the fancy Voight approved shampoo?"

Erin smiled at him. "Use what you want. Just don't touch any of Voight's toiletries. He'll notice and I really don't want you smelling like 'dad' tonight."

"Right. So skip out on the Irish Springs and the Old Spice?" he joked.

Erin just rolled her eyes at him. Seemed like Jay spent more time sniffing out Voight than she did.

"What? Then it's Zest and Head and Shoulder's, right? Pert Plus?"

She gave him a little slap. "Be nice or he won't feed you."

"Nah-ahh, I was promised turkey in exchange for enduring your family," he said and ran his hands down her biceps. "It's the least you can do," he teased but then gazed at her again with softer eyes. "Seriously ... What's the plan tonight?" he asked a little longingly.

She let out a little sigh and shrugged at him. "I should likely just stay here. Eth's appointment is first thing in the morning. I want to hear what his test results come back as from the doctor's. Not Hank's truncated version."

"Erin," he said quietly. "You live on South Indiana. It's like a 20-minute drive."

"No today it's not," she mumbled at him. "And definitely not if the freezing rain comes in overnight."

Jay let out a clearly frustrated sigh and drooped his head until his forehead was resting on his shoulder.

"Stay too," she suggested weakly.

"Where?" he muttered. "Ethan's bunkbeds?"

She let out a little amused snort. "Yea," she conceded. "Probably."

"Erin, what I want to be doing tonight isn't going to work in bunkbeds," he said, bringing his eyes to her.

"Well, Hank did offer up his bed," she teased.

Jay held up a warning finger at her and then took a deep breath, letting out a slow exhale and then backing away from her and slumping against the wall next to her. She found his hand and gripped at it.

"We aren't virgins on our wedding night, Jay," she told him quietly.

He gazed at her sideways. She could see the visible frustration in his eyes.

"Waiting a day or two isn't going to kill you," she said instead - firmly.

"TWO?" he pushed at her.

She just smiled and shrugged. "Three?" she offered instead.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he groaned at her, now really looking at her in disbelief.

She rubbed at her eyebrow. "Got the hockey game on Sunday."

He moaned out pure agony and gave her anxious little boy face. The fake pout and the not so fake begging. She reached and stroked at his cheek.

"You know, we've got a whole married lifetime worth of fucking ahead of us," she teased gently. "One … two … three days. A drop in the bucket. Maybe it's best. Don't want you getting bored too quickly. Wandering eyes."

He just kept staring at her. "You see my eyes wandering?"

She shrugged at him. "So stay," she suggested a bit more forcibly.

"We aren't fucking in Voight's house," he put to her flatly.

She shrugged at him. "Well, back in October we kind of …"

Jay held up a warning finger at her, wagging it at her. "He wasn't home," he put to her firmly. "Ethan was upstairs. And sleeping. And there was no …" he made a gesture with his hand.

She snorted at him. "Your penis might not have …" she said and made the same motion at him. "But your fingers definitely …" and she again made the gesture.

"Clothes were on," Jay protested. "There was no fucking."

She shrugged. "OK. But I distinctly recall there being an orgasm."

Jay scrubbed at his face and looked at her urgently. "And I couldn't look the guy in the eye when he did get home."

"We weren't doing anything when he got home," Erin pressed back at him. "We were watching TV."

"He knew something went on," Jay put back to her. "On his couch."

"He likely assumed we had the decency to go up and use my bedroom," Erin put back to him. "And not defile his front room. Do you want me to tell you how much he LOVES that couch?"

He just rolled his eyes at her and looked off into the corner – again contemplating that little shelving unit in the corner.

"Jay, whatever he thought or didn't think about it – you're still here to tell the tale. So, tonight … stay."

She wasn't sure that she would agree to sex in the family's home when the whole family was home - but they could at least kiss, talk, hold each other. That counted for a lot. She thought he knew that. But he just made another defeated noise.

The opportunity to discuss it any further passed, though. Dust rained down on them and she looked up to hear the door to the basement re-open and a creak on the steps.

She stepped out from under them and looked up to see Hank standing there. He gave her a look. That Hank look. There was some clear disapproval to it.

"Would you two stop screwing around down here," he put to her.

"We're just trying to find the leaf like you asked," she pressed back, crossing her arms.

"You likely were right on top of it," he said and started back up the steps with a dismissive gestured under the stairs. "Bring up the card table too. Ethan wants to get his Monopoly board set up. Put it in my den."

Erin shook her head and looked at the ground. "No one wants to play Monopoly with Ethan at this point today, Hank," she groaned.

"Michelle will," he mumbled. "She's none-the-wiser."

He disappeared. The door clicking shut again. She looked at Jay.

"Stay," she put to him. "Please."


	24. Chapter 24

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

"Company doesn't get the good stuff anymore?" O asked and Voight turned from his efforts of whisking at the pot of gravy. Trying to get the fucking lumps out because Magoo would turn up his nose at it if there was a single fucking lump in it. Normally he'd smack his kid across the back of the head for that kind of pouting and attitude. But that route just didn't work with Ethan anymore.

Olinsky held a chocolate between his fingers as he wandered back into the kitchen and leaned against the counter by the backdoor. Voight eyed him for a moment but he knew exactly what O was referring to.

Camille had always had the nice chocolates at the holidays. Really fucking nice European chocolates. Actually from some chocolatier in fucking Austria. His ancestor's town. She did it more for his mother, he thought. But his dad had always had it out at the holidays while he was growing up too. He'd likely been ordering it all the way in from Austria. He didn't fucking know. But Camille had got in her head that either he or his mom needed it around at Christmas. Maybe she was right. Always been there.

She usually shoved a box or two into his hands to take into work and the social club too. Let the fellas scarf it down like it was a fucking Pot of Gold and not $40 a box delicacies.

Yeah. He'd looked into it after she was gone. Maybe he wanted it for himself. Maybe he wanted it for the kids. But he hadn't been able to find it in any stores around town and when he'd snooped around online he'd halted at the price when he'd caught wind of the price. Halted more when he realized that Camille always had about four of those boxes in the house between Thanksgiving and New Years. Two for the family to go through and those other two for him to take to his other families. And they'd had some tight years. They'd had some rough times. That would've been a lot of scrimping and saving so that was something he could have. Something from his past and childhood and family traditions and memories of his father. That hit him harder than the price. Probably too hard. And he'd never brought himself to click buy on the website. Been a tradition he'd let slip – die – with her.

"Yea, well, if Camille was buying those in town, she took that secret to the grave," Voight just muttered at Al. "Couldn't find them anywhere."

"Mmm," he allowed as he finished the candy he'd gone and retrieved out of the front room while doing the obligatory manly goo-ing and gah-ing at Henry out there. "Meinl's," he provided. "On Montrose."

Voight looked at him for a moment, considering that. Hadn't been in there for a long time. "Really?"

O nodded, touching a finger to his tongue as though to get a bit of chocolate off it. "Yea. Don't know if that's where Camille picked them up but I've seen the boxes out around the holidays. Think he orders them in special."

"Mmm," Hank acknowledged and went back to his whisking. "Coulda told me that five years ago."

He could feel O watching him at that. But left it. They both did. They didn't talk about Camille. Handful of times they had, Voight had had a could in him. He had a couple in him that Christmas but didn't have those kinds of talks when the kids were around anyways. Though, they might be finally getting old enough to get it now. Be at places in their lives to begin to understand that true love is a one and only kind of deal. That doesn't come again so you better do good on it when that one and only comes around. And, maybe they were starting to understand too that the most important thing you did in your life was your family. Build that family. Take care of that family. Protect that family. Kids, house, wife. Best things in the world.

He'd fucked it up some. Hadn't lived up to all his responsibilities. Some of all that had been taken away from him. But he still had two thirds of the equation. Needed to keep honoring them. Honoroing that. Living up to those responsibilities. And hoping he was teaching them a thing or two. Teaching them well. Being a half-ways decent example more times than not. Hard when you cared about other things too. The city. Taking care of the people in it. Taking care of the family you had on the job. But he liked to think that was an example too. That that was a family to take care of too. A community. It was an important responsibility too.

"You sure there's nothing you want me to help you with in here?" O said to him after the momentary uncomfortable silence.

Voight just shook his head. "Nah," he confirmed. "Just waiting on the potatoes. Dig the stuffing out of the bird's ass. I'll have it on the table soon."

Olinsky gave a little nod but was gazing off into the front room. Michelle was still out there. She was giving a more committed rendition of goo-ing and gah-ing over Henry than O had managed. Voight didn't blame him. Baby that wasn't his own or his grandkid he'd do little more than glance at it too.

"How'd the day go?" Voight asked. He had a pretty reasonable assumption about how the day went. O was there. That said lots about how the day had gone.

He gave a little shrug and reached for the glass of burgundy that Hank had poured for him. Another sure sign about how the day had gone – needed some liquid courage before even answering a fucking simple question.

"Mmm … went," Al said. "Roads are bad. But got her up to see her mom. Came out of it a little upset." He shrugged. "Understandable."

Voight eyed him. "Meant with Meredith."

Olinsky just met his eyes for a long moment. His drink hovering under his nose. Taking in the fumes. Some anger was in his so fucking sad eyes, which answered the question enough too.

Voight thought that Meredith was being a little fucking hard on Alvin. He could understand where she was coming from. The sense of betrayal. The shook. But his wife of twenty-five years — who'd stood by him through some pretty long rough patches — this seemed like the wrong way to end it. The wrong time to just pack it in. Al was still the father of their child.

Girls needed their father at that age. And, O understood that too. Clearly. He was stepping up for Michelle because he understood that. But Meredith was demonizing him with Lexi too. You can't expect a seventeen-year-old kid to just wrap their head around it and get it if you aren't providing some guidance. How you react to it has some pretty big implications to how your kid reacts. And Meredith had always been her mother's daughter. She had taken a side. And it was sad — because for all the mistakes O may or may not have made, he sure as fuck loved the shit out of his little girl and would go to the ends of the Earth to make things better for her. Voight hurt for him that that schism wasn't rectifying.

But he had some hope for him. Marriages were like that. Rough points. Bad spots. If you worked at it — things could smooth out. Voight just wasn't sure how much Meredith was willing to try, though. And more day than not it seemed like O just didn't have fight left in him about it. That's the thing, though. More times than not, you've got to fight for the ones you love. It just seemed to be the way the world worked. This wasn't no fairy tale.

Even if Meredith wasn't willing to deal with the new realms of the relationship — and family — though, Voight felt both sides should be doing what they could to make sure Lex had a relationship with her dad. Thing was that Al might be doing some of that martyr thing with her too. Lexi hated him in the moment. That was just kids, though. Sometimes they loved you. Sometimes they hated you. Thing was you just had to keep showing up. Keeping being there. Showing you care. Keep looking out for them. And then eventually you'd get a period where everyone was happy and getting along and you could almost be a whole family. Almost.

He spoke from experience on that one.

Voight would acknowledge, though, that Al had his hands full. Fifteen and seventeen year old girls. Not fun. He wasn't even sure them being girls had much to do with it. Both of his fucking kids had given him a run for his money at those ages. That's just teenagers. Rough go. But they still need you more than they thing. And they need fucking boundaries.

Tweens weren't pretty either. But at least you could still see that little kid in them then. Thing was they wanted to grow up so badly. It's hard to let them make that transition. From your kiddo to the fucking moody, grouchy, asshole-ish teenager that you have to share a home with for too many fucking years.

Al, though, eventually just let out another shrug, though, and took another drink. A longer one.

"She let you see Lexi?"

Al let out a long sigh and went back to gazing in at Michelle. "I saw her," he allowed. "Don't think she really wanted to see me. Sat there looking like she was going to cry the whole visit. All of twenty minutes. Just makes you feel like a fucking dog turd."

"Mmm," Voight grunted in acknowledgement. "Kids … daughters … they're good at ripping your fucking heart out," he allowed.

O gave him a weak smile at that and gestured with his glass off into the front room. "Looks like you managed OK this year."

Voight gave a little nod. "We did. But don't let them fool you. They're just finding other ways to pull at the heartstrings. Make you feel like a fucking pussy."

"Damn emotions," Olinsky muttered and took a gulp to finish off his glass, setting it on the counter. "They look good, though, Hank. Really. Justin. The baby."

He gave a little grunt. "Yea," he agreed from his continued whisking. The damn lumps just wouldn't come out. He must've fucked something up. "He's getting there."

"Ethan too," O provided and looked at him.

Ethan looked like shit. Pale as fuck. Thin as fuck. Just skin and bones. A scrawny runt. Dark circles were around his sunken eyes. And he was just shaking in the wind that day with the drugs working at getting out of his system. Saying Ethan looked good was just Al trying to be supportive – and polite.

"Hmm …" Voight allowed, though. "He's real fucking tired right now. You're likely gonna see a twelve-year-old tantrum before the night's through."

"But he's home," O said hopefully on his behalf.

Voight just shrugged. "Conditionally. We're back in in the morning." Alvin gave his head a little shake at that. He could see some regret there. O knew better to pity him. But he had kids. He got it. Your kids hurt – you hurt. It was just the way it worked. And Ethan was hurting a lot. But he gestured at the bottle of burgundy. "Help yourself."

Al shook his head. "Save it for dinner."

Voight gave a nod but turned to look over his shoulder as he heard Ethan clicking their way – directly for him – Michelle following not far behind.

"When's dinner?" Ethan near demanded.

Voight gave him a disapproving look but just provided, "'Bout 30."

Ethan gestured at Michelle who was holding a DVD. "Can we watch that in your den until dinner?"

Hank stuck out his hand and wagged his fingers at Michelle, who cast Olinsky a look before handing it over. Voight looked down at the Fight Club movie and then held it up at his son.

"This yours?" he asked.

Ethan squinted at him. "No," he allowed.

"You ask to be touching it?" Voight knew the answer to that. Erin and Halstead were still upstairs – doing whatever it was they were doing and taking a long fucking time doing it. So there was no way Ethan had gotten permission to be toting around the video.

"Jay won't care," Ethan pressed back at him.

"It's Jay's movie," Voight put back at him. "Not yours. You aren't opening it up and watching it without his permission. You shouldn't even be touching his things without his permission."

"He left it in the front room!" Ethan protested.

"Mmm," Voight grunted. "Where are your Christmas presents sitting right now?" Ethan huffed at him. "Want me? Justin? Henry? Rummaging through them and opening shit up without asking?"

"No," Ethan moaned.

Voight nodded and then knocked the kid on the head with the DVD case. "And you ain't watching this anyways. What's it rated?" he asked, holding it in front of his boy's face and tapping at the box containing the rating.

"R …?" Ethan said tentatively. "But Erin said I could –"

Voight shook his head at him. "I make the rules about your media consumption. You're twelve. You aren't watching a R-rated movie."

"But Michelle's gonna watch! She's older!"

Alvin shook his head at that and gave his daughter a look. She looked back at him, clearly knowing what he was going to say and clearly unimpressed. "I don't want you watching it either."

"Alvin—" she huffed at him.

Voight just whopped the box gently on his son's head again, though, not giving Michelle and O a chance to get into it. "Put it back. Dinner's soon. You aren't starting a movie right now. I'm not having a fight with you about getting your ass to the table while the food is hot."

"I'm not even hungry," Ethan muttered as he started to click away, handing the video off to Michelle so he could navigate on his crutches.

"Hey!" Hank called at him sternly and Ethan glanced at him over his shoulder. He gestured for him to come back. Ethan looked at him sheepishly. "Don't give me 'not hungry' bullshit, Ethan."

"But I'm not," his son provided again.

Voight shook his head at him. "We had a deal. I make you turkey – you'd eat the turkey. I made your turkey. I making your mashed potatoes and gravy. You're sitting down at dinner and you're packing away a plate."

"I'm not hungry," he pressed harder.

Hank elongated his chin at him, running his tongue around his mouth and stared him down. He wasn't fucking doing this. His next big dose of pills was coming up. He wasn't going to pump that into his kid's system without some real food in his belly. And he wasn't risking Ethan having another fucking seizure and having to be stuck in the hospital all night again. He wasn't risking his son getting readmitted to the hospital at all. His boy was getting some food into his system – if he had to force feed him.

But he shrugged at him. "You're sitting at the table," Voight told him firmly. "There will be a plate of Christmas dinner in front of you and a meal replacement shake in front of you. One of them will be licked clean before you get up from that table."

Ethan looked at him with these sad puppy eyes that Voight was getting a whole lot less immune to him when they came from his youngest. His son finally clicked closer to him and pulled on his shirt until he lowered his ear to his height and listened while his son near whimpered a message into his ear. He let out a little sigh as he straightened and cast a look at Al.

"Your Uncle Alvin doesn't care if I'm cutting up your meal or you're wearing your meal, Magoo," Voight said with his own touch of sadness to it.

O eyed the kid and shook his head. "Ethan, I'm so looking forward to this dinner, I'm going to be wearing my dinner too."

Ethan just gazed at them sadly and looked down at the ground. Hank cupped at the back of his head.

"It'll be fine," he assured. "I'll sit you between me and Erin. We'll take care of it."

Ethan gave a weak nod but offered nothing in return.

"Hey, man," Al said. "Don't let us being here derail enjoying your meal, kiddo."

Voight just gripped at his boy's hair a bit more and then gave his shoulder a little tap. "Show Michelle your Monopoly game or get a couple rounds of Spot It in before dinner."

Ethan nodded weakly again and started to click away. Voight could again feel O looking at him but he just offered a shrug. "Heartstrings," he said.

"Mmm," O allowed.

Real fucking heartstrings. Seemed like they were getting stretched out each day anymore. Or maybe it was more that he'd started wearing his heart on the sleeve when it came to Magoo and he just kept on bumping into things. Flailing around as clumsily as his kid. And it was sure causing a whole lot of aches and pain as he figured out how to navigate this all steadily on his own two feet again.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: Chapter 19, 22 and 23 have really low reader counts so you might want to make sure you didn't miss them. Really appreciate reviews, comments and feedback.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

"You know, if you let me help, we might actually get to play a little before dinner," Michelle muttered at Ethan.

He glanced up at her from lining up all the little fences and enclosures that she got the sense were the houses and the hotels for the game. "No, I'm good," he said.

She let out an exasperated sigh at him. "OK," she huffed. "But can I be the banker?" Ethan shook his head. "Why not?" she demanded.

"'Cuz I'm always the banker," he told her flatly.

She crossed her arms and shifted in the uncomfortably, barely padded chair that had been set up in the supposed little "den" at the Voight's house. She wasn't too picky about locations or living environments. But with the table set up in there there was barely room to move and that was pretty much just way too much closeness to Ethan.

Ethan was about the weirdest kid she'd ever met. And she'd met some pretty weird – and scary – girls when she was in juvie. But Ethan was just different in a whole other way. She liked him enough but you had to be in the right kind of mood to really sort of put up with him. But she'd already gotten the lectures from Alvin – and Antonio – about being nice to him. He was younger than her. And he was all screwed up in the head. She got that he had a brain injury. That sometimes he acted younger than he was. And a lot of times he was just as impulsive as fuck with his decision making and said and did some stupid things. But most of the time he was just kind of weird. A little off. And lately, he was pretty much a sick little boy. And she got that too. She felt a little sorry for him – even though her dad and Antonio told her she shouldn't treat him like that either. That it'd likely just make him and his family upset.

Putting up with him like this made it a lot less easier to feel sorry for him. Right now he was mostly just being annoying.

She leaned forward and gazed into the box that he was so meticulously pulling the little pieces out of – because apparently they all needed to sit in neat rows on the table before they started and not just pulled out of the box. She grabbed the little dinosaur skull token and placed it at the start of the board.

Ethan glanced over at it. Eyeing it and then looked at her. "You can't use that one."

Michelle glared at him. "You said you were going to be the Jeep."

"Yea," he confirmed. "But I like that one too. So you can't use it. Not the first time."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You're so retarded," she mumbled as she returned the little metal figurine to the box.

He watched her. "You shouldn't use that word here. My dad doesn't like it."

She eyed him and darted her eyes over to the kitchen. She wasn't sure how she felt about Ethan's dad. Honestly, it was a little intimidating. Not that she liked admitting that about anyone. And they really hadn't had a lot of interaction. But the interaction they had was definitely awkward. She sort of got the impression that maybe he didn't like her for some reason. But Ethan told her that his dad didn't like anyone.

Michelle thought that was a fairly accurate assessment because the few times that it was Hank who was picking Ethan up from the gym and not Erin, she definitely got the impression he didn't even like Ethan very much. But Ethan sure seemed to like his dad. Like a weird amount. He bragged about who his dad was. Michelle also didn't really think he was something or someone to brag about. But Antonio said Hank was just a person who took time – like her dad. And Alvin was nice enough.

Actually, Alvin was pretty decent. Really decent considering the previous father-figure types she'd had to put up with in her life that her mom had had around. He was totally different. He seemed like a good guy. And he was kind of sweet. He did nice enough things for her – now that he knew she existed anyways.

And she knew that Alvin was pretty tight with Hank. That they'd known each other forever or something. So even though it was sorta weird to spend Christmas with them, it was also sorta nice. Like the dinner smelled really good. And Alvin had tried to make it sound like Hank was some kind of Master Chef when he talked her into eating there. Really, it just sounded better than pasta or the iHop, which seemed like would've ended up as the other options after basically spending all day on the road. All day on the road for a pretty shitty visit. But visiting in jail was shitty. It was just worse because Mom looked like she was going to cry the whole time but was trying not to cry. She was really going to hate having to spend three more Christmases like that. But at least she got to see her mom.

She let out a little inward sigh but it must've been louder than she meant and Ethan glanced at her. "What thing can I be?" she barked at him instead.

He shrugged at her. "The entrance?" he suggested.

She rolled her eyes but retrieved it and very firmly planted it in the starting square. Being annoyed with Ethan was kind of pointless, though. He was usually super oblivious to that kind of stuff. It was like the kid had Tourette's and autism and Asperger's all mixed together and then shook like Muhammad Ali. But the one time she actually called him Muhammad, he'd be sure to tell her that he had multiple sclerosis, not Parkinson's. Like there was a difference. Either way he was pretty much fucked.

"So were you just opening presents all day or something that you didn't play this yet?" she mumbled at him.

He gave her another little glance from attempting to peel the plastic off the new piles of little paper bills. With the way his hands were shaking it was going to take a while. They so weren't going to be playing this game before dinner. But she sorta thought that might be a good thing.

"No," Ethan said. "We were at the hospital last night—"

"WHY?" she cut him off. "Antonio told me you got out a couple days ago."

Ethan shrugged. "I had a bunch of seizures so Dad made us go."

She gaped at him but he apparently had been brain washed into thinking that all the time he spent in the hospital was basically normal.

"So we didn't get home until morning," he continued. "So then we slept. So it was late. And then we had breakfast. Then we did stockings. Then we watched a movie. Then we opened presents. Then we played with presents. Justin got me a R/C helicopter! And I got a videogame! Jurassic Park too. Then Dad made me go rest because we were up so late. Then you guys came over."

She just looked at him. That was a more detailed rundown of events than she expected and she was kind of more interested in the first part before he gave her their day's itinerary. But she just reached out and pulled the bills out of his hands.

"At least let me take the plastic off for you," she muttered at him.

He gazed at her. Like total puppy eyes. But she could tell they were embarrassed. Ethan was funny that way. Sometimes he tried to be like this total badass but it was really hard to see him that way. But the kid could drop an F-bomb bad when his sister or dad – or Antonio – wasn't around to hear it. She'd seen him trying to be all tough guy big shot with some of the older guys at the side door of the gym too – puffing on a fucking cigarette. Like he needed lung problems on top of all the bullshit he already had going on. And he totally didn't get most of the guys were making fun of him when he did it.

She'd stuck up for him a few times because he was too little and too oblivious to be teased. Like even she knew he had a lot on his plate. You shouldn't kick kids like Ethan when they were already down. He was going to have enough hard knocks. But it just seeped off him how much he wanted to be "normal" or "fit in". He wasn't ever going to do either of those things, though. She knew it. And she knew it in her own life too. She got what it was like to be the outsider and the outcast. Sometimes you just needed to cope. And it was usually best to give the assholes wide berths in the process. And if Ethan couldn't do that for himself, she could at least help him out at the gym.

Antonio and the other coaches were pretty good and keeping the idiots in their places or out of the gym entirely – but they couldn't always be looking. And the kind of boys at the kind of age that the club attracted – Ethan needed some support now and then. She didn't feel so bad about it, though. She'd once seen the Jay guy from her dad's work cornering some kids who'd been teasing Ethan too. She figured that was an indication that you were allowed to stand up for him. Supposed to.

"You know what you should try?" she put to him as she picked the plastic wrapper off.

"What?" Ethan asked. He'd already started on the next wrapper, even though it was likely going to be just as futile process as the first. She easily got the plastic off and retrieved it from his hand again – instead handing him the paper money to count or sort or whatever the fuck it was that he was doing.

"Handwraps," she said. He gazed at her. "Might help," she offered. "Maybe it'd help you control the shaking or at least hide it. And it'd give you extra padding on the crutches. So you don't get blisters or whatever."

"Yea, maybe," he near whispered and looked away.

She gazed over at the crutches. It'd been weird seeing him using them when they came in the door. Really weird. It was like just adding to the visual of how sick he was. Or at least how much his life had changed. It was like he was shaking when she'd met him but it'd definitely gotten more apparent and he seemed kind of unsteady on his feet and just held his one leg funny. And she knew from Antonio that when you were grappling with Ethan you had to play fair – he didn't have peripheral vision so keeping off to the side of him and walloping him constantly in the side of the just wasn't good sportsmanship. But since him being in the hospital that month, it was like all of it seemed way more real.

The Youth Boxing League had sent him a card and stuff. And Antonio had given them some updates on how he was doing. But they hadn't gone into the hospital to see him. Apparently Hank didn't like that kind of thing. Seemed kind of shitty since they were sorta of his friends – even if they were people in a club to beat him up. And, she just didn't get the sense he had many friends. She got that too. She didn't either. At least he had Erin and Jay. He seemed tight with them. She had Antonio. She got he was her coach and her dad's co-worker and all that. And she sort of got that he was kinda treating her like a surrogate daughter with his whole divorce thing. But still. It was kinda of nice to have something that resembled a friend.

Maybe they weren't allowed to visit him in the hospital because he looked way worse than this. Things had to be pretty bad if he was having seizures and was in the hospital on Christmas Eve. That seemed pretty intense. But he seemed more or less OK now. Minus the crutches and the fact that it looked like there was some sort of fault-line in his arm with the way it was shaking. And he was really, really pasty looking like he hadn't had a proper meal in forever. But hospital food …

"You gonna come back to boxing now that you're outta the hospital?" she asked.

Ethan shrugged at her again. "Maybe," he said.

"Your dad not want you to? Because 'Tonio could talk to him for ya."

"I just don't want to really see people yet," he said quietly. She could understand that. But she didn't really know what to say. He glanced at her. "What'd you do today? Open presents at your dad's?"

She allowed a little shrug. "Yea," she contended. "Then he went and saw his daughter for a bit. Then we went and saw my mom."

"In jail?" Ethan asked.

She shrugged again. It was common knowledge. That sucked. "Yea," she allowed, though.

He gave a little nod. "We had to visit my dad and brother in jail one year," he said quietly. "It sucked."

She gazed at him. She hadn't heard that before. "Really?"

Ethan nodded. "But dad decided not to come visit because he didn't want the criminals to see his family."

"Wait," Michelle gaped at him. "Wasn't he a criminal if he was in jail?"

Ethan shrugged. "It wasn't like real jail. It was like … lock up?"

She stared at him. "I think that's the same thing."

Ethan shrugged again. "He says it wasn't real jail. But Justin was in real jail. Me and Erin got to visit him but it was weird. And me and Erin still did stockings and stuff. And took him his. But we didn't have turkey for dinner. We had Happy Meals. Chicken nuggets. And then watched movies all night." He let out a little sigh. "It sucked. I hope your Christmas didn't suck …"

"Well, we ain't eating chicken nuggets," she offered.

Ethan gave a little nod. "Dad makes good gravy," he offered. "And stuffing and cranberry sauce. And gingerbread cake with the sauce. It's awesome. It's like … liquid brown sugar! It's really good. It's my grandma's recipe."

She gave him a thin smile. "Sounds good," she offered.

It did. And she'd had worse Christmases. She'd had her own Christmas where she was actually the one in jail. But it was still kinda hard that year. And as cool as Alvin was being – as nice to her – it was still strange to be sorta with him. And to kinda know he had this other family who'd he rather be with but who he couldn't be with because of her.

She'd really prefer to just be home with her mom and for them to be making their own Christmas cookies and having their own prime rib. None of this turkey junk. And sharing a giant candy cane all day while hanging out in fuzzy socks and watching some lame TV box set her mom had picked for the holidays. Totally binge the whole series before she had to go back to school. But instead they'd basically crept along a highway covered in snow to get to sit across from her mom for like thirty minutes and for both of them to pretend like they didn't want to cry. And for Alvin to try to figure out something to say. And he seemed decent enough about being there – now – but he really sucked at the whole communication thing. But she didn't really know what she wanted him to say anyways. She probably would've been pissed at him if he tried.

"Did you get anything good for Christmas at least?" Ethan asked.

She nodded a little more enthusiastically at that. "Yeah! I got the steelbox of the original Star Wars."

"I'm gonna to see Star Wars," Ethan said. "My brother is taking me."

"Yea, my dad is gonna take me on the holidays too," she agreed. "But this is the ORIGINAL. We're gonna watch it tonight when we get home."

"Never seen it," Ethan mumbled.

She squinted at him. "You've never seen Star Wars?" she said in some disbelief. "Ethan, you're like their prime demographic."

"I don't know what that means," he muttered. He was back to picking at plastic around the next pile of bills from him. She snatched it from him and did it herself.

"It means – HOW HAVEN'T YOU SEEN STAR WARS?!" she said to him as she whipped the plastic off and handed that wad of cash back to him.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Just haven't. I got a Star Wars comic in my stocking. But I haven't read it yet. The pictures are cool, though."

She gazed at him and then slapped her hands on the table. "You've totally got to see Star Wars before you go see the movie. At least the original one. We should have a movie marathon at the boxing gym!"

He squinted at her. "I don't know," he said like he'd just been backed into a corner.

"It'd be fun," she encouraged. "I'll ask 'Tonio! Project it on a sheet. Popcorn. It'd be awesome!"

He just gave her a look. She didn't get the sense he was going to come but she thought maybe she'd still mention it to Antonio. It might be a decent little fundraiser and he was always saying that they needed money to keep their programs coming.

"Anyways," she sighed. "Dad got me some wraps. Pink ones. Kinda cool. And this," she said lifting a pendant off his chest and flashing it at him, before gazing down at it herself. She'd never had anyone give her a necklace before. Except maybe her grandma when she was like two. But not anything fancy like this. Even though she knew it probably wasn't that fancy. But it was sparkly. And it was from her dad.

Ethan looked at it with vague interest. "Yea," he muttered. "I got my sister a necklace too. Girls like bling."

She snorted at him. "This isn't bling. It's just a necklace," she shrugged and looked at it again. "From my dad."

"Jay got Erin bling too," Ethan muttered. "A ring."

She gaped at him more. "Wait?! What?"

Ethan looked at her confused. "I got my sister a necklace and Jay got her a ring?"

"ETHAN! What kind of ring?" she demanded.

"I don't know. A pretty one," he shrugged. "I think it has a diamond."

She stared at him in disbelief and then rose from the table, shuffling around it and back out to the kitchen where Alvin was still holding court with Hank. It wasn't like they were even talking. They were just standing there like they were some sort of thugs on a street corner.

"Erin's getting married?!" she demanded of the two men. She wasn't even really sure which one she was asking. Or if she was asking or stating. But she got the answer from Hank just by the look on his face and the way his eyes bolted to the doorway of the den.

"ETHAN," he barked with a significant edge of annoyance to it.

"I didn't tell," Ethan called back – clearly completely unaffected by his dad's bark. "I just said she got a ring."

"An engagement ring?!" Michelle pressed.

"FILTER!" Hank barked even harder back at Ethan and shook his head while looking back at Al.

Al was giving him that look. So that look. He was so good at not speaking and just waiting for others to fill in the blanks. Michelle figured that was because he was a cop. Hank let out a sigh and held up a hand like he just wanted everyone to calm down.

Michelle was still completely gaping at them both while she waited for an answer. She could so tell that Erin and Jay were super serious. They were so flirty all the time whenever they were in the gym. She didn't think they worked out at all. They just made eyes at each other. But then they tots tried to downplay it when anyone ever cracked some joke about their relationship status. Even Ethan didn't like act like they were dating. But Ethan was also probably completely oblivious to it or in denial. For a kid who was so thick, sometimes she wondered how he'd even managed to get brain damaged in the first place. That must've been quite the hit he took.

Hank walked over to the bottom of their stairs and looked up it. "Erin," he barked. "Company's here. Stop being rude."

Michelle had been wondering where Erin was. But just figured she wasn't there yet or whatever. Ethan's brother and his wife and baby had been distraction enough to avoid having to spend the whole pre-dinner visit staring at Ethan. Now, though, the girl – woman, whatever … - was trotting down the stairs.

"Sorry," she muttered at Hank who made an unimpressed face at her.

Michelle stormed over before she could even get to the bottom of the stairs, though.

"You're getting married?!" she demanded again.

It was Erin's turn to gape and kind of looked at Hank and then glanced behind her up the stairs and Michelle saw that Jay was coming down now too. Both there. A ring. Totally getting hitched.

Hank gestured off into the den, where Ethan seemed to finally have clued in that he'd opened his big mouth and was sitting slouched a little sheepishly and avoiding eye contact. "Michelle has been setting up the Monopoly board with Magoo since you didn't want to play with him."

"Oh …" Erin said knowingly and let out a little sigh and looked to see that Al had come over. She gave him a thin smile. "Hi, Alvin. Merry Christmas."

He gave her a little nod and she diverted her eyes to Michelle and gave her a small smile too. But she seemed kind of hesitant to say anything.

Al, though, stepped forward. "So let's see it, Kid," he said.

She held out her hand and Michelle brushed forward to take a look at it too. Multiple diamonds. Definite sparkle. Yellow gold. And it looked heavy.

"Wow," she muttered.

But Al just gazed at Erin's hand a moment and then shifted his eyes up to her.

"Good job, Kid," he offered and then pulled her into a brief hug. Erin looked kind of awkward in it. Like arms straight not returning it for a second before reaching and giving him an embrace around the back.

"Thanks, Al," she said.

He pulled away and seemed to examine her for a moment. Like really look at her. This thin little smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

"Mmm…" was all he said, though. He gazed up at the stairs at Jay and gestured. "To this one?" he made a small face.

Erin gave a little shrug. "Apparently."

Alvin nodded as Jay finished coming down the stairs and stuck out a hand.

"C'mon, really?" Alvin shook his head at him. And stepped into a much manlier and briefer hug with him. Patting him hard on the back. Jay looked even more shocked and awkward about it than Erin had. Then he pulled back and gave Jay a much more serious look. "You know how long I've known this one?" he asked pointing at Erin.

Jay squinted at him and shrugged. "Don't know. Fifteen, sixteen years?" he offered.

Alvin nodded and then jammed a finger into his shoulder blade. "I'm watching you," he warned.

Then Alvin and Hank moved back toward the kitchen and Michelle stood there watching them go before turning back to Jay and Erin, who were looking slightly amused and slightly horrified.

"OK, that was frightening," Jay said.

Michelle gazed at them. If her dad said that to Jay – what was really frightening was what he'd ever say to one of her boyfriends when she brought them home. Correction – that might actually be terrifying.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: Two more chapters to complete the story. Still might do a few scenes from day after Christmas through New Years after that. Undecided. But they'd just be independent scenes and not ending towards a wrapped conclusion. So get ready for a possible end.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

"We can get it resized," Jay said and Erin glanced down at her fiddling fingers. She wasn't even entirely sure that she'd realized she'd been twisting the ring around her finger she'd been so lost in thought.

There was a lot to think about. It'd been quite the day. A good day. But it was a lot to process and it was going to take a while for her to just settle with it.

She turned to look at him, giving him a small smile. He was propped up on his elbow, gazing at her almost too intensely while she'd been spaced out just looking blankly at the bottom of the bunk above them. They were huddled on the bottom bunk together. It was a pretty tight fit. Jay was pretty much too tall for the bed and the twin mattress was almost too narrow for both of them to comfortably lay together. But it had sort of meant it was a good cuddle space. Not that they'd really been cuddling. She'd be laying on her back just lost in thought while he'd apparently been examining her.

She gave him a little shrug. "That's likely a good idea," she said. "If you're OK with adjusting a family heirloom."

"Yea," he said and reached to still her fiddling, gazing at the ring on her finger. "Don't want you losing it or thinking you can take it off willy-nilly."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Willy-nilly?"

He gave her a smile. "Got it on your finger. You're stuck with it now."

"Mmm," she allowed and looked down at the ring again. She wasn't going to argue that point. The ring really was beautiful. It was so different than anything you'd just find in a jewellery store. So incredibly unique. But she could feel the weight of it knowing that it was something his mother had worn. And his great-grandmother. It was a piece of those women. And getting to wear it was a privilege. And a responsibility. She'd hate herself if she lost or damaged it – or him.

"I can get you a chain for it, if you're worried about wearing it on the job," he told her more quietly, still staring at it himself, resting his chin against her shoulder and holding her hand in his so they could both look at the promise and commitment that was sitting there on her finger.

"Mmm …" she allowed again and shrugged. "I haven't really decided how I want to deal with that. I don't want to damage it, though."

She felt him give a little nod against her shoulder. His chin was kind of pointy. "It's OK," he conceded. "Lots of cops don't wear their wedding rings."

"Mmm …" she allowed again.

But she honestly wasn't sure what she wanted to do yet. There were all kinds of reasons why cops didn't wear engagement rings or wedding bands. There were safety issues and their were personal issues and then there was that some of them were just dogs. But whatever she might decide in the future or what reasoning she may have, right now she really liked looking at it and seeing it there. Though, she supposed if she put it around her neck, she'd still be able to see it and fiddle with it. Technically it'd be closer to her heart then, which was kind of nice in a super cheesy kind of way. Not wearing it on her hand might be safer for the ring and her. Generally, having your family on display in their line of work was a bad idea. Hank would likely remind her of that. But she didn't need a reminder. She lived it. She just wasn't ready to tuck and hide this away quite yet, though.

"You leave it on your finger and we're going to have to tell people at work sooner rather than later," Jay said flatly.

"Ahh … I'm pretty sure it's going to get around," she said, casting him a sarcastic glance.

"Not from Voight or Olinsky," Jay said.

She raised her eyebrow at him. "You know who will break the news," she put to him pointedly. "And Mr. Who is likely going to be into the district some time over the break for Hank's free babysitting and day camp routine."

Jay let out an unimpressed snort but smiled a little and hid it against her shoulder. "We could gag him," he muttered into the cotton of her sleep tshirt.

"Good luck with that," she said. She tilted her hand around in the dim light some more. Even in the dark the diamond seems to sparkle. Catch the right just the right way. Almost like Jay's eyes. More sap. Apparently getting proposed to – getting engaged – turned you into some sentimental cliché. "Ruzek's going to be so pissed."

"Fuck Ruzek," he muttered.

She gave him an unimpressed look. "Please don't," she said.

"Let him pout," Jay said. "Such a fucking Drama Queen."

Erin shrugged a little. "Yeah," she agreed. "But I still don't like taking their thunder."

"Whatever," Jay huffed against her again.

"Kim's a nice girl," Erin defended a little.

"Yea, a nice girl," Jay provided. "But she can be as naïve as fuck. She should've seen what she was getting into with Ruzek."

Erin let out a little sigh and reached up to tap on his cheek and ear. He kept his head against her, looking down at the ringing.

"Don't be so hard on Adam," she told him.

"I have to be hard on Ruzek," Jay said quietly. "He doesn't think half the time. Charges fucking blindly into everything. He wants to do that with marriage – fine. His business. But at work? He's going to get himself or someone else killed eventually."

She decided not to engage in one of his rants about Adam that night. He could get so hyped up about it. Get up on a high horse and get down right huffy. Besides, she really didn't feel like talking about Adam Ruzek that night.

So she strained her neck to catch his eyes while stroking at his hair. It was a little awkward position but they were already playing acrobatic pretzels to fit into the bed anyways. He gazed at her as she gave him a thin smile.

"You telling me you aren't charging blindly into this?" she asked.

Jay shook his head at her. "I think I know exactly what I'm getting myself into."

She let out a small laugh at that. "That so?"

"It is," he said as he leaned in and placed a small kiss on her lips. It was too short and she kept her hand on the back of his head as he pulled away. "What were you thinking about all spaced out there?"

"Mmm …" she shrugged at him and kept tugging gently at the short hairs on the back of his tight cropped haircut. The haircut that her baby brother had emulated when he'd finally agreed – or been forced – to cut his shaggy locks. "Nothing very romantic."

"You aren't over thinking this and second-guessing things?" he asked, his eyes looking more concerned.

She shook her head and brought her head up off the pillow to find his lips again. "No," she assured as they parted.

"Then what?" he asked, reaching and tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear and stroking at her cheek with the back of his one knuckle. And just looking at her.

The way he looked at her sometimes made her so uncomfortable. It was so intense. Like he could see through her and read her and know everything about her. Like she just couldn't hide anything from him. She'd really struggled with that at the start – when they were even just trying a relationship that was mostly sex. But she'd gotten better about being able to be still in it. To not run away from it. To feel special in knowing that he could see her. To let him have that. To understand that was something she could give him. That she trusted him enough to do that.

"Mmm … something Hank said," she allowed.

"What'd he say?" Jay asked with a touch of concern emminating in his tone.

She shrugged. "Nothing," she tried.

"Then why are you thinking about it like you're off in another state," Jay pressed.

She let out a little sigh and almost unconsciously reached up and fiddled with his hair again. "He was just really forward about wanting another grandchild," she said quietly. "He's never done that before. I know with some of things he says or the way I catch him looking at me, that he thinks—"

"You're turning into an old cat lady," Jay provided for her.

She gaped at him and slapped him in the stomach. He brought his arm up protectively but lay there grinning like a fool and trying to stifle his laughter at her.

"Well, you aren't now," he argued. "You got a ring. He can stop worrying."

She just shook her head at him and rolled her eyes, looking away from him and being sure to elbow him in the ribs several times while she adjusted herself on the bed. But he scooted up behind her and pushed the hair away from her neck, planting a kiss there. A slow, sucking on with tongue trailing across her sensitive skin.

"You know," Jay said when he finally stopped and she made a small sound of protest at the stop. "We could work on that whole grandchild thing for him."

She snorted and rolled off her shoulder a bit to look behind him again. "One," she said. "We aren't working on the whole grandchild thing until we've had several long talks about it. Two. I think he was hoping for a grandchild in wedlock."

Jay shrugged at her. "We're half way there."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Three," she put more firmly gestured at their sleeping arrangement. "We're in Ethan's bunkbeds. We aren't even going to be able to sleep like this."

"So if we aren't sleeping, we might as well be doing something else," Jay said and raised an eyebrow at her.

She made an exasperated noise at him. "Get on top, Jay. I'm tired." He grinned widely at her and she glared. "On the top bunk," she clarified. "I want to sleep."

"You've got lots of room," he protested.

She elbowed him again. "You're crowding me."

"Mmm …" he allowed and leaned in to find her neck again. "You mean like this." She fidgeted under him. It felt so good but it just wasn't going to happen.

"Stop," she pressed at him.

He gazed at her. "OK. Get up," he said.

She groaned at him. "It's almost midnight. I just want to sleep. We aren't going to your place at this point."

"I didn't say anything about going anywhere," he put to her and nudged her again. "Get up."

She sighed heavily at him but got up, crossing her arms while he worked to flex himself out of the little bunk bed.

"If you think I'm leaning over Ethan's shelf so you can –"

Jay gave her an unimpressed look. "I value my life," he said. "I'm not getting anywhere near that kid's dinosaurs. Even if there's the possibility of getting laid."

He reached and started giggling the mattress around on the lower bunk, managing to get it up and angled and then gesturing for her to get out of the way. She stepped to the side and he none too delicately flopped it on the floor.

"Well, the whole house just heard that," she put to him, a little annoyed.

He shrugged at her and then turned to retrieve the mattress from the top bunk. "You know, Eth might be right. You and Erin both have crazy eyes."

"What are you talking about?" she demanded.

"Erin," he said, casting her a look over his shoulder, and then tossing the second mattress onto the floor and using his foot to kick them together. They were pretty much taking up the entire cramped room now. Neither of them better need to get out of the room for any reason for the rest of the night because she didn't think they were even going to be able to get the door to open. "The dinosaur," he clarified. Erin really rolled her eyes at that. "See," he pressed. "Both crazy eyes. I mean, have you looked at that thing. It's eyes are downright creepy. They follow you. I'm glad it's not over on the shelf yet. I'd have to sleep with one eye open."

"I think you probably should now anyways," she put to him.

He rolled his eyes at her and then gestured at the makeshift bed, as he throw the blankets into a heap on top of them.

"Oh, that looks much better," Erin said.

"You wanted more room, didn't you?" he put to her.

She gestured at the door. "I'd like to be able to get out of the room if I need to pee tonight," she said.

He made a face at her. "You pee too much at night. You need to stop drinking sooner."

She just made an annoyed face and he nudged the mattresses a bit more with his foot to push them against the far wall, giving a tiny bit of room to open the door a crack that he was seriously misconstruing her figure if he thought she'd be able to squeak through that in the dark when having just woken up with a full bladder.

He flopped onto the mattress and looked up at her. "I'll make sure you get out of the room if you need to pee," he said with some tease to his voice. "But I'm pretty sure these mattresses have survived urine before."

"Mmm …" Erin said and got down on the floor. "Yes. Wetting the bed while sleeping next to my fiancé. Life goal. Attractive."

"Attractive isn't the word I'd use," Jay said and leaned into her. Finding her mouth and going in for a kiss. She accepted it but it didn't last long. The mattresses slid apart and he thumped to the ground between the two. He smiled into her lips and she let out a quiet laugh and pulled away from him.

"Good engineering, Jay," she said.

"Cop, sniper, solider," he provided. "No one said anything about civil engineering."

"Obviously," she allowed, as he lifted himself back up onto his mattress and thrust his hips several times until they slide almost back together again. She snorted out her amusement at his methods.

He just gazed at her. Those eyes again. And then he transferred himself with a plop over to her mattress – looking at her even more seriously and longingly. Puppy dog eyes. But so soft. She reached and stroked at his stubbly – gazing into those eyes too. He was always so scruffy looking but there was something so attractive and endearing about it. And the scruff was always so soft. Maybe him more irresistible.

"Jay, c'mon," she muttered at him.

He shrugged at her. "They're downstairs," he put to her gently.

"He'll be up eventually," she pressed back at him. "And Justin, Olive … the baby. They're across the hall." He kept looking at her and she let out a long sigh. "You said you didn't want to fuck in Voight's house."

He reached and stroked her cheek. Tracing fingertips along her jaw line while looking right into her eyes. "I wasn't planning on fucking you tonight," he told her gently.

She gave him a thin little smile. There was some sadness to it. Because she so wanted that too. To make love. To be held. To hold him. To touch and feel. And just be together. But she wasn't sure she could do that – and be in the moment and actually enjoy it – in Hank's house … on the floor … in her brothers' bedroom. She let out a slow sigh and gazed at the door. It was a risk. Was it really worth it when they'd be back at their own place and with privacy soon?

But her eyes went back to his. There was the caring and the anticipation there. She reached and ran her fingers through his hair and cupped his face again. It was so strange to know that he was hers. She wasn't sure she deserved him.

"Can you be quiet?" she asked.

He gave her a little smile. "Oh, I can be quiet," he assured. "Can you?"

She smiled a little and nodded. "Yea," she agreed.

He smiled more and leaned in to find her lips – and she readily accepted.

 **AUTHOR NOTE: Not planning on doing an M chapter. But if there is super demand for one, I might consider it. I haven't yet written the last chapter. It will be up by the end of the week.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Title: So This Is Christmas**

 **Author: ZombieJazz**

 **Fandom: Chicago PD**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

 **Summary: The Voights attempt to have a happy holiday season while continuing to deal with Ethan's health challenges, the changing family dynamic with new additions to the family, and Erin's growing relationship with Jay Halstead. This is a short set of chapters set after the Interesting Dynamics story of this AU.**

 **SPOILER ALERT: There are some minor spoilers in this story related to the outcome and upcoming chapters of Interesting Dynamics. Likely nothing entirely unexpected, but you've been warned.**

Voight startled awake as something thudded above him. His senses put him on high alert and it took a moment for him to calm and realize that he was in his own home. His front room. On his couch. His youngest flaked out against him – nearly on top of him. The only light from the room coming from the TV screen and the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree. Some flickering candle that either Erin or Olive had left lit up and apparently expected him to notice and blow out before going to sleep. That hadn't happened but he'd get it before he went upstairs.

He calmed and scanned the ceiling above him – listening for more movement. There wasn't really anything discernible. Not footsteps if one of the kids was heading into the can. But maybe some stirring. One of them must've dropped something. Maybe Olive or Justin up with the baby fussing. Though, it'd sounded more like the thud had come from above him – which would be from his boys' room. Ethan's room now.

Voight squinted at the TV. Looked like he'd slept through the remainder of the documentary he had on. Too bad. It was decent. But looked like it'd accomplished its purpose too. Magoo was passed out.

He rotated his head to gaze down at his youngest. Seemed like anymore that Magoo needed to basically be sleeping on top of him to get him to actually sleep. Spent nearly two weeks having to get into the hospital bed with him to get him to shut his eyes. The kid could be so fucking stubborn. Some days it felt like he was dealing with an infant again. Things you'd do to get the kid to sleep and most of the time you'd end up sleeping sitting up with that kid clutched against you.

Magoo was still doing the baby thing too. His ear – or what was left of it – planted on his chest over his heart. His mouth slightly agape in his slow shallow breaths. He'd always held the kid like that when he was little and he was up with him at night. Guess the kid somehow remembered. Or it was just some sort of inherent position you took when you were laying flopped on top of your parent?

The scarred side of his boy's face was buried against his chest in that moment – and all Hank could see in the dim light was that still baby-face his kid had. The one that looked so much like his mom. Those eyes. That hair. Even the hue of his skin when he wasn't so sickly looking. Poor kid ended up with his freckles, though. Cute on a little boy. Too bad for him that Voights didn't seem to outgrow them. He wasn't sure they were so cute when you were in your 50s and supposed to be a fucking hard-ass who collected street tax and tossed people into rivers with Chicago necklaces. At twelve, though, it was still cute. Some of the girls would see it too. Eventually. He hoped.

He let out a little sigh and stared at the Christmas tree. Seemed like it'd hardly been up that year. Or just that he'd hardly been there to enjoy it. Magoo liked the lights. Always had to have the lights on. Ended up with the fancy twinkling lights for the kids. Ones with about twenty different settings and sequences. Any other Christmas Magoo would've spent half the holidays under the tree trying out each and every sequences. Not letting a single fucking one go all the way through its Technicolor before he switched to the next one. Annoying the fuck out of him. Likely giving the old bird across the street an epileptic seizure with the strobe lights that were going on in their front room. But that year Ethan hadn't gotten under the tree once. Not that Voight had seen. Even that morning, he'd let other people manage the crawling around to retrieve and hand out the presents.

Tough slog having him home. Tough fucking slog of a December. Hard to see his kid so beaten down and just exhausted. He felt pretty beaten down and exhausted too. But he had managed to get his kid home. That counted for something. And he had him here with him now. Seeing the way he was now, it was just a bigger reminder to try to enjoy the day and the time with him because who knew what their next Christmas would look like. Let alone the next year or even the coming week.

It'd been a humbling six months. Hard. Really fucking hard. He'd found himself doing some self-loathing. It wasn't like he could fix this. You can't fucking fix M.S. – just like he couldn't fix Ethan's brain injury. Or he couldn't bring back his mother. But he found himself second-guessing a lot if things would've been caught sooner if he'd had his kid home. He hated second-guessing himself.

But the more time he had to think about it and reflect on it, he just could feel how fucking pissed Camille was at him sending their boy away for nearly two years. Selfish. It'd been fucking selfish.

He thought he was doing right at the time. And maybe he was at the time. It'd made sense. Ethan needed to be somewhere safe. With supervision. Needed to be away from fucking gossip and stress and worry about what was going on with him and Justin. He just needed to focus on school. And baseball. He'd thought maybe in a smaller private school – a fucking boarding school – there'd be enough camaraderie, he'd come away with it with some friends. That the school would have their shit together to protect him from the bullying and the hazing. That they'd have the resources to deal with Ethan's extra needs in the classroom. He was paying them fucking enough for all that. But it hadn't worked out that way. Not at all.

Maybe he should've taken up Erin's offer to play Mom while the shit was hitting the fan. But she had a career that was just starting out. One he'd pulled enough strings to get established for her. He didn't want her to fucking flameout in the process. Be another causality of Justin's shitty choices, that Hank acknowledged he carried some responsibility for too. He hadn't been there enough for his older boy either. He'd taken his eyes off him. He hadn't been open enough with him about all the emotions they'd gone through after the loss of the boys' mom and Ethan having his head fucking scrambled.

The more he saw Erin with Ethan now – the more he thought he'd made the wrong choice on that. Maybe it was just timing. Maybe his girl needed something to place her attention and energy on at the same time Ethan needed attention and energy. Maybe she was older and more mature than she had been a couple years ago. But she'd really stepped up with Magoo. As much as she'd always been good to him. As much as they bonded from when he was a baby. It was different now. Still his big sister but she was an authority too – and Magoo respected that. Even if he still went to her for big sister shits and giggles too. And even if the two of them still fucking bickered sometimes like they were both about twelve – and not just one of them.

Seeing it, though, just made him think and second-guess even more. Sometimes he felt like Camille was beating him over the head and just showing him how much he'd fucked up in his choices. How it could've been different if he'd taken a bit more time to think it through and hadn't just acted. Just done it his way without taking into account advice from anyone else.

And even if he had been right in sending E away while he was in lock-up – he should've fucking brought his boy home as soon as he got out. But no. He'd played the dirty cop for IA. He'd bent over and taken it – as much as he was willing – so he could have his unit. And he'd spent the time building Intelligence rather than getting his family back on track. He'd broken his rule about family. About home. Again. And, he felt so fucking awful about it now, because it mostly just felt like lost time with his little boy. He'd lost those last moments when his boy was "healthy". When he was still hitting homers and catching in the outfield and racing around the plates. He'd lost those last years of his childhood before he settled into his teens. And now – some days – it all just felt like he was looking down a barrel.

The irony in it all? He'd used Intelligence as his excuse. His reason. A damn good one, he thought. Now these days he wondered how much longer they'd let him hold into his unit before they decided he wasn't an effective leader. He was only there so much. He had distractions. And as much as he tried not to let it seep into the job. It did. He took calls about Ethan. He left work when shit came up with Ethan. He owed his boy that much – and more. And he could feel Camille's eyes glaring down at him from God knows where every time he hesitated on if E really needed him that time. "Get your head out of your ass, Hank," she'd said. She'd always said it. He thought she was saying it more in her afterlife now than she ever had while she was living.

Fuck. She would've been all about Ethan. She'd wanted that baby so much. So fucking much. She would've loved what a fucking little oddball Magoo was. This dinosaur shit. His baseball almanac ramblings. She would've treasured that Christmas. Reminded him that it wasn't just Henry's first. That it was one of the last where they had Eth as a kid. Not a fucking teenager. Fuck. She likely would've gotten him the fucking dog he wanted too. She would've argued he was old enough to take care of it.

Thing was if Camille was alive, Ethan probably wouldn't have M.S. He wouldn't be on crutches. He wouldn't be shaking like a leaf. Stumbling over his own feet. He could walk a dog. Take care of a dog. He wouldn't be doing that these days. It'd be Hank. He didn't have time for a dog. Taking care of his son. His squad. His city. That took up so much of his fucking time as it was.

It'd all be fucking different if Camille was there. He'd be fucking different if Camille was there.

Voight let out a shaky sigh at that thought and reached to squeeze at his eyes. Pressing them shut and pushing his fingers into them.

"Dad? Are you crying?" he heard muttered against him.

He let out a slow breath and brought his hand down, opening his eyes to look into his son's concerned gaze. He shook his head. "No," he said.

Ethan just kept looking at him. "Are you sad again?" he asked.

Hank let out a quieter sigh and reached to swipe at his son's hair. So much Camille's locks. Sometimes he hated how much of her genetic makeup E had inherited. Other times he was so fucking glad.

"I'm just real tired, Magoo," he said gently.

Ethan continued to stare. "You're allowed to be sad," his boy provided. "I miss Mom too."

He gave him a sad little smile at that and tilted his head to put a small kiss against his boy's forehead. Anymore he didn't know how he'd ever managed tough love on his mangled little boy. He knew he still needed to stay tough on him – because Ethan needed to be a tough guy. Tougher than most. And he knew his kid was a fighter. That he was stubborn as fuck. He was strong-headed and he could hold his own. He needed to get those attributes to stick with his boy right through adulthood. But lately – he just saw his little boy – and he wanted to cling to that. Fix it and make it OK. That's what you were supposed to do with your kids. Be their hero. He didn't think he'd ever really managed that for Ethan. Not so far. But he was doing his damnedest to at least be present now.

"I know you do," Hank told him.

"She gave good hugs," Ethan informed him.

Hank let out a little snort and gave him a bit more of a smile. "She did," he agreed.

Ethan reached up and started picking at a wrinkle in his tshirt. "Did you have an OK Christmas, Dad? Or did we just make you sad?"

"You didn't make me sad," he said.

"You seemed sad," Ethan said again.

"Just tired," Hank pressed again. And it was true. He was beat. In a way he hadn't felt in a long time. And in a way he wasn't going to have the opportunity to recover from. Not that he even knew how to recover from it.

"Thank you for bringing me home, Daddy," Ethan said quietly after building up a bunch in his shirt and smoothing it out again.

Voight just cupped at the back of his head. "We'll thank your doctors," he said flatly.

As frustrating as dealing with all the docs was, he knew it was the care that his boy was getting at Chicago Med and the Rehab Institute were about the only things that had dragged them through that fall. Had made the last few weeks slightly easier. And had at least got his boy home so he could be with his family and under his own Christmas tree. That counted for a lot too.

"Yea," Ethan acknowledged. "But I meant like … before. Bringing me home."

Voight stilled his hand and clutched his boy's head a bit tighter. "It's where you're supposed to be," he said. "Where you need to be."

"Yea," Ethan muttered softly. "But I'm glad I'm home. I like it better here. I missed you lots. And Erin. And Justin still."

"I know," Hank agreed quietly. "We missed you too, Magoo."

Ethan gave a little nod and rubbed his cheek against his shirt. "I'm glad I gotta be home for Christmas too, Daddy. Thank you for making it seem normal with the tree and stockings and presents and turkey."

Voight shrugged under him. "Was normal."

Ethan gazed at him. "I know you coulda just said I was too sick and you were at the hospital too much to do anything, Dad," he said.

Voight gave his head a little shake and his boy a small frown. "Nope," he told him. "That wasn't an option."

His son stared at him a little more. "I really liked all the Jurassic Park stuff you got me," E said. "I know you don't really like Jurassic Park or dinosaurs."

"Like dinosaurs fine," Voight put back to him. "But I didn't get you no Jurassic Park stuff."

Ethan let out an annoyed breath. "Why do you treat me like a little kid? I'm too old for Santa."

Voight stroked at his boy's hair. "No such thing as too old Santa when there's little kids in the house. And you are my little kid. Always will be, Magoo. Birth order just got you stuck that way."

Ethan eyed him. "Fine," he huffed. "Then I really like the circuit Makey kit."

Voight gave him a thin smile. "I'm glad," he acknowledged.

"Can I bring it in to show Mouse?" Ethan asked.

Voight nodded. "Yea," he allowed.

"On Monday?"

He shrugged. "Your bro is home," he said. "Figured you'd hang out with him most of the week while me and Erin go into the barn."

Ethan let out a slow breath at that. "But you or Erin will take me to the hospital, right?"

Hank nodded. "Yea. That should likely just be Monday, though, Magoo. Doc was just going to schedule you in for four IVs. So we should have you squared away quick."

"And you'll do my injection?" he asked with serious eyes.

"Yea," Hank acknowledged again. "Same as always."

Ethan settled on top of him again. "Does that mean you ain't going to come to Star Wars with me and Justin?"

Voight kept working at smoothing down his boy's hair. "Star Wars ain't really my thing, E. Your bro will take you."

"What if he doesn't remember," Ethan said. "If he wants to hang out with his friends or Olive's aunt or whatever."

"He's going to remember," Voight said firmly. He'd make sure of it.

There was a quiet sigh out of Eth. "Michelle said I should see the first movie before seeing this one," he said.

"I think there's like … four," Hank told him. "Maybe more."

Ethan's eyes went up to him. "Have you seen them?"

"Yea," he allowed. "Long-time ago. Made them before any of you kids were born. They did remakes or something when your brother and sister were around your age. I think we went and saw one."

"Did it suck?" Ethan asked.

Voight snorted and stroked at his hair. "Not my thing, Magoo," he stressed again.

"You think me and J should see something else then?"

He shook his head. "Not if you want to see Star Wars."

"Everyone's talkin' 'bout Star Wars," Ethan whispered.

"Well, that's not reason to see it," Hank said. "You should see it because it's something you want to see. Not worry so much about what the other kids are talking about."

"They think I'm weird," Ethan muttered against him.

"I know," Voight acknowledged. "But you shouldn't care too much about what they think on that either."

His big eyes gazed up at him again. "You excited about the hockey game, Daddy?"

"I am," he said.

"Me too," Ethan said quietly. "I've never been to a hockey game."

"Mmm …" Voight acknowledged. "I'm gonna make some calls tomorrow. See if I can borrow a heated jacket or something for you. Keep you warm the next couple days."

"For skating tomorrow?"

"Yea," Voight said. "Hope so."

"You excited 'bout that too?"

"I am," he acknowledged.

Ethan rubbed his cheek against him some more. "After you take Henry for his skate, will you help me, Dad?"

"Yea," he said. "Me, J, Erin. We'll all get you around that rink. As many times as you want."

Ethan shrugged. "Maybe just once. Erin made me promise at least once."

Voight gripped at his shoulder. "Well, I really appreciate that you're gonna come out so we can do this as a family, son."

"Yea," he said quietly but with not much conviction.

"Your family doesn't care you've got a lazy leg, Magoo," Voight assured him.

"I think the crutches weirded out Justin," he said softly. "And Olive. And Michelle. And Uncle Alvin."

"We're all just getting used to seeing you with them," Voight said. "No one worth their salt is weirded out by them. The ones that count just care you're home."

"I'm sorta scared 'bout tomorrow," Ethan whispered and seemed to cuddle into him more.

"E, don't get worked up about this whole skating thing," Hank sighed. He was so fucking looking forward to it. He didn't want his youngest to have a meltdown about it. He wanted to get 20 minutes of just being Popa and having that moment with his grandbaby.

"Not that," Ethan said a little hurt.

"Then what?" Voight rasped.

"I'm hurting lots," he said. "And I'm 'friad they'll make me stay at the hospital again."

Voight gazed at his boy. "Where?"

"Basically all over," Ethan said frailly.

Hank let out a breath and rubbed at his boy's shoulder with one hand, while lifting his wrist to look at the time on his watch on the other. Almost midnight. His kid shouldn't even be awake. Not with then he had to have him over at Chicago Med in the morning.

Hank shifted and got both of them in a seated position. Ethan didn't look none too happy about it.

"C'mon," he said. "Let's get you upstairs. Get one of your pills in you and get you into bed." Hank rose but Ethan gave him puppy dog eyes. "You want your crutches?" Ethan shook his head. Voight let out a little sigh but leaned and let his kid wrap his arms around his neck and then stood straight again, supporting his butt under one arm.

Carrying his kid at this age just scared him. Not because Ethan needed it or wanted it. He understood where that was coming from. Ethan moving from point A to point B was a laborious process anymore. And one that when he was overtired or in pain, he became a bit of a toddler about. It was more how light his kid was. Just this sack of bones. He could feel his jutted edged pressing into him. At an age when most boys would be pudging out before starting their growth spurts and entering puberty – his boy was losing his weight and muscle mass by the day. And it scared the shit out of Hank more days than not.

This wasn't his athletic kid. Not his kid that he thought might have a chance at a fucking college sports scholarship all of six months ago if he kept things up. Now Hank had to worry about things like how to keep his boy warm. The layers of clothing he had to put his boy in. The extra blankets on the beds and couches. The hats and mittens he wore inside. He had to worry about building up his boy's strength enough so he could navigate with crutches. He had to fight to find foods that Ethan would eat and keep down. He had to relearn how to feed his kid entirely with fucking dieticians and nutritionists spouting crap at him about what he should and shouldn't' be feeding his boy. Getting Ethan up and down the stairs anymore was a challenge. So much so that Hank had found himself wondering if he should give up the house. Get some sort of bungalow or a condo. Or if he should strike some sort of deal with Erin for them to switch places for a while. Get something so Ethan could be all on one level. He couldn't imagine giving up his and Camille's home – Camille's home, the kids' childhood home – but if things were just going to get worse with Ethan, he didn't know he could stay there. Not unless a bathroom could be put in on the main floor maybe? And switch the den into a bedroom? He didn't fucking know. But he'd been thinking about it.

He'd been thinking about lots. All of a sudden. Funny that.

You think after the first kid things get easier. You have it figured out. You have practice. You know what to expect. But you don't. And you never know the curveballs life is going to throw at you. One after another. Felt like it'd been a long while since he'd hit any of them out of the park.

If the next wasn't Ethan's health, he expected it'd be his job. Intelligence ripped from him. Ivory Tower questioning his ability to balance work and life. And what would he do then? Sit behind a desk at the property clerk's office? Suppose he'd do what he needed to do. Support his family. Support his kid. Try to make them proud and do right by them the best he could. Keep paying penance for his mistakes. His debts past.

He carried Ethan into the kitchen first. He could feel the weight of his boy shifting and knew he was already starting to drift back to sleep. Still, he filled a glass of water and popped the lid on the supply of pain killers he had sitting on the sill. Handing one to his son and holding the water for him to take a sip. The nights where he was in too much pain, he didn't sleep. That night, even with the pain, Ethan was bordering on exhaustion. Time for him to hit the rack.

He rubbed at his boy's back as he made for the stairs.

Some day, he thought. A good one. He'd take it. Kids being home. Them being together. That counted for a lot. He really couldn't ask for much more than that. The rest of it – really was just icing on the cake. He was a lucky man. Sometimes he didn't know why he got so lucky. All the hardships – he'd been blessed with his kids. He knew that. And he'd been blessed with Camille, even if he didn't get to have her as long as he liked. She'd done good in making sure he had reasons to keep going. Three fucking beautiful kids. Good kids. No matter what pains in the ass or heartaches they fucking caused. He was so fucking lucky to have them.

He could hear movement in Justin and Olive's room when he got to the top of the stairs. Quiet murmur of little fusses out of Henry. Must be up looking for a feeding or a change. Likely a feeding. Couldn't see a stream of light coming from under the door and it was just the little sounds from Henry. Maybe a bit of a hum from Olive. Not whispered chit-chat from his son. But the three of them looked good. Looked like a family. And a happy one. He had a good feeling about it. About them. Justin was doing good at rectifying his past wrongs too. Owning up to his missteps. Taking responsibility for his actions. That made Hank proud. Gave him hope for all their futures. Gave him hope that his parenting hadn't been so awful too. He'd gotten that one through. He could get his little guy through too.

He shook his head slightly as he passed by the door to Ethan's bedroom and raised his hand to place if over his boy's ear. They were being quiet but the quiet noises coming through the bedroom door left little question about what was going on in there. Erin had clearly forgotten how thin the walls were in the house or had just decided she didn't given a shit. With the way the stairs creaked, they should've heard them coming. But they were clearly preoccupied. Oh well – wasn't the first time he'd overheard either of his older two screwing around in their bedrooms. Though, in years past, he would've found a way to mortify them and their fuck buddy when they exited the room. Or before. Not that night. He just didn't want Ethan to hear and ask questions or provide commentary. But he seemed to be drowsing enough at that point he wasn't noticing. Thank fucking God.

Erin. Engaged. He'd known it was coming. Eventually. Wasn't sure he expected it quite then. Supposed he'd expected it by the end of 2016 if her and Halstead got through the year. That'd be a shift of dynamic. Going to take some getting used to. But Erin had earned it. She deserved it. And he wanted her to have someone to watch her back. To care for her and take care of her – even though she hated admitting she needed and wanted both of those things. Really, he just wanted her to have a family beyond them. For her to get to experience that. A man who treated her how she deserved to be treated. Kids who held her at the center of their universe. And just beautiful kids that were her own. To know that love and that bond. Nothing better than it. Not something Hank would trade for the world.

He got into his own bedroom and closed the door – firmly. He went and deposited Ethan in the bed – tucking the electric blanket around him and turning it on before pulling up the rest of the blankets and tucking them around him just as firmly. His boy rolled onto his side and absently reached for his stuffed dog. That toy had lived with him at the hospital ever since he was a little boy. It got tucked under his arm as he drifted back to sleep.

Hank cupped his boy's head one more time. Just looking at him. And then he unbuttoned his jeans and got into the opposite side of the bed. He had to reach and move Ethan's fucking dinosaur to make room for himself first. That made some space but he'd tucked Ethan in so tightly he'd barely left any blankets for himself. But he didn't much need them. He never slept much anyways. Especially when he had things that needed watching over.

He lay there looking at his son.

"So that was Christmas," he muttered, smoothing down the boy's hair. "Think we did OK, Magoo. Don't you?"

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: OK. I know some of you are going to be epically disappointed that I didn't do a Jay and Erin M chapter in this story. But I wasn't really feeling it. I might still do one. (It'd either appear after this chapter or I'd go back and insert it between the last chapter and this one — so you might want to keep checking or set an alert). But for now this is the last chapter of the story. I've had a lot of readers say they are sad to see the story end or they'd like the series of scenes from the rest of the holiday period (which I have several ideas for). I might still do that but I haven't quite decided how (not sure if I'll just place them here at the end of this story or if I'll start another 'story' and just kind of pool them in there). So just keep your eyes out or make an alert.**

 **Almost the readership count for the last chapter is ridiculously low. Like seriously 200 people when I've been averaging like 3000 readers per chapter with this story. So I'm not sure if FF did something weird with the posting or alerts again or what. But yeah. You might want to check if you missed the chapter before this one. Either that or people just aren't reading because they don't want the story to end?**


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